Bakura: Master Party Planner from the Stars and Beyond!
A Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction by SpookyChild
Author's Notes:
Hello, happy freakin' holidays. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, uhh…Kwazy Kwanzaa, Spiffy Solace, and…well, that's it. Oh, Happy 'Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers' premier! I just saw it, and now I'm thinking that I like Legolas more than Bakura and Ryou…but, that can't be possible, can it? CAN IT?!
Disclaimer: Duel Monster Booster Packs; $3.99.
Bakura Poster; $3.99
Uhh, Another Bakura Poster; $3.99 Also.
The Simple Fact That I Don't Own Yu-Gi-Oh; Priceless.
For Everything Else, There's MasterCard.
…Which I Also Don't Own.
---
"Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything /
But, I'd go through Hell for you /
And, I haven't been this scared in a long time /
And I'm so unprepared, so here's your Valentine /
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody /
This world's an ugly place /
But you're so beautiful to me." –Blink 182
---
Epilogue
"Okay, Pharaoh, let's start that drinking contest you promised me." Bakura said, sitting crossed-legged on the floor next to the coffee table. Ryou gave the 'this-is-the-end-of-the-humane-world-as-we-know-it' look and put his head in his hands, sighing heavily.
Yami smirked and sat across from him. "You never forget anything, do you Thief?"
"Hey, if it gives me a reason to get wasted, I won't forget it." Bakura stated. He turned around. "Aibou, where does your dad keep the hard liquor?"
"Oh, um…my dad…he…he doesn't keep liquor. Yeah, that's it." Ryou replied, looking slightly hopeful. Maybe if they couldn't find liquor, they wouldn't go through with the drinking contest. Bakura raised his eyebrow.
"But your dad has a complete bar in his study."
Ryou looked at him. "But…if you knew that, then why did you ask me?"
"Because I like to see you squirm. Hey, servant-boy," Bakura motioned to Jounouchi, "bring us a bottle of everything."
Jounouchi frowned. "But, I don't even know where the study is. Why don't you just ask Ryou to get them?"
Bakura jumped up and advanced towards him, grabbing the collar of his shirt.
"Because, I don't want Ryou to even look at liquor until he's thirty." Bakura dropped him. "And even then, it's only going to be champagne in little shot glasses." Ryou made a face.
"Actually, I really don't like champagne. It's got a bold flavor, but not enough substance. I prefer tequila." Everyone simply stared at him. Ryou blinked. "I mean…uh…what's liquor?" Everyone nodded, immediately forgetting Ryou's outburst. Ryou sighed with relief. And they're still none the wiser… He said, smiling to himself.
"Anyhoo, come on, servant boy. We aren't getting any younger here." Bakura ordered. Jounouchi frowned but left. Bakura turned to Yami. "Actually, the joke's on him, because technically we aren't getting any older either." Yami stared at him as if he were the dumbest person on the face of this earth. Bakura began to explain. "You see, it's funny because we're spirits-,"
"Yeah, I know." Yami responded sounding irritated. Just then, Jounouchi walked in with his arms loaded with everything from Brandy to Arbor Mist. Bakura frowned.
"Arbor Mist? What the Hell are we, Canadian?" Bakura snorted. Yami shook his head.
"You see, that joke wasn't really funny, because Canadians' don't drink Arbor Mist specifically." He explained.
"Oh. I just thought that when someone mentioned 'Canada' everyone laughed."
"They usually do." Yuugi stated.
"Speaking of Maple Syrup, can we start this drinking game already?" Bakura asked. Yami raised his eyebrow.
"But, we weren't talking about Maple Syrup. And what the Hell does Maple Syrup have to do with a drinking game?"
Bakura stared at him. "…Well, if you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you…" Bakura sounded irritated. Yami turned around and looked questionably at Ryou. Ryou shook his head.
"That's his answer to everything." He explained. Yami nodded and turned back to Bakura.
"Okay, Thief. Let's start."
"All right, Pharaoh, now you're talking." Yami began to pour their first round of drinks when Bakura interrupted.
"-And none of your Royal Highness drinking shit. No picking up your glass like it carries a disease only you tight-asses get. Absolutely no small sipping of your drink. I'll be damned if I drink myself into a comma in the time you've finished your first drink."
Yami, by now, had finished pouring the drinks and was getting very impatient, waiting for the Bakura to shut up. "Are you done, yet? I'd like to out drink you now."
Bakura smirked and grabbed his drink.
***
Fifty or so drinks later; Ryou was surprised to see the Yamis still going. He was even more surprised to see Yuugi's Yami looked as if he hadn't had a single drink. He had the same cool, confident expression on his face that he had when he started this contest. His Yami had long since been a little tipsy. Bakura was mumbling incoherent things about stuck up, sexy Pharaohs and annoying as Hell cheerleaders.
