DISCLAIMER: Star Trek: Voyager and the characters in this story belong to Paramount. The story events and any errors are entirely my own.

Sailing the Stars

Chapter 1

The turbolift doors slid open, and Captain Janeway stepped into the corridor. "I'll meet you on Holodeck 2 in ten minutes," she told Chakotay. "I'll bring the champagne." She had a grin on her face that he had thought he would never see again, and his own face lit up.

Chakotay entered his quarters and quickly searched for appropriate "sailing" clothes. He settled on a pair of khaki slacks and a white shirt, deciding to go casual by leaving the top three buttons unfastened. Too much? No, it was okay. Was it? He couldn't decide, and finally, in frustration, just left the buttons as they were and headed for the door. He refused to be late because of a shirt!

Chakotay reached the holodeck first. "Computer," he instructed, "begin program Lake George, night sailing, automated vessel."

"Please specify size of sailing vessel."

"Two-person occupancy," Chakotay responded. He stepped through the doors and stopped to take in the surroundings. The program resembled the lake he had played in as a child. Trees lined a sandy pathway to the edge of the water. A perfectly placed, full Earth moon softly lit the area and shined on the polished surface of the water. He followed the trail and spied a wooden dock with a small blue-and-white sail boat moored to the posts. As he started toward the boat, he also noticed a clearing off to the right with a log cabin perched on a slight rise. The cabin was small, more like a fishing hut than a vacation home, but it was quaint and fit the scenery perfectly.

Chakotay stopped halfway to the dock, wanting to stay within eyesight of the holodeck entrance so the Captain could find him when she entered. Just as he turned to look back up the path, the doors slid open and she walked in. His eyes went wide for a moment, just a moment, before he collected himself. God, she was beautiful!

Janeway had chosen to wear all white. She had on trousers, fitted at the waist and hips but loose and flowing in the legs for ease of movement. The white blouse was a thin, silky material that slid over her curves before tucking neatly into her waistband. Her shoes were a shiny, flat loafer, the tapered toes barely peaking from under the wide legs of her slacks. She had taken her hair down from its usual tight, regulation chignon and pinned back just the front wisps with a simple, gold barrette. The soft moonlight danced and played off her auburn tresses, which created an almost aural glow around her. Her lips were tinted pink, and the flush in her face told Chakotay that she was excited about trying out the program. He just hoped he could push away the distraction of her enough not to dump them both in the water! Surely, the safety protocols wouldn't let that happen.

Chakotay called out to her and waved his hand. "Here, Captain! Are you ready to launch?" She walked down the sandy trail, taking note of the cabin as she passed. She stood gazing at the water for a moment and then assessed the sail boat.

Janeway reached his side and smiled at him as they walked together the rest of way to the dock. She was first on the pier and easily hopped onto the boat. Chakotay could tell she was an experienced sailor and used to being on the water. Was there anything his Captain wasn't good at? Well, besides cooking. Somehow, he doubted it. The woman had proven time and again that she had a natural command of everything. Including him.

"Well, Captain, what do you think?" he asked her.

Janeway turned to face him, tilting her head slightly, and said, "I think you should call me Kathryn. At least while we are here."

She smiled at him again, the twinkle in her eye letting Chakotay know that she was decidedly off duty and ready to relax. "Alright, Kathryn," he said. "I took the liberty of choosing an automated vessel. It would be difficult to enjoy a champagne picnic while manning the sail."

"A picnic?" she asked.

"I put together a basket for us. Fresh fruit, bread and cheese; nothing fancy."

She glanced at the basket. "It sounds perfect. I'm not much good at 'fancy' anyway," she laughed.

The music of her jollity nearly made him stumble, but he caught himself. "I guess I need to get my sea legs," he chuckled. Just hours ago he had been crying her name in anguish, watching the life slip from her body. To have her here with him, relaxed and eager for adventure on the lake, was a shock to his system. Chakotay had learned to keep a tight rein on his emotions, striving for a professional distance from her to maintain the Commander-to-Captain relationship she demanded. He was finding that distance narrowing in on him and the feelings much harder to control.

Chakotay took a deep breath and began laying out a blanket on the deck of the boat. Kathryn leaned over the stern railing and untied the knot holding the small craft to the dock. He stole a quick glance at her and had to immediately look away again. Yes, his self-discipline would be taxed to its limits tonight!

An offshore breeze was blowing, and as soon as the knot was loose, the boat drifted away from its anchoring and began on a slow circuit of the water. Kathryn sat on the blanket across from Chakotay and folded her legs under her. He opened the champagne and poured them both a glass.

"Are you hungry, yet?" he asked her.

