Disclaimer: I most unfortunately own nothing. I'm not making any money for writing this either. :c

Pairing(s): Elrohir/Elladan, Legolas/Gimli

Warnings: Booze, graphic slash (malexmale), twincest.

Summary: Alcohol, archery and a bet gone horribly wrong. ...Or is it horribly right? Standalone prequel to "The Kings Tribute".

Notes: I've had this in the works for a while. :3 This is predominantly twincest. I wasn't sure how to write anything particularly intimate concerning Legolas/Gimli. I love them as a pairing, but I'm fairly positive I'd make a wreck out of it. Anyhow, please review! All good writers need feedback to improve their work!

Narcissism and Pride

The Valar are toying with me ...It was a nightmare; it must have been. I did not get drunk and sleep with some harlot again. Elrohir thought to himself through a pounding headache. Now, it was nothing new for him to wake up in bed with some strange woman and a raging hangover. His twin wasn't any better. He and Elladan had both gotten their fair share of scolding from their father and anyone else who caught them. Though usually he wasn't this drunk. Usually. Elrohir searched his alcohol hazed memories of the previous night frantically trying to figure out who exactly was pressed up against his back with their arms wrapped so tightly around his waist, without having to open his eyes. But there was nothing, really. Oh wait, no. Something about a bet... Yes! A bet. And some kind of contest... What was it now?

"Elrohir?" He heard a very soft, very sheepish whisper in his ear. He knew that voice... Again? He should have known better, really. Somehow, the times he woke up hung-over with strange women were outnumbered significantly by how many times he'd woken up naked, hung-over and in his twin brother's arms.

"Elladan." He replied, without needing to open his eyes. "Again?" He felt his twin nod silently where his head rested on his shoulder.

"Do you remember anything?" Elladan asked, loosening his tight grip on Elrohir's waist but not actually pulling away from the embrace.

"No. And be quiet. I have a headache." Elrohir answered a little more rudely than necessary.

"Sorry." Elladan said simply. "I do. Remember a bit, I mean. And I also have a headache."

"Tell me." Elrohir groaned, rolling over to face his twin. Elladan, for whatever reason wrapped his arms back around him and snuggled closer. Ok, so he really didn't want to know, but it would be better to have the story straight later when Elrond was staring them down like an angry dragon for their drunken shenanigans on the night before their sister's wedding. For all the awkwardness of it, both twins had never felt any shame in being close like this. They often slept together of their own accord, but they usually had bedclothes on then. Something felt different this time, Elrohir had to admit, even if he couldn't remember any of it. Elladan on the other hand, wished in a way that he couldn't remember. ...Their father was going to kill them if he found out about this! And one should never feel this way about their brother, let alone their twin brother. Never mind their sister, it was her wedding that they had all come to Minas Tirith for, after all. Arwen would be spitting mad - considering they'd probably overslept it.

Legolas came awake slowly, to the sound of someone snoring loudly enough to completely drown out the sound of birds singing outside in the morning sunlight. Wait snoring? Oh Valar. My father is going to kill me. He thought, as the previous night's memories came rushing back. They'd had a drinking contest and a bet. Legolas, being an elf and resistant to the effects of alcohol had an obvious advantage. One he'd kept to himself. But to his misfortune, apparently Aragorn was one hell of an archer when drunk and the Valar had other plans for the elven prince.

"Gimli?" Legolas asked, without turning to face the snoring lump he knew was sprawled unceremoniously across the other side of the bed. The snoring stopped abruptly.

"What are you doing in my bed, elf? You had best start talking!" The dwarf snapped angrily and clumsily cocooned himself in the blankets, realizing he was stark naked.

"It is my bed, actually." Legolas pointed out. "And you agreed to come here and make passionate love to me after confessing your undying adoration for me. Granted I think you were drunk, but I am not complaining. It was nice." Seeing the look of utter shock on poor Gimli's face, Legolas explained form the beginning...

