All Covered with Moss

Sometimes, in the dark recesses of his mind, Tony liked to pretend he was evil. Not your typical, take over the world evil, but more of the chaotic mischief that Loki used to pull, or so Thor would say. So, when Darcy approached him with her little plot of evil, he was all for it. Especially since his teammates totally did need to get some. It might lead to less complaints over the going-ons when Dr. Foster and Pepper were in the tower.

And seriously, a brother's got to help a brother out. He was being the ultimate wingman. To everyone, if Darcy's plan worked.

"Hey Bruce," Tony called out as he poked the man with a shock stick.

"Tony," the man acknowledged, unfazed by Tony's favorite way of greeting. After a few minutes, the man finally looked up from his readings to look at his science bro. "Shouldn't you be in your workshop, working on something?"

"Are you talking about getting my PA back to her normal state of mind, so that you could compete for her affections?"

Taking off his glasses, Bruce sputtered, "I don't know what you mean."

Tony gives him the Look. The look that says everything from 'are you kidding me right now?' to 'yeah, I'll believe it when I see it.'

"Well, have you fixed her? Pepper will be back soon."

"First. Pepper isn't going to be back until Monday at the earliest, so I still have the weekend. But I don't need that time, since Darcy is currently sleeping everything off."

"You said that last time," Bruce said as he wrung his hands.

"This time I'm sure, just ask JARVIS."

"Miss Lewis is currently in her quarters mumbling to herself, sounding as she did before the accident," the electronic British voice responded.

"So, the question is," Tony asked, stroking his beard, "what will you be doing about it?"

"Why would I do something? I just want to forget any of this happened."

"Do you feel like a dirty old man?" Tony teased.

Cringing, Bruce glared at his friend.

"What would that make Steve? Since he's technically the oldest."

"Is there a point to this conversation?" Bruce turned towards the printer, the latest results to his project now available. Opting to ignore Tony, he grabbed them and started reading, figuring Tony would leave him be.

No such luck.

"I know you like her. She knows you like her-"

"What?" Bruce snapped, eyes jumping towards him, only a little green at the edges.

"She was watching the footage," Tony shrugged, grabbing the papers from Bruce's hands.

"And did she say anything?" His cheeks reddened.

Mentally cheering, Tony sent Darcy a high five. "Just that she could remember the feel and liked it."

"Huh?" Tony reminded himself to ask JARVIS for a printout of Bruce's face right then.

"Don't act stupid. We both know you're anything but," he said, deadpanned.

Sheepishly, Bruce looked at his hands. "It's dangerous."

"The Hulk loves her. And she's my PA and has been pictured with all of the Avengers, so there's already a target on her head."

"True. But why would she pick me when Clint and Steve want her. She has better choices."

Sighing, Tony shoved the man's shoulder. If he could, he'd punch him in the face, but the Hulk didn't like him enough to not retaliate to the unnecessary violence. Whatever, time to enact the plan. "You know. The three of you and her. That'd be pretty hot."

Bruce rolled his eyes, but Tony could tell he was contemplating the idea.

"And if it happens, can I record it?"

"Get out of my lab, Tony."

Saluting, Tony grinned and walked away.

One down, two to go.

"So, I know that when we renovated the tower, we had expanded the air ducts. But I seriously did that as a joke. I didn't think you actually used them," Tony mused as he leaned against the hallway wall, watching as Clint jumped down.

Smirking, the archer threw his bow across his back. "If they're there..." He shrugged, and walked towards his quarters.

Stepping beside the man, Tony walked with him. "So, how was your trip to the zoo? Did you see the watershow thing that just started?"

Tony laughed in his head at the cringe crossing the other man's face. Sadly, JARVIS didn't have any good footage of the trip. Apparently the zoo's security cameras were sparse at best, so Tony was only able to the pair in the reptile exhibit. Not that that wasn't enlightening, it was enough for now. But it didn't stop him from considering making a large donation to the zoo to up their security.

"I'm sure you saw it already."

"Don't know what you mean," he waved away the accusation with a gesture of his hand. "So you and Darcy?"

"Are nothing like you're thinking," Clint quickly responded, followed by the quiet muttering of "yet."

"Yet?" Tony turned his head to give his teammate a good long hard look. "And what if she isn't interested?"

"I highly doubt she isn't. We've been dancing around the idea of us since New Mexico."

"True. But now Bruce and Steve are in the picture."

Shrugging, the man looked Tony directly in the eye, in all seriousness, and said, "If she's interested in them, that's fine. I've shared before. And they're good looking guys, so whatever."

Tony's jaw dropped. Snapping it shut, he glared. "Are you telling me that you'd be happy to be in a polyamorous relationship with my PA and two of our teammates?"

"You can't deny it wouldn't be hot." Clint's eyes raked Tony's body (he did not shudder!) before stepping into his suite, and shutting the door in Tony's face.

"Well, that was unexpected," Tony whispered. He figured Clint would be the easiest of the three, and the most open-minded, but to be on board from the get-go?

Yeah, unexpected.

Finding the last team member took little effort. Tony was looking forward to Steve getting with Darcy the most, solely because the man seriously needed a life.

"Do you ever leave the gym?" Tony asked, avoiding the punching bag that was just knocked off the chain.

"Hello, Tony," Steve replied, scrubbing the sweat off his face. He walked over to the line of punching bags, grabbed a new one, and brought it back to the chains. "What can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to know what you thought about The Lion King." It took everything in his power to say that with a straight face. To say the least, Tony was happy that that particular date occurred in the tower. The picture of the Captain's face was the current wallpaper on his phone. "I've never actually seen it."

Tony watched as the blush spread from Steve's cheeks to all over his face, to down his neck. Note to self, extremely embarrassing Captain America makes him redder than the stripes he represents. Another thing to add to the plus column to Darcy's plan. He'll never run out of material to tease the man with.

"So you going to finally ask Darcy out?" Tony changed the subject, kind of. He could tell that Steve was thankful for the segue, but not to what the new topic was.

"I was going to. Before the accident."

Tony was nonplussed at the glare being sent in his direction, instead he walked around the man as he began punching the bag. "She'll probably say yes."

Steve's hands moved on instinct, stopping the bag from hitting him in the face. The shock from Tony's response making him lose all focus. Resting his forehead against the leather, he gulped, "You think?"

"Yeah, but you know she's a modern girl, right, Cap?"

"Of course," Steve replied, using the 'duh' tone he picked up from Tony's PA. "Why?"

"Because she maybe want to date you, but also date Bruce and/or Clint. I just want you to be prepared." Tony shrugged, trying to play off his concern. Out of the three men, Steve was the one he was also most worried about. "Because Pepper will hurt you if you break my PA."

Tony watched Steve take deep breaths and consider the new information. "Is that common?"

"Dating multiple people? Yeah. In a serious relationship? Not so much? Sometimes? Depends? Just, Darcy doesn't shut up about you. Or Clint. Or Bruce. It's nauseating." He rolled his eyes, because it's actually true. If he wasn't bored out of his mind, and actually interested in the endgame of all the parties involved, he'd have tried to upgrade the coffee machine again.

"Okay. I'll think about it." Steve nodded at his teammate, turned back to the punching bag. And stared.

"No problem. Just think about it before asking." Tony patted his teammate on the back, and began walking out of the gym, leaving with a parting shot of, "Because Pepper."