They say when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.
But what if I didn't want lemonade? What if I hated lemons? Was there some place I could go to ask for a refund? Would the universe consider giving me something else?
Yea, probably not. Because then they'd be taking away Merlin's fun, and we all knew I was his precious little marionette. Or voodoo doll. Seeing as he loved to bring so much pain and bloody misery to my life.
I did not ask for professor Gibson to give me an T on our potion. I did not ask for Albus to get mad at me for screwing it up yet again. I did not ask to fall and get injured. I did not ask for Andrew to send me a letter and I did not ask for Potter to kiss me.
So, why?
Because shit happens, stuff breaks and we all move on? If only it were that easy. To just move on. Pretend that something did not happen, or go back in time and undo it. Do it better. Maybe this time succeeding in smacking the bloke in the face the first time.
"Ali?"
My body stiffened when I heard James' voice. I didn't bother to turn around when I saw him fly next to me from the corner of my eye. Great, just great. I came here to relax. I was here first. I was not going to let him ruin that for me.
I stayed quiet, closing my eyes and drinking in the pure serenity of the Quidditch Pitch. I always came here when I needed comfort. Quidditch was the one thing I knew I could always turn back to no matter what. Even in the darkness with its huge, eerie stands and goal posts fifty feet from the ground, I felt safe, relaxed.
Until Potter just showed up.
"I didn't know you liked to come here at night, too." Potter's soft voice cut through the silence. I stared into the night air, and tried to find the words that I'd been wanting to yell at him since he turned around and left me standing in front of Caesar's pub; drunk and flabbergasted. But for some reason… I just didn't seem to be able to.
I closed my eyes as I could feel the wind against my face and the warmth of his body from the right side of me, surrounding me in a comfortable blanket and making it impossible for my blood pressure to rise with anger. Which was weird. Because all Potter normally needed to do was breath for me to go ballistic.
I opened my eyes, and turned to look at him. His face was tilted up to the stars, a wondrous expression in his star-sprinkled hazel eyes.
"Seeing this makes me wish I took Astronomy. I love the stars." he explained, noticing my gaze.
I turned and looked up at the twinkling lights. "Who doesn't." I whispered. "It's like a beautiful, surreal blanket above our heads. Like fireflies, only burning brighter against an endless black satin. It's beautiful." I finished, and let the silence take over again.
"Not as beautiful as the person it is worshiped by." He whispered.
I looked at him and noticed he wasn't looking up anymore. His eyes found mine, catching the bright reflection of the moonlight.
"Why are you here?" I asked, finally seeming to have found my voice again.
He was silent for a minute, and if someone were to come out onto the Quidditch Field right this moment, and looked up into the circle of the moon, they would've seen two people on broomsticks – a boy and a girl – stargazing. That person would probably smile and think those two were in love, not knowing the exact opposite was in fact the truth.
"I'm sorry." Potter whispered.
I didn't respond. He should be sorry for what he did. He should be sorry for making my life a mess. For making everything so hard. For making me angry when I should've been happy. For wasting my time all these years.
For kissing me.
"I know I'm new at this whole apologizing thing, but – I'm sorry. I'm sorry for last night, I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for making you believe it was your fault we lost the game. I'm sorry."
I closed my eyes again. I was not used to him being like this. Two weeks ago, hearing Potter say the words 'I am sorry' would've meant the end was near. This guy was an absolute git. A selfish, overrated rich kid who cared about nobody else but himself. Today… it was like somebody had taken over his entire being. All I now recognized about him was his messy hair, his voice and his smell, even his eyes seemed to have changed – a certain maturity added to them. When did he suddenly decide to stop being a jerk? And why did he?
Sighing, I pushed the urge to tell him to piss off away. "I'm sorry we lost the game. I know Quidditch means a lot to you." I said, deliberately choosing not to mention anything about last night.
I glanced at Potter and saw him look down at the red and gold badge he proudly wore on his robe. He touched it lightly and I stared at his index finger as he went over the letter 'C' for captain.
