Title: 1000th Love Song
Rating: T for now. possibly M later
Pairing: Kaworu x Shinji

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters!

THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS. You have been warned.

Kaworu paused from cleaning the windows as he saw a drop of rain fall on the spot he had just wiped. He looked up at the sky as the clouds gathered. There were still a few sunbeams breaking through but one by one, the raindrops started to fall, darkening the grounds one drop at a time. The silver haired albino looked up as the raindrops fell one by one, falling onto the trees, the branches, the leaf, gathering to a corner into a larger drop and falling... and more and more would gather into a little puddle, covering the damp grounds and the streams gathered into little brooks and into a river and finally into the great sea.

Each drop wasn't meaningless. Each drop built into something greater, Kaworu told himself. Though small, even one single drop would surely create a ripple large enough for a miracle.

"K-Kaworu-kun! What are you doing! You're soaked!"

That was when Kaworu finally snapped out of his thought. Shinji had grabbed his wrist and pul led him inside. Kaworu stood at the doorway, dripping. He hadn't realized he was standing out there that long while he watched each rain drop fall repeatedly, constantly and continuously, over and over and over. Only thing that broke the repetition of the ripple was Shinji, as if he had thrown a little pebble into the calm pond.

"Geez, Misato-san would be angry if you caught a cold before the mission even starts you know. Here." Shinji quickly ran to the bathroom and grabbed several towels. He then hurried back to try to dry Kaworu the best he could before he stepped inside. Kaworu just smiled gently as Shinji fretted, throwing an extra towel around Kaworu's cold and lightly trembling shoulders.

Already a second contact.

Nagisa Kaworu was too happy to care about Shinji scolding him. Because he knew Shinji wouldn't be scolding him if he had not cared. Besides, his right wrist still felt warm from Shinji's touch. And...

Kaworu grabbed the spare towel and started to make the same motion to dry Shinji's hair.

"W-what are you doing?" Shinji looked up at his new roommate with confused expression which Kaworu always found adorable.

"We're suppose to do the same thing aren't we?" Kaworu replied casually with a smile.

"Yeah but... I'm not wet." Shinji laughed. "You're really weird Kaworu-kun."

"I guess so." Kaworu agreed amiably as he ruffled the hair of the laughing boy.

Under their commanding captain, Katsuragi Misato's orders, they were to literally do everything simultaneously, something of which, wasn't that hard for Kaworu. If Shinji was thirsty and got himself a glass of water, he did as well whether he was thirsty or not. If Shinji was doing the dishes, he helped out too. It was mostly Shinji being awkward and asking if he should do it or not and Kaworu just replying with a smile to do whatever he wanted. Their actions were much smoother despite Shinji's reluctance's compared to the other pair. Shinji couldn't help but sigh as he did the dishes while Touji and Asuka were still screaming at each other not to cross the line regarding their sleeping room. Captain Katsuragi's house was small and the walls were thin… they could practically hear everything.

The entire first day went without much incident other than Kaworu catching a sudden shower and changing his clothes. Shinji wasn't sure if he had to mimic him and change his clothes too, to which Kaworu thought was cute. The rest of the day wouldn't have gone without much problem as Shinji adjusted to the idea of doing everything simultaneously with Kaworu... until Shinji needed to take his bath. That was when he realized Kaworu was also taking off his clothes.

"K-Kaworu-kun! I… I think we can take baths separately! I mean… Asuka and Touji…"

"Don't male Lilins go to public baths together?" Kaworu looked at Shinji a bit confused. He really didn't understand Lilin no matter how many reincarnations he went through. Why was it alright to be nude together during some places and not alright in other occasions? When the ritual of cleaning was the same subject matter?

"I… well… but…!" Shinji was obviously getting flustered and Kaworu wondered if he should step back. Sometimes he gave Shinji space. But… in this timeline, Kaworu wanted to be just a bit selfish.

"Captain Katsuragi had asked us to do everything together. I think we should follow her orders, right? Besides, wasn't there a saying about… I wash your back if you wash mine?" as he stood waiting for Shinji in the small corridor for the laundry room that connected to the bathroom. Here was some privacy as Kaworu finished stripping and tossed his clothes in the laundry basket.

"T-that's not quite the right way to use it, Kaworu-kun" Shinji stammered as his ears turned red at the conjured imagery from Kaworu's words.

"Or shall I help you out of those clothes?" Kaworu smirked as Shinji flushed an even deeper shade.

"N-no need!" and the dark haired boy took off his clothes in a flash.

