Hector Takes Up Baking

By ElwynWanderer

Disclaimer: I'm not making any money off of this, which is a shame, because I could really use the gold for that Silver Lance.

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"Hey, Florina!" Hector cheerfully bellowed as he passed the little Pegasus Knight on his way to mess.

"Eep!" said Florina, hiding behind Lyn.

Hector returned to his and Eliwood's tent an hour later, after Lyn had thoroughly beaten him up, and he scowled as he stripped off his armour. Eliwood gave a low whistle. "Wow, Hector, what did you say to irritate Lyndis this time?"

"Nothing," Hector protested. "I did absolutely nothing. I just said hello to that purple-haired Pegasus Knight, and she ran away from me!"

"What, you mean Florina? She gets nervous around men." Eliwood smirked. "And you are kind of scary, Hector."

Hector opened his mouth to protest, realized Eliwood had a point, and said instead, "Then how do I act less scary?"

"You could start by not talking so loudly around her," Eliwood advised. "Smile. Make small talk about the weather. That sort of thing."

Hector wondered whether or not he should point out that he was abysmal at small talk - that his manners at court were the bane of his brother's existence, that his small talk had earned him more slaps than kisses from women - but then he shrugged and decided he might as well give it a try. Florina was nice and wouldn't expect him to act like a lord, anyway. It certainly couldn't hurt.

The next day, while the army was on the march, Hector managed to reach Florina as she was landing her tired-looking pegasus to feed him a carrot. "Nice weather we're having, eh, Florina?" said Hector as she dismounted, trying to make his voice soft and gentle.

...And, well, they were right in the middle of an army on the march; of course Florina wouldn't hear him. "Hey," Hector said, a little louder this time. "Nice weather we're having."

Florina gave a startled jump and turned around. "Lord Hector! Oh, um... It's...it's very..." She glanced up at the gloomy, overcast sky. "Nice," she finished, nervously edging closer to her pegasus. "This drizzle is, um, quite refreshing."

Feeling like an idiot, Hector made a mental note to actually check and see what the weather was like before he had to talk about it, next time.

There was a lengthy, awkward pause while Hector scrambled for something else to say. He noticed that Florina was looking increasingly nervous, and he thought, Ah-ha, Eliwood told me how to handle this!, so he pulled back his lips and bared his teeth in his most comforting, reassuring smile - but evidently it wasn't working, because Florina made a breathless little scream, mounted her pegasus, and took off before Hector could shout, "Wait!"

He turned around to find Lyn glaring at him, and discovered that yes, in fact, it could hurt - very much so.

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"It didn't work," Eliwood guessed, nodding sympathetically as he and Hector pitched their tent that evening.

Hector gingerly touched the bruise Lyn had left on his side. "I smiled and talked about the weather," he said defensively, and then, at Eliwood's inquisitive look, recounted the brief exchange and demonstrated his smile.

Eliwood flinched. "Hector, that's your 'lop-off-his-head' smile. It even scares me!"

"So, basically, it's...not a good smile?" Hector frowned.

"Not for discussing the weather in polite company, I'm afraid."

"Ugh," said Hector, "I'm terrible at things like civilized small talk and manners and all that rot. That's more your specialty. Isn't there anything else I could do?"

Eliwood thought about this. "You could ask one of the other soldiers for help, I suppose. Marcus has mentioned to me that he was quite the ladies' man when he was younger, and all of Lyndis' knights seem to have reputations as heartbreakers, although that could just be the one knight giving the rest a bad name..."

"And of course Matthew and Oswin are great with women," Hector said, nodding to himself. "Between all of them, there's sure to be an approach that works!"

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Oswin's advice was to give Florina some hand-picked flowers, saying that "women love that sort of thing." So, while the army was on the march the following day, Hector spent an hour or two finding semi-trampled blossoms on the roadside and gathering them up into a somewhat bedraggled bouquet. Unfortunately, when he finally presented them to Florina he was battling an enormous rash from the poison ivy he'd unthinkingly trampled through, and Florina seemed to be allergic to something in the bouquet, because she couldn't stop sneezing whenever he held it within a few feet of her, and was dolefully wiping her runny nose on her arm when her big sister Fiora came swooping vengefully from the skies.

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The next person Hector asked for advice was Lyn's knight, Sain, because he happened to barge dramatically into the healers' tent to flirt with Priscilla while Hector was being treated for Fiora-inflicted wounds. Both Serra and Priscilla were quick to chase Sain from the tent, but the damage had already been done, and as soon as they were finished with Hector he went to track down Sain for advice.

Sain recommended a romantic serenade of a poem of Hector's own making, written from his heart to express the depths of his passion, which is how Hector found himself standing before a jittery-looking Florina and reciting:

"There once was a maiden from Illia

Who - "

Farina punched him before he could finish, which was probably all for the best, considering that Hector would most likely have had to deal with both older sisters had he been allowed to finish the second verse.

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After the serenade fiasco, Eliwood sent Hector off to see Marcus, saying that the next attempt should at least be arranged by someone who knew what they were doing. To Hector's irritation, Marcus' only advice was to treat Florina like a proper lady - opening doors for her and draping his cloak over mud puddles for her to walk across, and so on - which forced Hector to scurry around camp after Florina like the worst of hen-pecked husbands, practically diving headlong into doors and mud puddles to get to them ahead of her. It went quite well, too...at least until he got all snagged up in his cloak and accidentally yanked it out from under Florina, dumping her in the mud and incurring the wrath of both her sisters and Lyn.

