1. Never ever, under any circumstance, ask her out for coffee.

Knowing you and your wonderful way with words, asking her out for coffee would most likely end up sounding like one of these:

"I want coffee, Molly"

"Shall we have coffee?"

"Coffee?"

All of which, under the light of your history with her, would sound like you are merely ordering her to make you a cup.

Don't you dare snort! We both know this is true.

Don't expect her to instantly understand what you are trying to say. No, I am not belittling her intelligence, I am just taking things into consideration. You have never offered to buy a cup of coffee for anyone, much more make one, or to be more accurate, make one that is not mixed with hallocinogens that would make someone think that they are being hunted by ahound and thus, driving them to their wits' end while you kick back in the surveillance room and watch as that certain someone go through a traumatic experience.

Just don't do anything that involves offering her a cup of coffee.

Yes, that also means that making her a cup won't do you any good.

If you do offer her a cup of coffee instead of asking her out to have one, she'll most likely end up looking at you with shifty eyes.

Oh, I don't doubt that she'll accept it, but don't be offended if she either "accidentally" slipped and spilled the cup or chuck the dark liquid into the sink or in a plant pot while you are not looking.

She reads my blog and knows what happened in Baskervilles.

Tea might give you a small leeway, but make sure that she sees how you prepared it and always take the first sip because that will assure her that she's not a subject of one of your bizarre experiments.

2. Drop the chips.

People actually eat proper meals. Just because you don't eat well, doesn't mean that a packet of Quavers could be categorized as lunch, dinner and most definitely, breakfast. She works a full shift Sherlock! Sometimes she even works more than that because of you. She needs the energy to execute her job properly. Not to mention that every now and then, she has to deal with a man-child that occassionally barges-in with his upturned collar for a cool effect.

Yes, you read it right. I did call you that.

The least you can do, is to actually take her out on a proper meal.

Maybe you can bring her to Angelo's. I'm sure that he'll be more than happy to see you in his restaurant. He'll put out a candle, serve his best meals that I'm sure she will like and he will surely regale her with your "heroic" deed.

In fact, do bring her to his restaurant.

A good meal plus a good word - that's hitting two birds with one stone!

3. Ease up on the observations.

I know that you are merely stating the facts, but sometimes, truth is so bland that it could hurt. Even if you don't see anything wrong with, or even perhaps, you prefer her small lips, you have to express it in a more tactful manner.

Remember, those are the same lips you want to kiss.

There is no point in trying to deny that so stop glaring at this, or at me.

Don't just try and tell her how beautiful you think she is, make her feel it.

4. Toby is her cat. Her cat is Toby. Therefore, get your hands off of him.

The furball is a non-negotable part of being in a relationship with her and if you dare to try and experiment on the cat, you'll definitely be back to steeling glances from behind the microscope.

Yes, I know you do this. Lestrade knows you do this. Mike Stamford knows too. Mrs. Hudson as well. I think the only person that doesn't know is Molly, herself.

5. No matter how morbidly romantic it is, stop giving her a heart.

Especially since you just leave it on her desk, without any note.

She already notified Lestrade that for the past three days, she walks into her desk, only to see a preserved heart sitting suspiciously in the middle of her paperwork.

As ordinary as it is, a Valentines card is more effective and also less psychotic.