The bath was ready, used by Touji earlier. Asuka had gone first and drained the water, saying how nasty it was to share bath waters. Touji, being a more traditional Japanese male insisted that they conserve water by using it together saying that the water was totally and perfectly clean. Shinji sat down in his stool, facing away from Kaworu as he started to get the soap ready. Kaworu smiled softly and copied him, sitting next to Shinji as he grabbed a bucket to pour some water, to show that he really had no other intention than to follow through with their order.

But Kaworu did want to touch him. Just to hold that soft hand and wrap his fingers around those slender digits. His heart was pounding at the proximity of them being so close to each other finally… but he had to remind himself again and again. Small victories at a time. He waited this long… he could wait longer.

Kaworu and Shinji synchronized as they poured the warm water into the bucket, used the long wash cloth to wash their back and poured the water on top of their heads all in a fluid motion. But Kaworu could sense that Shinji was growing more and more nervous as the time to soak in the bath tub grew closer and closer with each step.

"K-Kaworu-kun… I really don't think the tub is big enough for…"

Kaworu looked back at Shinji with his soft gaze. "Then I guess I can't take a bath either. Too bad. I was looking forward to it."

Shinji flushed as he realized that it would be his fault if Kaworu couldn't get a bath. And he probably needed it after getting wet outside. They both had to do this together or none at all. Kaworu smiled inwardly as Shinji came to a realization that he actually held some responsibility to Kaworu's health and stood up. Kaworu wordlessly stood up with him. Then they both stepped into the tub together.

The water swelled and overflowed as they both got in.

"It is kinda small isn't it?" Kaworu smiled at Shinji as he faced him.

"Y-yeah.." Shinji tried to shrink, pulling his legs together so that they didn't have to touch. Kaworu did the same but… their toes and legs still touched no matter what. The angel closed his eyes and relaxed, just feeling their skin skim and brush against each other. Shinji seemed to relax more too now that Kaworu's piercing gaze wasn't on him.

"This is nice. Thank you." The sudden sound felt loud in the quiet and small bathroom. Shinji seemed startled by the randomness of those words though to Kaworu, it wasn't random at all.

"Thank you… for…? The bath?" Shinji didn't seem to understand the concept of why Kaworu was always thankful for mundane daily activities. But Kaworu was very grateful. These were the small joys that kept him grounded in each painful reincarnation. Small, mediocre, but precious wonders that only Shinji ever gave to him.

"That's part of it." Kaworu finally opened his eyes to smile again which must be quite mysterious to Shinji who couldn't understand him at all. But the smile at least brought another as Shinji relaxed and laughed along.

"You're weird, Kaworu-kun."

"So you say." Kaworu didn't deny it. Just their toes touching was enough to satisfy the angel's need for more. It was more than enough actually. They were getting closer and closer and that thrilled Kaworu every second he lived.

The bath ended without any further event and Shinji seemed to trust him more. The last one to bathe was Pen Pen who was upset to see how little water was left after the two boys got out.

The two boys got the futon out and lined it next to each other. Kaworu laid his next to Shinji's after the darker haired boy laid his down first. Then he noticed how Shinji fidgeted and moved his just a bit further away.

"Ah, I'm sorry. You Lilans need your personal space, right?" Kaworu took his futon and moved it slightly further away too, but only by a bit. But it was enough for Shinji to look relieved, letting him know that Kaworu wasn't offended when Shinji had moved his futon further away. In truth, Kaworu was a bit saddened but his heart still remained strong and quite happy.

He would be sharing the night with Shinji again.

Each of their 'firsts' were revisiting points in each of his life. And Kaworu couldn't help that his heart picked up a speed each time these moments crossed paths.

"Too bad the stars are covered tonight." Kaworu looked up and out the window as the rain continued to pour steadily now. Usually these types of nights were full of stars. Was this the first loop that had a rainy night?

Kaworu was still counting each memory when Shinji cleared his throat.

"Erm... I'm going to turn off the lights now, is that okay?"

"Ah... of course." Kaworu stopped looking outside while in thought and turned to smile at Shinji as he got into his futon.

"Okay then, good night."

"Good night."

The lights were turned off and the room became instantly dark save for the little bit of light from the window. Kaworu closed his eyes and listened to the rain gently strike the window pane.

It was quiet and serene, the only sounds capable of harmonic silence that of the soft rain and the delicate breathing of the two boys. Kaworu's lips form a smile as he listens to the other's breathing, not yet even enough to indicate that he was asleep. No, definitely not yet. His breath instead betrayed to Kaworu the flutter of an anxious heart beat while Shinji tried to settle, the boy still anxious concerning this unfamiliar setting and uncomfortable situation that he had been placed in.

"Not sleepy?" Kaworu decided to address the other's anxiety instead of ignoring it and in reply he could hear Shinji's heart practically jump when his breath hitched.

