All the Better, My Dear

SUMMARY: If memory serves Sebastian, the tale of Little Red Riding Hood did not originally involve the black wolf bewaring the red girl's sharp teeth. Then again, no faerie tale ever had a character quite like Grell Sutcliff.

GENRE: Humor/Romance
RATED: PG-13 / T
NOTABLE CONTENT: Sexual Humor/Themes, Partial Nudity, & Mild Language
PAIRING(S): Grell/Sebastian, one-sided (or is it? *snickers*)

COPYRIGHT NOTE: I don't own Kuroshitsuji / Black Butler or Little Red Riding Hood
STORY TAKES PLACE IN: Generally anytime during the series

COMMENTS: Naughtiness ahead (or T-rated naughtiness, anyway). I completely perverted the Red Riding Hood fable in this fanfic, but meh, what can you expect when working with Grell? ;P This story was only loosely inspired by Little Red Riding Hood, anyhow, so hopefully Charles Perrault and/or the Brothers Grimm won't be rolling in their graves too much.

One of the first things that hooked me onto Kuroshitsuji was Grell's hilarious (albeit failing) attempts at seducing Sebastian. So I always wanted to write my own scenario where Grell makes another desperate try on Sebby's heart.

FYI: This silly vignette was written just for chuckles. Hope you like it!

All the Better, My Dear
Aiselne P.N.

Once upon a time there existed a grand mansion hidden within a lush forest. Amongst its earl and fellow servants lived the infamous black wolf, disguised as a most cunning, devilish, and daresay attractive butler by the name of Sebastian Michaelis. His present quarry was the estate's young master, a scrumptious meal into which the demonic wolf could not wait to sink his fangs.

However, little did the wolf suspect that the hunter was also being hunted.

It was that time of morning for Sebastian to awaken Ciel. With a tray of Earl Gray tea in hand the butler carefully entered the master bedroom. Not a moment after the door clicked closed did the wolf first notice that something was amiss.

His nose noticed the first clue; the room held not a trace of Ciel's scent. In its stead was an overwhelming aroma reminiscent of strawberries amidst roses and bloodshed. The smell made Sebastian's stomach churn, but the sight before his auburn eyes made the butler feel downright ill.

Ciel was nowhere in sight—that was distressing enough for the demon. Worst of all, the young master's four-post bed was occupied by something covered head-to-foot in bright red linen. Had a servant stumbled upon this scene, he or she would have immediately assumed Ciel's bed was covered in blood, and subsequently the earl was gravely wounded. But being the wise predator that he was, Sebastian knew better. He did not know the reason for Ciel's absence from bed, but the manservant certainly knew who was currently occupying it.

Sebastian spied the breeze-ruffled drapes of an opened window. Really now, the Phantomhive manor needed to acquire stronger locks; any pervert could (and did) just stroll through the third-floor window. Softly sighing, the demon proceeded to the bedside, setting down his tea tray onto the nightstand. The thought of playing games with this damned reaper so early in the morning was utterly vomitous.

Reaching for his pocket watch, Sebastian casually flipped it open before warning, "You have precisely thirty seconds to tell me the whereabouts of my young master, Grell. Failure to do so will result in your immediate termination from this premises," and from your life, the evil-eyed devil nearly added, definitively clicking closed his watch.

"Mmm, whooo~?" coyly cooed the deep voice from underneath the scarlet blanket. The concealed body lewdly slithered like a snake, until a head of even redder hair emerged between the pillow and sheet's crest. Grell's long locks spilled everywhere like a red river. Lying on his side facing Sebastian, the spectacle-wearing reaper flashed his razor-sharp grin. "Why Bassy, I am your beautiful bocchan!"

Among other violent impulses, Sebastian resisted the urge to twitch his eyebrow. How blasphemous of the shinigami to impose himself in Ciel's place. Plus, never in the demon's immortal life would Sebastian contractually bind himself to a creature as vulgar as Grell Sutcliff! But based on the seductive demeanor of Grell's effeminate face, the reaper had better things on his mind than the formalities between a demon and his host. Just the way Grell's green eyes crawled all over Sebastian's body was enough to make the black-clad man want to scrub his skin raw.

