Author's Note: Kat here. So, this is the first story I've actually uploaded to here (blame laziness, meh), although I have written a few others. Updates might be slow for a bit because school isn't out for another week and we still have finals, but once summer starts, I'm guessing a chapter every two or three days, depending on how obstinate my grandmother's being about my supposed seclusion.

EDIT (11/2017): For those of you who are new here (and those who aren't, everyone really), I'm going through and rewriting portions (mostly the beginning) of this fic, so that the level of writing skill is more consistent throughout. Lucky you, you get a more refined fic d: Very little of the plot is changing, and if it is, I'll acknowledge it beforehand. When I'm done, I'll finish and release the epilogue.

Additionally, since FF has a very limited Summary/Tagging system, I'd like to put up a few overall content warnings. This fic contains the following: (*SPOILER WARNING*) Violence, Explicit Sex, BDSM, Homophobic Slurs, Forced Outing, Physical and Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Minor Character Death, Major Character Injury, Suicidal Thoughts and Attempts.

So... yup. Chapter One, review, please, because desperation for opinions and yeah.

I'd known for years that I was bisexual.

I liked boys.

I also liked girls.

Some people didn't realize this.

"Hey, faggot, come on, get up! Get up, you fucking pussy."

"Fuck both of you cocksucking shitheads!" I spat viciously. Had I had a chance to say more, I would have; my issue was that the dickhead spewing most of the obscenities kicked me in the stomach as soon as the insults left my mouth. I was already on the ground, so he was just adding insult to injury at this point. The worst part was that he hadn't even been the one to put me there — I'd tripped on the curb in an attempt to run after hearing the telltale sounds of impending abuse. The blond asshole laughed and taunted me again, him and his brunette accomplice playing soccer with my already bruised and battered body at each word.

A gasping cry of pain escaped my lips after a particularly hard foot to my chest. "What's wrong, Vantas? You need to go cry to your boyfriend?" They both laughed at his stupid, petty jab.

I managed to choke out a few words in my defense; "I don't... have a boyfriend, you... cuntfucking asswipe! ...You would know!"

His eyes narrowed as he wiped the smirk off his face. "Fuck you." He kicked me again, harder, for saying what I had. There was an audible crunch, and I curled up in agony. Suddenly, another voice spoke.

"Leave him alone, ath'holeth'." They both froze at first, then burst out in disgusting laughter when they looked up.

"Hey, look — it's the gay-ass douchebag's lispy little fuckin' boyfriend!" I groaned again, and this time not from the pain shooting up from my stomach. He looked down at me. "Are you so pathetic you have to call your geeky fuckbuddy to save your pansy-ass?"

Already that "lispy little fuck" was getting pretty fed up with the bullies. "I th'aid, leave him the fuck alone!" Sollux roared at them, throwing a punch at the bigger guy. It collided painfully, leaving another sickening crack to ring through my ears like the one from my own body had. His 'friend' sprinted away down the abandoned street the instant his buddy was downed. Sollux was taller than both of them and, as such, posed an all-around bigger, very angry threat to the both of them — and like it or not, they both knew it.

"You clearly didn't hear me the firth't time. Do I really need to repeat myth'elf?"

It didn't take another hit for the guy writhing in pain on the sidewalk to snap. "Okay, man, it's all good, w-we weren't doin' nothin', man, I swear!" His voice was high from fear and kind of nasally; a hand was pressed gingerly against his bloody nose.

"Like hell you weren't," he spat, pressing his knees against the others' and pinning his wrists to the pavement. He knocked him again in the stomach and pulled back to let him clutch the dull ache in his core. Sollux looked down menacingly, fully prepared to hit him again. Or at least, he was until something softened in his stance that even I could see with my blurred vision. Instead, he pushed himself to his feet and offered his hand to other teen. His voice was softer when he spoke again. "Hey, I'm th'orry, man, really. Thith' mind-block thing juth't cometh' over me and I can't think path't it."

The sandy-haired man looked confused for a moment before recognizing the opportunity in front of him. "No big deal, dude." His smile had returned, a line of blood dripping down it, but unlike Sollux in his distant haze of regret, I could see the malicious intent plain on his face. "Hell," he continued, "a guy who can throw a punch like that is welcome to roll with us."

My throat stung with bitter disappointment as I watched my roommate mulling over his offer. His unfocused eyes followed my movements while he replied. "Roll with uth'," he repeated. "Uth' who?"

"Oh, you know...," he trailed off, waving his hand in the air as if that would answer it. A suitable explanation soon came to mind, I supposed because he continued before the potential-recruit could suspect him. "Us 'street rats,' as the cops call us. Kickin' ass and takin' names are all in a day's work."

