After mourning the loss of the original file and struggling to start it again, I finally bring you chapter eight. It only took me six months. Thanks for waiting.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you don't know what to think about your roommate anymore. Your relationship has always been one in which you argue and bicker. Lately, things have completely changed. He's been too nice. It's off putting. He pulled out a chair for you in the library on Monday and yesterday he'd brought you a cupcake from an off campus bakery he'd visited with friends. You'd questioned his motives and accused him of tampering with the cupcake in some way and he'd just laughed, shrugged and said, "I just thought you'd enjoy it."

When you teased him on Sunday for having painted nailed he'd smiled and said nothing back. You wonder if it has something to do with Aradia. On Saturday you'd caught them holding hands. You knew they were friends before but you didn't realize they were into each other. If they really are. You don't actually have any proof. You just kind of assumed. But why else would they be holding hands? You've known Kanaya forever and you wouldn't hold her hand while walking around campus.

That brings you right back to the same thought you've been having for weeks. Why do you even care? Maybe you're just worried that you'll lose your dorm again. If he's seeing someone they will be hanging around and you will be coming home to socks on the door again. That's it. That's the only reason you care, right? There's a part of you that knows that's total bullshit but you aren't quite ready to explore that area just yet.

He's just sitting there on his bed snacking on chips and typing on his laptop same as always but you just can't look away from him. He looks the same but for some reason he seems different to you. Not just the way he's treating you. Everything about him seems different and it's just making it a hundred times weirder to be around him. You don't know what to say to him anymore. You can't even ask him for help with homework. The dorm has been exceptionally quiet lately. You're sure your neighbors wouldn't complain but it's left you feeling awkward every waking moment you're there.

There's a knock at the door and you're momentarily distracted from him and from annoying and unwanted thoughts. You get up and open the door to a smiling Aradia.

"Hello Karkat." She greets and you nod back at her.

You sit in your desk chair and try not to watch as she practically hops across the room to where Sollux is still sitting on his bed. He sets his laptop aside and she takes a seat next to him. You're suddenly wondering if you should leave. No, this is your dorm room too. They can go somewhere else if they don't want you there.

"You seem happy." He says.

She clasps his hand with both of hers and grins. "I'm extremely happy actually."

"What happened?"

"I decided to take a plunge and ask Feferi out and she said yes."

Wait, what?

"That's great, AA. How does the boyfriend feel about this though?"

"I just came from talking to him. It's a little ironic, isn't it? He wanted to date a cheerleader and yet I'm the one who snagged the captain of the team." She sighs happily and finally releases his hand. "I told him that I don't want to be a cheerleader and I wouldn't become one just to appease his stereotype. He wasn't too happy about that but what can you do? I told him that I was going to be seeing Feferi now and believe it or not that made him happy."

"What's to be happy about? He was basically just dumped."

"That's what I said. Apparently he views it as being wrong that he's interested in a girl who isn't a cheerleader, which I guess we already knew. But the fact that the non-cheerleader or football player is now dating the cheerleader is even more wrong and I guess he gets off on that."

"So you didn't dump him?"

"Not exactly. Technically I'm not seeing either of them. They both know about the other so now I just have to decide who I want to be with."

"Why is Equius even in the running?" You find yourself unintentionally butting into their conversation.

They both turn to look at you and she doesn't miss a beat answering your question.

"There's just something about him. I can't stand him and his macho tough guy routine but the way he gets flustered when I tell him no is kind of addicting."

Sollux is still looking at you and you barely heard what Aradia just said. It's distracting. You're looking at her but you can see his eyes in the background looking right at you. When Aradia turns back to him he finally looks away and you let out a little sigh of relief and relax a bit more.

"I'm definitely leaning towards Feferi right now. I've always been drawn to the ladies more so than men."

"Well, good luck with your decision making. Make sure you tell RX about it. She lives for meddling in others love lives."

"Don't I know it. I'm headed over to her dorm next. Want to meet us for lunch after?"

