Ciao everybody! So, I should be updating Reign of the Fang (I promise, I'm working on it!) but I was inspired to write this by many stories I read around the site, three I think that are particularly worthy of mention are 'A Tiger Master's Code' by corset-rebellion-follower, '101 things Tai Lung May Not Do' by FalconMage and 'Palace Troubles' by FFcrazy15. I'm warning you all right now this isn't supposed to be serious, like a lot of them you can imagine actually happening but a lot are OOC. So, without any more babbling from me, I present you…
101 Things that the Masters of the Jade Palace must never do again, ever, and the punishment they received for said thing.
Number. Master-Thing they must never do again, ever : punishment
1. Po-Stole Monkey's almond cookies from Monkey's increasingly inventive hiding places, and when caught claimed he was 'training' : Bought Monkey twice as many cookies as he ate.
2. Viper-Put makeup on Mantis and Monkey while they were sleeping, told them they had been turned into girls by the gods and subsequently sent them to the Mongolian mountains for a non-existent flower that would change them back, and then tell Master Shifu that they each eloped with their secret girlfriends: Ran the obstacle course 20 times in a row, was banned from Po's noodle soup for a month after Monkey and Mantis returned and cleaned the entire Jade Palace.
3. Mantis-Paralysed Viper with acupuncture needles as payback for sending him and monkey on a wild goose chase: Gave Viper acupuncture every day for a week after training.
4. Monkey-Hid almond cookies at various points of the obstacle course and watched Po try to get to them : Rebuilt the obstacle course and shared his remaining cookies with the others.
5. Tigress-Tricked Zeng into delivering Master Shifu fake messages from his 'secret admirer' : Was never caught.
6. Po-Pretended to be the spirit of Master Oogway to scare the Five : Sparred with each of the Five the next day.
7. Crane-Hid a love poem from Po in Tigress' room : Was chased by furious tiger and panda through the ironwood forest.
8. Monkey-Ran through the village in the middle of the night singing at the top of his lungs in falsetto on a dare: Publicly apologized to the village, and was subsequently made to apologize to each household in person. Also had his almond cookies taken for three days.
9. All inhabitants of the Jade Palace-Played truth or dare while Shifu was sleeping: Were each forced to fix the mess they made and ran the obstacle course five times, with the exception of Po who fought the adversary.
10. Mantis-Used acupuncture needles to lock Shifu's face in a comical expression-See number 11.
11. Shifu-Threw Mantis' acupuncture needles into the pool of Sacred Tears and force him to dive for them : No punishment
12. Tigress and Viper-Stole the boy's clothes from the bathing house and hung them from the roof of the Jade Palace : Bought new clothes for Mantis, Monkey, Crane and Po, and sparred two against four with them.
13. Po-Attempted to find out if he could tie Tigress' tail in a knot while she was sleeping : Thrown onto the obstacle course by an enraged Tigress.
14. Crane-Painted black spots on everybody while they were sleeping, and claimed they'd contracted a rare, highly contagious illness to get out of training : Got the Palace quarantined for a week, sparred with Shifu and walked to the Pool of Sacred Tears every day for three weeks to reflect on his actions.
15. Viper- Stole Crane's calligraphy set whilst under quarantine : Praised by Shifu and fellow warriors, barring Crane.
16. Monkey- Stole Viper's lipstick and put it on Crane while he was sleeping to convince Shifu they were dating behind his back : Bought new makeup for Viper, apologized to a blushing bird and snake and was put on dishwashing duty for two days.
17. Tigress- Woke Po up in the middle of the night and claimed the sun didn't rise when is should have and the Gods were angry, resulting in Po running through the Jade Palace, ironwood forest and village screaming about the oncoming apocalypse : Banned from Po's cooking for a month, sparred with Shifu for a week and publicly apologized to the entire valley.
18. Mantis-Hid in the obstacle course tripping everybody up, and claimed he was practicing his stealth abilities because of his awe at Po's 'stealth mode' : Locked in a cupboard by an angry Tigress.
19. Po- Used his 'stealth mode' to sneak into Shifu's room and steal his flute on a dare : Attacked by a very annoyed Shifu.
20. Monkey- Tried to cook his own almond cookies because he can't be bothered walking down to the village : Rebuilt the kitchen after the fire.
21. Tigress- Pushed Po down the palace stairs while she was in a 'mood' : Carried the injured panda up said stairs and acted as his nurse while he healed.
