I Just Wanted a Normal Life
By: pnaixrose

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and CCS. But I did make up the bad person.

Chapter 1: Syaoran's Secret

An auburn haired girl groaned loudly as she walked beside her best friend. "Oh jeez. We had a ton of math for homework last night." She just hated math. It was her worst subject. Who would ever want to learn about numbers anyway?

"Don't worry. I'm sure you got it right, Sakura," replied the ever so kind Tomoyo, trying to brighten her up as always.

It was a normal Thursday morning for Kinomoto Sakura. It seems like her rather important title of Card Mistress didn't seem to change her personality at all. She had woken up late, changed into her school uniform, swallowed her breakfast whole and now she was walking with Daidouji Tomoyo, her best friend and cousin, to school. The only thing different from most other days was that she wasn't racing to school hoping that the late bell wouldn't ring. You see, she definitely wasn't a morning person.

"Ohayou!" The two friends greeted their friends as they entered their classroom. Everyone waved back with cheerful smiles on their faces as they made their way to their desks across the room.

As the Card Mistress sat down near the corner of the large classroom, she noticed that a certain amber eyed boy wasn't there. She couldn't believe it. The punctual, serious, perfect attendance student wasn't here? This had to be a sign that the world was ending! She turned to Hiiragazawa Eriol who was sitting behind Tomoyo. "Eriol, where's Syaoran?"

The teen shrugged in response. "He hasn't come in yet. Why do you ask? Are you worried about him?" he answered with a sly grin. Tomoyo grinned as she looked on with interest. It was always fun to tease Sakura about Li Syaoran. Ever since the two had become pretty close, Eriol and Tomoyo had realized that the two "rivals" looked cute together. Now Eriol never passed an opportunity to joke around with the rather innocent girl.

Sakura turned red with embarrassment. Eriol did this to her often, teasing her about Syaoran. She still couldn't get used to it. "I…uh…I was just wondering because…he usually isn't this late."

"Well I do agree with you, he's never late," he replied. As the door slid open and the teacher walked in, the three looked at each other in confusion. "I guess he's not coming in today," Eriol added as the class started to quiet down.

"Sakura, do you think he's all right?" Tomoyo whispered in a worried tone. She really was starting to get worried. For all the years Li Syaoran has been here with them, he had never been absent. Not once. Something must have happened to him. Was it something bad?

"I don't know. I'll go to his apartment and see if he's okay. Do you guys want to come?"

"Hmm…" The blue haired sorceror thought for a minute then smiled. "Sorry but I have to tutor Tomoyo. Right?" Eriol winked at the raven haired maiden and she nodded in quick understanding.

"Oh, yes. But you should still go, Sakura," she replied brightly, realizing that Eriol wanted to play a little matchmaking, "Syaoran would be happy to see you." Although she was deeply concerned about Syaoran, the idea of Sakura and Syaoran alone together sounded so cute! Too bad she couldn't be there to video tape it!

"AHEM! Would you three in the back like to share what you're whispering about?" the teacher shouted in annoyance.

"Hoee…gomen…"

That whole day poor Kinomoto Sakura couldn't concentrate. She was worried…worried about a certain amber-eyed someone.

Sakura stepped up nervously to the apartment door in front of her. She's been here plenty of times before, but for some reason she felt nervous this time. Maybe it was because all the other times, she was with either Tomoyo or Eriol. Now she was alone. Alone at his door.

She didn't understand why she was afraid to go in there by herself. She didn't know why the thought of her and Syaoran alone together was nerve wracking. It was odd. She and him were really good friends. Shaking her head, she realized she was being silly. There was nothing to be scared of. This was just Syaoran after all. Besides, maybe he had some kind of problem and that's why he couldn't go to school today. That was the reason she had come here in the first place right? Well, standing outside wouldn't help him.

'Well, here goes nothing.'

She rang the doorbell and indeed nothing came. Even though she waited a couple more minutes, the door didn't move. Getting a bit impatient and anxious, she gripped the doorknob and turned. To her surprise, it opened without a problem. Syaoran was never reckless enough to leave his apartment door open. Besides, he had a thing about people barging in without being invited.

