I was insane when I wrote this I tells ya O.o
Disclaimer: Minekura Kazuya and Enix own Gensomaden Saiyuki. The lyrics in the beginning of this odd fic is from the song, "Total Eclipse of the Heart", by Bonnie Tyler. This wasn't meant to offend Christians in any way
Revised 8/15/02
Once upon a time there was light in my life
Now there's only love in the dark.
Perhaps this was his punishment.
Yes, a punishment. For commiting one too many sins.
He loved his sister, he mass murdered, he fell in love with a certain half-youkai, he killed even more, he was still alive. Many sins. Many, many sins. He might as well have 'sinner' written all over him. It's disgusting. It's wrong. You're going to burn in hell. Hakkai rubbed his temples, reflecting back on the teachings the church had taught him and the other orphans. It was a calm and gentle Christian church, but some of the sisters were very devout, telling little boys who would kiss other little boys that they were going against God. Hakkai didn't like believing in God, saying that if his parents were killed, then God was an unforgiving being who doesn't care. He abandoned his "children". Didn't one of the sisters say, "God cares for all of you?" Why didn't he care for his parents, Kanan, everybody on the face of earth who died for no reason?
With one hand clutching his chest, Hakkai slowly walked on over to the sun-kissed window, watching the yellow butterflies as they fluttered by. It must be so nice to be free like them. Not having to worry about anything. Sometimes he wished he was a butterfly. His gaze lowered back from the sky to the ground filled with people. But no, he had to be one of them. Hakkai sighed, slipping his hand back to his side once the chest pain faded.
It had been about four years since their long journey to Tenjiku. The brunette smiled as he felt a hint of nostalgia creep up on him. Sure, some parts were a bit depressing, and some parts were life-threatening, but it was quite an experience for all of them, especially Sanzo. Sanzo had opened up a little after the journey. It wasn't much, it wasn't too obvious, but Hakkai knew it was there. The resurrection of Gyuumao had also been successful, and he was knocked out first because he was the healer. Later, he was told that Seiten Taisen Son Goku had killed him. The Kougaiji-tachi had afterwards allied with them once everything was over. It was almost expected. There was something between them when they fought. Almost like they had known each other for many years as friends. So they went back to living the way they had before, only Gojyo had gotten a bigger apartment. It was no journey to the west, but it was nice in its own, simple way.
But now there was that problem occuring in his lungs.
Ever since he had been informed of it, he had been careful to act normal as can be around his roommate, Gojyo. He knew Gojyo was slightly suspicious, but he never let him know. He will -never, ever- let him know. Hakkai slipped away from the window, away from the sight of people and golden butterflies in the sky and onto the couch nearby. Of course, he had been stupid for not noticing it before. The pain, the lack of hunger, the nausea, the exhaustion, the persistent coughing and colds, why he couldn't stand sex with the redhead anymore, everything. Gulity. That was all he felt. And that was only for lying to Gojyo.
Such a fitting punishment for him. But in his mind, he wished that it wouldn't also be punishment for his lover. The redhead didn't deserve anymore sorrow. How could he tell him that he would no longer be here? That he was leaving and never coming back? Hakkai sighed sadly. 'Please don't make him suffer. He shouldn't cry for a someone like me.' In his mind, he knew Gojyo would not be happy, but it was already too late.
Just...too late.
"Taaadaima!" Gojyo kicked open the apartment door, lugging a bag filled with all sorts of food with a sunshine smile spread wide on his face. Finding silence to be the answer, the head of taboo hair peered around while kicking off his boots, "Hakkai?"
Setting the plastic bag on the dining table, he turned around and took a few strides until he had the couch in his sights, complete with one sleeping brunette. A smirk shot on his face as he placed himself behind the other's head, dipping down and brushing a light kiss amongst the green-eyed man whose eyes fluttered open. Gojyo chuckled, pulling back enough so his long strands of crimson hair tickled the other's cheeks, "Miss me?" A warm smile appeared on the brunette face.
"Very much." Hakkai's soul felt warmed at the gentle laugh from the redhead as he walked around to the side of the couch and leaned over, taking both of the brunette's hands in his as he pinned them to each side of his head, straddling Hakkai with his legs as he let himself move forward to plant a breath-taking kiss to the other. The emerald-eyed man tried to move his arms so he could wrap them around Gojyo's neck to further deepen the touch, but the redhead made sure he didn't succeed in that movement. Hakkai let out a soft gasp as Gojyo pulled away to kiss at his exposed neck.
