Rule No. 8 Part 1: When you do decide to have a wife make sure you buy a fairly large and comfortable couch. You'll end up sleeping on it more than you'd count.

Author's warning: unedited

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine…he belongs to Sasuke I fully accept that…and Kishimoto-sensei

000 000

Sasuke stared at the unfamiliar ceiling in his own living room. He scrutinized the droplight that hanged above; it was turned off but the lights that illuminated the city showed the minimal but complex details. Konoha is infamously called a city that never sleeps after all.

The young elite was still dressed in the clothes he wore to the party minus the belt, coat and shoes. It was an hour pass midnight. He knew he needed to rest for the do or die stunt he had to pull at the Uzumaki household dinner. Sleep was not suppose to be this hard to accomplish especially when it was this late and he is dead tired…save for the fact that he was thrown out of his own bedroom and currently laid out on the couch.

What the hell was he thinking when he purchased this thing? Sure it was a limited edition, sleek, modern and nice to look at but the hefty price did not include comfort viva by sleeping on it. It was the sole purpose of it. If you search the web for images of the "uncomfortable places to sleep on" this couch would definitely be on the top.

Sasuke punched the pillow in an attempt to make it fluff out then readjusted the blanket on him. They were the only items he could salvage given the unexpected turn of events…

The ride from the Sarutobi estate was silent. Kakashi had told them to go on ahead without him as he was forced to entertain a middle age man emerald green tux and a bowl hair cut. It had something to do with a challenge-rivalry thing but the pretend couple did not bother to dive too deep into it. They got too many things inside their head to notice—a head that they were lucky to still have.

Sasuke lightly stepped on the brakes when he spotted the stop sign. He looked around the unfamiliar intersection for signs of oncoming traffic. He offered the blond a ride home, which he thought was the responsible thing to do. He asked for the younger male's address and was not surprised to learn that it was more or less thirty-five minutes away from the town where the Saurtobu's live.

Sasuke read the street signs and compared them to where they are at from the built in GS inside the SUV. Coordinates confirmed, he looked to both sides before lightly stepped n the gas pedal…

"I don't want to go home!"

…and immediately stepped on the brakes.

"You kidding me? We're five blocks away." Sasuke rubbed his temple and exhaled a deep sigh. "You could have said that sooner and saved me a half an hour drive."

Safire eyes narrowed. Naruto's hand reached for the door lock, opened the door and jumped out of the car.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sasuke stirred the car to the side. He shut the engine off and followed the smaller male pacing back and forth on the sidewalk.

"That old pervert must have told Grandma Tsunade and Iruka-sensei by now." Naruto was more of talking to himself than at Sasuke by this point.

"What are you mumbling about?"

"They'll skewer us alive if we show ourselves now, no questions asked." Naruto trembled both from the night air and distress.

Sasuke felt like he swallowed a rock and it plummeted straight to his stomache. The dobe was right. Sending the blond home was a voluntary death sentence. They needed to give time so both parties could look at the situation before planting both feet on the ground.

"I'll bring you to your friend's place."

Sasuke was not that cruel as to throw the blond to a pit of lions. That and the fact that it would no doubt come back to murder his hide later convinced him that he can not leave the younger male alone.

Naruto shook his head. "Kiba and his family are out for the weekend."

Sasuke paused in deep thought. Kakashi was out of the question. There were just things you should absolutely never do with that man and that includes leaving a gullible boy at the hands of Satan's incarnate.

"No choice then." Sasuke took his phone from his pocket and browsed for the nearest hotel around. "I'll book you a hotel room for the night."

A tan hand immediately grabbed the device from Sasuke's.

"No." Naruto protested as he safely kept the phone away from the other man.

"I'll be paying for it so stop that." Sasuke made an attempt to step forward and grabbed the phone but the blond quickly maneuvered out of his reach.

"I told you before; I won't have you spend money on me unnecessarily." Blue eyes remained firm and Sasuke had this feeling that it was him who would surrender first no matter what tactic he used. It was waste time to argue.