After closing the door behind her, she walked in slowly and noticed the familiar, spotless apartment. Syaoran had always been a neat freak and had always had everything organized. But as she stood there, she couldn't help but realize that everything was only furniture was a couch and a coffee table and absolutely no other decoration brightened up the room. Seeing that the room's walls were a pure white, his whole living room seemed so...blank.

"Eriol, that was really smart of you," Tomoyo said giggling as she scribbled in her notebook. They were in Eriol's huge dining room talking while doing their horrid homework.

He looked up and grinned at her, an evil glint in his azure eyes. "They needed a little push towards their relationship, if you know what I mean." Eriol sighed, fiddling with his glasses a bit. "It's so obvious that they like each other. They just don't know it. Sometimes it's just so frustrating because they're so perfect for each other and they care about each other so much. But they simply don't react. Either that or they're both deathly afraid of rejection or something." He and Tomoyo had been trying to match up the two lovebirds for quite awhile now. Not much progress now, but they had to be getting somewhere, right?

Behind his glasses, he noticed the look on his companion's face saddened a bit as she stared dazedly at the open text book in front of her. Tomoyo often daydreamed, but not like this. Her daydreams were usually filled with "KAWAII"s and star filled eyes. She was rarely ever passive as she went off into one of her dream worlds. "Tomoyo? Something wrong?"

She nearly jumped out of her seat as she realized Eriol had noticed. Feeling his eyes on her, she stuttered, trying to find the right words to say. "Well...I..." It was hard to say really. And it was quite embarrassing. She had just been contemplating about Syaoran and Sakura's relationship. Eriol was right, it was obvious that they like each other and that they care about each other more than regular friends. It's just...just once she wished someone felt that way about her. She was ready to love someone, she really was. Tomoyo knew it was dumb to be praying for your one true love to just come flying through the front door. After all, she was still young and had her whole life to find her soul mate. But still...she wished. "It's dumb, Eriol," she finally replied, a tint of red on her cheek. "You wouldn't want to know."

Eriol chuckled a bit. Oh, dear Tomoyo. She really was an enigma. One moment she was shrieking about capturing kawaii footage on her video camera and the next she would be in deep thought. It was almost as if she had changed personalities as quick as that. But no, that was just how she was. Sometimes she seemed she could be read like an open book...then you realize that she was hiding so much more inside herself. Tomoyo simply amazed him sometimes. Never before, not even in his memories as Clow Reed, had he ever found a person quite like her. He looked at her gently. "Tell me. I'll bet you it's not as dumb as you think."

She avoided his gaze in deep embarassment as she let out a giggle. "Well...it's just that...I was thinking about Sakura and Syaoran and how they seemed so perfect for each other and how they care about each other and I...I just..."

A slight smile appeared on his face. "You want someone to care for you that way, too?"

Wow. She stared at him in open shock. He was right. It was like he was reading her mind. Then she realized that maybe he was. After all, part of him was Clow Reed. That means he had amazing powers. "D-Did you just read my mind or something, Eriol?"

He chuckled as he shook his head. "Honestly, no I didn't. Was I correct though? You wish for someone to...love you basically?"

Tomoyo blushed a bit. She would have never thought of having this conversation with him. But she didn't feel the slightest uncomfortable around him...just a bit embarrassed. She nodded. "Yes. I know it's stupid but-"

He shook his head quickly, placing a warm, comforting hand on top of hers. "Don't say that, Tomoyo. It's not stupid at all. Everyone wants to find that special someone for them, including myself actually." He gave one of those heart melting smiles. "And I'm sure you'll find the person you love the most."

She looked at him in amazement. Tomoyo had always known Eriol to be a kind gentleman, but she had never known he was sensitive too. And his hand...it was so warm. She even felt it go up to her cheeks and realized she was blushing madly. She gave a sincere smile that unknowing to her, made his heart pound faster in his chest. "Arigatou, Eriol."

And with that they resumed with their homework in a rather comfortable silence. The small conversation seemed to open a new door to them both as they slowly learned things they had never known about each other. It was a nice feeling, being alone together and they both wished that the serene moment would never end. But never did they suspect two certain pairs of eyes staring at them from the doorway.