"I will only ask once more, Grell," repeated the butler, his silkily composed voice carrying just the right amount of malice to be considered a threat. "Where is young master?"

"Tch! Buggered if I know," the redhead scoffed under his breath, maneuvering to lie on his stomach to hide his pout into Ciel's pillow. Oh, how Grell abhorred Sebastian's fixation with that bratty boy! What could a thirteen-year-old scamp possibly have compared to a woman as vivacious as Grell Sutcliff?!

Reminding himself of his inherent gorgeousness, Grell quickly perked and reverted back to his characteristic means of debauchery. "But never mind that pipsqueak. I guarantee I'll be a much more gratifying conquest for you, my Sebas-chan~!"

Sebastian did not have time to feel repulsed by Grell's sexual insinuations before the shinigami propped up himself on his elbows. The slight incline of Grell's body coerced his red blanket to slide to the middle of his back, and… Oh bloody hell, the demon wanted to scream upon watching the sheet unveil a bit too much of the reaper's skin. Amazingly there was no sight of red, lacy lingerie anywhere, but absence of undergarments could only mean something far worse. Sebastian was not daring enough to inquire, or investigate, whether or not a blanket was the only thing between him and Grell.

There was something to be said for Grell's brazenness; Sebastian just did not know, nor want to know, what that "something" happened to be. The butler made a mental note to thoroughly wash his earl's bed sheets after this fiasco's conclusion (better yet, burn the sheets! Phantomhive could afford plenty more). Inhumanly capable of maintaining himself by the bed, the devil darkened his stance. "Grell…"

"Who~?" Grell resumed his singsong, the innocent battings of his eyelashes grossly contrasting his anything-but-innocent intentions. The thin crimson blanket did nothing to compromise the reaper's curves. From derrière-down too little was left to the imagination; Grell knew it and he damn well flaunted it.

Through Sebastian's eyes—if Grell thought he was being amusing, as the death-punning shinigami might say, he would be dead wrong.

But through Grell's eyes—oh, Sebby could compose himself all he liked, but the itty-bitty cracks in his otherwise flawless countenance could not be hidden from an equally-supernatural entity like Grell. And ooh, how the demon's face was priceless!

"I told you, Sebas-chan; I am your bocchan now. Don't you want to satisfy my every need~?"

There were plenty of things Sebastian wanted to do to Grell at the moment, but he doubted any of them matched the degenerate's fantasies. Of course, death-threats rarely worked on Grell. The grim reaper was too infatuated with death to consider threats to be anything other than flirtation. A rougher, hands-on approach was the next best alternative, though Sebastian felt ill at the thought of touching a near-nude Grell Sutcliff. The demon would have to modify his strategy if he ever hoped to finagle out of this morning's idiocy. He still had to find Ciel, too!

Sebastian steeled himself for what he was about to do. If Grell refused to leave without a considerable incentive, then Sebastian would have to get serious. From the waist-up Sebastian towered over the lounging redhead. With his shadow lingering over Grell it was no feat for the devil to gain an upper hand.

"Well then, Grell," began the butler, lowering his voice in that deep, sultry tone he knew turned the shinigami to putty. Indeed, Sebastian would use this newfound putty in his hands. "If you are indeed my bocchan, I must say you look nothing like the bocchan I recall." Playing along with Grell's established act in an effort to backfire it, the demon leaned forward to run a gloved hand through the reaper's carmine mane. "My, what long hair you have."

"Bliss" was an understatement for what Grell felt as his beloved Sebby continued to affectionately stroke his silken hair. Sebastian's hands were so warm! So slender! So—Ooh! It took every effort for the blushing reaper not to delightfully squeal at the top of his lungs.

"And your eyes," added Sebastian, amused by how glazed Grell's eyes already became; glistening like emeralds of the highest quality, cliché though it sounded. Bright eyes, creamy skin, flowing red hair, flawless figure—indeed, there was something to be said for Grell's unique beauty, "something" that might be worth exploring and ultimately appreciating.