22. Shifu-Sent the Five and Po on an invented mission to a far off city when they were irritating him : Received a fake letter from the Five claiming they were in mortal danger and needed his assistance.
23. Viper and Tigress-Asked Shifu for a day off to meditate in the Dragon Grotto, then spent the day shopping in the valley : Had to meditate for three days uninterrupted after being caught sneaking their spoils back into the palace.
24. Crane-Wrote 'CRANE IS YOUR GOD' on every available surface : Cleaned the entire palace and was appointed janitor for three months.
25. Monkey and Po-Trapped Mantis in the trunk of an ironwood tree after he stole both of their secret stashes of food : Rescued Mantis two days later when they realised he was still trapped.
26. Monkey and Po-'Borrowed' Shifu's staff to aid the rescue of Mantis after he got himself even more stuck : Wacked over the head with said staff several times and made to punch the ironwood trees every day for a week.
27. Mantis-Bound and gagged Monkey and Po before rolling them down the stairs of the Jade Palace as revenge for 25 : Received no punishment.
28. Tigress-Handed out water from the Pool of Sacred tears, claiming it was 'Concentrated Inner Peace' : Tracked down each bottle she gave out.
-Paintd pictures of Monkey, Mantis and Po wearing dresses and put them up around the village : Found himself added to each of the pictures the next day.
30. Po and Tigress-Stayed up late eating from the Peach tree of Heavenly Wisdom the day before a mission : Forced to keep up with the others in fear of Shifu's staff the next day
31. Po- Almost used the Wuxi Finger Hold on Shifu while sleepwalking : Beaten awake by Shifu with the first thing that came in handy, which happened to be his flute
32. Shifu-Went all out while sparring with Po because of his broken flute : Carried Po to the medical wing
33. Monkey- Glued fake wings to Viper's back and told her she was actually a very rare giant caterpillar, and she had just transformed into a butterfly : Removed the incredibly stubborn wings and acted as Viper's servant while she was confined to her bed after receiving wing removal related injuries.
34. Viper-Stuck almonds in Monkey's fur and warned him that "You are what you eat" : Received no punishment due to previously mentioned wing injuries.
35. Mantis-Sold Jade Palace 'keepsakes' consisting of the other's things i.e Viper's flowers, Crane's calligraphy set and Mantis' acupuncture needles : Tracked down the things and bought them back for twice what he sold them with his own money
36. Po-Abused his knowledge of Shifu's allergies to avoid sparring with him : Payed medical expenses and sparred with Shifu for two weeks.
37. Po-Abused his knowledge of everybody's allergies : Same as 36, plus was chased through the Palace by sick warriors
38. Monkey, Crane and Mantis-Made shadow puppets on Po's walls at night to scare him : Tracked down the hectic panda and slapped him until he was making sense.
39. Po-Chased Monkey, Crane and Mantis for slapping him one too many times : No punishment
40. Crane and Viper-Left a note saying they'd eloped and watch from a distance as Shifu freaks out : Confessed their 'love' for each other in front of the entire village
41. Crane and Viper-Confessed their love for each other while Shifu happened to be walking to the bathhouse : Lectured by Shifu about appropriate times and places.
42. Tigress-Shattered Po's innocence by 'accidentally' leaving an extremely inappropriate, illustrated book outside his room : Was made by Shifu to give Po 'the talk'.
43. Crane-Posted an ad for a room to rent at the Jade Palace, and placed signs pointing to Shifu's room : Rented his room out for a week to an extremely lazy pig named Kevin.
44. Monkey and Crane-Put up signs around the valley revealing everybody's secrets on a dare from Mantis : all three were made to reveal their own secrets via signs.
45. Shifu-Lured his students into a 20ft hole as part of a 'training exercise' : Received no noodle soup for two weeks and was locked in his room when they escaped.
46. Mantis-Stole pages of Viper's diary that talked about Crane and dance around reading them in a sing-song voice : Beaten to a pulp by a very angry snake and bird.
47. Viper-Sent Tigress gifts from Po and vice versa in an attempt to set them up : See 52.
48. Tigress-Ran off for three days after receiving professions of love from 'Po' : Hit with Shifu's staff twice.
49. Po- Confessed his love for Tigress in his sleep : Was lectured by Shifu about courting his daughter, then wished luck by same red panda.
50. Tigress- Confessed her love for Po while he was at the top of the Jade Palace Stairs : Carried him to the medical wing and was appointed his nurse.
