Danny slipped the key that he still kept in his keychain in the keyhole, he entered the alarm code that's still his birthday. He then held the door open for Steve as he slowly walked in and then stopped a few feet into the living room.
Danny looked around. He thought back to the last time he was here trying to erase himself from Steve's life. He didn't even leave the junk food only he ate behind, maybe even took things he that he had no right to. He hadn't felt guilty about doing that, about ridding Steve of half his life. After all it was Steve's choice.
Now though he feels nothing but sorrow and guilt at the cold looking house. Everything was clean. Sterile. Nothing was out of place, everything seemed placed unnaturally precise. The house felt less lived in than the first time he entered it.
He shook his head to clear his thoughts and directed his attention to Steve who was still standing in the middle of the living room looking like a kid who got lost.
"Come on Steve, let's get you up stairs." He said quietly wrapping his hand around Steve's bicep pulling him gently towards the stairs.
Steve didn't resist following obediently, he stopped at the beginning of staircase eyeing it warily. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and flickered his gaze to Danny momentarily before letting it drop again.
"It's okay." He offered gently.
Moving to tuck himself underneath Steve's good side "I'll help you."
They made it up the stairs a few minutes later with Steve winded but otherwise okay, a fact that made Danny very proud of that achievement. He continued to pull Steve in the direction of his bedroom when it seemed like he was just going to continue to stand there unsure of what to do with himself.
Danny pushed the door open and lead Steve inside who came to an abrupt stop.
"What's wrong Steve?" Danny asked trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. He was exhausted and in desperate need of sleep but saw no need to take it out on Steve who was doing his best and really didn't need Danny giving him crap about it.
Steve blinked at Danny as if he'd just realized he was here, he looked around the room before looking back at Danny like he'd just remembered what he wanted to say.
"I want a shower." He said quietly.
He wasn't surprised at the request but as he looked Steve up and down he immediately knew it was a bad idea. His head just conjured up all the things that could go wrong, Steve was swaying, hardly able to stand straight. He imagined him falling and cracking his skull open or pulling his stitches and bleeding all over the bathroom floor.
"How about a bath instead?" He suggested.
Steve shook his head adamantly.
"It might be easier to take a bath." Danny argued glancing at Steve's broken arm indicating to him it might affect his shower-taking abilities.
"I want a shower." He said forcefully fixing Danny with a look that he recognized all too well and never thought would miss until today. It was gone too soon though as Steve looked at him with wide pleading eyes.
"Please." He said meekly.
"Okay." Danny sighed.
"Wait here." He told Steve when he tried to follow him back to the closet.
He came back with a triumphant smile carrying a dry cleaning's plastic bag. Steve flinched and jumped back when Danny came towards him looking like he thought the detective intended to strangle him with it.
"Babe, What's wrong? I'm not going to hurt you. It's for your arm, you can't get your cast wet." He hurried to explain not quite able to wrap his head around the fact that he was reassuring Steve he won't hurt him and with a plastic bag of all things too.
"Oh." He whispered softly, his expression relieved as he shuffled closer to Danny from where he'd jumped holding out his casted arm like a chastised child. Danny made quick work of
wrapping Steve's arm, it looked airtight enough for a shower.
"Thank you." Steve whispered head hung low.
"Do you need help?"
When Steve shook his head he added, "Are you sure? Do you need help getting undressed?"
He shook his head again. Danny decided it was futile to argue with him as he stifled an annoyed sigh. "Okay. But we won't lock the door and I'll wait outside in case you need me."
Steve nodded his agreement but didn't move, he watched Danny with intention and an expression the blonde couldn't quite decipher. He wanted to hug him or stroke his hair; anything to comfort him. Instead he just smiled at him.
"Go on." He encouraged him gently.
Steve visibly shook himself and trudged in the direction of the bathroom. Danny stopped him when he tried to close the door leaving it slightly agar then he slid down the wall next to the door.
He was tired. Exhausted really. Danny glanced at his watch, it's only three thirty but it feels like an entire lifetime had passed in one morning and one afternoon. His thoughts drift to that dreadful phone call. To Chin's face in the hospital. To Steve looking so small and so terrified on that exam table. To the only time he'd seen him so distressed, when Danny walked out on him. To Kono's devastated expression as they left the hospital. Through the blur of his thoughts Danny tried to pay attention to what was going on in the bathroom, the soft sound of Steve's feet padding on the floor, the sound of the water when he turned it on.
Soon though, the sound of the running water became distant as Danny surrendered to the exhaustion that seeped through every muscle letting sleep take him.
He started awake to the sound of something shattering, he was up on his feet yelling Steve's name before he was even fully awake. He shoved the bathroom door as hard as he could, the door swung so violently it crashed into the wall with a loud thud.
