AN: This is my first multi-chapter SPN and Destiel story. Wohoo! This will be fun. Anyway - If you haven't watched Queer Eye you should still be able to follow and enjoy the story, but it's more fun if you know what this is based off of. So if you can, I suggest you watch it. It's hysterical and I love it. Also this story is just for fun and may drift into crack! - so just be warned.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"So what've we got this time?" Samandriel asked from the back seat, running a hand thoughtlessly through his hair, ruffling it up into a sandy poof.

Castiel leaned away from his elbow as it came dangerously close to his face before prompting "Gabriel, you have the file - Who is this week's candidate?"

Gabriel grinned and flipped the file open, laughing as Balthazar crowded closer to him and murmured "Yes, who's our newest victim?"

"His name is Dean or something, right?" Lucifer shouted from his place in the driver's seat.

"Dean Winchester" Balthazar confirms from the paper in Gabriel's hand. "He's 33, from Kansas and his brother has just gotten engaged and moved out -"

"Winchester?" Castiel interrupts "Interesting surname. There's a company that manufactures firearms named Winchester. I wonder if there's any relation..." he muses.

Gabriel smirks as he pulls a picture of Dean from the file and says "He looks like one hell of a pistol to me" This raises laughs from Balthazar and Lucifer, whilst Castiel simply rolls his eyes.

"Oh! It seems it's his brother, Sam, who set him up for this." Gabriel adds, scanning the file over Balthazar's shoulder.

There's cheery laughter from all, save Castiel whose brows furrow at the idea of popping into someone life like this without consent. None of the others seem bothered by this however, and continue reading through his profile

"He's been living with his brother for several years and now that he's moving out he wants Dean to turn a new leaf and he thinks this is a good way to start the process." Balthazar reads and Samandriel and Gabriel gives little claps at that.

"Interesting..." Balthazar murmurs, scanning the small bio Sam submitted about his brother.

"What?" Everybody prompts simultaneously. Or rather Castile and Samandriel prompt. Everybody else demands.

Now it's Balthazar's turn to smirk "Dean here works as a mechanic-"

A few wolf-whistles and catcalls from Lucifer and Gabriel drown out his words for a moment

"Alright, shut up the lot of you and let me finish" Balthazar reprimands and they fall silent

"As I was saying, Dean works as a mechanic, listens to classic rock, drinks far too often and I quote 'never lets a woman walk by without a wink or a smile'' - Is it just me or does it sound like Mr. Winchester is trying too hard?" Balthazar finishes.

A wicked grin stretches Gabriel's face while Lucifer laughs and says "Wishful thinking there, Balth. We all know about your fantasy of outing someone before they've even outed to themselves"

Castiel shakes his head and looks out the window. He loves these guys, honestly he does, they're his best friends - practically family.

But they can be coarse and vulgar, particularly when it comes to other men, straight men, and he wishes they would show a bit more respect.

Perhaps Dean Winchester isn't entirely straight, but it isn't any of their concern. They're here to help him embark on another chapter of his life. Not to make him re-evaluate his sexual preferences.

But he knows if he voices these thought's he will be ignored so instead he simply says "We are getting close - perhaps we should begin to formulate a plan for the evening."

Someone mumbles about him being a slave driver and spoiling the fun, but they all concede and Castiel is relieved to have spared Dean more mocking.

"So I'm thinking a nice simple dinner party" Samandriel suggests and they nod in agreement.

"Yeah - invite some friends and family over - a girl if he's got one - he can show of his swanky new place and his fantastic cooking skills." Gabriel says.

Balthazar smiles and counters "You mean the fantastic cooking skills I'm going to bestow upon him?"

"Exactly. And of course I'll be giving him the swanky decor" Gabriel answers with a grin.

"And don't forget the wicked new wardrobe he'll have from me" Lucifer chimed in.

Castiel joins in the good-natured laughter politely, though he isn't paying much attention. Instead he's trying to decide what his role in the evening will be.

The others have fairly straightforward jobs. Gabriel does the interior design and handles the organization and redecoration of the home. Painting, new furniture, chic art, that sort of thing

Balthazar is the chef and he teaches simple culinary techniques and easy recipes for serving at parties or cookouts and helps to restock the kitchen with proper foods.

