A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. Lately, I've been updating REALLY slowly, but I want to try to update more regularly. That's why, instead of working on my chemistry lab, my biology lab, or my math assignment, I decided to write this. Anyways, I'm going to try and get the next chapter out faster and I promise to whoever's still reading this that I will finish the story no matter how long it takes. Before I finish this note though, I just wanted to remind you that even though this story is in third person, it's still from Sakurako's perspective. So I hope that when you read this, you don't think that it's cheesy, but just that Sakurako is over reacting. Because I think we all have moments like these in our lives at least once. Thank you for reading my story and have a wonderful day.

"Just close your eyes." Akari hummed. Sakurako found that the notion was quite appealing, as her body started to act by itself.

Sakurako was pulled in by some strange force. She could feel herself lean towards the other girl. Their faces drew near and Sakurako became conscious of the other girl's body. Her slim stomach and slight curves all made her head rush. Sakurako could feel something building up in her own lower body and it begged for release. Unaccustomed to these strange sensations, Sakurako lost herself for a moment as the urges took over. Just as Sakurako was about to close the distance between the two, her eyes snapped open.

Sakurako squealed in surprise and shoved Akari away from her, causing Akari to hit the counter and ricochet from it to the ground. Akari got up to her hands and knees as Sakurako stood there stunned.

"I'm... so sorry," Sakurako managed to say.

"Ah, don't worry about it, I-" Akari started with an apologetic look on her face, but was quickly cut off.

"I'm sorry," Sakurako repeated. "I... I don't know... I'm sorry..." Sakurako was frozen in place, with a look of terror on her face.

Akari quickly grew concerned. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to-"

"I'm sorry... I don't- I... I need to go," Sakurako mumbled as she ran out of the room. As Sakurako, burst from the restroom and into the hall, she felt unstable on her feet. She felt dizzy and slightly nauseous. What was she doing? With another girl?

Sakurako stumbled down the hall and realized that she didn't know where she was going. She looked back towards her classroom. Himawari was there. What would she think if she knew what Sakurako had done? Would Himawari make her feel the same way? Would she try and do it to Himawari as well?

Sakurako just couldn't face Himawari right now. In fact, the last place she wanted to be was back in her classroom. She felt gross. Like she was some creature that crawled out from under a rock. She didn't want to be seen. She needed to get away. Sakurako started running. She sprinted out of the school doors and started running away from the building. She no longer felt welcome in this facility filled with young women.

Sakurako ran for a long time. She ran with no regard for her screaming lungs, or her aching legs. The only thing that she could process was the need to get away. Eventually she ended up at her house. Her legs had just carried her there, without any thinking involved. Sakurako slammed the door open and shut, as she kicked off her shoes and made her way to her room.

She sprang into her bed as she curled up in her blanket and cried into her pillow. Sakurako lost track of time as she bawled alone in her dim room. Not crying about anything in particular, due to her mind being a complete mess, she just acted upon the grief as she lay there in a defensive ball.

Break

Sakurako opened her eyes. She was confused at first, but quickly remembered that she was in her room. She heard voices coming from inside the house and looked to her clock to see that it was 6:30 PM. Sakurako lied there groggily for a moment, until she remembered what had happened. She had ran away in the middle of school. The school must have phoned her parents. Was she in trouble? She was sure to be. She was surprised that her dad hadn't burst into her room yet, yelling in anger.

She tried not to think about it, but Sakurako could not forget what she had done to Akari, or more importantly, what she had tried to do. She had tried to kiss her. Sakurako choked once in her own agony. They were supposed to be friends. They were both girls. Girls don't kiss each other. This is what Sakurako had known to be true. Why was it then that she had wanted to do it? Sakurako tried to deny it, but alone in her dark room, with nothing to distract her mind, she came to the realization that kissing wasn't the only thing that she wanted to do.

She had wanted to see Akari's naked body. To touch it. Sakurako was disgusted with herself, yet she couldn't take it back because she knew it was true. Her self-hatred grew, but the desire would not subside. Her mind had become her own personal hell, as it created the fantasies that she was most afraid of.

It didn't stop there, either. The image of Himawari came to Sakurako's mind. Sakurako felt as though she was turning into a beast, trying to keep her humanity intact by fighting off these evil cravings. Sakurako pictured Himawari, standing there, smiling at Sakurako with her beautiful face. She felt guilty to be looked at with such a face when she was truly a sick person. Sakurako had now come to the realization that Himawari was beautiful in more than just the indifferent view that Sakurako thought she had held. A part of Sakurako, the beast, wanted to see Himawari right now. To hold her and savour every aspect of her. But Sakurako would not allow this demon to roam free. She wanted to die and take the monster with her.