"Gojyo...-Gojyo, please stop." And he did.
"What's wrong with you, Hakkai? You never used to be like this." The said man strained on his smile. That's how it has been nowadays.
"I'm sorry. I've been tired lately." Gojyo cupped the other man's face, piercing his rose-blushed gaze through the other's forest green. The brunette felt his heart practically stop, until the redhead pulled away and stood up on the floor. Hakkai felt a wave of relief crawl down his spinal cord.
"That's okay. You have been looking a little weary lately. By the way, how was the appointment at the doctor's?"
"They said I was working myself a little too hard and that I should cool off." Nevermind the fact he had shredded up his results into tiny bits then blew them into oblivion once he got home. Gojyo smirked. How Hakkai would miss that smirk.
"I told you so, babe. Convient though because I, Sha Gojyo, am going to take you out tonight." The brunette smiled warmly as the redhead placed a palm flat on the center of his chest and held his chin up high.
"That's so nice of you, Gojyo. Where are you taking me?"
"To the most fancy resturant in this backwater town! I got reservations, " A lazy wink.
"That sounds wonderful, Gojyo," Hakkai pushed himself up on his feet once more, noticing from the corner of his eye, it was sunset already, meaning he had been sleep for an hour or so. The redhead scratched his head, "Yeah, it was hard. Long, hard, and boring but I figured you'd want to go, so I went and did it after such a long time. The man there apparently mixed up his reservations so he had to call everyone on the list to make sure it was the right table or the right time. Blah blah blah," the crimson gaze shifted to the kitchen, "but I got groceries too so you don't have to worry about it."
A warm smile crept up on the green-eyed man's face, "You've been so generous to me lately. Thank you."
"Yeah, well, you looked tired a lot so," he shrugged before walking back to the kitchen. "So go get ready while I put away the food. We have to be there in twenty minutes."
Hakkai wearily stared at his reflection in the mirror, brushing a pale hand through chocolate brown tresses. The cough he had been straining to hold back came out, blood dribbling over his chin. His eyebrows narrowed as he turned on the bathroom sink, rubbing the tap water to cleanse the red off. He felt sick. Really sick. One hand clutched his stomach which ached badly, feeling the vomit tempting to rise. Instead, Hakkai held it back. Short, shallow breaths made themselves clear within the walls of the small room. Taking a deep swallow of air, the man stepped outside, vaguely aware of the soft 'kyuu's nearby from Hakuryuu who, the last time he saw him, was sleeping on a basket of laundry. The brunette turned to see the small dragon in mid-air, flapping his wings in a calm rhythm. Tiredly, he reached up to take the creature in his arms, murmuring under his breath.
"Hakuryuu, I don't know what to do."
Soft 'kyuu's made themselves existent as the dragon gave his sympathy to the other. Hakkai pulled on another strained smile, and held the dragon closer as if he were a child clinging to his mother. That was how he felt right now. Weak, both physically and mentally. Of course, he had too much pride to actually show such a display of emotion to somebody other than Hakuryuu, who in someways, he thought understood him perfectly.
Can't tell him.
Don't tell him.
Never tell him.
At the resturant, Hakkai discovered it really was fancy. It was true the town had grown after the Minus Wave vaporized into the air, but he never thought a place like this would be this populated. Then again, he hadn't been out too much. Things were different than watching life from a glass window. Taking his gaze off his salad, he peered over at Gojyo would looked a bit cheesed off, "Are you feeling okay, Gojyo?"
Scarlet eyes shifted to look at him, "Hm? No no, I'm just not into big fancy places. Or maybe I'm still just too used to this town not being so...exotic."
The former-teacher smiled, "I see."
Hakkai sighed, taking small nibbles at a piece of seasoned lettuce. He really wasn't that hungry, but Gojyo didn't need to know that. He had spent so much effort trying to please him, the brunette admired him. It was a special night, and he didn't want to mess it up. He wouldn't let his "sickness" get in the way of his and Gojyo's happiness. Hakkai watched as Gojyo placed a piece of steak in his mouth. He found it more interesting than poking at his salad. Unfortunately though, his cough was acting up again.