Lucifer is in charge of the wardrobe which is usually where the largest transformation is made.

Samandriel is in charge of personal grooming. If their hair needs to be restyled or they need a new skin-care regimen then he's on the case.

But Castiel, as the Cultural Specialist - or "Civilizer" as Gabriel prefers to call him - what he does varies based on the cases.

Sometimes it's teaching someone how to dance so he can take his wife out for a nice evening. Other times it's giving pointers in the art of conversation. It all varies based on what's needed.

"Oh - here, Luci - Turn - HERE!" Gabriel shouts at Lucifer, gesturing to the right, toward and older apartment complex and Lucifer cuts the wheel sharply swearing as he does so.

This raises laughs from everyone save Castiel who ends up with a lapful of Samandriel as he's tossed to the side by the sudden swerve.

"Sorry" Samandriel laughs and straightens himself up, but Castiel waves the apology off.

Balthazar flips the file closed and scrambles out of the car as soon as it stops, with Gabriel close behind. Castiel and Samandriel follow a bit slower with Lucifer bringing up the rear.

"Alright - let's go meet Dean-o!" Gabriel says with a grin.

O0o0o0o

Dean's phone is what wakes him. He's in the middle of a dream, more of a nightmare really, and he's fighting for his life against some weird-ass spirit that's trying to beat his head in with a porcelain doll. Those things have always given him the creeps.

At first he doesn't understand why rifts from Smoke On The Water are suddenly floating through his mind and he glances around in his dream, searching for the source of the music.

Then it hits him, it's his phone ringing and he realizes it's his phone going off. Just as that thought floats through his mind he snaps awake with a small shout.

He fights off the tangled mess of blankets half-covering his form and end up shoving them of the bed into a crumpled pile.

He yawns and fumbles for his phone from it's place on the bedside table, where it's still cranking out the guitar solo.

He flips it open and realizes it's Sammy. He groans and glances at his bedside clock before grumbling "'ello?"

Sam's voice comes back with a laugh "Hello, yourself. Are you still in bed, Dean - it's almost ten, dude!"

Dean stifles another yawn and says "Shut-up - it's not like I've got any reason to be up early."

There's a definite smirk in Sam's voice when he counters "Well youdo this morning. I suggest you hurry up and get dressed - they're gonna be there soon."

Dean scowls in thought, wondering what Sam is talking about. He quickly reviews their past few conversations in his mind, searching for a clue as to who Sam is talking about. Nothing clicks.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he questions, though he's already swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

Sam laughs and Dean thinks he can hear the murmur of Jessica's voice in the background, sounding amused as well.

"Sam!?" Dean prompts.

"It's a surprise, Dean. I can't tell you anything other than that you need to dress - now - and get yourself a quick cup of coffee - you're gonna need it." Sam answers.

"Dammit, Sammy - what is going on?" Dean grumbles, running a hand through his hair in exasperation.

"You'll see" Sam says, then adds "Be nice - Bye, Dean" before hanging up.

"Sam!" Dean growls into the phone, but all he gets in answer is static. He swears under his breath and snaps the phone shut with a sigh.

He adores the kid, really he does. Sam has been the focus of his life for so long he doesn't even know what to do with himself now that Sam doesn't need him anymore.

But sometimes Sam drives him up the wall and this is one of those times. Judging by what Sam was saying he's sent someone or a few someones to his place. But for what? And why did he sound so smug about it?

Was he dragging Dean into wedding plans or something? Oh, god I hope he doesn't expect me to go suit shopping with all his Stanford pals or-

The sharp ring of his doorbell pierces his thoughts before his door is being bombarded by multiple fists.

"Freakin hell!" he shouts, grabbing a pair of jeans he'd tossed on the floor a few nights ago and yanking them on.

He doesn't bother looking for a fresh shirt or fixing his hair and instead gallops down the hall, shouting "Hold on a minute - for Christ's sake!"

He gives himself a brief shake, cursing Sam under his breath one last time before opening the door.