There is always hope

This is just a little two chapter story that I thought of and quickly wrote down while doing school. Hope you like it! (WARNING there are spoilers for the finale 'Name of The Doctor' if you haven't watched that yet) DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, the BBC owns everything, I'm just borrowing their gorgeous characters, blah, blah, blah. Chapter one.

"So… Trenzalore. Pros and cons for today. Let's do pros first. Number One. I didn't get killed by the Great Intelligence, courtesy of Clara. Number Two, Clara didn't get killed saving me from getting killed. She's safe in the TARDIS again, sleeping. Much needed rest, I'd say. Number Three, Vastra, Strax and Jenny are still alive. Number Four… Well, I got to three. That's pretty good for me. Time for the cons. I hate cons. Why do cons even exist? Everything should just be pros."The Doctor sighed, rambling pointlessly to himself as he fiddled with things under the console that really, really didn't need fiddling.

He was desperately trying to avoid thinking of 'the cons', knowing the only thing that he'll be able to think of if he does, is the one thing that will completely break him.

He had been forced to say goodbye to the one person in the universe he loved more than anything.

He'd lost her.

He'd lost his wife. His River was gone.

She had been the only thing keeping him going, the only reason he had the will to tie his bow tie everyday and force a smile onto his face. And now she was just… Gone.

Obviously he'd known she'd gone to the Library.

The one place he'd been dreading going to more than Trenzalore. He'd known she'd gone, and that's what forced him onto that cloud.

River had been helping him when Amy and Rory died. She was holding him together, and him her. They were struggling through it together. But then she'd had to go… She'd had to go to the Library.

And that's what had broken him.

That's why he had stumbled to Vastra, Jenny, and Strax's door. Tears blurring his vision and streaming continuously down his cheeks. The only words he'd been able to choke out when Vastra had asked what was wrong was, 'She's gone. My River's gone…'

Then Clara came. She was a wonderful distraction. The impossible girl, the only mystery left worth solving. She helped him run away from that goodbye. She had helped him run as far, and fast away from the pain of saying goodbye to his beloved wife forever.

Forever. Forever without his River to hold. To talk to, to love, to touch, to just be with.. The thought was killing him. Making him feel like someone was shoving their fist in his chest and just ripping everything out.

But now he'd done it. It was over. He'd said goodbye. No more spoilers, no more of that wonderful voice purring 'hello sweetie' in his ear. No more of that wild hair, no more running hand in hand, no more running into her at the strangest of times. No more playful bickering, no more flirting, no more teasing her about being an archaeologist, no more kisses, no more of her gun that he really shouldn't have loved as much as he did. But it was River's so of course he loved it. No more handcuffs, no more catching her when she decides to jump off a building, his heart racing because he's so scared he won't make it in time. No more River.

She had finally slipped through his fingers like the substance she was named after. Leaving a path of destruction in her wake. He had handed her his hearts and she had held them in her capable hands, caring for him, and loving him like no one else ever had.

He'd never let anyone else. Not the way he'd let her

He hadn't wanted to fall in love with her, because he thought she was an all too breakable human, and he couldn't fall in love with a human again.

But she was just so damn wonderful, how could he not fall for her?

He'd known the second he'd found that home box with 'hello sweetie' carved into it in his own language that he was already half gone.

He finally let himself fall very fast, and very hard when he'd figured out she was like him. She wasn't the short lived, breakable human he'd thought she was.

She was human +. She was almost half Time Lord! He'd known that meant they could spend centuries together. Years, and years to love each other.

And they had.

She had given him the best years of his life.

But it wasn't long enough, not even close to long enough. Only forever would be long enough for him. And even then he wasn't sure if that was enough.

Certainly not long enough for him to let her go. He would never be ready for that.

He couldn't live like this. She couldn't just show him what it's like to live with her, and love her, and then just leave him all alone. With a gaping hole in his hearts that nothing could ever fill again. It was such a big hole it felt more like she had just completely cut out his chest. Leaving him with nothing but this horrible, empty, aching feeling.

It was almost worse than it had been after the Time War.

X

The Doctor shook his head, trying to clear his head of all the thoughts he'd finally let in, attempting to wipe away the tears that were still flowing from his eyes and down his cheeks.

He'd broken the dam that had been keeping all those the thoughts at bay, and now they were flooding his mind. Unable to be repressed. He stood up abruptly from the floor, (when had he gotten there?) his hands clenched around his screwdriver. He hurled it as hard as he could at the nearest wall, making it break into pieces and fall to the ground. He was angry. At himself, for not being able to save her. At the universe for taking him from her. At Kovarian because her plan had worked. Not in the way she'd planned, but it had happened. In the most cruel way possible. Breaking his hearts. River was unintentionally killing the Doctor simply by dying, ironically in an attempt to save his pathetic life.

"What am I supposed to do!?" He yelled desperately, to no one in particular. He received no answer save the comforting hum of his TARDIS.

His shoulders slumped, and he slid to the floor again, leaning against the wall, his head in his hand as sobs shook his whole body. The only noise in the console room, was the sound of him occasionally yelling his wife's name in despair.

He was the picture of defeat. A broken hearted man who had had everything he'd loved ripped heartlessly away from him. A man who had been beaten down and broken by the universe so many times, but kept getting up anyway. Because he believed somehow, someway there is always hope. He saw no hope this time. The universe had finally broken him. Taking away his wife, the woman he loved more than life itself.

She was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Hello Sweetie..." Her voice was a whisper, choked with tears.

His head shot up, and there she was. His River.

So yeah... I hope you liked it! Comments are very much appreciated, constructive criticism or otherwise. Chapter two will be up either some time tonight or within the next few days. Whenever I decide I want to write it. Thanks for reading, and I hope you stick around for the next chapter! (It might possibly have smut in it, just a warning. I haven't decided if I want to bother writing that or not. Probably not though.)