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Elladan asked the man who was very much as good as a brother to him. After all, Elrond had raised him as though he were one of his sons as well.

"Aye, that I am." Aragorn answered with a smile.

"I was thinking of something else exciting we could do tonight. You know, since it is your last night as a free man." Elrohir suggested with a mischievous look in his cobalt eyes. Elladan groaned, his twin was already half-drunk and had that stupid grin on his face. This would not end well.

"What were you thinking of?" Aragorn asked curiously, glancing at him questioningly from behind his tankard.

"We should have a drinking contest!" Elrohir replied. Elladan shared a meaningful glance with their friend Legolas who sat beside him. Legolas smirked and did his best not to laugh. Elrohir would certainly lose.

"Eh, why not?" Aragorn replied with a wink. "We all know you are already three sheets to the wind, Elrohir."

"Elladan, Legolas, you in?" The peredhel asked cheekily. Legolas shook his head. Maybe the half-elven twins weren't immune to the effects of alcohol, but challenging an elf (from Mirkwood of all places) to a drinking contest was pretty stupid.

"I will do it." Legolas said offhandedly.

"Yeah, fine." Elladan responded, obviously already bored with his brother's antics. Also, he was completely aware that all eyes in the tavern were on them. The now king of Gondor getting drunk with a bunch of elves. What was the world coming to?

"What are the stakes?" Aragorn inquired, slyly.

"We each take five pints. Whoever's the least drunk is the winner and everyone has to pay him five gold coins each." Elrohir explained.

"Sounds fine." Legolas said. He so won this already.

"Wait there's more." Elrohir said, waving for him to be quiet. "Once we're done with that, we will have an archery contest."

"A drunken archery contest? Are you mad? I mean it sounds hilarious, but awfully dangerous." Legolas asked critically. Elladan shook his head and sighed. No, this was NOT going to end well.

"What are the stakes of the archery contest?" Elladan questioned, giving his brother a glare that could have soured milk.

"I thought we'd do something fun this time." Elrohir explained, coyly. "The winner is safe. Second and third place have to bed each other. The winner gets to choose any person in the tavern that fourth place has to bed." Legolas choked on his wine as he laughed. Elladan threw his head down against the bar.

"Count me in." Aragorn said.

"Me too." Legolas chimed in. This would be hilarious to watch. From the not-drunk winner's point of view anyhow.

"Ugh. Fine." Elladan muttered dejectedly.

"I will get the goods!" Aragorn laughed and ordered the pints. The whole tavern was silent as the other guests crowded around and watched the proceedings. First up, Aragorn and Legolas sat across from each other and downed their beer in silence. Legolas was the obvious victor and Aragorn had a few choice words for him.

"Schon of a beeych." He slurred and hobbled away from the table. Elladan and Elrohir shared a nervous glance toward Legolas who was obviously completely sober.

"Bastard." Elladan cursed under his breath. "He's won this and he knows it."

"Yeah, probably." Elrohir said, somewhat annoyed. They said nothing else as they downed their pints. Elladan succeeded in drinking Elrohir quite literally under the table where he'd fallen off his chair but not quite passed out. He was not, however, the winner as he too was pretty drunk and was forced to fork over the gold coins to Legolas along with the other three.

"All right then boys." Legolas said as they stood (if you could call it standing) in the deserted archery range sometime near midnight. "One shot only. Elrohir, you first." Legolas had to admit, he might be clear headed, but archery was not much good at night. This actually could be a bad thing. Elrohir slurred something completely inarticulate and took aim. It was an absolutely pitiful shot and very nearly missed the target altogether.

"Well, that looked painful. Aragorn, your shot." Legolas commanded. Aragon sauntered forward and let his arrow fly without aiming or even a full draw. It landed dead center.