"It's the only thing I have that's really mine. That I worked hard for to get." He whispered, and maybe it was just because of the pale moonlight reflection on his face that made his eyes look so soft and sincere – but I found myself almost forgiving him.
Almost.
"I know..." I searched for words, any words. "Maybe… if we changed our game strategies… we'd perform better."
Potter looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "Are you questioning my game? We've won the cup last year because of me."
See. There was vain James Sirius Potter again. I knew he was still in there somewhere. Weirdly enough, that realization let a small breath of relief escape from my mouth. My body relaxed, and I exhaled into the dark starry night.
"I'm not questioning your game. Or mine. Or any of the others. We all play fantastic as individuals, that's why we are on the team."
"But?"
I stared at his face. "But, when we play together, we are the opposite of that. It's like we're not even a team. I mean… Alice almost accidently shot Damian off his broom twice, and you saw what happened between Spencer and I."
After staring at me for another second, Potter slowly nodded his head, surprising me completely. I did not expect for him to take advise from someone else. He usually never cared about what we had to say.
"I understand." He focused his attention back on the stars above. "You think we'd perform better if we played in sync?"
"Most definitely."
"Like…" he paused, searching for the right word to finish that sentence. "A group of friends?"
Well I wouldn't go that far to describe it. I couldn't see myself befriending high maintenance twats who didn't even bother to thank you for saving their life, or who talked crap about you behind your back. But, besides that one (or maybe two, wasn't so sure about Alice yet) rotten apple, my other teammates seemed to be nice people. Minus the narcissistic captain.
I shrugged, the broom between my legs slightly moving down as I did so. "I guess, why not?"
He smirked after that. "I thought you didn't want to be my friend?"
"I don't. But I love Quidditch, and if that means I have to talk to you once in a while-"
"Oh just be honest, you want to spend more time with me."
I groaned, frustrated at his classic demeanor. "Yes. Yes, James, you got me. I just want to spend more time with you because I'm hopelessly in love with you." My voice was monotonous and dripping with sarcasm, and thankfully, he noticed that.
"Now say it like you mean it."
"No."
"Say it."
"No. I was joking."
He chuckled, the sound almost foreign to my ears.
I looked up at the sky, and for the second time that night, my breath was taken away. There was something so magical about the stars here at Hogwarts. Back home they looked nothing like this. A canopy of luminous stars materialized amongst the black sky. Some dull, merely flickering into existence every now and then, but then there was the adequate amount of shimmering stars that illuminated the dark night. The Black Lake glistened from afar, mirroring the dazzling assemblage of glittering stars. I could just see the cold wind brushing against the water's surface fro this high up, the ripples ruffling the stillness.
"So," Potter spoke again, interrupting the beautiful silence. "Does this mean we can be friends?"
I snorted. "No. This means we can be normal co-workers when on the field, but other than that, I'm still gonna try to avoid you the best I can."
"But fail miserably?" Potter continued as he looked at me. "Yea, that seems to be the summary of our relationship."
"Or the lack of." I finished, not helping but smile as I realized he was right.
゚.*・。゚
"Are you even listening? She wants to set up your cousin with your best friend."
Albus was too busy looking for the two bundles of knotgrass for our Polyuice potion to actually pay attention to what I was saying.
He nodded quickly when he found the bundles next to the leeches, his black hair sticking to his forehead thanks to the constant smoke from our cauldron that was hitting his face. I didn't even dare to think what I must've looked like. "I am listening."
"Then why aren't you rolling your eyes at this stupid idea your little sister has come up with?" I whispered, being very careful that Rose and Scorpius couldn't hear me from behind us.
"The stupid idea you agreed to take part in?" Albus looked up, pushing the wet hair out of his startling green eyes.
Did beautiful eyes run in the family?
"I only agreed because I was under the influence. Back then it seemed like a good idea." I got out between clenched teeth.
"And it doesn't now?" he asked, taking in the full table in front of us. The Polyjuice potion was probably the most difficult one we had to make this year. Luckily enough my partner happened to be good at everything. Literally. Albus was that kid that had everything – the brains, the looks, the friends, the money, the Quidditch talent – but didn't flaunt it. He gave a whole new meaning to The Boy Next Door, adding a mysterious undertone to it.