He paused for a moment. "You know, I don't think I wanna be a part of th'omething like that." His voice dripped with thinly veiled disgust.

"Really? What a shame. Well, I guess in that case..." I groaned in dismay, knowing exactly what he was about to do. Sollux glanced at me one more time and I willed him to look back, not trusting myself to open my mouth to tell him to without hurling on the pavement. Just as he did, the other guy clocked him right in the face. By the time he recovered, the asshole was halfway down the street and still running. Sollux growled under his breath and seemed ready to give chase, but seemed to remember first that I was lying immobile mere feet away.

Shaking his anger off as well as he could, he strode over to me and somehow managed to stand me up. My knees were shaking and I felt like I was about to puke, but I managed to keep it in and stay upright somehow. "Are you alright, KK?" I think I managed a feeble nod, still not fully capable of coherent speech. "What the fuck just happened?" Shaking my head, I pushed my legs towards where I'd seen the parked truck earlier. I didn't make it too far; tripping over my own feet, I stumbled forward before falling to my hands and knees, coughing and hacking like I couldn't breathe. Sollux's sigh met my ears and I silently apologized, still choking on pain.

He waited a few minutes, standing over me and staring down from somewhere up in the sky. When my panting softened some, he said, "Are you done? I don't want to drive with a dith'traction like that." I scowled up at him, gradually making my way to my feet.

I scowled up at him, pushing myself to my feet again. "I am so fucking sorry I pose such a threat to your personal safety with my possible internal injuries, Sollux. I'll try my absolute fucking hardest to keep myself contained." The anger I didn't really feel in that statement was punctuated by thin, wheezing breaths.

"There'th no need to be an even bigger ath'hole than usual, KK," he said dejectedly. "Ekth'cuth'e me for being conth'erned about your th'afety."

"Whatever," I finished quietly. "It's not like it's any of your business, anyway."

" 'Courth'e, 'cauth'e driving down th'ome dead-end road to try to pick up my roommate from work and inth'tead having to get out halfway to th'top a couple of ath'holeth' from kicking your shit in again ith' none of my buth'ineth." Goddamn, that was cute. He enunciated each syllable — bithe-ih-nith. I shook my head of the invasive thought. "The hell d'you do to pith' thoth'e prickth' off, anyway?"

I struck out, slowly, towards the vehicle, blatantly ignoring him. He either completely missed the hint or flat-out disregarded it, running after me within a few seconds. I felt a hand on my shoulder and his quiet, grating, wonderful voice sounding somewhere near my ear. "KK, th'eriously. Thith' ith'n't the firth't time thith' hath' happened. Call me whatever the fuck you want, but I'm worried about you. What ith' thith' all about? It ith'n't alwayth' the th'ame people, but I know I've seen that blond guy before, and they alwayth' th'eem to have the th'ame... I don't know, method of punishment, I gueth'."

I snorted in derision before I rounded on him, determined to keep up this façade no matter how much it hurt — physically or emotionally. "You really wanna know why these cuntwads keep fucking me up like this, Sollux?" He nodded, almost solemnly. I moved my head forward, the speed of the action almost making me dizzy. My face was in his and I tried so painfully hard not to think of how close our lips were as I growled, "I keep getting 'punished' because they think I'm gay."

He paused for a moment, letting the shock sink in. I turned away from him in disgust, once again turning to the car. And once again, I heard his soft voice, though more firm this time, from somewhere just behind me. "You're not gay, are you?" I sighed. I hadn't... actually come out to Sollux yet; my best friend, the guy I was currently living with, someone I'd known since sixth grade, still didn't know my biggest secret. Most people didn't, for that matter. The only reason these fuckasses did was because of a failed relationship that ended more bitterly for my partner than I'd thought.

He was the leader of these guys, these "street rats" like he'd told Sollux. He hadn't been when he met me; it was more of a direct result of our relationship than anything else. We became great friends a few months into senior year at high school, and for whatever reason, he managed to look past the stigma around gays in the heart of Oklahoma and confide in me his sexuality. His fear in telling me was still evident, however, so in order to dispel some of it, I responded in kind. He saw an opportunity and took it, and we dated in secrecy until Memorial Day. At that point, he got upset with me for wanting to spend the sunny holiday outside with my family and Sollux instead of stuck in a dark room with him alone. We had a loud, hurtful fight which doubled now as the first time he'd hit me. He hadn't hit me since, although he did have, as Sollux worded it, his methods of punishment.