"Yami, don't you think you've had enough to drink?" Ryou pleaded with Bakura. Bakura smiled and took another shot.
"I ain't have won me drink yet! Damn Pharaoh an' that smile 'er his." He stared at Ryou and smiled. "Hey! You a pretty girl." Bakura ran his hand down Ryou's face.
Ryou frowned. "I'm not a girl."
"I've been sleeping with a MAN?!" Bakura shrieked.
Everyone looked at Ryou. "He means sleeping in the same bed as me." Ryou explained.
This seemed to calm everyone down until Bakura cut in. "No, I means a little hanky-panky!" Bakura then started growling and pawing at Ryou, who looked away, annoyed.
"Yami, are you drunk yet?" Anzu asked impatiently. She had been waiting for the perfect chance for Yami to be drunk enough so she could hit on him. Yami paid no heed to her and finished off another shot. She rose to her feet, brushed herself off and sat next to him. She then began playing with his hair and purring in his ear. Suddenly, Yami got a disgusted looked on his face, like he was about to throw up, but not from the liquor. He turned until he faced Anzu and spit the rest of his drink in her face.
"Oh…um…you spilled your drink, Yami!" Anzu said cheerfully, pouring him another one. Yami shuddered, but quickly finished the shot.
"Okay, how about we make this contest more interesting?" Jounouchi exclaimed. "I bet ten bucks that Yami wins."
"Twenty on Yami." Honda replied.
"Who the Hell are you?!" Bakura slurred, looking at Honda like he had never seen him before.
"Honda." He answered.
"Oh yeah, you're the bastard that hit me in the neck and threw the Ring in the forest!" Bakura realized. Honda looked around nervously.
"Oh, no, that was that…guy." Honda stammered.
"Oh, yeah, I remember him. Man, that guy was such a dick." Bakura exclaimed, taking another shot.
"Anyway, I say fifty that my Yami will win against Bakura." Yuugi said, slapping down a wad of bills.
"I don't know, Bakura can get pretty competitive when he's drinking." Ryou stated. Then he thought about that for a minute. "Ah, who am I kidding?" Ryou put down ten dollars in Yami's favor.
"Well, I put down one million for me!" Yami Malik exclaimed, dumping an entire bottle of tequila on himself.
"Yami, don't touch that stuff!" Malik screeched.
"Look! I'm Christian Slater!" Y. Malik squealed, dancing around the entire room. He suddenly stopped and jumped on the couch next to Ryou. Ryou glanced nervously at him.
"Erm, hello." Ryou said slowly. Y. Malik threw himself onto Ryou's shoulder and hugged it tightly.
"Aww, I love you Ryou. You're just like a pretty lady. And you smell heavenly." Y. Malik stated, taking a deep whiff of Ryou's hair. Ryou shrunk away until Malik walked up.
"I'm sorry, Ryou, I really should-OH MY GOD, YOU DO SMELL GOOD!" Malik exclaimed, plopping down beside Y. Malik as he, too, began smelling Ryou. Ryou raised his eyebrow.
"What are you guys talking-JESUS, YOU'RE RIGHT!" Ryou shrieked, grabbing a fistful of his hair and smelling it.
"HEY!" Bakura screamed, standing shakily and glaring at Y. Malik and Malik. "YOU SMELLING MY WOMAN?!"
"N-no Sir!" The Maliks' both screamed, jumping up and scrambling away. Bakura smirked.
"Yeah, that's what I-," Bakura suddenly stopped and turned a greenish color.
"Oh God…" Ryou quickly grabbed Bakura and dragged him into the bathroom.
"Well, Yami, I guess you won!" Yuugi exclaimed, smiling. "It's amazing, Yami! You don't even look like you've had a single drink!" Yami smiled, finished off his drink, and immediately fell over on his side. Just as quickly, he shot back up, looking more than a little tipsy.
"I'm okay!" Yami slurred. Just then, the door to the bathroom swung open and Bakura stumbled out. He stopped and smiled at everyone.
"I made out with Ryou!" Bakura announced triumphantly. Everyone turned and stared shockingly at Ryou. Ryou shook his head.
"He made out with the mirror." Ryou translated. Yuugi stood up.
"Okay, I think I should take Yami home." He announced, picking up Yami by his arm.
"Hey!" Seto shouted, jumping up. "He promised he'd duel me!" Yami spun around shakily.
"Okay, it seems that I'm not through with you." He slurred.
"Um, Yami, you're talking to a chair."
"I've made my decision." Yami slurred. Seto grabbed him and shoved him down next to the table. He then settled himself on the other end.
"Okay, start duel!"