"Y-yeah..."

The angel turned over upon his side to look at the Lilin.

"Me neither," Kaworu smiled at him. Quietly Shinji turned to look at him, obviously still feeling awkward despite the admittance.

"Is it because I'm here?"

The dark-haired boy flinched at the angel's direct question. Hesitating, Shinji carefully tried to chose the right words, "I'm just... not used to sleeping with others."

As he had thought, Shinji was indeed uncomfortable with their entire sleeping situation. But Kaworu didn't show a hint of dismay as Shinji looked away.

"Am I your first?"

"E-eh?!" Shinji's head quickly snapped towards Kaworu again and caused the fair-haired angel to smile back at the renewed attention.

"Am I the first to sleep with you?"

"Y-you sure make it sound totally inappropriate..." Shinji sighed, a bit exasperated at Kaworu's word choice. "W-well... when I was in 6th grade, we went to a field trip with my school so... N-not quite..."

"Ah, that's unfortunate." Kaworu did feel a bit let down that he wasn't Shinji's first in something. Be it as innocent as sleeping in the same room may be. Shinji just groaned.

"You make it sound so perverted."

"Do I?" Kaworu smiled. He remembered a time when he didn't know the meaning of that word.

"W-well... if it makes you feel any better... I had a hard time sleeping back then too. Though, I think it was because our teacher was snoring really loud." Shinji turned and grinned.

Despite how unromantic the conversation may be to others, Shinji's smile made Kaworu's heart melt like it always did. And then his chest began to squeeze tightly to the point it hurt physically just to see him. But Kaworu didn't turn away. No matter how bright the light that shone within Shinji, Kaworu would cherish it's warming embrace. He swallowed a hard lump that had lodged in his throat before continuing.

"What was it like? Your field trip?" Kaworu murmured as he tried to get the conversation going. Shinji rarely talked. Probably because no one truly cared to listen to him. But it was always a joy to hear him talk. Because Shinji had such a beautiful mind, Kaworu didn't understand why everyone chose to ignore such a soul's voice.

Lilins were such hard to understand creatures. They sought to be understood yet they abhorred to contact one another and pushed each other away when they got too intimate. A concept still foreign to Kaworu no matter how many times he repeated this existence.

"W-well, it was for the school orchestra so… we went to the countryside's home for the elderly to help clean their place, then we made a small stage to play a few songs." Shinji was staring at the ceiling as he reminisced. Kaworu continued to look at him even when Shinji's eyes weren't on him anymore.

"That sounds very nice. How did it go?"

"Mmm…" Kaworu made a small sound of encouragement even while his eyes noted how Shinji's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to remember.

"The performance started with the cello to set the tone. I remember being so nervous to start as I waited for the conductor to drop the baton. Synching was kinda nerve wrecking. After that the violas would join... then the second violins starts playing the harmony..."

Kaworu closed his eyes briefly to imagine a little Shinji sitting in the front side line, watching his teacher looming above him with his arms raised. He smiled. "And then?"

"Well the bass are next but we didn't have any basses since we were kids. I remember I could barely play the notes since my cello was kinda too big for me. I struggled with it a lot." Shinji let out an awkward laugh at his memory.

"Mmm I see." Kaworu blinked open his eyes to gaze at Shinji again. Each twitch of his fingers, each movement of his lips, each flutter of his eyelashes, even in the dark Kaworu used what little light managed to shine through the storm to memorize this precious moment.

"First you start off slowly. The beginning is always slow and soft." Shinji continued, staring up at the ceiling as the rain continued to pour outside.

"Like a gentle whisper?" Kaworu asked.

"Like a whisper yeah I guess you can say that." Shinji agreed. "Beginning is always so slow that I think it'd bore people haha. Kinda like telling a story where you always go 'once upon a time long ago~ there lived a blah blah blah." Shinji mimicked some old man's voice and Kaworu couldn't help but chuckle.

"Hahaha... but fairytales aren't that boring. They get exciting and you wait in anticipation."

"I guess, but isn't it boring to know that you know how it'll end?" Shinji's eyebrows frowned again. Ah, perhaps not agreeing with him made him insecure of his own words.

"Do you?" A rhetorical question.

"Yeah, it always ends happily ever after, doesn't it?"

"Then are all happy endings boring?"

"Well no. I guess the journey can be exciting."

"Aren't there tragic fairytales? I thought all of the original Grimm's fairytales were pretty sadistic and cruel. Like that... what was it? The mermaid one? Doesn't she die at the end to protect her love?" An innocent question tossed.

"Ah, that one. Well... I guess that is supposed to end tragic in the original... but it's not like that anymore. All fairytales have to end happily. That's just how it is." He continued stubbornly. And it was adorable.