Sakurako grit her teeth at her own helplessness. She did not know how to die. She was not prepared to commit suicide. If only she could and this would all be over. She resumed bawling into her pillow as her melodrama continued.

As Sakurako hid her face in her pillow, the door to her room opened, letting in light from the rest of her house. Sakurako stiffened and tried to halt all actions as she waited for the visitor to carry out their business.

"Sakurako," Sakurako's mom's voice came from the unseen expanse behind her, "are you okay?" Sakurako stayed still, not making a noise. Why isn't her mom mad? Didn't she know that she missed school?

"Did something happen at school?" her mom continued. "Can you talk about it?" There was silence for a moment. "I'm worried about you. Will you come have something to eat?"

"I'm never leaving this room again!" Sakurako's defiant declaration came from her muffled voice. "The world should never see my face again."

"...Sakurako" her mom whispered in a soft voice.

"Just get out now!" Sakurako begged without moving. Silently, her mom lingered for a moment, before closing the door behind her as she exited the room. Sakurako was left alone to once again wallow in her self pity. Sakurako did not have a proper grasp on time at the moment, and was unsure of how long it was until the door to her room opened once again.

Sakurako did as before, and lied still as she waited for the unknown person to act. Softly, the person's footsteps made their way to her bed. She felt her bed shake a bit as someone climbed on to the furniture. Sakurako poked her head out and saw Nadeshiko as she took up a spot beside Sakurako. Sakurako no longer had the energy to ask her to get out and instead allowed her to stay on the bed with her.

Nadeshiko brought her knees to her chest, leaned her back against the headboard, and rested an arm over Sakurako. Normally, this would have irritated Sakurako to no end, but in her current state, Sakurako needed the affection, even if she wouldn't show it.

The sisters sat there in silence for a moment. Sakurako could feel some of the sorrow being soothed, as she was surprisingly comforted by this small gesture, but the pain was not gone completely.

Nadeshiko just looked ahead at the wall the whole time and finally asked in a soft voice, "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Sakurako sat there, hesitant. Part of her wanted to get everything of off her chest, but another part wanted to continue feeling sorry for her self.

"You would hate me if I told you," Sakurako grumbled, making an excuse.

Nadeshiko kept staring straight ahead, but a very slight smile played on to her lips, "Stupid. Even if I say I hate you sometimes, I could never hate my little sister."

One final impulse in Sakurako tried to stop her from talking until she found herself confessing to her sister. "I... I tried to do something bad today." Sakurako hugged her knees and looked down at her feet. She waited for a response from Nadeshiko, but the elder sister remained silent, so Sakurako continued. "I tried to... kiss a friend. Even though they're a girl." Sakurako awaited Nadeshiko's reaction apprehensively.

"So what was Hima-ko's reaction then? Did she kiss you back?"

"WHAT?" Sakurako jolted from her curled posture and looked up to Nadeshiko. "Why would you assume it was Himawari? And why would she kiss me back?"

Now it was Nadeshiko's turn to be surprised. "So it wasn't Hima-ko?"

"No, it was Akari-chan. She was acting funny today. We went to the washroom together and she got so close. Before I realized it, I was almost kissing her. I was barely able to stop myself. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Wait, so you didn't even kiss her?" Nadeshiko looked at little sister, bewildered. "Idiot," Nadeshiko said gently as she bopped a palm against Sakurako's forehead and squeezed her tighter. "First of all you didn't even do anything, you stopped yourself. Secondly, we all make mistakes, it's inevitable. You can't just give up when you screw up once. And thirdly there's nothing wrong with you. You were just born this way. Haven't you ever heard of a lesbian before?"

Sakurako looked up at Nadeshiko. Her eyes were still a bit raw and her body was sore, plus she was emotionally exhausted, but it was a hundred times better than how she had felt before. "No, what is it?"

"It's a girl who likes other girls. That's what you probably are. I'm one too." Nadeshiko smiled.

"So... I'm a lesbian?" Sakurako asked for confirmation.

"I can't tell you that, but that's what I would guess. Although it's been kind of obvious to me for a while." Nadeshiko chuckled.