He looks at you again and you swivel in your chair until your back is to him. Why does he have to look at you before making a decision? It's not like you have a say in what he does. Why should you even care? It's quiet for a long moment before he finally answers her.

"Yea, I'll meet you guys there."

"Great." She gets up to leave but stops next to your chair. "You're welcome to come too, Karkat."

"Uh, maybe." You mumble as she walks out the door.

You don't know why you said maybe. You don't intend to go but all you can focus on right now is how fast your heart is beating. So he isn't dating her then. You're a little too relieved about that but you refuse to face the reason why. You don't want to even think about the possibilities. Yet here you are, staring at the blank page of your notebook feeling very nearly elated that they aren't together but also wondering, just who is RX?

Sollux extended the invitation one more time before he left but you said no. You told him you have a lot of homework to get done. He'd said ok and left without another world. You need a distraction so you venture to the senior building in search of Gamzee. You don't want to think about things that might make you admit your feelings to yourself. You're not ready for that yet. Gamzee should be an adequate distraction for at least a few hours.

His door is unlocked when you get there but you still knock. You hear faint conversation on the other end and you wonder if he's talking to himself. He's been doing better since he started spending time with Tavros. He didn't quit using but he was getting out of his dorm and doing other things.

You open the door without another moment's hesitation but you don't find Gamzee talking to himself. In the corner his small TV is playing a movie, the source of the noise. Gamzee is on his bed with Tavros sitting across his lap and attached to his lips.

"Um." You say, unable to say anything more.

They pull apart and Gamzee smiles lazily at you. "Hey brother, did you motherfucking need something?" He asks.

"I came to see if you're busy and you obviously are so I'll leave."

"Nah, I've got some time." He says.

Tav's cheeks are pink with embarrassment and he can't manage to look you in the eye. You hadn't realized their relationship had become like this. Not that it's a bad thing. You're glad that Tavros decided to give him a chance and that things appear to be going so well but you thought they were just friends. Maybe they are just friends. Kissing doesn't mean dating, right?

"I'll just see you later." You say, exiting the room and closing the door behind you.

Well, there goes your distraction plan. Though they did give you something else to briefly think about but your mind is right back on Sollux. Things would be so much easier if Jade had just been single. If you could have dated her then you wouldn't be faced with these feelings you don't dare think about.

You decide a walk in the cold is the next best thing to distract you so you brace yourself and go out into the harsh wind. You're close to the freshman building when you hear your name being called. When you look up from your feet you find Jade running toward you. You haven't seen her since the last meeting and it's nice to see her face.

"Hey Karkat!" She says as she approaches.

"Hey." You respond, clearing your throat.

"What are you up to?"

"Just out for a walk."

"Mind if I join?"

"Uh, no. That's fine."

All other thoughts are out of your mind the moment she falls into step beside you. She has a bright green scarf wrapped around her neck that's nearly blinding against her white coat. The colors make her already dark skin look just a bit darker and her green eyes stand out. You never thought someone could look so pretty in winter gear.

"So, how are things?" She asks, glancing at you.

"Fine."

"Just fine? Come on, there's got to be something going on with you."

You really don't want to talk about the thing she's meant to be distracting you from so you lie. "I've been too distracted trying to decide on a gift for John to pay attention to much else."

"Yea he's not the easiest person to shop for. Do you buy him lame movie paraphernalia or hit up a gag shop for some new pranks? On the one hand, he'll never shut up about the movie gear; on the other he'll most likely pull pranks on the gift giver."

"Well, that's John for you. A total jackass obsessed with crappy movies and childish pranks."

She chuckles and you let the sound warm you. You haven't thought about her much lately since every thought just brings more pain. It would start out fine and then Dave invades your happy fantasies with his stupid sunglasses and ugly smirk. You don't know what she sees in him.

"What about you?" You ask. "Anything new?"

She sighs. "Not really."

"If I couldn't get away with 'fine', there's no way in hell you're getting away with 'not really'."