"Well, where would you like to stay?"

Naruto looked lost for a moment then stared at the pavement with a concentrated look on his face. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other then crossed his arms. After a while he shook his head and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Um…" When he finally decided to look at Sasuke, Naruto's eyes slowly lifted to meet dark ebonies but the other could tell that the blond was not sure the idea he had in mind would work. Either way he needed to spit it out soon because it was getting pretty late.

"I could spend the night at your place."

…

Come again?

Sasuke thought that Naruto would have looked too cute for words with his tinted cheeks and timid posture matched with unsure eyes but it was his private space and time they were talking about here!

"No." he flat out refused. But apparently he would soon learn that it was not that easy to refute the blond.

"Why not?" was the blond's indignant reply.

"I'm not comfortable with strangers in my house."

Naruto snorted. "I've been going in and out of your apartment for months without you knowing what I even look like."

Sasuke was taken aback but fought hard not to show it. He had no way to refute for that. How does this idiot manage to make him, Uchiha Sasuke, look like an idiot? Damn him!

"Yosh! It's settled then I'm staying at your place." Naruto happily skipped back I the car and buckled himself. "Hurry up inside the car Sasuke-teme. The bugs here hunt at night."

Right on cue Sasuke felt a light sting on his neck and had his hand smack the area to catch the culprit but to no avail. He lightly scratched his neck as he walked to the vehicle.

It was no silent ride home. Sasuke's unit was a little less than forty minutes drive. With all the tension gone…for the moment, Naruto relaxed as soon as he knew he was not going home for the night and nervousness slowly morphed into excitement. The blond started talking about stories of who's and when's every time the car passed by a familiar lot.

Sasuke could tell even though it was dark at late at night that this Village was warm, laid back and welcoming compared to the busy lifestyle people had in Konoha.

"This village is called Eddy Village two, right?"

Naruto nodded but quickly realized that Sasuke can't exactly turn his head to look at his response while he drove on the main road so he answered. "Yup…ano sa, ano sa~ Iruka-sensei told me that most of the residents here are originally from the Whirlpool Country that's why it's called Eddy Village two! You can tell them apart easily co'z of their bright red hair!"

"They are indeed known for their red hair and statistically longer lifespan. Kaicho's wife is from Whirlpool."

"Eh? My mother is also from –" Naruto caught himself in the middle of his sentence.

Sasuke understood what Naruto wanted to say but what he did not comprehend was why the blond chose to cut it off. He glanced at his side and saw his passenger lightly gnawed his lower lip as if reprimanding himself f or saying that out loud.

It was like the ride from the party all over again. Though Sasuke definitely would have appreciated the silence a while ago; he felt that this kind of silence was wrong. He pressed the power button of the car radio and his preferred station played in.

"It's still half an hour back. If you're bored you can play your music."

Curious blues eyes the sound system that he was itching to try earlier but stopped himself unless he wanted to be thrown out the moving vehicle. Kiba's dad had taught him the hard way to never tough another man's radio, especially the one installed inside his prized vehicle. He shivered at the memory. This time it's legal and a Blaupunkt audio system! Who was he to resist!

"Ok!"

000 000 000

"Thanks for letting me crash at your place." Naruto stood behind his employer as the raven head searched his pockets for the key card and open the front door.

"I didn't invite you." Sasuke mumbled.

He did not care if Naruto heard him or not because pure exhaustion took over. What the hell was he thinking when he allowed the hyperactive blond full reign of the radio? The genre of music wasn't the problem; he appreciated alternatives with a hint of rock, jazz or even pop. However, to listen to the idiot belt out in the middle of the night in a confined space for the whole duration of the ride was not exactly peaceful. In fact, it had given birth to Jupiter sized migraine. The only reason why he did not kick the blond out of the car was that he knew that he was this entire situation was one third his fault―the rest was all Kakashi. Naruto was just the unfortunate victim.

