A/N: Anything in Italics is a flashback!

It's cold without you here. The warmth you brought is gone, replaced by the frigid depression that's been clawing at me since I got here.

They warned me not to get close to you, they said it would make things worse. But being the mistake that I am, I ignored them. You were too nice to ignore.

I remember when I first woke up here, how you greeted me, not even knowing my name...

"Hey guys, I think she's waking up!" and unfamiliarly weak voice exclaimed. I opened my eyes to a haze of lavender and white, dizzy and confused. Eventually, my vision cleared and I blinked up at the person. She had long lavender pigtails and a gentle smile "How're you feeling? You were out for a long time." She asked, handing me a glass of water.

She later introduced me to her friends, Miku the girl with a heart defect, Luka the girl paralyzed from the waist down, Ia, the one with severe lung problems, Seeu, the blind girl with hemophilia and herself, Yukari, the cancer patient.

We all became really good friends over time, sharing everything with each other, including my depression issues. There were some things we only told each other like my past, and about my nightmares.

I had woken up in a cold sweat, heart in my throat and a hand on my chest. I gulped down air as I panted, trying to calm down.

"Cul?" Yukari asked wearily, still up reading. "What's wrong?" her tone immediately softened as she hopped over to me, tugging her wires a little. I couldn't say anything for a minute, I just quivered and whimpered

"N-nightmare..." I finally managed to stutter. Her expression softened too, as she patted her bed

"You wanna stay with me for the night?" I nodded shyly, and made my way over to her bed, where I was pulled into a very gentle hug. She started singing an old lullaby, and I was asleep in seconds.

But after a little while, everything went downhill. It started when you collapsed on the way to breakfast. And even though you told me it was just cataplexy, we both knew you were lying.

"You ok? You look really pale..." I asked, putting a hand Yukari's shoulder.

"Yeah... I'm fi...ne." she swayed from side to side

"Maybe you should go lie down, I can bring your breakfast up." I tried to reason with her.

"No, I'll be fine." She shook it off and ran to catch up with the others.

Only to stop abruptly and sink to the ground.

"Yukari!" I ran over to her, heart pounding in my chest.

You weren't the same after that. A bit less smiley, slightly weaker, and you couldn't walk without crutches or a wheelchair.

I went downhill too. Got my hands on a surgical knife and started cutting again. That's how ended up here in the first place; you found me unconscious in a pool of my own blood. It shook you up even more when you found me like that at the hospital, because of the things I said.

Dizzy and weak, I continued to slash at my wrists. I wasn't sure where I was, all I knew was that I was lying down somewhere on the hospital grounds, a knife in my hand and blood everywhere.

"Cul!?" I heard metal clanking and something falling next to me. The next thing I knew, I was sitting up, a hand on my back and the knife was ripped from my hands.

"No... the mistake... isn't era...sed yet." I whined grabbing for the knife "I need to... erase it! It's worthless and... stupid..." I kept reaching for the knife "I'm worthless... and stupid... I'm a mis...take that needs to be er...erased!" I could feel myself getting weaker by the minute. Suddenly, a soft, sad voice started singing something that sounded like a lullaby. I immediately calmed down and involuntarily leaned into whatever was holding me. Just before I blacked out, I recognized it as Yukari, singing the lullaby she'd always sing when I had nightmares.

~XXX~

"Yukari, you shouldn't worry too much. You know it won't help your heart rate." A familiar voice warned

"I suppose that would your area of expertise- Sorry! That sounded mean..." Yukari whimpered "I've been really edgy lately... sorry... I guess it's because, well, I think it's my fault. I don't think I was there for her enough, y'know? Considering her past and all the things she's gone through, I really should have tried more..." I heard her voice wobble and her sniffling.

"Hang on, I'll get you some water." The other voice sighed worriedly.

I opened my eyes slowly, still dizzy and groggy. My arms were wrapped in thick layers of bandages, an IV needle in one of them. And I was back in my bed, a very worried Yukari pacing near the door. I groaned tiredly, grabbing my now pounding head. Yukari swivels around, eyes wide and teary.

"Cu-Cul..?" her voice cracked. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, took out my IV, stood up- not caring how dizzy I was- and walked over to her.

"It's not your fault." I hug her tightly "If anyone's, it's mine. I was stupid, only thinking of myself, knowing I wouldn't care if I died, I didn't think of what anyone else would think. You've been here for me more than you'll ever know. You were the first person to care, just by asking me if I was feeling alright back when I first came here. And... I... Love you." I sighed weakly, feeling light-headed already.

"I-I-I" she stumbles over her words

"I'm sorry," I pull back sharply "I probably shouldn't of said tha-"

I was cut off by her jumping into my arms and kissing me.

Everything was fine for a while, until Luka's paralysis moved up to her neck, and she needed to be pushed around in a wheelchair. And then SeeU got cut, and nearly bled to death. Then you collapsed again, and you weren't allowed out of our room. And then... then...

"C-Cul... Sing me something?" Yukari asked quietly. She was connected to the heart monitor, which was getting slower and slower, and had an oxygen mask on, as well as a lot of tubes and wires sticking out of her arms.

I nodded shakily, and sung the first thing that came to mind

"Smile even though your heart is aching, smile even though you it's breaking." I could hear my voice wobble as I continued to sing the lullaby "Smile through you tears and your sorrows, smile and maybe tomorrow... The sun shine through," tears leaked freely from my eyes as the heart monitor started going long tones "And shine down on... you." The last word of the song played directly with the last tone from the monitor.

I still see you in the other bed at night, up late reading. I still talk to you from time to time, like I am now. After all, Miku and Ia are on the life support machines, Seeu died a few weeks ago and Luka can't move at all. I've attempted suicide 3 times after you... left. And you've only been gone for a month.

~XxX~

I wake in a cold sweat, heart in my throat and a hand on my chest.

"Did you have another nightmare?" that ever-familiar soft, loving voice asks from the other bed.

I blink a few times, and she's not there anymore

"Yeah... I did."

7th time's the charm right? I have tried seven times to write Yukari x CUL. The first six failed epically. And the song isn't mine, it's "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin.