Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII

Warning: Fem!Cloud; Time Travel; (and possibly) Trolling!Sephiroth (not that it isn't Canon, anyway...)

Un-Beta'd

*Edited: 2013 July 18, in regards to Cloud's seventeenth life and Cloud's age

When Cloud first opened his eyes, his first thought was, "Fuck!" His second thought was, "I've been spending too much time with Cid..."

You'd think that if Cloud was given a second chance at life to fix everything that went wrong, you'd think that he would gladly take it. And you're right. He did take it. And he was grateful for those second and third, and fifth chances. At least, the first ten repeats, that is.

By his 30th life, he no longer gave a damn. Sure, he was grateful that the rest of the gang remembered too, but so did Sephiroth. Thankfully, however, Jenova and Hojo never remembered.

It was strange at first. He had woken up a year later than his original birth-year. Eventually, he got used to the fact that at every rebirthing, his birth-year would change. Once, he had been born three years younger than Tifa. In another, he was five years younger than Sephiroth.

He received an unwelcomed surprise in his fourth life. Apparently, Minerva thought it would be funny if he was reborn a girl. Everyone but Aerith - who only looked giddy when she found out - was shocked when they regrouped again. Vincent and Sephiroth were the only ones who took it in stride when they found out.

After the fourth life, he was pleasantly reborn male again. In his thirteenth life, however, he was reborn female. And soon after that, he was reborn a girl a bit more frequently, but that was okay. He adjusted pretty quickly after that.

His seventeenth life... well, Cloud didn't really know how to feel about it. He was a girl again, and was only five years younger than his nemesis. He had gotten into another fight with Sephiroth, and instead of the usual out come, Cloud had somehow, in the heat of the moment, ended up in the man's bed. The next day, Cloud woke up, mortified at his previous actions and at the position he had found himself, and had to struggle out of a sleeping Sephiroth's hold before gathering his belongings and leaving in haste.

He swore to himself that there would be no repeat of that incident.

Unfortunately for Cloud, to his mortification, there was another incident. And another. And another.

Eventually, Cloud, much to his disbelief, found himself to be pregnant.

It was safe to say he had a mental breakdown. For Cloud, as accepting as he was of his female form, it still hadn't sunk in that his body was completely female, and as such, it was still very possible for him to become pregnant.

After his crisis, Cloud eventally accepted that he was now a she and would soon be a mother. Aborting the child never crossed her mind. In order to protect her unborn child, Cloud stopped travelling and getting into fights - an endeavor Tifa and Vincent had set upon her, much to her consternation.

After a few months, Sephiroth had found her in her heavily pregnant state. Strangely, after being interrogated about the child's father and reluctantly admitting that it was Sephiroth's, the man stayed. He clearly had no qualms about abandoning ShinRa once again.

At first, the man was skeptical, claiming that Hojo's projects involving his progeny all failed, nonchalantly saying that the female carriers all died - something about the potency in mako, or something along those lines. Cloud glared at him when Sephiroth admitted he had fully expected Cloud to have dropped dead after their first rendezvous. Eventually, Sephiroth soon eased into the role of an expectant father-to-be, though Cloud suspected he hadn't truly believed himself to be the sire until the child was born.

Sephiroth lived with Cloud, to the shock and apprehension of her friends when they found out, attending to her every need and whim. Cloud made sure to enjoy her free slave as much as she could, no matter how surreal it all felt.

When the child was born, male, and with his father's tell-tale silver hair, Cloud had been wary, watching Sephiroth like a hawk. She would not let the man take her baby.

To Cloud's surprise, Sephiroth stayed and had no intention of leaving. Of course, by their fourth child, she really shouldn't have been surprised when she found out Sephiroth had suddenly decided that he had most likely been going about world domination the wrong way and that his "mother" had probably meant for him to overrun the world with his progeny.

Cloud had to (reluctantly) admit that despite Sephiroth's strange Oedipus complex and goal of world domination, he made a good father. This, Cloud reasoned, was probably why she hadn't left him yet (as well as the fact that even if she did, the man would be able to track them down). Of course, with the distraction of children, Sephiroth's plans of destroying Gaia were put on hold.

After that, Cloud, much to her dismay, was always reborn female.

Whenever she asked Minerva why she even toyed with her gender in the first place, Minerva's response was only, "I've always wanted a girl."

This had to be her...76th life? Whatever. Cloud had lost count.

After her 30th life, Cloud no longer cared about saving the world. Life would just repeat anyway.

So, Cloud decided she would avoid ShinRa and Sephiroth as much as possible, and live a normal, quiet, stress-free life. As much as she could, anyway. She found that no matter what, she couldn't avoid Yuffie or Tifa or Vincent or even Rufus of all people.

Sephiroth, she found, left her alone when he realized Cloud would no longer chase after him. And as much as she missed her children, she had no intention of playing "wife" for her nemesis ever again.

Regardless, it didn't stop him from trolling on her whenever they crossed paths, much to her never-ending irritation. And it didn't help that whenever she did get married, her grooms would always end up being impaled with an oversized katana during the weddings whenever the priest said, "speak now or forever hold your peace."

At first, she was horrified, but then came to terms with it when she saw her late groom walking around Neibelheim alive and well in her next life. Later on, in her next attempt at a normal, Neibelheimian life, she was engaged again, and her groom was once again killed at the wedding.

As per Neibelheim tradition, she was of marriageable age at sixteen. She got engaged again, and was rendered a widow once more. Two more failed weddings after that, and the men backed off and she was officially free from that backwater tradition.

Much to her consternation and to Tifa's and Vincent's amusement, the villagers considered her to be the General's woman. It certainly didn't help when a trio of silver haired children suddenly appeared and followed her around like baby chocobos once they were old enough to walk.

When Cloud asked Tifa why the villagers even thought the chibified triplets were her children to begin with, Tifa just looked at her with amusement and mentioned Cloud's year of absence in which she had spent her time rebuilding First Tsurugi and Fenrir and reuniting with the rest of the gang. It probably didn't help that there was only a three year gap between Cloud and Sephiroth.

Of course, the rumor was cemented when Loz decided his first word would be "Mama!"

Couldn't get this plotbunny out of my head. I doubt this will be serious fic and it really has no plot whatsoever.