"How can you be so chill about this? Rose is your cousin. Scorpius is your best friend. Doesn't the thought of them together make you want to Avada yourself?" I followed his quick moves as he added three measures of fluxweed to our cauldron. He didn't even need to look at the board for the instructions. He was that good.
"Honestly, I don't care. Lily can do whatever she wants." He shrugged, pulling up his sleeves to his elbows.
"Oh is that what you're gonna say when she tells you she wants to marry a vampire and have hybrid babies with him? You can do whatever you bloody want? I'm sure you'd love it if your nieces and nephews asked for a bag of your blood for Christmas instead of toys." I rambled, not noticing how he stopped stirring our potion and gave me a long stare. "What?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable.
"Are you sure your fall didn't cause permanent damage? Now I wonder why James even bothers."
I rolled my eyes at him and flicked some of the leftover knotgrass in his face. "We are not talking about your brother. This is about Rose." I discreetly nodded my head towards the table behind us and Albus turned to look.
Thanks for being so obvious, mate.
Rose was writing down on her clipboard as always, Scorpius standing strangely close behind her as he watched over her shoulder what she was writing down. He brushed a piece of her hair away, supposedly to have a better look at her writing, and Rose's mouth twitched upward, as she slightly pushed her shoulder against his chest, murmuring something that made him smile.
Albus turned back around and raised his brows at me. "Maybe Lily doesn't have to interfere after all."
No. Way.
It couldn't be that easy.
Could it?
What about the whole love epiphany scenario, where they both realized they liked each other? The unresolved sexual tension, resisting going into a full blown relationship for a rather long time – the complicated dance of every romantic love story? They couldn't just… already like each other. It didn't work like that.
Did it?
Albus shrugged, as if he heard my question, and turned back to our potion. "I guess… to some love comes easy."
Love. I threw another glance at the much too happy looking pair. Scorpius laughed again and Rose rolled her eyes amused.
They barley knew each other. How could Albus describe what he saw in them as love?
゚.*・。゚
Hi mom,
Thank you for the Skittles you sent me. Muggle candy is one of the things I miss most when I'm here. Not as much as I miss you and dad, of course, but it's a close second.
I am fine, really, I just wish I didn't have to tell you a hundred times over. I didn't break anything when I fell, you know magic can heal almost anything. I didn't write you about the accident because I didn't want you to get concerned. I'm good here, as always. I'm doing okay in school, and as far as Quidditch goes… our practice time has doubled since we lost the game, which is understandable.
You don't have to worry about me, or Justin for that matter. I'm keeping a close eye on him like you ask me to every year. I'll tell him you and dad say hi and that he should write you more often.
My quill paused over the parchment. There was still one thing I hadn't told my mother. I hadn't told her about Andrew. I pondered about this for weeks. I knew telling her would change everything. But was it worth it? Did he deserve to ruin my mother's life yet again?
I exhaled and lowered my quill to the parchment.
Damian says hi (and so do Nell, Rose and Louis but he specifically asked me not to pass their regards. Probably because he wants you to pick him as your favorite so he can come over for Christmas again. He really appreciated staying with us last year.) I'll be home for the holidays in a few weeks. Dad better hasn't turned my bedroom in another doctor's office.
I hope you are well.
Love,
Ali
I attached the letter to Nell's owl and let her climb onto my shoulder. I walked over to the front of the Owlery so she could fly off into the clear sky. I rested my hands against the low brick wall and stared at the owl until I couldn't see her anymore. It was at times like these I wished I hadn't lost my owl in a gambling bet. What was I thinking? Why did I even let Damian drag me down the scariest alley in Hogsmeade?
I heard footsteps behind me, and before soon, a pair of grey eyes stared down into my own, sparkling into the cold November afternoon.
"Hi." I said surprised.
"Hi." Jacob smiled. "I'm glad to see you fully recovered."
"I'm glad to be okay." I smiled back.
"Don't you have to be in class?" he asked.
"Free period. Don't you?"