With a sharp click of the door unlocked, Sasuke stepped in first inside the unit and made way for his companion to go inside.

"I'm home/sorry for intruding." They both said in sync.

Sasuke switched the hall light on and turned the heat a little because Konoha City at night can be chilly. He then walked towards his bedroom wanting nothing more than to change clothes and a good night's rest.

"I'm really sleepy now." Naruto rubbed his eye with one hand and stifled a yawn with the other then paused..."Oh―!"―Without warning Naruto ran passed Sasuke towards the bedroom like a child rushing to the toy store. He dove straight to the large bed and rolled on top of the soft covers.

Sasuke would usually blow his top off if someone so much as even sit on it but the day's event had him at "HP 1". He gave a long tired sigh and proceeded to remove his coat and unbutton his shirt…

"I always wanted to sleep on your bed."…but halted midway as visions flashed in his mind at light year speed with images his mother would be ashamed of. Sasuke glared and forced those thought deep, DEEP down where he could forever lock them and never be opened again. It was a commendable effort if one considered the dreamy look the blond had as he rubbed his cheeks on the goose down pillow. The only thing missing was a tag of "Total Bliss" on top of the younger male.

Sasuke's concentrated look slowly turned into a devious smirk...of course teasing did not count.

"I didn't know you wanted to sleep with me that badly." Naruto did not turn to face him like he had hope. The blond buried his face on the pillow instead; however the red ears gave away all that Sasuke needed to know.

"I didn't mean it that way you pervert." Naruto's voice was muffled but Sasuke caught what he said nonetheless. "I just wanted to know if the bed is as comfy to sleep on as it looks." Naruto got up and sat cross legged on the bed and grabbed the pillow to hug in front of him. His ears were no longer read but his cheeks had a light tint on them but Sasuke guess it was more because of the comfort the soft pillow he hugged around him than embarrassment.

…but he won't have that.

"So you are suggesting we share a bed together…"

"Huh?" Naruto loosened his hold on the pillow and looked at the Uchiha with puzzled eyes; unable to see the devil horns that sprouted on tome of the raven head.

"That is my bed after all. Where am I supposed to sleep? The couch?"

"Um…" Naruto slowly stepped out of the bed with a guilty look on his face. He had not thought of that. It was selfish of him to think of sleeping on the bed with complete disregard as to where the bastard would sleep. He was the one who imposed after all. Naruto worried the hem of his shirt in thought.

"Whatever. The bed is big enough so we can both sleep on it."

Naruto nodded gratefully. The bed was indeed big enough and left enough space for each of them without being uncomfortable close—

"…just don't molest me in my sleep dobe." Sasuke loomed and leered at Naruto like the prick he was.

Screw this! All thoughts of Uchiha as somewhat considerate were thrown out the window. It was the bastard's fault why he was in this predicament in the first place!

"Sleep on the DAMN COUCH YOU BASTARD!" Naruto kicked the Uchiha out his own room before the other could even register what had happened.

Sasuke marveled how those pure blue hues could emit such fiery red anger. However, before he could comprehend a pillow followed by a blanket was smashed at his face and left him temporarily disoriented.

"What the—!" Sasuke threw the items on the floor to march right back it but was quickly met by a solid door and a sharp click of the lock.

Great

Any other person would consider banging on their door first but he refused to act like unruly gorilla in his own flat. In here he was the master of his own home.

"Dobe, open the door." He started in a clear and authoritative tone.

No answer.

"Oi, Open the door you idiot."

Still not answer

BANG, BANG!

"NARUTO~~~~~~~~~~!"

Silence

With a fist and a kick, Sasuke glared daggers at the sealed portal. He raised his watch and saw fifteen minutes pass to on it.

Screw this! He was going to sleep.

000 000 000

Ding Dong.

