It had finally appeared before my eyes–

a grand blue sky.

It was blue as far as the eyes could see.

I have always known this sky.

A sky so beautiful it was hateful.

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Session 1: Under Blue Skies—There is No Such Thing as Clemency

Chapter 1: We Shall Part with Heavy Hearts

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A heavy buzz of spiritual pressure fell over the battlefield as tired shinigami littered the ground finally at rest, while humans stayed tucked in the their little areas, unaware of the battle that had just taken place.

But Ichigo had won and Aizen would now be sealed away. After all their efforts, turmoil, sacrifices, it was finally over.

It had been a potent win and as much as that should have been positive, the sight before Ichigo still didn't sit well with his stomach.

His eyes locked onto the crosses slowly encroaching Aizen's body, while the former 'lord of Hueco Mundo' spewed on with rage about things Ichigo didn't care to fully understand.

He also watched as Kisuke perform the kido spell specially made to seal Aizen. His eyes were tired and somewhat dilated from what was adrenaline and what was probably a little bit of fear— it had been a close call after all. But in the end, he still had the upper hand.

Ichigo also knew that far from them was Yoruichi with his father in his ragged captain's haori and hakama, both safe and alive. And that his friends, his sisters, his town Karakura were now safe from becoming sacrifices to make the Ōken.

Still that relieving thought didn't stop his stomach from churning. He turned away from the sight, focusing his eyes towards the sky— now clearing up to a brilliant blue.

It was beautiful really, he always loved clear blue skies but–

It wasn't really what he wanted to see.

He remembered leaving the others in Hueco Mundo before departing to stop Aizen —before departing to leave Orihime behind in the place he swore to rescue her from— the thought itself shouldn't have troubled him because he knew that the Espada were all now defeated, and that there was still Renji, Rukia, Ishida, and Chad, as well as three captains who could handle anything if a threat were to arise.

But the thought of them being in a place like Hueco Mundo was still dangerous no matter how competent of fighters they were.

Especially since it wasn't just that.

Ichigo felt his stomach churn again, closing his eyes briefly before opening it again, focusing on the sky and the bright sun, blocking out the sounds of monstrous roars, the feel of flesh tearing, the scent of blood dripping, moans ripping through throats and screaming, and screaming, and screaming…her silently screaming–

He just wanted it all to shut up.

"What's with the solemn look?" Ichigo almost forgotten about Mr. hat-and-clogs, "Well? You defeated Aizen, saved your town and everyone. That look shouldn't be for someone who was victorious." The man supposedly had a point but thinking back on what went on in that fight made him a little sick.

"I don't know" he answered truthfully. The look on the other's face was somewhat understanding and curious all the same, but he knew he shouldn't have expected any less from this man, "I really don't know."

There were just too many thoughts swirling in his mind that he found it hard to keep focus on any of them. He would occasionally think about his father and how he had shown up as a shinigami telling him about Final Getsuga Tensho.

Ichigo vaguely wondered how his father planned on explaining about that, but decided it wasn't worth it. He would find out eventually.

Except he would admit that hated these secrets— about Urahara, Aizen and the Hōgyoku, his father, himself— and how each slowly unfolded and uncurled like a blossoming rose, even though it wasn't anything like that; not nearly as graceful and lovely.

It never made any sense, and at the same time it did, and it was all just confusing and hard and just... Tiring.

So before the two of them could head back to Karakura, Ichigo let some of his thoughts slip, "when our swords clashed... I could feel loneliness come off of Aizen's blade." He paused to hold onto his thoughts firmly, "but that changed when we fought. I think if the Hōgyoku is meant to give in to your heart's desire then maybe the Hōgyoku didn't really reject him but gave him what his heart must of wanted... To just be a soul reaper."

Distant grey eyes me his, "I suppose you're right."

Urahara then commented what would happen to Aizen once he was sent back to the soul society. It seemed like he wanted to mention something else and Ichigo assumed that the other also noticed that his spiritual was disappearing rapidly, judging by how he glanced warily every so often towards his way. But both of them knew it was a topic that neither would speak up about, at least not right now.

Which was why he decided to head back to where he left Tatsuki, Keigo and the others in Karakura. By the time he did reach there though, they were already gone. He could still vaguely sense spiritual so it did not surprise him when he felt Urahara approach him.

Ichigo momentarily ignored the footfalls coming from his left. Briefly closing eyes and taking in a deep breath of air, he could smell blood under his own torn part hakama, hot and metallic and it made his stomach roll. He never liked the smell, and he was sure he would never get used to it either. The sound of footsteps stopped, he glanced towards his former mentor and asked simply, "where are my friends?"