"Uuugh. Darmn it." Cursed Elrohir slumping miserably against the wooden fence behind them. Wordlessly, Elladan hobbled forward and took his shot. It landed somewhere between Aragorn and Elrohir's. He only shook his head. He knew, even in his drunken state, that he wasn't going to best Aragorn's lucky little fluke.

"My turn, then." Legolas said and stepped forward. He was actually a little worried now. He had no idea how Aragorn had pulled off that shot. He was an atrocious archer when sober and damn if he'd even tried. Legolas aimed very carefully. Yes, Aragorn's arrow was very slightly off center. Just a little to the right. But it was just not Legolas' night. Just as he let the arrow fly, a gust of wind tore through the white city sending his arrow astray. It missed the target entirely. He stared in utter disbelief. "Redo." He murmured and grabbed another arrow.

"One shot only." Elladan reminded him, shaking his head. The other drunkards nodded in approval.

"Fine, who?" Legolas growled staring venomously at Aragorn.

"Geemli." Aragorn commanded and passed out over Elrohir's shoulders causing the tipsy half-elf to fall over. Legolas thought it might have been comical - if he hadn't just asked him to bed the dwarf. Sure, Gimli was a good friend to Mirkwood prince... But really? Ugh. Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other blankly. Elrohir was still sitting on the ground with Aragorn's unconscious body draped over him. Elladan looked a bit nauseous. Oh dear.

"Schnot so bad. Like havin' schex wiff yourschelf." Elrohir slurred. Elladan cured under his breath as Legolas managed the feat of picking Aragorn up off the ground.

"I'll take care of him." Legolas said. "Uh, have fun you two."

"If you do not do it, we will not tell." Elladan said, reaching down and dragging Elrohir to his feet. Elrohir leaned over and kissed Elladan's cheek wetly. "Urrgh. Not here." Elladan said with a flinch and steered his brother back toward to the inn where they were sleeping none too gently. Legolas shook his head. He had to admit, he was a little surprised that Elladan wasn't nearly as plastered as the other two. He was just tipsy enough to do it, though. Poor sod, he'd remember it in the morning for sure. But then, so would Legolas.

"Ugh. The dwarf. It had to be the dwarf." Legolas muttered as he dragged Aragorn back to his room and tossed him unceremoniously into Elrohir's bed. He had no idea where Aragorn was sleeping, so Elrohir's room at the inn had to be good enough. …Considering it was deserted.

"I cannot believe I am actually doing this." Elladan complained to himself, pinning Elrohir's naked body to the bed beneath him. To his luck, Elrohir was far too drunk to be... functional. Leaving Elladan (thank the Valar) to be the one on top. To be honest, considering their habit of waking up naked together after too much drinking, it was entirely possible this wasn't the first time. Also, Elrohir was starting to sober up a bit. "Better get this over with."

Elladan leaned over and took his twin's lips in a deep kiss. Aside from the fact the kiss tasted of stale beer, it wasn't half bad. Absently, he reached up and tangled his hands into Elrohir's jet black hair. It felt the same as his own hair. And honestly, this whole thing didn't feel as weird or awkward as it should have. But then, it was normal for the two of them to sleep wrapped up in each other's arms. Sometimes, in that respect they still behaved like a pair of elflings. But, the bond they shared as twins was something no one else could give. Were Adar and Elros like this before Elros chose a mortal life? Elladan mused, not for the first time.

"Ah, that feels nice." Elrohir murmured as Elladan lightly nibbled one of his ear tips. So he was able to speak without slurring now, apparently. "You are horrible at this, though." Elrohir continued and managed to flip Elladan over onto his back and straddle his hips with his own in one fluid motion.

"Ugh, what?" Elladan whispered. "I am not bad at - ah!" He gasped helplessly as his brother smothered his lips in another kiss, this time deeper and with no small amount of fervor. Much to his chagrin, he'd have to admit. Elrohir was good at this. Elladan wrapped his arms tightly around his twin as Elrohir ended the kiss and sucked lightly at the base of his throat.