A strangled noise erupted from his throat, and Hakkai quickly covered his mouth, hoping Gojyo was too into his thoughts to notice. Unfortunately, he knew the redhead was more aware than that, "Hakkai?" The said man's eyebrows furrowed as he felt Gojyo reach over to try to remove his hand from his mouth. He was aware of the fact Gojyo frowned when he stubbornly didn't budge his hand that he knew was stained in his blood and saliva.
"Hakkai, what's wrong?" The pressure on his hand grew, but the brunette tried to keep his palm faced away from the other. If Gojyo saw the blood, then he'd panic and then he would start worrying. Gojyo shouldn't worry about him.
"Hakkai!" People were staring at them now. The redhead grunted and after bit of struggling finally revealed what the other had been hiding. He hadn't been expecting what he was going to see. Hakkai pulled his hand back to his mouth, seeing scarlet eyes widen as he coughed once more, the chest pains coming back on him. Blood spread over the pure white tablecloth. The former-teacher thought he was going to start tearing at the eyes, but was glad he didn't. Hakkai never enjoyed being weak. He was heaving in air now, trying to ignore the pain around his torso, trying not to take short and shallow breaths which cause more pain to his heart. Suddenly the room started spinning. Everything was fading. Gojyo's beautiful face was blurring as if he were crying. But he wasn't crying. He hadn't cried in years and he wouldn't now. Faintly, he heard someone yell, "Somebody get a doctor!"
It sounded like Gojyo. Sweet, sweet Gojyo. Hakkai knew Gojyo would make a face at being called sweet. A faint smile crossed his lips for a second at that thought before shifting into a frown. He felt strangely light-headed now as he felt himself slip out of the chair from the side and nail the floor on his back, knocking the breath out of his damaged lungs. The brunette's head limply lolled to the side and he recognized the taboo character hurrying over to his side before the world faded from a blur to pitch black.
Yes, this was his punishment.
Many, many sins that had to be acted upon. That had to be ended with a penalty.
For he was a sinner.
Sinners shouldn't be allowed to live.
Game over or Continue?
No, I don't hate Hakkai ^^.
Disclaimer: Minekura Kazuya and Enix own Gensomaden Saiyuki. The lyrics in the beginning of this odd fic is from the song, "Total Eclipse of the Heart", by Bonnie Tyler. This wasn't meant to offend Christians in any way
Revised 8/15/02
Once upon a time there was light in my life
Now there's only love in the dark.
Perhaps this was his punishment.
Yes, a punishment. For commiting one too many sins.
He loved his sister, he mass murdered, he fell in love with a certain half-youkai, he killed even more, he was still alive. Many sins. Many, many sins. He might as well have 'sinner' written all over him. It's disgusting. It's wrong. You're going to burn in hell. Hakkai rubbed his temples, reflecting back on the teachings the church had taught him and the other orphans. It was a calm and gentle Christian church, but some of the sisters were very devout, telling little boys who would kiss other little boys that they were going against God. Hakkai didn't like believing in God, saying that if his parents were killed, then God was an unforgiving being who doesn't care. He abandoned his "children". Didn't one of the sisters say, "God cares for all of you?" Why didn't he care for his parents, Kanan, everybody on the face of earth who died for no reason?
With one hand clutching his chest, Hakkai slowly walked on over to the sun-kissed window, watching the yellow butterflies as they fluttered by. It must be so nice to be free like them. Not having to worry about anything. Sometimes he wished he was a butterfly. His gaze lowered back from the sky to the ground filled with people. But no, he had to be one of them. Hakkai sighed, slipping his hand back to his side once the chest pain faded.
It had been about four years since their long journey to Tenjiku. The brunette smiled as he felt a hint of nostalgia creep up on him. Sure, some parts were a bit depressing, and some parts were life-threatening, but it was quite an experience for all of them, especially Sanzo. Sanzo had opened up a little after the journey. It wasn't much, it wasn't too obvious, but Hakkai knew it was there. The resurrection of Gyuumao had also been successful, and he was knocked out first because he was the healer. Later, he was told that Seiten Taisen Son Goku had killed him. The Kougaiji-tachi had afterwards allied with them once everything was over. It was almost expected. There was something between them when they fought. Almost like they had known each other for many years as friends. So they went back to living the way they had before, only Gojyo had gotten a bigger apartment. It was no journey to the west, but it was nice in its own, simple way.