Sasuke half woke from his light and uncomfortable sleep to the sound of his front door's bell. He could feel his back starting to protest and he was in no mood to entertain anyone or anything pass noon.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong

"DO YOU REALIZE IT'S FIVE IN THE MORNING YOU MOTHER FU—"

"Yo Sasuke-kun. So energetic this morning." Kakashi greeted the young Uchiha with his annoyingly familiar gleam in his mismatched eyes. It was too early for this and this man was tempting the wolf o bite.

"Supply a reason not to murder you right now." It was spoken so coldly that Kakashi almost took a step back…almost. Kakashi stared at Sasuke's state of dress. Sasuke still had his pants and dress shirt he had worn at the party last night. The top three buttons were undone and a little rumpled so it was obvious that the other had slept in them. But what got his sole attention was that little red mark that was painfully obvious on Sasuke's pale neck.

"Sa-suke…is that a hick—"

"What's going on?"

A sleepy voice was heard across the hallway and both men turned to the source.

Naruto entered the living room with sunshine haired tussled a little more than usual. He rubbed his sleepy eyes with one hand and stifled a yawn with the other. He wore a large shirt that was obviously Sasuke's. Naruto is a few sizes smaller the other male so the collar of the shirt sagged to one shoulder while the bottom of the shirt reached the mid of those caramel thighs. He was unable to determine if blond was wearing anything appropriate underneath but all in all the boy looked delightful. A quick glance towards the raven haired confirmed that the other thought the same even though the Uchiha was quick to mask it behind his stoic feature.

Too late—I saw that.

Ever the opportunist, Kakashi used Sasuke's distracted state to push the male away and gain him access in the apartment.

Unfortunately Naruto was still half asleep. Had he been fully awake, then the young man would immediately sense the devil horns and tail that sprouted from the demon in disguised.

"Good morning Naruto-kun."

"Hn?"

The blond was unguarded, vulnerable and just waiting to be teased…quickly before the Uchiha snapped out of his stupor and followed in.

"My, my I didn't know it would happen this fast. I pegged you as the schoolmarm type."

Naruto looked at the older man like he grew a second head but Sasuke had caught on where this was headed and he did not like it one bit. To the young Uchiha's horror, Kakashi slithered his arm around Naruto's shoulder and started to move his face closer to the blond's ear; a lecherous look in his eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"Now, now, no need to be shy. I already saw the hickey you gave him on his neck."

Kakashi's statement caused Sasuke to stare at his reflection on the wall mirror and touch the red mark were the bug from last night dove in. With a silent curse, Sasuke marched towards the devil and his stupid victim; to his horror saw how the demon spawn managed to pull the smaller male closer.

That's it! Kakashi must be silenced before he can cause even more damage.

"Did he do you slow and gentle or fast and hard Naruto—Gah!"

—SLAP—

Sasuke paused mid stomp.

000 000 000

Kakashi held a cold compress on his left cheek as he lightly massaged his semi-sprained neck while Sasuke hid a smirk behind his coffee mug. The two men found themselves in the living room as they waited for Naruto to serve breakfast.

The raven head could not remember if he had ever been this satisfied so early in the morning especially with a silver devil that invaded his home. He still could not believe what transpired that morning. The dobe had managed to pull the one goal he had yet to accomplish; forcefully turn Kakashi's head ninety degrees to the right. That lech should be feeling the sting right now.

"Ma...Sasuke's such a sadist. You are even rubbing it off on Naru-chan." The older man whined. "I bet you taught Naruto that kinky slap-fetish he gave me."

"Shut up!" was heard from the kitchen after a spatula bulleted right behind Kakashi's head.

Naruto: 2, Kakashi: 0

Sasuke had never seen Kakashi looked bewildered before. The silver haired director held the kitchen utensil as if it came from another world.

"See what I mean-" Kakashi turned to look at the smaller male behind the kitchen counter. "After all that I have done for you."

"Hmmp" The blond was resolute in ignoring him as he continued to batter the pancake mix.

"You did nothing but make it worse." His kohai bit back.