If the shinigami were not so uncontrollably horny, that is.

Reminding himself of the task at hand, Sebastian continued his charade. His fingers tickle-traversed from Grell's hair to his flushed cheekbone, teasing the skull-adorned chain ornamenting the reaper's red glasses. "My, what big, beautiful eyes you have."

Grell was too speechless to haughtily tease, You're just noticing? Better late than never. What mattered was that his Sebas-chan was finally reciprocating Grell's feelings. Oh, the love they could share! The forbidden passion between demon and death god! A match made in heaven (or hell for Sebastian)! Goodness! It was almost too much for one girl to bear!

Almost, of course. As enchanted as Grell felt, he did not want Sebastian to have all the fun. The shinigami dreamed of this moment. Now that his dream was becoming reality, Grell intended to soak up his Romeo for everything he had, and then some.

The bed moaned lightly as Grell predatorily rose onto his hands and knees. The crimson blanket threatened to slide off completely, but miraculously managed to stay put as long as Grell's lower back remained horizontal. Sebastian would have to ensure it remained that way. Morning sunlight silhouetted between Grell's thin legs against the sheet, offering a shadowy sneak preview of what was sure to come if the reaper remained for much longer.

His pearly smile broadening from ear to ear, Grell prowled to the bed's edge, closing in on his devilish dreamboat. The tart's heart pounded so furiously that he expected Sebastian to hear its lovely medley. But his heart's hammering was not deafening enough to prevent Grell from hearing Sebastian's playful, choice of storybook words. Who would have thought that Sebastian Michaelis liked role-play with his sex? How kinky!

Winking with his complimented eyes, Grell giggled, "All the better to see you with, my dear wolf~"

Ironically, Sebastian was more taken aback by Grell's words than their compromising position. Was it not the wolf that cross-dressed and snuck into the bed of Little Red's grandma? Trust Grell to seize the part of anything red-related, though.

Curious, the demon asked in a playful voice, "'Wolf' you say? You know I am a cat-person. Surely you are not suggesting that I am a mongrel."

Not wanting to ruin the moment, Grell wildly shook his head. "Not at all, darling! Oh, how a wolf is perfect for you~!" he gushed, cocking his blushing head whilst admiring his stud muffin with that infamous chesire grin. "So dark, so wild, so ooh! The fantasies I have of you growling and howling at night beside me…atop me…belooow—Oooooh Bassy! My sexy beast!"

It never ceased to amaze Sebastian how Grell's imagination concocted such perversity. Before Grell could get too animated and subsequently shake what remained of his scant coverings, Sebastian's finger traced down to the shinigami's chin. It was time to near the end of Grell's faerie tale.

Curling lips into his diabolical ghost of a smile, Sebastian held Grell's chin steady, admiring the reaper's serrated smile. "And my, what sharp teeth you have."

Sebastian's original plan was to then plough his fist through said mouth, permanently mar Grell's oh-so-beautiful face, send the star struck reaper flying through the window, slam (and lock) said window, find Ciel, and finally return to the daily routine of the Phantomhive manor. Naturally, ridding himself of Grell Sutcliff could never be that easy.

Instead, Grell scooted closer by half an inch. Unfortunately for Sebastian, it was a half an inch too close. By then it was official: Grell fully liberated himself from the bed sheet's confines, and for all of Sebastian's hard-earned composure even his eyes widened. The long hair cascading down the redhead's back offered little modesty. And in the second it took for Sebastian to become distracted, Grell also succeeding in releasing his jaw from the demon's grasp.

Free (in far too many senses of the word), Grell shamelessly wrapped arms around Sebastian's waist, nestling his heated face against his soon-to-be lover's solid abs. Oh, how tense! Grell would have to do something about that, would he not~?

"Mmmmm," happily hummed Grell. He noticed how Sebastian's pulse was beginning to rival his own, especially when the shinigami kissed the demon's flat stomach through his suit. Grell would tend to the obstacle of clothing soon enough. Descending, the reaper hungrily licked his blood-coloured lips amidst the sharp teeth that Sebastian just acclaimed.