His foot connected with something slippery and he felt himself start to fall. He swung his arm out grabbing at the door regaining his balance before he hit the floor. He looked down to see that he almost slipped on a bar of soap, there were shampoo bottles and razors scattered everywhere.
He turned to the open shower stall, Steve was hunched in the corner, his knees pulled up, both his arm wrapped around them, his shoulders shaking violently. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he gasped to catch his breath.
Quickly Danny stepped over to the shower, reaching to turn off the faucet. Just as quickly he pulled his hand back. The water was scalding, he stole a glance at Steve noticing how raw his skin looked. He sighed and ran his hand under the burning liquid to turn off the faucet.
Now that the water was off, the sound of Steve's crying and gasping became more apparent. Danny could hear the slight wheezing and hitching of his breath.
"Tell me what's wrong?" He said gently as he crouched down so that he was eye leveled with Steve.
"I can't….I can't…. I can't" Steve was gasping for air, his breath coming out in shallow pants.
"Shshsh, Steve calm down babe, it's okay." Danny soothed him gently as he wiped away Steve's tears.
"I can't get it off Danno. I can't Danno, it won't come off, it won't, it won't." He babbled, looking at Danny with wide frantic eyes.
"Okay, okay. Let me help you alright?"
Steve nodded his head jerkily at Danny.
"Okay. Come here babe." Danny instructed gently holding out his hand.
He watched Steve stare at him for a few seconds, searching his face for an answer to some unasked question, then slowly he saw him stretch his long legs and scoot towards Danny. He barely moved an inch but Danny smiled encouragingly at him keeping his hand out. He once again moved his legs and scooted closer. Then again. And again. Until he was close enough to reach his hand and let his fingers brush against Danny's. This time it was Danny's turn to step closer, still squatting but moving so he was actually positioned in the shower moving nearer until he was able to fully entwine his fingers with Steve's.
A tiny squeeze came from Steve's end and that was enough. Danny inched a few more steps toward him, then lowered himself all the way to the floor of the shower, sitting cross-legged just centimeters away from where Steve sat with his legs still pulled to his chest. The SEAL seemed to understand what he was doing, and as soon as he was settled, Steve shifted himself until he was sitting right next to Danny's legs. Carefully he untangled his fingers from Danny's and held his arms out to him.
Once he was ready, Danny grabbed Steve under his armpits to help him stand, he wrapped one arm around his waist the other around his shoulders for leverage mindful of the tender looking welts on his back that were aggravated by the heat. He pulled Steve until they were both standing. Steve leaned his forehead against Danny's shoulders and waited. Danny kept his arms around Steve to steady him afraid he would fall.
Looking around, it occurred to Danny that the situation he suddenly found himself in was one that most people would not consider to be entirely appropriate. In fact, if the circumstances had been different, he would definitely not have considered it appropriate either. After all, there he was, sitting fully clothed in the shower with Steve, his ex-boyfriend, naked in his arms, except for the plastic-bag-covered cast on his broken arm while his girlfriend waited for him at home.
But then Danny also knew that at this moment appropriate didn't really matter. What mattered right now was making sure Steve was okay, that he felt safe and secure.
Danny had always felt conflicted when Steve became emotional from the time they were partners to when they started dating and this time was no different. Mostly because he knew Steve never did, a part from perhaps sometimes to show anger. He always wanted to be tough and independent. Always wanted to show he was in control.
At first he used to think that Steve simply didn't trust him enough to let him. But as he got to know him better he learned that was just the way Steve was, it wasn't about trust he just didn't know how to share and confide. He never expected people to help him, he thought he had to do everything on his own.
As they became closer and started their relationship Danny worked on ridding him of that habit. But no matter how much Steve changed and no matter how open he became, a leopard never changes his spots and it played a huge role in the fiery end of their relationship.
Right now he wanted Steve to trust him, he wanted him to talk but he was also afraid that he would and then Danny wouldn't know what to do next. For the first time since he met Steve, he preferred that he kept his problems to himself or put his faith in someone else. The thought made him feel like dirt and he quickly pushed it away pulling Steve closer instead, guilt clawing at the edge of his conscience. Steve made a small contented noise in the back of his throat and raised his good arm slowly to Danny's back.
"Okay babe, let's get started."
Looking around he saw a bottle lying just outside the shower door that was still wide open, water spraying everywhere.
Danny ignored that –he could clean up water later- and instead leaned as far as he could. Instantly Steve's hand was gripping him tighter than before. He could feel his fingernails digging through his shirt but he kept going, leaning forward until he managed to reach the bottle wrapping his fingers around it and pulling it towards him.