"Okie dokie, artichokie." Yami stared fuzzily at his cards. "I lay down…uhh…the Elf guy. Because that's how I always start my duels."
"And I lay down…" Seto let the suspension rise. "THE JUDGE MAN!" Yami smiled eerily.
"Heh…you said 'man'…Hey, Bakura, Money-Bags said 'man'." Yami said with a laugh.
"Heh…yeah- wait, what?" Bakura asked, confused.
"Huh?"
"What?"
Seto growled in frustration. "DAMNIT, WOULD YOU DUEL ME ALREADY?!"
"Okay…jeez…well, I lay down this monster card…and this trap card…and this magic card, and that combo brings your life points down to zero." Yami smirked at Seto's shocked face. He stood up on the table. "VICTORY FOR YAMI!"
"Is it even possible to defeat someone that quick?" Ryou asked and Yuugi and Yami began to do a victory dance.
"B-but…" Seto stuttered in confusion. "But I didn't even get to play my Blue Eyes!"
"Yeah, well, because you were too busy saying 'man'." Yami stated, staring down at him.
***
"Hey, Aibou?" Bakura started suddenly, turning to face Ryou. It was the next day, and they had just finished cleaning up the mess from the party when Ryou suggested they take a walk. Now they were sitting in a near by park, watching the sunset from a park bench.
"Yes?"
"Do you remember when you first got the Millennium Ring?"
"Yeah."
"When I came out, I must have scared the crap out of you, 'cause you took off out of the house like a bat out of Hell! And then you ran all the way to the park! God, I must have chased you for two hours! And how I chased you for so long without slowing down, so when I caught you we couldn't stop throwing up? Remember?"
Ryou giggled. "Hehe…yeah."
Bakura sighed. "That was a fun day, wasn't it?"
They both were quiet for a while. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it was one of those rare moments when they were just content to sit and watch the sunset. Bakura decided to ruin this moment.
"Remember when I used to beat you up?"
Ryou frowned. "Yes."
Bakura shrugged. "Yeah, one day I woke up and said to myself, 'Man, I shouldn't degrade the kid…'"
At this Ryou smiled. Bakura continued.
" '…He practically degrades himself!'"
Ryou frowned. Bakura saw this look and tried to explain.
"I mean, look at you! That hair, and that sweater vest! What the Hell is with that sweater vest?!" He shrieked. Ryou looked away from him.
"You're degrading me right now." Ryou said through clenched teeth. Bakura waved his hand and smiled weakly.
"Come on, Aibou, you know I respect you."
Ryou raised his eyebrow. Bakura thought for a minute.
"Well, I respect you more than I respect other people." He concluded.
Ryou leaned back against the bench and watched as Bakura got up and walked to the edge of the lake. He smiled as Bakura started breaking off pieces of bread and tossed them at the ducks in the lake. When the bread was gone, the ducks started quacking loudly and darting around in front of him in the lake.
"…DAMN IT, I'M NOT MADE OF BREAD! IF YOU WANT BREAD, YOU HAVE TO EARN IT!" Bakura screamed at the ducks, waving his arms crazily. He walked back over to Ryou and sat down. "Damn filthy beggars…don't do nothing for nobody."
"Don't use double negatives." Ryou corrected.
"I ain't using no double negatives!" Bakura argued.
Ryou shook his head. He jumped off the bench and turned to face Bakura, and, smiling, he extended his hand.
"Let's go home, Yami."
And Bakura, in a rare moment of not being a total jerk, smiled and took it.
"Yeah, let's go home. I gotta piss like a race horse." Bakura explained. Ryou shook his head.
"That's…wonderful, Yami."
"Well, it ain't my fault! I had a lot of soda, and I have a small bladder."
Ryou shook his head. "You do not have a small bladder. You're just too damn lazy to get up and go to the bathroom."
"Yeah, that's the one." Bakura paused. "You know what? We should raise some emus next."
"…Let's just go home."
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(A/N)
Well, the party's over. Woo, what a glorious feeling it is to finally be done with this story. Uh, I promise the next series of the Master saga will be much better. In fact, here's a preview of it now!
Preview for the next series in the 'Bakura the Master' saga!
Bakura: Master Male-Nurse from the Stars and Beyond!
Ryou's struck down with the flu, and it's up to Bakura to make him better! Although, I think he'll end up killing Ryou with his 'Mystery Soup', which is probably equivalent to acid. From medicine runs…
"Uhh…we have some Tylenol."
"BRILLIANT!"
…To late night throw up sessions…
"Damn, Ryou, when the Hell did you eat that?"
…Bakura is always there, which in turn makes an already irritable Ryou really begin to hate him! It's strike three for the Master!
So remember, until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.