"Ok, ok. I don't know, I've been fighting with Dave and that's taken up a great deal of my time."

"Oh? I thought things were good with Mr. Perfect."

"They were but he's just, ugh, he's so frustrating! He's mad because I didn't ask him to be on the robotics team. I told him that I didn't think he'd be interested but he thinks I asked you because I like you or something. That's crazy, right?"

"Yea. Crazy." Why would she say that? What's so crazy about liking you more than that tool?

"He really doesn't have anything against you, he just gets jealous easily. I just know that if I'd asked him to join, he would have said no and then he'd still get jealous when I asked you instead. Things will probably be ok after this season ends."

"I hope so." Of course she doesn't know that's a lie.

"If not maybe I'll just prove him right."

Prove him right? As in, date you? You think you should be happy hearing that but you're not. For starters, you wouldn't want her to date you just to spite Dave. The strange thing is, the thought of dating her regardless of circumstance doesn't make you happy. You've had a crush on Jade for the longest time, so why wouldn't that make you happy? You try to imagine really dating her but you just can't. When did that happen? You used to think about it several times a day and now there's nothing there but, and you really hate to even think this, Sollux.

You shake that thought away. Not Sollux. Anyone but Sollux. If things don't work out with Jade and Dave then you'll happily become hers. Jade is the one you've thought about for more than a year. Sollux is just a temporary annoyance and nothing more.

Thursday comes and you're extremely happy to be getting off campus for a while. There are no classes today due to upgrades being made on the heating system to accommodate the cold weather. You're exhausted from keeping yourself distracted and your arm is bruised from where you'd pinch yourself whenever he crept into your thoughts. Shopping for food and party supplies should take your mind off of everything else for a few hours. You're going to set up tomorrow so you won't be faced with anyone who lisps until later that night as well. You're a little relieved. Last night had been a little awkward when you got back to your dorm but you're pretty sure you're the only one who thought so.

When you get out into the parking lot Rose is waiting in her car. She waves as you approach. It's a slick deep purple that looks almost black and there's a little skull decal in the back window. The inside of the car beckons with the warmth of the vent. When you sit down you're pleasantly surprised to find her seats are heated. Screw your dorm, you'd rather just live in Rose's car this winter. You buckle your seatbelt and all but melt into the warm seat beneath you.

"Good morning, Karkat." She says as she pulls out of the parking lot.

"Morning."

"There's a Meijer close to campus. I thought we could stop there first. They should have everything we need. If not there's a Party City just a little farther away."

"Sounds good." You're never quite sure what to say to Rose. You don't know her that well. Pretty much all you know is that she's Dave's and Dirk's sister and she's dating your best friend. You suppose you should have gotten to know her when she and Kanaya became a thing.

To distract yourself from the silence, you glance into the back of her car only to find an unexpected mess. Books, yarn, knitting needles, a violin out of its case, the case open on the floor, sheet music, and a stuffed black cat with four eyes instead of two. You definitely didn't peg Rose as the messy type.

"You play the violin?" You ask, looking for anything to say to her.

"For several years now. I started taking lessons in elementary school. What about you? Do you play any instruments?"

"No. I never had much interest in music." There was a time when you thought it would be cool to learn the guitar but you quit after only two lessons. It seemed like all the cool guys played guitar in a band and you wanted to be that cool guy but the strings hurt your fingers and you realized that girls were more interested in the lead singer.

The car is silent again until she turned on the radio and some classical song quietly fills the space. You want to say more but what do you say to a girl like Rose? You're fairly certain the only thing you have in common is your relationships with Kanaya and you can't just spend the day talking about her. But you need some kind of distraction because now you're remembering riding in Sollux's car the night you went to the diner and how comfortable it had felt. Rose's car looks brand news, has a working heater that doesn't rattle and doors that actually open without a fight. It's warm and the seats are soft and without duct tape and yet, Sollux's car had felt like home. Maybe because you were used to his mess and his smells and Rose smelled like lavender, not honey. Maybe because deep down you know that the warm feeling in your belly isn't from the vehicle you're sitting in, it's from Sollux.