"I sent them home." Urahara's tone was casual, as if a great big battle hadn't taken place today, but that was just like him. It was a nice way to distract another before mentioning anything that might be upsetting—Ichigo knew this already— "they were kinda hesitant to see you."

A healthy pause.

"I didn't erase their memories."

Ah.

Ichigo turned to fully face the man, his expression remaining solemn, "I see. I'm glad."

"Are you now?" Urahara Kisuke's voice hitched a little in the teasing and playful way he was known for.

Ichigo merely nodded his head. The motion was quick and certain, like the way he would raise his blade and strike down with fierceness and violence, except not so much for the latter, that was reserved for that thing's impulse he worked hard to fight down.

"Yeah," he spoke his agreement this time, "I was tired of keeping secrets from them. But I'll explain it personally to them later."

Ichigo's eyes then sharpened knowingly, "but I have a feeling they already knew something all thanks to you." A crooked smirk threatened to break through with a hint of viciousness.

But Kisuke just smiled back shamelessly. Things were beginning to go back to normal, just like it should.

Maybe Ichigo was relieved by that. But then maybe he shouldn't.

"Ichigo!"

Not when he saw the friends he left behind in Hueco Mundo come running up to him, hearing Rukia call out his name.

Not when he saw the expression on Orihime's face.

Big silver eyes met his and he saw something there that he wasn't sure if it hurt or if it just made him feel uncomfortable. It was a blank sort of stare, as if for a moment she didn't understand what was going on around her.

"What's with that look Inoue?" He lightly joked in order to ignore the disconcerting feeling that was beginning to settle in his heart, and seeing her frown didn't help ease the feeling, yet he prattled along anyways, "I know my hair must be a mess."

He couldn't ignore that he didn't like the way Orihime's eyes scanned him, like she was searching for something she couldn't find, but he relaxed a little when he saw recognition flicker in her beautiful e—

No, stop. They were eyes. Just eyes.

It was the wrong time for those kinds of thoughts and he would have berated himself for the small unintentional slip, but he trained his focus back on Orihime instead, reaching his hand out to her, smiling softly much like he did after his fight with Grimmjow.

Smiling like this probably didn't mean much though. Ichigo never felt this much dread before either. Ever.

Because it nearly killed him, in an odd sort of way, when Orihime hesitated. Sure, she would sometimes hesitate when it came to fighting, or even in normal circumstances in dealing with conflicts. But never did she hesitate in expressing her trust or worry for those she cared about.

Never did she hesitate when she was around them... Not around him.

It hurt.

"Inoue?" He tried again and something flickered once more in her eyes. Ah, familiar tears. He shouldn't have to feel thankful for that.

Except when she spoke up a soft, "Kurosaki-kun?" With tears in her eyes… Ichigo didn't like it.

The way she said his name, as if she almost didn't recognize the person she was speaking to, like she was speaking to an acquaintance—a stranger—

Like they didn't really know each other.

But then she was babbling and sobbing, fussing and apologizing, and apologizing for her fussing, over him and his hair before sobbing out once more about how glad she was that he was okay.

Except his mind kept going back to how she looked just minutes before and how it was almost like she was unsure, eyes darting ever so often to the side. It unnerved him. He didn't know how to deal with it, it should be easy but that moment... Where she seemed generally clueless, only filled him with a sense of dread.

Cold dread in the pit of his stomach.

Orihime suddenly losing consciousness intensified the feeling. Except at least Ichigo knew how to deal with that, catching her by the shoulders and tugging her into his chest.

But with his reiatsu fading fast, the drain pressing on the limits of exhaustion and darkness steadily aiming to claim him, it took all the will he could muster up to hold onto consciousness.

But it never was enough was it?

Of course as he collapsed writhing in pain with Orihime in his arms, the worried shouts from his friends sounding so faraway. It felt as if his very being was trying to tear himself apart.

Before he finally succumbed to darkness he saw the sky and noticed that today would've been a beautiful sunny day.

AN: Yayyy, my first bleach and ichihime fic~ not sure if I really should be starting on another fic but I have no control of my muse whatsoever so here we are! Plus I have a growing list of ideas for ichihime fics so I really should get started on them ^^!

Writing in what should be Ichigo's perspective was a little harder than I thought. But hopefully it was good enough. I'm not sure how long this fic would be, it will either go throughout the whole 17 month break or merge in with the lost agent arc but that will be ultimately up to you readers to decide ;).

Please review~ any comments, questions, suggestions will be gladly accepted!

Take care~