But now there was that problem occuring in his lungs.
Ever since he had been informed of it, he had been careful to act normal as can be around his roommate, Gojyo. He knew Gojyo was slightly suspicious, but he never let him know. He will -never, ever- let him know. Hakkai slipped away from the window, away from the sight of people and golden butterflies in the sky and onto the couch nearby. Of course, he had been stupid for not noticing it before. The pain, the lack of hunger, the nausea, the exhaustion, the persistent coughing and colds, why he couldn't stand sex with the redhead anymore, everything. Gulity. That was all he felt. And that was only for lying to Gojyo.
Such a fitting punishment for him. But in his mind, he wished that it wouldn't also be punishment for his lover. The redhead didn't deserve anymore sorrow. How could he tell him that he would no longer be here? That he was leaving and never coming back? Hakkai sighed sadly. 'Please don't make him suffer. He shouldn't cry for a someone like me.' In his mind, he knew Gojyo would not be happy, but it was already too late.
Just...too late.
"Taaadaima!" Gojyo kicked open the apartment door, lugging a bag filled with all sorts of food with a sunshine smile spread wide on his face. Finding silence to be the answer, the head of taboo hair peered around while kicking off his boots, "Hakkai?"
Setting the plastic bag on the dining table, he turned around and took a few strides until he had the couch in his sights, complete with one sleeping brunette. A smirk shot on his face as he placed himself behind the other's head, dipping down and brushing a light kiss amongst the green-eyed man whose eyes fluttered open. Gojyo chuckled, pulling back enough so his long strands of crimson hair tickled the other's cheeks, "Miss me?" A warm smile appeared on the brunette face.
"Very much." Hakkai's soul felt warmed at the gentle laugh from the redhead as he walked around to the side of the couch and leaned over, taking both of the brunette's hands in his as he pinned them to each side of his head, straddling Hakkai with his legs as he let himself move forward to plant a breath-taking kiss to the other. The emerald-eyed man tried to move his arms so he could wrap them around Gojyo's neck to further deepen the touch, but the redhead made sure he didn't succeed in that movement. Hakkai let out a soft gasp as Gojyo pulled away to kiss at his exposed neck.
"Gojyo...-Gojyo, please stop." And he did.
"What's wrong with you, Hakkai? You never used to be like this." The said man strained on his smile. That's how it has been nowadays.
"I'm sorry. I've been tired lately." Gojyo cupped the other man's face, piercing his rose-blushed gaze through the other's forest green. The brunette felt his heart practically stop, until the redhead pulled away and stood up on the floor. Hakkai felt a wave of relief crawl down his spinal cord.
"That's okay. You have been looking a little weary lately. By the way, how was the appointment at the doctor's?"
"They said I was working myself a little too hard and that I should cool off." Nevermind the fact he had shredded up his results into tiny bits then blew them into oblivion once he got home. Gojyo smirked. How Hakkai would miss that smirk.
"I told you so, babe. Convient though because I, Sha Gojyo, am going to take you out tonight." The brunette smiled warmly as the redhead placed a palm flat on the center of his chest and held his chin up high.
"That's so nice of you, Gojyo. Where are you taking me?"
"To the most fancy resturant in this backwater town! I got reservations, " A lazy wink.
"That sounds wonderful, Gojyo," Hakkai pushed himself up on his feet once more, noticing from the corner of his eye, it was sunset already, meaning he had been sleep for an hour or so. The redhead scratched his head, "Yeah, it was hard. Long, hard, and boring but I figured you'd want to go, so I went and did it after such a long time. The man there apparently mixed up his reservations so he had to call everyone on the list to make sure it was the right table or the right time. Blah blah blah," the crimson gaze shifted to the kitchen, "but I got groceries too so you don't have to worry about it."
A warm smile crept up on the green-eyed man's face, "You've been so generous to me lately. Thank you."
"Yeah, well, you looked tired a lot so," he shrugged before walking back to the kitchen. "So go get ready while I put away the food. We have to be there in twenty minutes."