You snap out of your thoughts that you aren't supposed to be thinking when Rose parks the car in a space near the entrance to the store. You step out into the cold as she turns off the car and gathers her bag. She's brought a list with her and it's a pretty long one. Vriska must have made it. On the one hand you want this to go quickly so you're free of this awkward situation, on the other you don't want to go back to your dorm until you're ready to sleep. Hanging out with Gamzee probably isn't an option since he seems to have been surgically attached to Tavros's lips. So the only option is to drag out this trip with Rose.

You push the cart and follow her down the aisles as she reads off the list and puts things in the cart. You're only half listening to her. You're feeling a little sick, a little tired, a lot stressed. Focusing has become difficult since he's started inserting himself into every single thought you have.

"I know his favorite color is blue but the color of the Solo cups shouldn't matter, right?" Rose asks but you don't hear her. "Karkat?"

You look up at her then. She's holding two packages of cups and staring at you with that look Kanaya usually gives you. Concern.

"Sorry, what?"

"Are you feeling ok?"

"Yea. I'm fine."

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

"No, I'm..." You trail off and remember what Kanaya once told you. Rose is a greater listener and works her own special brand of magic when it comes to helping others through difficult situations. She's supposed to be distracting you but maybe talking to her couldn't hurt. "I'm just trying to figure out some confusing feelings."

"Anything I can help with?"

"That depends. Are you going to get drunk at this party and blab everything to our friends?"

"Of course not. Therapist's honor." She smiles and for some reason you feel like you can trust her. Or maybe you just really want to talk about this and Rose is the safest person to confess to right now.

You take a deep breath and try to decide where you should even begin. "I've had a kind of crush on Jade for a while now."

"Yes, Kanaya told me."

"Of course she did. I haven't been able to do anything about it because she's dating Dave. I used to think about her on a daily basis nonstop 24/7. I'd daydream about spending time with her and I couldn't close my eyes without seeing her face. But lately, all of that has stopped. I barely think about her."

"Because you like someone else?"

"No!" this answer is a habit but you're too tired to lie. "Maybe."

"Karkat, do you like Sollux?"

You've been asked this question several times and you've always answered with anger and nasty words about the other boy. But when she asks all you can say is, "probably."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"Of course it is! He's a jerk who gets off on making me angry and fucks everyone he knows. I can't tell you how many times I'd come home to socks on the door because he had someone in his bed."

"Does that still happen?"

"No. Not for a while."

"When did it stop?" You two began walking again as you talked, Rose still going over the list.

"Right after the night we all drank in the common area."

"Ah, yes I was told about Vriska's plans to push you two together."

"Yea well, I don't remember much from that night. Just that we may have kissed."

"May have?"

"He says I was probably dreaming but it felt so real. I can still remember the way it felt when he…when it happened." You can't look at her as you feel your cheeks warming.

"Did you try asking him again? Demand the truth, maybe?"

"I haven't wanted to face the truth."

"And now?"

You let out a long sigh and stare down at the cart full of snacks and plastic wear.

"I guess I could ask him again. Find out for sure."

"Do you think the answer will change anything? If it was just a dream then that means you dreamt of kissing him."

Well Kanaya was right about one thing, she's making you face things you were trying to avoid. And now that it's all laid out in front of you, you don't really want to ignore it anymore. You're suddenly feeling very light weight, not all weighed down with thoughts about maybe I do, maybe I don't.

"I think I like Sollux." You say only loud enough for Rose to hear.

She smiles and rests her hand on your shoulder, massaging circles with her thumb. "Come on, let's finish the shopping. I'll treat you to some coffee afterward."

You started the day wanting to forget, now you want to blindly charge forward and hope for the best.