The human girl - so it seemed - pulled away from her spying place as she turned to a flying cat, her eyes sparkling in excitement. "Did you see that, Suppi? Did you see?" She grabbed his small paws as she twirled around, her dark brown hair flying in the air.

They were Eriol's guardians: Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun. However, they were both in their temporary forms, Ruby Moon as a human girl named Nakuru and Spinel Sun as a small flying cat which was nicknamed Suppi by his fellow guardian. They had been with Eriol ever since they could remember and helped him with everything, even household chores. The two guardians had never really gotten along all too well, but Nakuru's constant hyperness often lightened the mood.

The flying black cat glared at his counterpart and sighed, flying away from her and floating in midair a few feet away. Ruby Moon would never change. But indeed, something seemed really odd about how Eriol and Daidouji were acting. The little cat had never seen his master this way and it was very interesting. "It seems like Daidouji-san already found the person she loves most…right in front of her." It wasn't often that the guardian cared about anything like this but after all, this was about his master.

"Eriol seems to like her too. I can see it in their eyes." Nakuru jumped up and down gettingmore excited by the master's first love? Could it be? Oh, Eriol deserved it too! He deserved to be happy and content with life. Now this was his chance. She smiled as she continued to watch the two teens in the dining how things will turn out is going to be fun! "How kawaii!"

Sakura walked around slowly, looking at her surroundings. She couldn't find the amber eyed boy anywhere. But when she scanned the place she felt like his apartment was so…lonely. In the kitchen all that was in there was just the basic necessities. He didn't have a single picture on the wall or on a table. He didn't even have a television or radio! She wondered why it seemed so empty. Was this how he was inside? Just an empty shell?

But he had such a great personality. Intelligent, sincere, athletic, and sometimes he was even sweet. Not to mention he was quite good looking. Especially when he gave those rare smiles. Sometimes her heart would just melt. Sure, sometimes he was a little quiet and dazed off into space but that only proved that his mind was always running, always thinking. So why would such a mind have such an empty apartment?

Peeking into a room, she pushed the door open with a slight squeak. It seemed to be his bedroom. Her emerald eyes saddened as she looked around. Only a study table, a bookshelf, a closet in the corner, a dresser and a bed was in there. Again, no decorations, no pictures, not even littered clothes on the floor. Again...so empty.

She immediately saw him as her eyes roamed to his bed. Sakura didn't even think as she ran towards his side. He was laying there, the covers over his tired body as he panted heavily. His weary amber eyes widened a bit as he saw her face hanging over him. What was she doing here, in his bedroom?

Sakura didn't like seeing him like this. In fact, she hated it. She hated seeing him so weak when most of the time he strived to prove he was strong. It was one of those manly things, she guessed. But now, here he was, tired and barely able to move. A pang hit her heart. She hated the way his usual deep, sincere amber eyes looked now...dull and tired. "Syaoran-kun! What's wrong?"

"S-Sakura? What are…you doing…here?" His voice came out raspy, as if he hadn't talked in ages. He knew he probably looked terrible, but he couldn't help but feel...happy. She was here beside him even when he hadn't told her to come.

This girl...he had known from the moment he had seen her for the first time...she was...different. As he began to get to know her, she continued to surprise him with her undying loyalty to her friends and family. He had once thought that no one could ever be that happy and cheerful all the time...but she was. However, at this moment he felt guilty. Sakura's usual bright smile had vanished from her face and instead was a worried look. A worried look...for him.

She lay a hand against his forehead and frowned in concern as she felt how warm he was. He was all red, partly because he had a fever and partly because Sakura was touching his face.

"Syaoran! You're burning up!" she exclaimed in worry."Are you okay? What happened?"

Immediately, she noticed how his eyes saddened and looked distant. Something had definitely happened to him...something bad she supposed. If only there was something she could do to help him. Syaoran had always looked out for her and helped her back in her Card capturing days...and even now. She wanted to return his kindness.

Looking at her wide emerald eyes, he suddenly felt his whole body shiver. This girl...there was something about her. That's why he had agreed to something dangerous yesterday. He would protect her...no matter what. It was the least he could do for her. She had changed him so much already and was still doing so. He had learned many things from her and had experienced many unknown feelings around her. That's why...that's why...