He squinted at the label. It was vanilla scented bath gel not shampoo. He frowned at the bottle wondering why Steve would own such a thing when a realization hit him with blinding clarity. He felt a dizzying wave of anger directed at the man in his arms as he recognized exactly whom this bottle belonged to.
"What's wrong?" Steve looked up at Danny from where he was resting his head on his shoulder as if sensing the change in atmosphere around him.
The wide-eyed expression and the goose bumps raised on Steve's chilled bruised skin distracted Danny from the less than pleasant feelings towards the SEAL. He was getting cold and the last thing Danny wanted was for him to get sick, it would be hell for him with a bruised rib.
He inched them both forward until he could grab the faucet to turn it back on making sure he was holding Steve tightly enough that he wouldn't slip.
A blast of hot water hit him in the face and he spluttered, instinctively cupping a hand over Steve's face so the water wouldn't hit him. Steve had different thoughts though as he started struggling in his arms reaching up to bat Danny's hand away from his face.
"Okay, okay. Settle down Steve." Danny yelled as Steve's flailing made keeping him upright a lot more difficult.
Danny quickly turned Steve around so the water has hitting the back of his head instead of his face. Thankfully Steve seemed okay with that as Danny felt him relax.
He squeezed a decent amount of the gel onto his hand. The overly sweet scent of artificial vanilla filled the air immediately suffocating Danny with its connotations. He reached up to run his fingers and soap through Steve's hair. The little moan of pain he gave satisfied Danny for one sickening fraction of a second before he quickly murmured an apology and gentled his movements. Steve's hair was knotty and clumped with blood so he went as slowly and carefully as he could afraid to hurt him again.
He watched as the blood tinted water rushed down his fingers, down to the bottom of the shower, where it swirled a little before disappearing down the drain forever.
Steve trailed the movement with his eyes as well, when the water was clear he turned his head squinting a little against the shower spray and smiling widely at Danny. It's the happiest he's seen him for a while and it immediately brings a genuine but tired smile to his face as he strokes Steve's bruised cheek.
"Tell me if anything hurts or if you want to stop, okay?" Danny instructs him gently as he soaps up a washcloth Steve hadn't managed to toss out.
He slowly rubbed it against Steve's skin careful and gentle trying to keep his movements as clinical and efficient as possible for both of their sakes. He heard Steve let out a cry every now then, whether it was from pain or frustration Danny couldn't tell. Whenever he questioned him though Steve said it was okay and he never asked him to stop so Danny just kept going hoping to get him out of the shower soon before he caught a cold or fell down.
Once the soap was washed off Danny turned the faucet off. When the water died he stepped out of the shower and guided Steve to follow. His legs shook with strain and Danny tried to stay calm wishing he could just pick him and get him out of the bathroom so he can lie down and Danny can stop worrying about possible broken bones.
Steve leaned against the sink panting and shaking with exhaustion while Danny went in search of a towel. He turned his head to look at Steve who smiled at him when he caught his eye.
Danny tried to return the sentiment even as his nerves fluttered with worry.
Finally finding what he was looking for, he rushed towards Steve and wrapped the oversized towel around his shoulders leading him outside the bathroom.
He gently pushed on Steve's shoulder to indicate he should sit on the edge of the bed while Danny found him some clothes.
Steve's 'pajamas' were just where Danny expected them to be, right side of the dresser second drawer down, where he always kept them. He pulled out a grey pair of shorts and a navy blue tank top with the SEALs insignia on the front and back.
He figured he would also want underwear. Not stopping to think about how he shouldn't be going through Steve's undergarments he pulled open the top drawer knowing he would find them there.
His mouth fell open as the drawer opened. He was right about the underwear, Steve's boxer briefs' color-coded and arranged from darker to lighter typical of his neurotic little Navy SEAL head what he hadn't expected though was his grey Police Academy t-shirt to be mixed in with them. He hadn't realized it was missing when he packed because it was mostly always on Steve's side of the closet since he was the one to always wear it.
He shook his head to clear the image of Steve curled in bed, Danny's shirt loose around his shoulders but tight everywhere else and hardly reaching his hips.
He quickly stuffed the shirt where he found it and grabbed a pair of navy blue boxers making his way to Steve.
"I'm cold." He hinted apologetically when he spied the assortment of clothes Danny had picked.
"Okay, I'll just grab something warmer for you." He told him with a smile trying to reassure Steve that it was no trouble as he watched with worried grey eyes.