"So beginnings are always boring?" Kaworu asked again, amused.

"Well yeah. But I guess you gotta wait for the set up. So the middle part's good and so is the climax."

"Ah... I see. And then?"

"And then what?"

Kaworu smiled. "The orchestra. The field trip. You were saying?"

"Oh that. Right. Erm… and then all the instruments starts one by one, picking up the pace…"

"Was it Bach? Beethoven?"

"No. Pachelbel's Canon in D."

"Ah I love that piece. Go on."

"First is one voice. Then another instrument joins. Then another… it starts to crescendo as it picks up pace. " Shinji said decidedly, trying to describe the music in the silence of the room save for the light rumbling of thunder in the distance and the soft falling of the rain.

"Then it… repeats," Shinji struggled, trying to find words.

"Loops," Kaworu added.

"Overlaps. Like Canon."

"Because it's a Canon." Kaworu nodded affirming.

"the melody becomes a harmony…" Shinji paused, wondering if he got this right.

"And the harmony becomes a melody," Kaworu smiled as he nodded, finishing the sentence for him.

"Then there's the part in the middle where it's light and skippy. Kinda like… kids dancing in the rain."

"Delightfully whimsical, I can even imagine their umbrellas bobbing left and right," Kaworu added, knowing what Shinji was trying to describe. Shinji seemed to gain a bit of confidence as he did his best to describe the song.

"And then when all the instruments gather together for the finale…. the song would get louder and louder."

"And then it'd finally end." Shinji sighed. "The last note would drag until the conductor lowers the baton. Almost anti-climatic, the conclusion of the song. No loud boom or a satisfying climax, just a soft drag that becomes a whisper."

"A loop back to the beginning perhaps?" Kaworu added, trying to be helpful.

"Maybe. It is a Canon after all." Shinji let out a heavy sigh.

"And then?"

"Then?" Shinji asked confused. He had finished describing the song… right? Was there more?

"Well… it sounds like there's more." Kaworu was watching as Shinji slumped tiredly.

"Hmm…." Shinji went back to studying the ceiling as he focused on the memory that he didn't particularly like. "Then there would be thundering claps from your friends and family for encores even if you sucked at it. Standing ovations and all of that as they stood from their seats for round of applause... then they'd gather to congratulate their kids..."

"…"

Shinji fell silent and Kaworu did too.

Kaworu knew. That no one was there to congratulate Shinji back then. He watched the Lilin in silence for few more minutes. Then he quietly dared to thread his fingers with Shinji's. Shinji's head snapped back towards him with his eyes wide open as expected. Kaworu's gaze was steady and unwavering.

"I'd love to hear your cello one day Shinji-kun. And watch you play with these fingers." Kaworu's fingers wrapped around that slender small hand and brought it close. Just a few inches from his lips, Kaworu stopped, his gaze shifting from those tempting fingers back to Shinji's face. He looked frightened as if he was holding a snake.

Kaworu lowered his gaze in repentance. Ah… he acted too fast, didn't he? He got too greedy… too selfish… it should have been more than enough to spend just few minutes with him. He shouldn't have tried for a Third Contact so soon….

But he wanted to kiss them. He wanted to kiss those fingers that could play beautiful melodies from a cello and kiss away those hard earned scars from long ago. He wanted to make everything feel better. Even if a long time has passed and probably no longer necessary... Kaworu still selfishly wished he could kiss those digits one by one...

His heart sank as his fingers faltered before bringing those digits closer to his lips.

"Ah i'll stop if you want me to…" Kaworu's voice trailed off as he started to let go.

"Ah no. it's... it's fine."

A pause.

Kaworu's fingers freeze right before he lets go as his gaze went back up to the Lilin. There was a slight flush in the cheeks there that wasn't there before and his was breath ever so slightly short as his hands trembled.

The angel's hand trembled with him.

Sometimes there were no words that could convey his feelings in moments like this.

You just let it be. Just enjoy these moments and forget about describing them.

Like the sudden downpour of rain.

Love always came suddenly and overflowed. Like a tempest it would become storm that would drench you to the core. As deep as the ocean. As high as the clear blue sky. As warm as the summer breeze. And as soft like a mother's lullaby.

So they laid there, listening to the steady rain tap on the window glass.

"Thank you."

Kaworu's fingers closed back around that hand as he closed his eyes again, unable to contain the emotion that was spilling forth within his heart. Lilin's bodies were still weird to him. Awkward at places. Unknown and foreign. Yet no matter how many times he went through this he could never get used to this sweet addiction that captured him so wholly.

As the storm washed over them that night, they finally both fell asleep as they listened to the heart beat flowing through each other's hands.