Prompt #2: Metaphor

"Testing? Testing… "

[Pause. There is shuffling in the background, followed by a nervous giggle and shushing.]

"Ahem. This recording is the academic property of Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter, Sixth Years, Herbology. It is November the fifth and today we are documenting the scientific process of extracting seedling pods from Nimbulus Nimbletonia…"

[More shuffling. The tape breaks off. When it comes back on, there's laughter, more shushing, and an "Ow!"]

"Wait, shhh, shhh, it's back on again."

"Ahem. Ready, men?"

"Yessir."

"Sir, yes sir!"

[A pause.]

"… Padfoot!"

"Ow!... Okay, fine. Just… just go slow."

"You take the back. Peter, up front with me. Prongs, whenever you're ready."

[Shuffling… squelching.]

"… So far so good."

"Euch, it's warm."

"Don't think about it."

"… So far so good…"

"Insertion approximately halfway complete."

"… So far so-"

"Wormtail! Shut up."

"Ow."

"Hold on."

"Ow…"

[Rustling. Clanging as someone switches positions and kicks a metal pail.]

"OUCH!"

"Hold on a second!"

"I can't, it hurts."

"Relax! It's easier to insert if you relax."

"Fuck!"

"Padfoot?"

"Mooney? What now?"

"Prongs!"

"Extract. Extract right now!"

"OUCH!"

"Pull out, Prongs! I repeat, pull out!"

"I can't! It's stuck! It's wedged in there!

"RELAX, PADFOOT!"

"YOU FUCKING RELAX!"

"Wait, now I'm in pain! Why's it so tight?"

[More rustling, clanging, a splash.]

"Clenching! Why's it clenching!"

"It's just flexing! It does that! Just… Hold on a second. Peter, man the fort."

"What?"

[The sound of a rubber glove being pulled off. Thuds. Pages being flipped.]

"Owwwwwwwww…"

[Snorting. Coughing. Pause. Silence broken only by quiet moaning in the background.]

"Something funny, Evans?"

"…My pain is not funny!"

"…Nor mine!"

[A new voice. A female voice.]

"Nothing's funny. I think Professor Sprout's going to really enjoy your tape, boys."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing at all. Maybe you should try stroking it, relieve some of the tension."

[Pause.]

"By Jove, Prongs old lad maybe you should stroke it!"

"Relieve some of the tension!"

[Scrambling.]

"Shove over, Padfoot! You're going about it all wrong, men. You've got to be softer, like this…"