Rose had kept her promise and taken you to a café after you'd finished all the shopping. You'd found a secluded table and continued your conversation about your strange relationships. She told you a bit about the problems she and Kanaya faced. Apparently there was a while there when Rose was drinking too much and it nearly ended their relationship. Kanaya never told you about that and you're left feeling like a bad friend for not realizing she was going through something like that. Not that Kanaya lets you see her sad. Angry yes, but not sad.

Afterward you went to her place and helped her carry the supplies inside. Dirk had called for Dave to come help but he'd never emerged from his room. You wouldn't have known he was there if not for the thumping music vibrating down the stairs. Apparently he's sulking because of his fight with Jade. You can't help feeling a little happy about that. He's not exactly your favorite person at the moment.

After everything was safely put away they insisted on feeding you before sending you on your way. You spent about an hour talking to Dirk about the qualifying match, which was fast approaching. Tomorrow would be your last meeting before the match and they'd gotten a lot more done on the robot. They were still arguing about a name for it. When it started to get late you said goodbye to Dirk and Rose drove you back to the school.

She pulled up to the curb in the parking lot outside the cafeteria. You wonder if you should stop in and look for him there only to remember that he never eats unless you pester him about it. You're nervous to say the least. For all you know everything could change tonight. Now that you're actually acknowledging that you may have feelings beyond hate for Sollux your relationship could become something more than roommates and occasional friends.

"Are you going to be ok?" She asks.

"I think so. I'm just asking him a question I've asked before. Why wouldn't I be ok?"

"You can call me afterward if you need to."

You nod and get out of the car, saying a quick goodbye before trekking through the cold toward the junior dorm building. You're going to do this. You're going to ask him about the kiss one more time and you're going to demand the truth. You need to know if you kissed him or if you just dreamt the feeling of his hands in your hair. The closer you get to your room the more ready you feel but when you're actually standing there facing him your determination falters. Once he's there in front of you, you suddenly feel self conscious. You start to realize what this really is. You've known since you brought it up this afternoon that no matter what he says you intend to make your feelings known.

Deep breath. No going back now. Worst comes to worst, you ask for a new room assignment and dig a nice little hole in the ground to hide in for the rest of your life.

"Sollux." You say, or you think you say. You're not really sure. You can't really hear anything over the sound of your own heart beating in your ears.

"Yea?" He says, barely looking up from his laptop.

"Can you give your stupid coding a rest for two damn seconds?" You gripe.

He looks up at you this time and pushes back from his desk turning in his chair to look at you. His eyebrows are raised up over the tops of his glasses and he looks ready for one of your usual conversations about how messy the room is or how stupid he is.

"Alright, what's up?" He asks, looking relaxed and not at all nervous and man do you hate him for that.

"Did we kiss?" The question just kind of spills out of your mouth. It's not the first time you've asked but it's still difficult this time.

"What are you talking about?"

You kind of want to sigh and cross your arms and stomp your foot because he's playing stupid again. Pretending like he doesn't remember and you've really had enough. You need this to be over with.

"The night that Vriska was trying to get me drunk. Did we kiss?" You ask again.

"I don't really remember a lot from that night."

"Bullshit. Tell me the truth."

He sighs and looks over his shoulder at his computer screen. You can see a flashing window at the bottom of the screen. You're sure it's a chat window and you wonder who he's talking to.

"Yea, ok. We did."

Well there is it.

"Who initiated it?"

"You did."

"Why?"

"Because I told you that I..."

"That you what?"

He pauses for a beat and runs his fingers through his already messy hair. He's not looking at you and now he looks like you feel. Somehow you've evened the playing field.

"That I like you."

And now it feels like the oxygen was sucked right out of your lungs and everything seems surreal. Maybe this is a dream. There's no possible parallel universe where you can imagine Sollux Captor confessing, apparently for the second time, that he likes you.

"Do you still?"

"Yea."