-FLASHBACK-

Ring…Ring…Ring…

The amber eyed boy glared at the ringing machine as he abruptly stopped a sword technique midway. Darn phone. It always rang when he was busy. "Moshi moshi? Li residence," Syaoran greeted dully as he picked up the phone.

"Syaoran, this is your mother," came a curt voice from the other end.

The boy blinked in confusion as he heard her. His mother barely called unless it was a special occasion. "Mother?"

"Listen son, the leader of the Li clan stepped down from being the leader."

That was his mother all right. Straight to the point. But what she said startled him so much that he dropped his sword and with a clatter, it landed on the floor. He couldn't be hearing that right...the leader of the clan stepped down? "What?"

"He said it was because there is a new Card Mistress and…" his mother paused as if trying to think of the right words to say. But Syaoran understood. He understood completely.

"I know… because if he remains to be the leader he will have to…" Even he couldn't finish. It was just too scary a thought.

"Yes. You have to help the Li clan."

An order as usual. "What can I do?"

"You have to be the leader of the Li clan," came the simple reply.

His whole body froze. A role that big was given to him. "What? Why me?" It wasn't that he wasn't thrilled to be given the highest position in his clan. Oh no, when he was younger he would've given anything to be asked to become the leader. Anyone in his clan would kill for that role if the circumstances were different. But now...

"The leader has to be a male. It's been a tradition. There is no other male in the Li clan who would take the job because they're either not qualified to be the leader or they're scared about what will happen to them if they do."

Syaoran didn't reply. He was speechless. How could this be happening? The leader had a responsibility and he was supposed to carry them through no matter what. Damn...if only their leader - well ex-leader now - wasn't such a coward! But now his mother was asking, no, ordering him to do it?

"Xiao Lang, please. The elders are begging you. If no one takes the place to be the leader then he will surely kill the Card Mistress."

His heart stopped immediately as soon as she mentioned her. Sakura...not alive? That thought...that thought was truly hard to grasp. She out of all people didn't deserve that. "He'll kill Sakura?" he asked in a dark voice. But he already knew the answer.

"Yes."

He was trapped. Either let Sakura, a really important person to him, die...or...

Syaoran inhaled slowly, trying to find his voice. He decided. He would never let anyone hurt her, no matter what. Even if he had to climb mountains and cross seas for her. Even if he had to fight all the deadliest criminals in the world. Even if he had to...die. He wouldn't, couldn't, let anyone hurt her...ever. "...I'll do it..."

A uncomfortable silence came between the two. He heard his mother give a sigh of relief. "…I will tell the elders right away…"

Syaoran put the phone down and stared dazedly at it. He couldn't believe what he had agreed to. Sure he had become the most powerful authority in his notorious clan but he'd have to face a lot...he'd have to sacrifice a lot. But he had to. It was for her. It was so that Sakura would continue to smile her heart melting smiles.

It was so Sakura would live.

Syaoran's chest filled with emotion. He couldn't take it anymore. The suddenness and the stress of this was too much. He bolted out the door in a stream of emotion and didn't even bother to close the door behind him. He needed to think somewhere peaceful and quiet. Hearing nothing but his footsteps against the cement, he ran blindly to the park.

Sitting down on a nearby swing, his hands gripped onto the chains tightly. His mind was in a muddle but somehow this place comforted him. After all, this exact swing held vivid memories in his heart. And of course it was about a certain emerald eyed girl. Like when Yukito told her that he wasn't the one for her, Syaoran was there to tell her that everything would be all right when she started crying her heartbroken heart.

He didn't know how long he had stayed there but soon, dark rain clouds came. In a few minutes, the cold rain pelted against his body. Nevertheless, he didn't move an inch. He just couldn't believe it. What he had just agreed to was a no-win situation. Gritting his teeth, he sat there alone and…scared.

'If I want to protect her…I'll…'

-END OF FLASHBACK-

"Syaoran?" a concerned voice said, waking him from his daze.

He looked into her sweet emerald eyes and almost forgot his worries. Syaoran forced a smile to try to comfort her. "I was out in the rain last night…"

She immediately frowned. How could he just carelessly go and do something like that? "Syaoran, you baka. Surely you knew that you would get a cold."