"Well…" Whatever Kakashi was about to say was cut off by an unfamiliar ring tone from under the coffee table. Both male leaned down to the source and found an orange knapsack. Typical of Kakashi, the man pulled the bag out and fished the phone out of the bag. The caller idea indicated that it was from someone named Iruka-sensei.

"Oi!" Sasuke wanted to stop the trouble maker but it was too late. Kakashi accepted the call and answered. The menace struck again.

" Hello. This is Kakashi speaking. Naru-chan can't answer the phone right now."

There was a long pause as the caller from the other line chose to remain silent. As Kakashi checked to make sure the line was still connected the caller started to speak.

"You must have a lot of guts to answer the phone instead of Naruto. ARE YOU THE BASTARD WHO MARRIED HIM WITHOUT MY CONSENT!"

Sasuke had known Kakashi since senior high…regrettably but he had never seen the silver haired devil's expression turn from lost to nervousness to fear then petrified. He would have laughed right there, Uchiha pride be damn, if it were not for the realization that this man, who had no regard for the safety of his own hide was cowering from whoever was on the other end of that line.

"Ye…yes" –and he stuttered too! That never happened before even with the most furious of complainants.

Kakashi pressed the end caller button and slowly released a breath. He was not a smoker but he felt like he could use one right about now.

"Naruto-kun, someone named Iruka called. He said to move dinner to lunch."

"What! Why?" a pair of shocked replies shot at Kakashi from both sides.

"He said something about Tsunade-sensei has a patient later this evening."

Naruto approached the two from the kitchen with a worried look on his face. He turned to look at Sasuke to try and gauge what his take on this situation is.

"No good." The raven head checked his watch for the time and it read fifteen minutes before seven. "We have less than 5 hours to come up with a solid plan. 4 if we count the travel time."

"Oh…"

A panic outburst followed by blaming him for being a bastard and a jerk would have been normal. Sasuke would retaliate by firing his own brand of insults to the dobe and that would somehow temporarily break the tension but this was different.

Naruto's eyes were downcast and completely focused on his tan fingers that fidgeted with his apron. His eyes were dull and had a far look off look on his face; a perfect representation of an injured puppy. The sight would make any feel sorry for the blond that even Kakashi looked guilty.

"Dobe…" Sasuke started. "…maybe we should come clean."

"Have you forgotten that ero-senin is your boss?" -However both forgot that the fiery spirited blond can as stubborn as a hard to remove stain. This kid would not back away easily and would push forward to whatever he set his decision to. "Can you imagine what he would do to you?" Naruto transferred his attention to Kakashi. "—to the both of you?"

A tense silence filled the room. Both males knew that what Naruto said was right. Jiraya had the ability to bury their sorry hide and more.

"Naruto-kun is right." Kakashi slowly leaned back on the sofa and rested his arm on its armrest. "You both should keep pretending to be a couple—for now." He emphasized on the word now when he saw the couple's expression turned troubled.

"Just let the situation cool down and after a couple of months tell them you broke it off but are still friends."

"Hn" Sasuke gave the idea a thought. It was not a bad and it could definitely save themselves from the impending death that was sure to happen if they fess up now. He loath the idea of owing Kakashi…again but he quickly realize that the man was also covering his ass. The only person he needed to agree to this was Naruto. Sasuke turned his gaze on the blond male that stood behind Kakashi.

"I guess that's okay…" Naruto trailed off then smiled. "…Ugh. What am I doing it's getting late I have to finish preparing breakfast."

Somehow Kakashi and Sasuke knew that that smile did not quite reach the heart and they felt little pitch forks poke into theirs.

This was going to be a toughest battle he will ever face. Sasuke took a deep breath and steeled his insides. He needed to be prepared for anything.

"Ah…You know, Naruto-chan's mama is really scary." Kakashi absently muttered and suddenly Sasuke could feel a cold sweat on the back of his neck.

TBC

WAH! I can't believe I got to finish this part! Phew….Now on to Part 2. Sorry for the long wait guys. T_T. your comments are my driving force to finish this!

Thank you so much!