"Yes, you are." Elrohir breathed, pressing his hips tighter against Elladan's so that their erections touched. "You've only been with girls." He whispered quietly in twin's ear.

"So? I can figure it out." He panted, arching his body up against his brother's involuntarily as a hot tongue grazed one of his nipples.

"No. You are too gentle. This needs a firmer hand." Elrohir said in a seductive tone and bit down on the nipple he was torturing.

"Ugh, stop talking and just - Elrohir! Oh sweet Elbereth!" Elladan screamed.

"Gimli?" Legolas asked, sitting next to the dwarf who had become a steadfast companion and friend to him.

"Who won the archery contest?" He asked, his eyes shining. "I saw the twins walk in here not that long ago. Elrohir was completely gone and Elladan had murder in his eyes."

"Aragorn won." Legolas sighed. "The wind caught my arrow. I came in last. Poor Elladan is not nearly drunk enough to not remember this in the morning."

"Nor for that matter are you, friend. Who did Aragorn tell you to bed?" Gimli inquired, smiling.

"No one, he passed out. I tossed him in Elrohir's room. It will have to do." Legolas said with a shrug.

"You are lying." The dwarf accused him.

"I am. But there is no reason for me to do this. Aragorn is too drunk to remember and the twins are too caught up their own chagrin to really care." Legolas explained. "Or so I think." He added as an afterthought.

"So who was it?" Gimli asked. "You still did not say."

"...You." Legolas said with a frown and met the dwarf's dark eyes. Gimli laughed heartily and nearly fell off his stool. ...The stool that Legolas had to help him get up onto earlier because he was too short to reach.

"That is priceless." The dwarf said, shaking his head.

"Indeed, I would have to get you a box if I intended to have you service me." Legolas replied somewhat snarkily. Maybe he was a little tipsy but he did hope maybe the dwarf would have seen him as something more than a friend. Where these thoughts were coming from exactly, Legolas had no idea.

"Give me a few pints and I will consider it." Gimli said offhandedly. "Hey, get me three pints!" Gimli called to the whorish woman tending the bar when Legolas did not answer.

"Only three?" Legolas asked, giving Gimli a sideways glance.

"I already had four." Gimli replied, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "Besides, what happened to that insufferable pride of yours? I figured you'd be begging me to get it over with so you could run off, pretend it never happened but at least hold up your end of the bet. Unless you find me unattractive."

"I do not wish to insult you but..." The words were lost as Gimli downed the beer immediately.

"Sorry, needed to be a little drunker to admit it. But I - "Gimli began.

"Oh Sweet Elbereth!" Came a muffled cry from the upper floor - completely audible in the nearly empty tavern. The barmaid shook her head. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

"Either one of the twins is being tortured to death or having a nice time of it." Legolas muttered. Gimli laughed hysterically, and actually did fall off the stool with a loud thump.

"The thing is, I would enjoy being bedded by you." He said, dragging himself to his feet. Legolas stared in disbelief. The barmaid made a gagging sound and walked away. The Mirkwoodian prince agreed wholeheartedly with the barmaid. ...He had a plan, though.

"Then, shall we go." Legolas replied, pulling the dwarf to his feet before either of them had a chance to change their mind.

"Hmm, I bet they heard that downstairs." Elrohir whispered. Elladan sighed in exasperation.

"You could have warned me before you did that!" Elladan hissed.

"No fun in that. But Fine. Lay still and shut up, I am going to do that again and you are going to like it." Elrohir said firmly and leaned down to once again take Elladan's elfhood into his mouth. This time Elladan didn't cry out, but he did gasp and grab a handful of the bed sheets to steady himself against the intensity of it. And, Elrohir was right. He liked it. A lot. It didn't take much to push Elladan over the edge and he met his climax in minutes. Elrohir took him into his arms and stroked his hair absently. Elladan just lay there panting and eventually curled up against Elrohir and rested his head against his twin's shoulder. Elrohir tugged the bedcover loose and draped it over top of them. For a moment he just lay there pondering what do about his own nearly painful arousal. Were it anyone but his brother, he'd have no problem taking advantage of the situation. Elladan apparently had other ideas.

Timidly, he reached down and cupped Elrohir's hardened length gently in the palm of his hand. Elrohir said nothing, but his breath hitched ever so slightly as Elladan cautiously stroked him.

"You do not have to do this." Elrohir whispered. "I know you do not want to." Elrohir had to admit, he was pretty impressed with his ability to form words at all considering how drunk he was. Not to mention what Elladan was doing to him. Well, if he was aware he was drunk as hell, it was probably a good sign. Or a bad one – he really did not want any part of remembering this in the morning.

"I want to." Elladan said in a soft murmur and pressed his lips against Elrohir's neck. "But there's something else I want. You said I am bad at this. Show me how, then." Elrohir decided it best not to waste any time as his patience was wearing thin.

"Adar is going to kill me." He breathed, getting off the bed to rifle through Elladan's pack for the healing salves he always carried. Unlike Elrohir, Elladan always thought ahead – either that or he was a pessimist and only ever saw the worst possible outcome. Elrohir wasn't entirely sure which. But, he did know that if Elrond ever found out exactly what he was using his medicines for he'd have a fit. In hindsight, a salve to numb pain not be a bad idea…

"Somehow talking about our father right now seems like pretty bad sex etiquette." Elladan muttered, as he rolled over onto his stomach and watched Elrohir opening a small bottle of healing salve. "What are you going to do with that?"

"Honestly, Elladan." Elrohir purred and trailed hot kisses across Elladan's shoulders as he climbed back into the bed. "What do you think I am going to do with it, genius? Either way, I will be nice and warn you this time." Elrohir didn't give him much chance to ponder his intentions or horridly vague warning. Elladan made a startled sound somewhere between a squeak and a moan as Elrohir prepared him. Awkwardly, he buried his face in the pillow. Luckily, it didn't take Elrohir long to find that special spot and his twin was reduced to a hopeless, pleading mess of sensation. He inwardly wished the few men he had taken as lovers in the past had been half as responsive as his brother.

"You… killing me…" Elladan breathed, his face flushed with arousal.

"Do you want me to stop?" Elrohir asked in a husky tone and blew a hot puff of air against the back of his neck.

"Valar, no." Elladan murmured in reply as he clung to the pillow for dear life. The pillow was not enjoying this treatment in the slightest and was now a shapeless lump. Elrohir decided he was done wasting time and removed his fingers. Elladan made a soft sound of protest which he choked on as something much larger replaced them. He adjusted quickly and completely lost all sense of coherence as Elrohir very slowly began to move.

"I hope I remember this in the morning." Elrohir murmured, drowning in pleasure. And I hope he will let me do it again. He added silently as he sped up his pace which made Elladan cry out none too quietly – they would definitely hear that downstairs. Everything about the act of making love to Elladan was perfect. The way it felt, the sounds he made, the scent of their sweat in the air… The list could go ever on. But the best part was the warm feeling of familiarity. He knew every touch, every sensitive spot and just how to push Elladan over the edge. He restrained himself, though, wanting to drag it out as long as possible. Either way, it was pure bliss. They were like two halves of the same being coming together at least. Darkness and light, Ying and yang… Everything about it was balanced. It was perfect symmetry.

When the climax came, it was absolutely overwhelming. Everything seemed to explode in color and light as Elladan and Elrohir cried out in unison. Half-drunk, exhausted and wonderfully sated, Elrohir withdrew from Elladan and let his arms give way beneath him. He lay on top of Elladan, breathing heavily and enjoying the almost floral scent of his hair that brushed against his face. Elladan rolled over listlessly which forced Elrohir to limply fall to the bed beside him. Elladan snuggled up to his back and threw his arms around his waist with no small amount of effort. Almost instantly both twins drifted in a deep sleep, still tangled up in each other's limbs.