"No," she sighed. "I just want to enjoy the ride for a while." She twirled the stem of her glass in her hands, staring off across the water over his shoulder and attempting to gather her thoughts.

"It was so real, Chakotay!" she cried in a sudden outburst. "As hard as I fought against what was happening to me, I watched myself die. Over and over again! I saw my own funeral. I felt the grief of the crew as they prepared to move on without me."

As abruptly as she had started, she now quieted. "I cannot help but wonder. Is that really what it would be like if I died, or was that just one of many scenarios the alien might have shown me to get me to stop resisting him?" She looked him full in the face, the confusion and worry evident in her features. "Have I lived my own death?"

Chakotay knew he couldn't answer that question for her. Kathryn had to work through it in her own mind and find her own way to cope as she always did. He could only be whatever she needed right now, and if that meant letting her dark blue eyes roam his face, his strength, the life within him, without reaction, then he would give her that. He steeled himself to remain serene for her.

Kathryn saw the softening of his jawline and knew he was struggling to give her what he could. He was strong and sure, and she trusted him implicitly. Her trust was not something Kathryn gave readily, and rarely ever completely. But she knew him to be honorable, almost noble, and without question she believed Chakotay could hold Voyager, its crew, and her own life in his capable hands without fail. He had already proven her that many times over.

Kathryn felt the stirring in her heart of the feelings she had for him. Yes, she did feel for him deeply. Until now, she had locked away those emotions in a remote corner of her mind. Her crew, and her promise to get them home no matter how long the journey took, were the driving forces of her life on Voyager. She would allow nothing and no one to get in her way. Did that include Chakotay, she wondered. Would he be in the way after everything we have been through together? He shares the same dogged determination as I do to see the Alpha Quadrant again. Is it possible we could be more than Captain and Commander and still keep Voyager first?

It was too much for Kathryn to process right now. She was here with him to forget her duties for a while, not to decide the fate of their futures. Whatever was happening, she wanted desperately to just let it happen and leave the big questions for another day. The only decision that mattered right now was the one she planted firmly in the front of her thoughts: she would celebrate life and take this one night for herself.

Chakotay noticed the faraway look on her face. She was no longer seeing him, but some part of herself he couldn't reach. His concern evident in his voice, he asked, "Kathryn? Are you alright?"

She brought her focus back to him and gave him a shy smile. "I'm sorry. I guess I was lost in my thoughts for a moment."

He relaxed again and shot her a half-grin, the corner of his mouth curling upward and the eyebrow below his tribal mark rising slightly.

Kathryn needed a moment more to weigh her decision about him. Trying to distract Chakotay, she waved her right hand to the side as she said, "I know you grew up around a lake like this. I assume your people were very skilled at anything to do with boats."

Chakotay looked around him at the simulated wilderness and felt a little homesick. "Yes," he sighed, "It was very much like this. My sister and I spent countless hours in the water when we were kids. My grandfather taught me everything from how to sail to how to build a canoe. Maybe I'll start using this program more often."

Chakotay saw they had reached the approximate center of the water. To their right, the shore of the lake was visible as a darker line leading to the trees; to their left was open water to the horizon and the low, large full moon. "Computer," he commanded, "halt vessel."

The small boat slowed and came to a stop. The breeze that had been filling the sail began to die down. "It is beautiful here," he told Kathryn. "I thought we could just drift and take in the scenery for a while."

"I'm sure Mr. Paris could program in a lagoon creature or two for you, if you like," Kathryn teased.

Chakotay grinned at her and shook his head. "No, that's okay." Suddenly his smile vanished and his voice softened. "I've had enough of uninvited life forms for a while."

He looked at Kathryn with such intensity that she remembered again how broken he had been when she lay dying on that cave floor after their shuttle crash. Chakotay had done everything in his power to breathe life back into her, but the alien presence invading Kathryn's brain had kept her at death's door. He looked so wounded, even now, that she reached over to him and placed her hand on top of his.

"It's okay, Chakotay," she whispered. "I'm here. We are here, together. You didn't lose me."

Chakotay heard her soft words, and something in the timbre of her voice told him that she wasn't just comforting him. She was telling him something, something important. He turned his hand over under hers and grasped her fingers. He searched her eyes, hoping to find that he was right, that they were together in a way different from anything she had allowed before. Together as they should have been on New Earth.

Kathryn stared back into him, willing him to see what she was trying to say. She opened her heart and her mind to Chakotay, even that corner where she had so carefully and deeply buried her emotions toward him. She wanted him to know what she had been hiding all along but wasn't ready to voice to him yet. She wanted him to understand that, for this night at least, she was totally and completely his. She felt a blush rise to her cheeks, and a subtle heat that she hadn't allowed herself in a very long time stole through her body as she entwined her fingers with his.