I'm sorry

Sorry for all this

You trusted me

Yet here we are

Broken apart

It's my fault

It always is

You said you loved me

I said I loved you too

I was lying

I only wanted to make you happy

Really I did

You were my best friend

You meant the world to me

So I lied

It was okay at first

Just cuddling with you

The odd kiss here and there

But it got harder

Harder to cover up my lies

You started to notice

You asked me

You asked me what was wrong

I said it was nothing

Nothing to worry about

Another lie of course

It was eating me alive

I couldn't go on like this

I would try to fake a smile as you told me how much you loved me

But I never loved you

It was horrible

Having to pretend everyday

Trying to summon up feelings I had never had

Having to live my life as one huge lie

Then it happened

I told you how I felt

I knew it was a mistake

That I was only going to hurt you

But I did it anyway

The look on your face when I told you

That's what broke my heart

Your amazing smile faded

Tears gathered in your eyes beautiful blue eyes

You tried to stay strong

Tried to tell me it was okay

I thought it would be

I thought everything would be okay

But it wasn't

It broke my heart to see you like this

You started to lock yourself away in your room

All I could hear was your sobs of pain

I had done this

I had hurt you

It physically hurt

I really didn't mean to hurt you

I really didn't

I loved you

Of course

I loved you in a way you didn't love me

I cared about you

Id do anything to make you happy

Yet

I was the one that made you this unhappy

We grew apart

Never speaking

Always avoiding each other

It killed me

It killed me inside to not have my best friend to talk to

You weren't him anymore

Just an empty shell of a broken man

You started to starve yourself

Hurt yourself

Anything you could to punish yourself

You thought it was your fault

Your fault that I didn't love you

You had that permanently branded into your mind

I tried to tell you it wasn't your fault

Tried to tell you to stop

You didn't

You kept going

Then the day came

You finally lost it

Couldn't take life anymore

Did you think you were doing the best thing?

Leaving me all on my own

Letting my find your limp, motionless body on the bathroom floor

That day changed my life

I lost my best friend

The one person who ever meant something to me

You know

Maybe I did love you

Maybe I was just trying to tell myself I didn't

I guess I'll never know now

You're gone

I can't lie to you anymore

I can't hurt you with my lies