He laughed, a hand disappearing in his thick dark hair. "Same." He turned to lean his lower back against the wall, and looked at me.
I didn't realize we were staring at each other until he shook his head, smiling, and looked away.
"What was that?" I laughed.
He bit his lower lip, a lopsided grin threatening to break on his face. "Nothing."
I raised my brows at him.
Jacob sighed, but the smile never left his face. "I'm having a hard time figuring you out."
For some reason, my heart jumped at his words. And then I realized what he just told me was the exact same thing I told Potter a few nights ago in Hogsmeade. A shiver went down my spine, and I bit down my lip when I remembered the horrible kiss he forced on me that same night.
I wish I had been drunk enough not to remember.
"How so?" I asked.
As I scanned his face for a reaction the silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shattered on the ground. Suddenly, the mood changed from pleasant to awkward, which was a word I never thought I'd use to describe my interactions with Jacob. Granted, we didn't knew each other for that long, but when we talked – it always felt like we couldn't stop. I liked him, and I was sure my friends would love him, but for some reason introducing him to my friends felt like a scary thing to do. Almost as if I was… making something official.
I expected him to shake his head, smile or shrug his sudden behavior off, but he did none of those things. Instead he pushed himself off the wall and turned to look at me.
"Have you ever had… a gut feeling, that keeps whispering in your ear that you should do something? Even if you don't know if that thing is the right thing to do?"
I slowly nodded my head yes. I knew the feeling all too well.
Jacob swallowed, his eyes having trouble finding mine, but, eventually, resting on my face.
"I don't tend to question things too much. If it feels right, I go for it." he whispered.
I stared at him. My hands suddenly tightening on the brick wall.
"I think I like you. In a more-than-friends kind of way. And I was wondering if you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me the next trip."
Wait… what?
What just happened? I just stared at him open mouthed. My brain formulated no thoughts other than to register that I was shocked. I closed my mouth, then looked at my feet before glancing up to catch his waiting glance.
"I… don't know what to say."
Great, Ali, that's a fantastic answer. Splendid!
He scratched the top of his head, a loose strand of his hair falling in front of his eyes. "You could say yes?"
"I… don't know. Jacob, you kind of just sprung this on me."
His hand fell from his face, and his eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry. I guess I've been interpreting this thing wrong the whole time."
"Jacob – I."
Jacob shook his head and turned away for me. "Never mind. I get it."
"No, it's just that I don't –"
"Know how you feel?" he turned to glance at me briefly. "I know. You're making it quite obvious. I'll just leave."
I blinked. Suddenly, I felt horrible. I never thought about him in any other way than I thought about Damian or Louis. I liked Jacob. I felt comfortable whenever he was around which I did not have with a lot of people. You know that person, you don't see or hear that often, but when you do – you feel like you have only seen each other yesterday? I thought Jacob was just that. Why did it need to be more than that?
Before I knew what I was doing, I turned around and pushed myself away against the wall. "Jacob, wait!"
I took one step closer to him as he turned around, his eyebrows raised in expectation, his hands balled at his sides awaiting what I had to say… and then… I got stuck.
"I… I'm sorry." I whispered.
For a few seconds long, nothing happened, but then Jacob's face relaxed – only for a split second, until his eyes narrowed back into place.
"I'm sorry to hear you're sorry." He said, turning around to leave the room where he came from only a few minutes ago.
What in Merlin's name just happened?
A.N.: I'm baaaaack. Kind of. I'm actually still studying for my exams and I'll be officially back around February. But I couldn't help but upload. Exams are killing me and I needed to blow of some steam! So, here I aaaaam.
I wanted to say one more thing about this chapter real quick: I'm not a big fan of love triangles. For those who are… I'm sorry to disappoint you, and for those who aren't… this might be a good thing. So, before you roll your eyes at how super cliché this whole Jacob-Ali-James thing is, just know that I introduced Jacob for a reason. Be patient and you'll find out ;)
Hope to see you soon!
ps: Let me know what you think will happen next. Or what you want to happen, maybe I can work some of your ideas into this story ;)