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Fortunately, it was at this point that Hector ran into Matthew, who suggested something that Hector actually felt he had a chance of doing with a degree of success: protecting Florina in battle. And for a while it worked marvelously well; Hector stayed close to Florina, jumping in front of her when necessary to hack at enemy soldiers that could hurt her and even working with her to take out some enemies together. Of course, it all went wrong when Hector charged ahead - against the tactician's shouted protests - and found himself face to face with a powerful Sage who nearly killed him with a single blast, and was now preparing another. Hector closed his eyes and braced himself, cursing the universe -

And then Florina landed gracefully in front of him to deflect what would've been a fatal attack (that didn't do her a lick of damage, Hector noticed with embarrassment), killed the Sage quickly and effortlessly, hauled Hector up onto her pegasus, and flew him to the nearest healer.

After the battle was over and the tactician had thoroughly scolded him for recklessness, Hector went and found Florina to thank her.

"Don't mention it, Lord Hector," she said quietly, "although I really have no idea what you were thinking. You've been doing a lot of strange things recently."

Hector avoided her eyes. "I made a mess of pretty much everything, didn't I? But I wasn't - I mean - I only did that stuff because I didn't want you to be scared of me."

"I know." Hector jerked his gaze back to her in surprise, but Florina just continued by saying, "I hope you feel better soon, Lord Hector," before she quickly slipped away.

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Since the battle that had caused Hector so much trouble had given them control of a castle, the army found itself with the luxuries of a well-stocked armory, individual rooms with actual beds, and, best of all, a real kitchen with enough food for multiple victory feasts for them to make use of during a leisurely recuperation period of several days. But, as delicious as last night's feast had been, the next morning found Hector in the kitchen in search of some nice, strong ale.

"It's a bit early to be drinking, my lord," sad Rebecca when she and Lowen came in to prepare breakfast. "Is something troubling you?"

Hector sighed. "I keep trying to get Florina to like me, but nothing seems to be working. I really don't know what to do anymore." He raked a hand through his hair. "I need a drink."

"What have you tried?" Lowen asked as he pulled out several pots and pans from a cabinet. "Not baking, I assume, if you're still having trouble."

"No..." Hector began ticking off his fingers. "I got her flowers, I made small talk about the weather, I even wrote a poem for her!"

Rebecca waved her hand impatiently. "Yes, but you didn't try baking."

"Look, if this is yet another suggestion that's going to humiliate me or get me beaten up..."

"No, no, not at all!" Lowen said. "No offense to them, but whoever you got your advice from wasn't an expert in flower arrangement or poetry writing. Me, on the other hand... If there's one thing I know, it's how to prepare food, my lord."

"How do you think Florina would like cupcakes?" asked Rebecca.

Hector thought about it, and grinned.

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Lowen and Rebecca spent the next few hours teaching Hector how to correctly prepare cake batter and then how to pour it into the muffin tin, bake for the appropriate amount of time, remove, and decorate. At last, after botching his first two attempts, Hector had a complete (and tastefully decorated) half-dozen cupcakes.

He was putting the final touch on an icing flower when Rebecca (who must've left while Hector wasn't looking) led Florina into the kitchen, saying, "Hector has something for you."

Hector whirled around. "Wh-what are you doing?" he blurted, going red and trying to discreetly wipe his messy hands on his trousers. He really hopes there wasn't anything on his face.

"Um, you've got a little..." Florina hesitantly tapped her cheek.

Rats.

Hector scrubbed at his face, but his hands were already covered with icing and flour and bits of dough, so he was probably only making it worse. Florina took a few small steps toward him. "No, see, it's right..." She reached up, and Hector stilled as she ran the pad of her thumb over his chin. "...here."

"Thanks," Hector tried to say, but his tongue suddenly felt all thick and heavy, and his throat ran dry, so he ended up just staring at her in silence. Florina stared back, awkwardly lowering her hand so that it hovered between them. They both jumped when Rebecca and Lowen cleared their throats.

"Right, the cupcakes!" Hector remembered, and turned to grab the plate on the counter behind him. "These are for you, Florina," he said, holding it out to her. "I really hope you like them; I made them myself."

Florina looked from the cupcakes to him, wide-eyed, and then she flushed and smiled and said, "Oh, Hector, they're lovely!"

Hector beamed. "Try one," he encouraged. "Don't worry, they've been approved by both of our excellent cooks as safe for consumption."

"They really aren't half bad," agreed Rebecca. "We might turn Lord Hector into a decent chef yet."

Florina took one of the cupcakes from the plate and bit into it cautiously. Then she paused. Then she took another bite, and another, eagerly gobbling it up until it was gone. "Wow," she said.

"Is that a good 'wow' or a bad 'wow'?" asked Hector, nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.

Florina looked down, smiling shyly. "They're delicious, Lord Hector," she began.

"Just Hector is fine."

"Oh. Um." She flushed again. "Well, they're delicious, Hector. Did you really go to all this trouble just for me?"

Hector blinked. "Of course," he said, like it was obvious. "The whole thing has been for you: the baking, the flowers, the poems - "

And then Florina leaned up and planted a light kiss on his cheek. "You're sweet," she informed him, still blushing. "Thank you." She dashed out of the kitchen before Hector could answer, but that was all right, since all he could do at the moment was try (unsuccessfully) to keep a big, dopey grin from spreading across his face.

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Years later, Lord Hector of Ostia was well known for the exceedingly delectable baked goods that were served at his castle. And if no one quite knew who his supplier was, or who actually made the desserts - well, his wife Florina never seemed curious.