Meanwhile, Legolas had gotten lucky. He didn't even need to put his emergency plan into motion. Gimli had passed out drunk, and naked, on the bed before getting anywhere. The elven prince silently thanked the Valar. He was fond of Gimli, possibly even fond enough to do what the poor dwarf would inevitably think they'd done. But he just wasn't ready for that just yet. Either way, it wasn't too bad of a starting point for their relationship and it made a few things a whole lot less awkward.

"My father must never know about this." Legolas whispered as he pulled on his cloak and tossed Gimli his tunic from the floor. The morning sunlight lanced through the small window. They would have to hurry to make it to the wedding on time. Legolas felt terrible for lying to Gimli about the act of intimacy that, in fact, did not occur. He would tell him the truth someday, though. …Someday preferably after Aragorn had passed and the twins forgot about it.

"Not on my life. I like my head attached to my shoulders." The dwarf answered haughtily. Legolas answered by placing a chaste kiss on his lips. He had to admit, he rather liked the ticklish feeling of Gimli's beard against his cheek.

"It will be our little secret, then." The elf answered, giving him a loving glance as he pulled his tunic on roughly over his head. "We should hurry."

"Yes, let's." Gimli replied. "We will have to let Aragorn know your end of the bet has been upheld." The elf rolled his eyes, hoping Aragorn wouldn't remember it at all.

Aragorn awoke with a faint groan, and frowned. Why was we he in a room in the tavern? And who was that standing over him with a fatherly glare of disapproval? Oh no. No. No. No. Aragorn thought miserably as he looked up at Elrond who wore his characteristic 'you are in so much trouble!' scowl.

"Estel, you are quite lucky Legolas was kind enough to tell me where to find you. Though really… Passing out drunk on the night before your wedding. I expected better. At any rate, you need to go before you are late as well." The Lord of Imladris told him in an exasperated tone.

"I… What happened? I cannot remember." Aragorn asked, sitting up. Luckily, he didn't seem hung-over.

"You drank too much and passed out, according to Legolas and the twins." Elrond said, somewhat disgustedly. "I will speak with you later, after the wedding." He added and swept from the room, maintaining a calm exterior while he was positively fuming on the inside.

Upon entering the bar room, Aragorn saw the twins seated at the bar. Elladan seemed composed as he slowly sipped a cup of tea. His posture was rather stiff, though. Elrohir on the other hand was leaned over with his head firmly planted on the wooden counter top of the bar. Aragorn could have a good guess why. He couldn't remember anything after losing the first round of drinking to Legolas, but he did remember the stakes.

"Thank you, for lying to Ada." He said, taking a seat in the vacant chair beside Elrohir who looked up at him wearily.

"We did not lie. You really did just pass out." Elladan explained, sitting his tea cup on the counter.

"After you kicked all our asses in that little archery contest." Elrohir muttered venomously.

"Are you…serious? I won?" Aragorn asked. "Who lost?"

"Legolas." The twins answered in unison.

"You had best watch your hide, you ordered the son of Thranduil to bed a dwarf." Elrohir said, picking his head up and smiling for the first time that morning. Aragorn's face went pale as he hurriedly bid farewell to the twins and bolted out of the tavern. He was good as dead. If Elrond didn't kill him, Thranduil would.

"We should go, too." Elladan said, glancing at his brother. "I am…glad I can remember last night a little bit. Also, I would like to try it again sometime. Sober." There was a long and very awkward pause.

"No one can know about this." Elrohir replied at last. "But I have wanted you in this way for a long time. Honestly, I am pretty upset that I can recall none of it." Elladan laughed and ruffled his brother's hair.

"It will just have to be our little secret." He said seductively and kissed Elrohir's cheek when no one was looking.

Little did they know that it was anything but a secret…