He gave a small, sincere smile, happy that she was concerned. "Gomen…"

"Why were you in the rain in the first place?"

There was a long silence as the smile faded from his face, leaving him to look like a pale, frightened boy.

Sakura looked at him skeptically. Why isn't he talking? Wasn't it that they talked about mostly everything that was on their minds? He was hiding something. She could feel it. Yet, he didn't look ready to tell her what it was. She didn't want to be snoopy.

"It's okay, Syaoran. You don't have to tell me. Oh, I'll get a wet cloth to put on your forehead," Sakura said with a smile and took off out of the room in a hurry.

Watching her rush away, Syaoran lay there weakly and silently a few seconds. Never before had anyone cared about him this much. She didn't even expect anything in return. She didn't want anything...she was just sincerely thoughtful. He had never met anyone like that.

Sakura quickly returned with a wet towel at hand. "Here you go, Syaoran." She said leaving the towel on his head. He instantly felt the coolness hit him and already started to calm his breathing down. Actually…maybe it wasn't the wet towel. It was probably because he saw that Sakura cared about him.

"Sakura…why? Why are you…doing…this?" he asked slowly.

Sakura looked at him with a blush coming across her face. Why was she doing this? Why was she so deeply worried about him? Why did she feel such pain when she saw that he was weak? She stared down at his curious amber eyes, smiling a bit. "Because…you're my friend. That's what friends do right?"

"Oh...yeah. A friend." He felt his heart slowly drop a bit. But what did he expect her to say? Surely she didn't feel anything more about him. That thought was simply impossible.

Long silence.

"Syaoran?" Sakura started quietly, "Why is you're apartment so…empty?"

The question surprised him. It was the thing he least expected her to say. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because I'm worried." He looked at her in confusion and she shrugged a bit, looking away shyly. "Oh, it's just that a room reflects on the person's life. So when I saw that you're room was so…empty and lonely… I was worried that's how you felt inside." She glanced at him and saw that his eyes had suddenly grew distant once again. Maybe she had been right. Maybe Syaoran was secretly lonely.

Syaoran thought for a minute sadly. Feeling her curious eyes glance at him, he sighed and turned over on his bed so that he wasn't facing her. This topic...it...wasn't one that he particularly liked. Especially after what happened yesterday. "Sorry…but …can I go to sleep?"

"Of course."

Sakura stared at his once open amber eyes, sleeping peacefully. He was such a mystery to her, and now that there was one more secret that he was obviously hiding, she felt determined to crack through his quiet exterior. Syaoran was lonely...she'd be the one to keep him company from now on. It was as simple as that. Besides, she liked being around him. She always felt safe and happy. But she just wanted to see him smile...all the time.

"Sakura? Is something wrong? You can go home if you want…" said a sleepy Syaoran who had his eyes slightly opened.

She blushed as she realized she had been staring at his handsome face. "Syaoran…I-I…"

"Yes?"

She paused, not knowing what to say next. "I...I think I'll go home now…hope you feel better!" she said with a smile and kissed him on the cheek. Both of them turned red.

"I'm…sorry…I…" She hadn't even realized that she had done that! Oh, how embarrassing!

"It's okay…" Syaoran said his face red with fever and from the kiss on his forehead. He hadn't minded at all actually.

"…I'll see you tomorrow at school if you feel better. Ja." Sakura left the apartment in a hurry, still bright red. She couldn't believe she had made such a fool of herself like that in front of him. He probably thought she was weird now. Hoeee...

Syaoran sighed as his blush faded. This girl was amazing sometimes. So unexpected, so innocent and sweet. She was...the one he loved. Yes, it was the truth. Li Syaoran loved Kinomoto Sakura. He thought about her constantly, caught himself staring at her thoughtful emerald eyes when she wasn't looking, wished she would one day feel the same. But she didn't...and she wouldn't ever feel the same. She had said it herself...they were just friends.

'Sakura...I wish you loved me back...but if you did it would be harder to let go wouldn't it? Especially now... Yeah...It's a good thing you don't feel the same. '

At those last thoughts Syaoran fell into a fitful sleep.