If Sebastian did not demonize himself after feeling Grell's hands squeeze his ass, he was milliseconds away from massacring the reaper when Little Red Riding Hooker's tongue teased his (suddenly tight) trousers' zipper.

"All the better to eat you with, my dear darling~!"

And precisely as the original fable goes, the black wolf was tossed aside when an unexpected projectile flew through the already-opened window. For you see, little did the wolf suspect that the hunter of the hunter was also being hunted by an actual hunter…or something. The time came for Red Riding Whore–er, Hood's hero to rescue her from the big bad wolf. When bearings were regained, both Sebastian and Grell noticed the foreboding pair of telescopic pruners firmly gripping, yet mindful not to cut, a chunk of the redhead's long hair.

Knowing what was sure to come next, Grell gulped loudly amidst whimpering melodramatically. He had been so, so deliciously close to swallowing Sebastian's—

"Get down here now, Grell Sutcliff!" the redhead's boss echoed from outside, not waiting for an answer before retracting his death scythe. As randomly as he appeared, Grell was gone, shrieking whilst being unceremoniously dragged out the window and down three stories. Sebastian heard the destined thud. Hopefully the reaper would not leave too great a gouge in the landscaping. Grell was not even given a chance to recover when his superior began lecturing. "Honestly. We have a full day's worth of reaping and you—"

Then came a long, very awkward pause. Sebastian knew better than to peer outside. However, the demon would lie if he claimed he would not have relished seeing the look on intolerant William T. Spears' face when he dared to ask Grell the inevitable:

"Sutcliff, where are your clothes?"

And that was when Sebastian's real bocchan returned to his living quarters. Naturally, if Sebastian could not instantaneously hide the evidence of Grell's recent asininity, what kind of butler would he be? The latch to the window was locked just as a pajama-wearing Ciel Phantomhive drowsily reentered his bedroom.

"There you are, young master," the butler pleasantly greeted, returning to the nightstand to fetch the tray of cooled Earl Gray tea. Sebastian would need to brew a fresh pot. "Pardon my inquiry, but I was surprised to find you not in your bed when I came to wake you. I trust nothing is the matter, sir?"

Ciel was hardly a morning person, and coupled with his arrogant personality the boy was less than pleasant in the day's wee hours. "Can I not visit the loo without raising concern?" he frowned crankily, stifling a yawn with one hand before proudly crossing both arms over his chest. It was cute to see Earl Phantomhive act tough when his appearance was disheveled. "You are my butler, Sebastian, but I assure you that I do not need you to do everything for me.

"But never mind that, I could have sworn I heard some odd sound from outside not a moment ago." Having yet to even wear his patch, Ciel's eyes suspiciously narrowed towards the nearest window. In his sleepy stupor, the lad could not recall if he originally left the window closed or open. "Everything is in order, I take it?"

Subtly smirking, Sebastian bowed his head courteously. "Of course, bocchan. Merely an insignificant pest wandered into our wolf's den. You need not concern yourself. Now then, will you be breaking your fast in the dining hall this morning?"

After nodding his response, Ciel raised an eyebrow. "Odd that you of all people would say 'wolf,' so enamored with cats as you are."

"Quite, sir." The earl never noticed his butler's foot scoot the remainder of a foreign red blanket underneath his bed. Dutifully raising a hand to his chest, Sebastian added, "But if playing the wolf will better ensure my master's safekeeping, well then…" He paused momentarily to fully genuflect down on one knee. The gesture was less out of respect and more to ensure his glowing red eyes stayed shadowed from Ciel's sight.

Smiling like the devil he was, the black wolf reassured his quarry, "All the better to serve you, my lord."

The End

A/N: And when all is said and done, my greatest sympathy goes out to poor Will. That guy seriously deserves a day off.

I had so much fun writing this silly story, and I hope readers enjoyed themselves, too. Feel free to offer your opinions and feedback. Much appreciated. :)