He had yet to hit me again until today, that is. It had been just a few days shy of a year since we'd broken up, so I guess it made sense he was feeling raw about it. As for whether that either warranted or justified my abuse today... let's just say I'm glad Sollux never knew of our relationship. He was a great friend, worrying without being asked, always there just when I needed him, posing as the unwitting backboard for my sexual frustrations. I suppose that only made me that much more afraid to reveal my sexuality.

Afraid he'd get the wrong (correct) idea if I took any longer to speak, I curled my fingers over the door handle and let my mind say something to satisfy him. "No, Sollux." I heard my voice from somewhere outside myself, sounding strangely quiet and kind of strangled. I hoped he'd recognize it as physical pain rather than emotional. "I'm not gay." I started to climb into the car before pausing and looking back. "Give me the keys. I'm driving." He laughed and walked around the front of the car, jangling the keys in his hand as he got in.

"Get in, th'it down, and shut up, KK," he laughed as the car started. "There'th' no way in hell I'm letting you drive."

"And why the fuck not?" I shouted indignantly, pushing away the pain that rose up in my stomach when I yelled. I sat shotgun and buckled up anyway.

"Becauth'e. Would you rather walk? I can let you out right here, you can walk home if you'd prefer." I grumbled for a bit, just audibly, but didn't actually say anything to the contrary. Instead, I let my mind wander while he drove us home. Some people I knew, Sollux included, made sure their thoughts didn't stray too far from what was accepted. I, on the other hand, preferred to let my brain dwell on the things that would both pain and satisfy like nothing else, even when the thoughts themselves hurt. This was one of those times.

Shuddering, I imagined Sollux in place of my ex, repeatedly throwing his foot into my side where it shouldn't have been able to go, breaking me with a sickening, desperate, furious half-smirk. It didn't take long to shift my thoughts to a happier image; Sollux tugging me into his lap, holding my broken body against his sturdy one and kissing the tiny little cuts that riddled my forehead.

It wasn't hard to imagine how awful I looked right then, and glancing at my reflection in the side-mirror only confirmed my suspicions; sure, that had been a particularly rough... attack, but Sollux was more than right to be worried, despite his inexact knowledge of the situation. These attacks were far from infrequent, and I had practically memorized my usual appearance from the many times I'd stopped to clean myself up in the park bathroom before coming home. If anyone asked how I got so utterly fucked up, I offered something simple; "I fell off my bike," or something to that effect. Although, of the few people I encountered in there, even fewer dared to ask.

I didn't think I'd have been able to cover this up by the time they finished with me anyway, so I was torn between gratitude and embarrassment that he'd found me like this so soon into it. They normally toyed with me for anywhere from five minutes to thirty — my body was riddled with more scars than I could count, a rare one the result of some accident — but none of them had ever hurt me this bad this soon. Of course, none of them had ever been my ex, either. He only ever watched while his friends beat the shit out of me.

The sigh escaped my lips before I could hold it. I felt my chauffeur's gaze trail on me for an instance before returning to the road. It was soft and afraid and I could see he was still shaky. My heart wrenched at the thought of his worry. He cared so much. I never asked him to care. He just did. I cared about him too, of course. And he was always there just when I needed him, even when I acted like I didn't need him. But I did need him. I needed him so much it hurt. I'd needed him since we met. I'd needed him since I recognized the crush I'd been nursing for him since before I'd even accepted my sexuality. As far as I knew, however, he was straight, and either he wasn't as straight as I believed, or I'd eventually have to come to terms that he was and move on. It was part of why I was terrified to come out to him; if he thought I was suggesting that he and I get together, even if I wasn't, and looked appalled? If I told him and he turned away from me, for good? Just the thought scared me, but it was the resounding fear that settled it.

There was only one thing in life I was absolutely certain of: if I was going to allow myself the luxury of a boyfriend, not only would this guy have to make the first move, but he'd have to be ridiculously tall and lanky and be able to throw a near-lethal punch, despite doing nothing but play video games all day. He'd have to have heterochromatic eyes, one the deepest blue of the ocean and the other such a vivid brown it was almost red, nearly the same shade as my two. He'd have to wear dorky glasses with dual-colored frames that matched his eyes for his crippling nearsightedness.

He'd have to care so much it stressed him out even when I was safe and sound right next to him. He'd have to have short, smooth, raven black hair that contrasted so well with my dark brown, and he'd have to have known me and been my best friend for the better part of six years. He'd have to have fierce mood swings that even medication had stopped helping and have a secret, paralyzing terror of thunder and lightning that would send him hiding under every blanket in the house unless I managed to find and hold him close.

Yup. If I was going to allow myself the luxury of a boyfriend again, I'd have to hear the words, "Karkat, will you be my boyfriend?" out of Sollux's mouth.

Again, review please~ Thank you! ^-^