Hakkai wearily stared at his reflection in the mirror, brushing a pale hand through chocolate brown tresses. The cough he had been straining to hold back came out, blood dribbling over his chin. His eyebrows narrowed as he turned on the bathroom sink, rubbing the tap water to cleanse the red off. He felt sick. Really sick. One hand clutched his stomach which ached badly, feeling the vomit tempting to rise. Instead, Hakkai held it back. Short, shallow breaths made themselves clear within the walls of the small room. Taking a deep swallow of air, the man stepped outside, vaguely aware of the soft 'kyuu's nearby from Hakuryuu who, the last time he saw him, was sleeping on a basket of laundry. The brunette turned to see the small dragon in mid-air, flapping his wings in a calm rhythm. Tiredly, he reached up to take the creature in his arms, murmuring under his breath.
"Hakuryuu, I don't know what to do."
Soft 'kyuu's made themselves existent as the dragon gave his sympathy to the other. Hakkai pulled on another strained smile, and held the dragon closer as if he were a child clinging to his mother. That was how he felt right now. Weak, both physically and mentally. Of course, he had too much pride to actually show such a display of emotion to somebody other than Hakuryuu, who in someways, he thought understood him perfectly.
Can't tell him.
Don't tell him.
Never tell him.
At the resturant, Hakkai discovered it really was fancy. It was true the town had grown after the Minus Wave vaporized into the air, but he never thought a place like this would be this populated. Then again, he hadn't been out too much. Things were different than watching life from a glass window. Taking his gaze off his salad, he peered over at Gojyo would looked a bit cheesed off, "Are you feeling okay, Gojyo?"
Scarlet eyes shifted to look at him, "Hm? No no, I'm just not into big fancy places. Or maybe I'm still just too used to this town not being so...exotic."
The former-teacher smiled, "I see."
Hakkai sighed, taking small nibbles at a piece of seasoned lettuce. He really wasn't that hungry, but Gojyo didn't need to know that. He had spent so much effort trying to please him, the brunette admired him. It was a special night, and he didn't want to mess it up. He wouldn't let his "sickness" get in the way of his and Gojyo's happiness. Hakkai watched as Gojyo placed a piece of steak in his mouth. He found it more interesting than poking at his salad. Unfortunately though, his cough was acting up again.
A strangled noise erupted from his throat, and Hakkai quickly covered his mouth, hoping Gojyo was too into his thoughts to notice. Unfortunately, he knew the redhead was more aware than that, "Hakkai?" The said man's eyebrows furrowed as he felt Gojyo reach over to try to remove his hand from his mouth. He was aware of the fact Gojyo frowned when he stubbornly didn't budge his hand that he knew was stained in his blood and saliva.
"Hakkai, what's wrong?" The pressure on his hand grew, but the brunette tried to keep his palm faced away from the other. If Gojyo saw the blood, then he'd panic and then he would start worrying. Gojyo shouldn't worry about him.
"Hakkai!" People were staring at them now. The redhead grunted and after bit of struggling finally revealed what the other had been hiding. He hadn't been expecting what he was going to see. Hakkai pulled his hand back to his mouth, seeing scarlet eyes widen as he coughed once more, the chest pains coming back on him. Blood spread over the pure white tablecloth. The former-teacher thought he was going to start tearing at the eyes, but was glad he didn't. Hakkai never enjoyed being weak. He was heaving in air now, trying to ignore the pain around his torso, trying not to take short and shallow breaths which cause more pain to his heart. Suddenly the room started spinning. Everything was fading. Gojyo's beautiful face was blurring as if he were crying. But he wasn't crying. He hadn't cried in years and he wouldn't now. Faintly, he heard someone yell, "Somebody get a doctor!"
It sounded like Gojyo. Sweet, sweet Gojyo. Hakkai knew Gojyo would make a face at being called sweet. A faint smile crossed his lips for a second at that thought before shifting into a frown. He felt strangely light-headed now as he felt himself slip out of the chair from the side and nail the floor on his back, knocking the breath out of his damaged lungs. The brunette's head limply lolled to the side and he recognized the taboo character hurrying over to his side before the world faded from a blur to pitch black.
Yes, this was his punishment.
Many, many sins that had to be acted upon. That had to be ended with a penalty.
For he was a sinner.
Sinners shouldn't be allowed to live.
Game over or Continue?
No, I don't hate Hakkai ^^.