"What? No it hasn't," Sakurako argued. "I didn't even know until know, how could you?"

"Hehe, call it a sister's intuition." The two sisters sat there for a while longer, but now Sakurako's mind was filled with questions.

"But I thought only a guy and a girl were supposed to kiss. Isn't it wrong for two girls to kiss?"

"What would be wrong with it? Men and women are supposed to mate with each other in order to have children, but some people are just born different. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just the way we are." Sakurako felt some hope rise inside of her. It was okay for her to like other girls? And there were other people like her? It felt like her whole world had been flipped upside down in the past few minutes and although it was a bit scary, part of it excited Sakurako.

Nadeshiko's arm dropped from Sakurako's shoulder and she turned to look at her. "You feeling better now?" Sakurako nodded.

"A bit."

Nadeshiko got up before speaking once more. "Hey Sakurako... Even though I said that it was okay for you to like girls, I think you made the right choice in not kissing your friend." Sakurako looked to her sister.

"Why's that?"

Nadeshiko chuckled. "I think there's someone much more suited to your first kiss than her. Make sure that it's meaningful when the time comes." Sakurako was puzzled as to what she meant. Nadeshiko began walking to the door, but Sakurako still had so many questions.

"Umm, Nee-san... Do you think anyone I know might be a lesbian as well?" Sakurako managed to ask.

"I think you'd be surprised." Nadeshiko stopped halfway to the exit. "But don't go telling any of your friends. There are some people who might not understand, like the way you didn't before I explained it to you. If you told them, they might overreact and not let you explain it to them properly. So if you're going to tell someone make sure you really trust them, alright?"

"...Okay," Sakurako agreed. "One more thing." Nadeshiko turned back to her sister to show she was listening. "Have you told anyone other than me?" Nadeshiko seemed to pause for a moment.

"I guess now would be as good a time as ever to tell you..." she mumbled. "Megumi and I are dating. So yes, she knows." With that, Nadeshiko left the room, as Sakurako sat there in shock.

"Oh yeah," Nadeshiko poked her head back for one last word. "Hanako was worried about you as well. Even if she wouldn't admit it. Make sure you go talk to her later. Bye." Sakurako made a mental note to go bug Hanako later, but right now her head was spinning with all of this new information and she needed a minute to lie down.

Sakurako flopped onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. She tried to enjoy her moments of respite until her mother came back to her room.

"There's someone at the door for you..." She said in a soft tone. "Will you come see them?"

"Okay," Sakurako agreed as she got off of her bed and headed towards the entrance. Sakurako arrived at the front door to see Himawari standing on the steps outside. Her face seemed to light up once she saw Sakurako come to greet her.

"Um... Come inside," Sakurako offered to her guest.

"Ah, Sakurako... I was just, well... You disappeared at lunch and no one knew where you went. Akari wouldn't say anything... I was just making sure you were alright, or whatever." Himawari said with a stern look on her face as she stared at the ground to hide the tint of red on her cheeks. Sakurako stood there staring at Himawari. She felt something flutter in her stomach and recognized it to be the same feelings she had when she read Himawari's diary. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but at the same time somewhat pleasant.

"Umm... Sakurako?" Himawari asked, as she gave the other girl a look of concern.

"What?" Sakurako snapped out of her daze. "Oh! Yeah... I'm fine..." She felt the heat rush to her cheeks to match Himawari's hue and her eyes glanced to the side as to prevent them from staring at Himawari again.

"So?" Himawari looked at Sakurako expectantly. "What happened?"

"Oh, you know... some stuff," Sakurako replied vaguely, "but it's all sorted out now. I'll be back at school tomorrow. Umm... Thanks for coming by."

"Sure," Himawari answered politely, "don't mention it. See you later." Himawari turned to leave.

"Ah! Wait!" Sakurako called to her. Himawari stopped and turned around.

"What is it?" Sakurako had meant to say something, but nothing came out of her throat. The two girls looked at each other for a moment, uncomfortable with the obvious awkward atmosphere. What was this feeling Sakurako had? Why did she feel disappointed that Himawari was leaving?

"It's nothing. Sorry. Umm... See you tomorrow." Sakurako waved goodbye before she shut the door. See you tomorrow. Something about that sentence filled Sakurako with a feeling similar to hope. Sakurako leaned against the door in exhaustion from the erratic day and sighed. She put her hand to her chest and felt her heart beating. Resigned to her feelings, she closed her eyes and whispered, "Is this... a crush?"