Ok well there it is. Sollux likes you. And you like Sollux. And he's staring at his shoes while he ignores the chimes from the messenger on his computer. You don't know what to say now. Do you tell him you like him too? You kind of want to run away. Run straight to Kanaya and tell her everything. Maybe she can figure things out for you. She can tell Sollux all about your feelings so that you don't have to. But of course she wouldn't. She'd tell you to suck it up and face him. Like you are right now.

You're not sure what pushes you forward, instinct, desperation, relief, but the next thing you know your hands are on his cheeks and your lips are pressed to his. Suddenly you wonder how you had ever questioned whether or not the kiss was real. He doesn't react and for a second you worry this is all a joke. Maybe he was just messing with you and now that you're kissing him he doesn't know what to do. You want to pull away but then his hand is on your hip and the other is on the back of your neck holding you in place. He tugs you down and forward so that you nearly fall into him before you catch yourself on his shoulders.

He breaks the kiss and stares at you. The look on his face is unreadable and you feel yourself holding your breath though you're really not meaning to. He looks confused, maybe a little panicked. He's searching your face for some kind of answer all the while his fingers are rubbing the back of your neck. It's like he's not sure you're real and if he stops touching you you'll disappear.

"What are you doing, KK?" He finally asks.

"I thought that was pretty obvious, or haven't you been kissed before?"

He rolls his eyes. "Are you looking for sympathy or are you returning my feelings?"

All this time you'd been questioning his motives it didn't even occur to you that he might be facing some of his own doubts about you. You mentally kick yourself for ignoring everything for so long instead of just growing the fuck up and talking to him. Maybe then you would have been in this position weeks ago instead of slowly suffering until you got to this point.

"Do I really have to say it? Do we really have to have a bullshit feelings jam right now when we could be making out instead?"

"Yes. We do."

You sigh and pull away from him completely finding that sitting on your bed is much more comfortable than leaning over him. He stares at you from across the room and everything feels awkward again. You definitely weren't planning to just grab him and kiss him. That buzz of adrenaline is still tingling through you and all you want to do it hide and maybe kiss him again.

"So which is it?" He asks.

"I'm not like you. I don't just kiss anyone because I feel like it."

"Then you like me."

"I guess so."

You focus your gaze on a stain on the carpet and fidget with the blanket beneath your fingers. He's not speaking and you have no idea what else to say to him. Do you like him? Yes. Do you know what that means for your relationship? Absolutely not. Just because he likes you doesn't mean he wants to date you, right? You don't even really know if you want to date him. Right now you just want to be close to him and to stop talking about this. It's making you anxious waiting for him to speak and to let you know what he's thinking.

"I thought you didn't want to get involved with someone like me."

"I didn't."

"And now you do?"

"I had a change of heart. Is that so fucking hard to believe?"

He smiles and leans back in his chair. "So, what now? Are we supposed to start dating?"

"I don't know. You're the one who liked me first, you tell me."

He stands, crosses the room and pulls you to your feet by the collar of your shirt. You have to stand on your toes in order to stand face to face with him. He plants a light kiss on your lips then presses his nose to yours.

"If you leave it up to me, then I'll choose to monopolize your time and make you mine and mine alone. I've waited long enough to have you in my arms, I don't intend to let go anytime soon. Do you think you can handle that?"

Your throat has run dry. You swallow to try to relieve the feeling but it doesn't help. He's waiting for your answer so place your hand behind his neck, pull him closer and kiss him. He releases the front of your shirt and instead presses his hands to the center of your back until your chest is pressed against his. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and think that this is exactly where you're meant to be. You mentally kick yourself for waiting so long to just admit that you felt something and let this happen. If you had known how good it felt to be in his arms, his lips sliding against yours, you would have done this long ago.

"I can if you can." You breathe against his lips. He smiles and brings your mouth to his again.

It's nice to finally write them making out sober. Prepare for the fluffy SolKat coming your way in the next chapter. Sorry if their finally getting together was disappointing. I had a difficult time finishing this chapter. The next bit should be much less awkward now that they've basically established that, yea, this is going to be a thing. Let's see if it takes me less than six months this time, yea?