He went back to the closet and picked out black sleep pants instead of the shorts and looked for something to replace the shirt. A smile came to his face when he pulled out a large light blue sweatshirt that was closer to Kamekona's size than Steve's, when he wore it would sag around him, the sleeves too long reaching all the way up to his fingertips and the bottom stopping mid thigh. Whenever he asked about it Steve would never answer only telling him that he just liked it with an enigmatic smile. He remembered pushing it up Steve's body as he kissed his way up to his stomach, Steve's high pitched giggles filling the air around them.
He found himself surprised that he thought back to this particular memory with fondness rather than the bitterness that now enveloped most of his history with Steve.
"Is this better?" He asked when Steve was within sight.
Steve nodded at him, a soft smile on his face. He got up and reached out for his clothes.
"No, no, no, let me help you." Danny hurried to say pushing on Steve's shoulders again.
"You don't have to." Steve said softly.
"I know that Steve. I want to."
"I can do it." He said unconvincingly eyes downcast, tone lacking his usual fervor.
"I know you can, let me help you anyway?"
"Okay." He whispered, nodding his head.
Danny helped Steve get dressed, pointedly insuring that his eyes were only on his feet or face depending on what he was helping him put on. He made sure that his ex-partner moved as little possible and only when he absolutely needed to. Despite Steve's best efforts to hurt or overexert himself, Danny got him dressed and into bed with minimal fuss and no grunts of pain.
Of course Steve wouldn't be Steve if he just left things at that. Danny was pulling up the blanket to his chest -finally able to relax now that Steve was laying flat- when suddenly he found himself with his arms full of Steve who had his lips pressed to Danny's. The kiss or attempted kiss anyway was sloppy and filled with pleading desperation, Danny gently pushed Steve off barley managing to keep the shock and impatience off his face as he swiped the back of his hand against his mouth in surprise.
"Steve…"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just miss you, please don't leave." Steve interrupted before Danny could even formulate what he was about to say.
"Please don't be angry." He added at Danny's silence.
"It's okay." He shook himself out of his daze, he really shouldn't be all that surprised Steve's clearly vulnerable and not himself. "I'm not angry, everything's going to be okay."
Steve looked doubtful but nodded hesitantly.
"Get some sleep."
"Can I have the pain killers first?" He asked quietly. "It hurts." His hand came up to his head before rubbing it over his bruised rib.
Danny looked at him in surprise, Steve never took his pain pills unless he was threatened let alone asked for them. He must be really hurting Danny thought as he winced in sympathy. He stole a glance at his watch and calculated the time since they left the hospital before shaking his head.
"I'm sorry babe, it's not time yet." He told him gently. "Soon though."
Steve nodded as Danny moved to draw the curtains.
"Where are you going? You said you weren't angry and that everything's okay. Why are you leaving?" Steve exclaimed at Danny's back.
Danny turned around in astonishment. "Steve…"
"I said I was sorry. You said it was okay." He whispered softly his tears running down his cheeks.
"It is okay Steve. I'm just going to clean up." He gestured to his soaking clothes.
"You can borrow something of mine." Steve offered quietly.
Danny was just about to tell him that it's okay and not to worry about it when he realized how stiff and uncomfortable his jeans were.
"Okay. Thank you babe." He smiled at him before he leaned down to kiss the top of his head.
He grabbed a couple of towels from the bathroom wincing at the mess. It looked like a flood had hit. He'd need to clean it up soon in case Steve needed to use it.
He quickly discarded his clothes in favor of a pair of sweatpants and a plain t-shirt from Steve's closet.
He went to ask Steve if he would like something to eat or drink before he went to bed and then he would head to the next room to get some sleep himself.
"Will you stay with me?" Steve asked instead of answering.
"I want you to get some rest Steve." Danny told him, totally against what Steve was asking but not having the heart to him no straight out.
"But can't you just lay down here with me?"
"I don't think it's a good idea babe." He said tenderly.
"Why not? Please Danno I'll stay on my side of the bed, I swear." He looked up at Danny hopefully.
"Okay." Danny sighed knowing he really should hold his ground but he knew that he would never refuse Steve anything when he looked like that, eyes to large for his face holding Danny's
with a pleading gaze.
He edged on the bed beside him, careful to remain a safe distance away. He tried not to think about what Gabby would say if she found out what he was doing. A moment later though he found that he didn't care what Gabby would say because the second he made himself comfortable Steve let out breath and visibly relaxed. Screw boundaries he thought to himself as he slowly reached towards Steve wrapping his arms around his shoulders and lifting his upper body to position his head on Danny's chest. He then wrapped his arms around his torso and whispered to him to get some sleep. Steve shifted against Danny's chest until his ear was on top of Danny's heart. He looked up and smiled gratefully at Danny before letting his eyes dip close.
Danny doesn't know what happened next but he knows he was asleep while Steve was still awake.