51. Tigress and Po-Made out in the medical wing : Forced to explain in front of everyone, scolded by Shifu about 'straining Po's injuries' and teased for about one second before Tigress glared.
52. Tigress and Po-Tied Viper in a knot around an ironwood tree after finding out about 52 : Apologized to said snake and untied her.
53. Mantis-Hid the morning gong so the palace workers had to run around looking for it and everybody could sleep in : Woke up early to ring the gong for two weeks.
54. Po-Cooked horrible food and said it will enhance the other's Kung Fu : Had to eat the entire pot of aforementioned food.
55. Monkey- Greased the obstacle course so everybody slipped : Ran the greased course until he did it perfectly.
56. Tigress-Taught herself to cry on demand then burst into tears when she was asked to spar : Crane later put up posters of a crying Tigress that read 'Tiger or Kitten?' in the village.
57. Mantis and Monkey-Announced a one day event called 'Pet the Kitty' : Were dressed up by Tigress as baby tigers and forced to walk around the village.
58. Viper and Mantis-Painted on the other Jade Palace residents during the night and said their tattoo artist got a little carried away : Each had to get a small tattoo of their own.
59. Tigress and Po-Made out heatedly where they knew Shifu would see : Lectured about controlling themselves, whacked with Shifu's staff.
60. Mantis and Monkey-Entered Tigress in a beauty pageant : Let's just say they were sore for a very long time.
61. Crane-Painted funny faces of all the sleeping residents of the palace on a dare from Monkey : Went around for a week with the same faces painted on himself.
62. Monkey-Cut patches in Po's fur and convinced him he was moulting : Had his tail shaved.
63. Viper and Tigress-Pretended to be pregnant to see Shifu's reaction : Sent on an unimportant mission to the other side of China.
64. Po-Randomly fell over in a public area and stopped moving, except for an occasional twitch in his leg for no reason : Endured hours of medical checks.
65. Mantis-Screamed like a girl outside Shifu's room on a dare : Was faced with a very angry red panda and his staff.
66. Viper and Tigress-Glared/growled/hissed at Mantis and Monkey during dinner just to make them scared for their lives : No punishment.
67. Crane- Painted vases like those from the Hall of Sacred Warriors and put them outside Po's room so he knocked them over in the morning : Received no noodle soup for three days.
68. Viper-Snuck Crane noodle soup after the vase incident : Did meditation on top of training every day for a week.
69. Tigress-Made loud noises in the middle of the night to make everybody feel uncomfortable, then asked them why they were all avoiding her gaze the next day : See 70.
70. Po-Asked if Tigress could 'explain' the previous night : No punishment.
71. Shifu-Took a vow of silence when his students were ignoring him : Was followed by a hired mime for two weeks.
72. Monkey-Made a trail of peaches from Po's room to a random part of the ironwood forest so Po would get lost while sleepwalking : Searched for the Dragon Warrior for two days, found him living off the peaches as a hermit.
73. Mantis and Crane-Replaced Tigress' clothes with 'specially made' ones, so it looked as though she was walking around naked : Faced the wrath of the tiger and washed her clothes for a month.
74. Mantis-Hid in Crane's hat so he wouldn't have to train : Injured when the hat fell while Crane was swooping.
75. Tigress-Claimed she found a secret library near the Pool of Sacred Tears that had another thousand scrolls of Kung Fu, then proceeded to 'forget' where it was and say "It's around here somewhere, I know it is." for the next few hours : Pushed into the Pool of Sacred Tears by annoyed warriors, forced to execute each Kung Fu pose she knew until she did it perfectly and run the obstacle course 25 times.
76. Shifu-Stood on top of the Jade Palace saying "Master, is that you?" and walking dangerously close to the edge because he was bored : Fell off the Jade Palace and was visited by an amused turtle spirit in his dreams.
77. Viper-Tied up Mantis with her ribbons because he wasn't paying attention while he was doing acupuncture on her : Had to buy new ribbons after her old ones were shredded.
78. Monkey-Scattered almonds around the floor of the bunkhouse proclaiming himself the 'Cookie King' and tried to eat the paper walls whilst sleepwalking : Cleaned and repaired the bunkhouse, endured comments from the others.
79. Tigress-Put black dye in the bathhouse water and white dye on the towels so everybody looks like a panda, therefore Po won't be the last of his kind : Chased by several angry 'pandas' through the Valley of Peace, much to the confusion of the villagers.
80. Viper-Stuck fake fangs in her mouth and slept in a coffin to convince Po she was a rare Vampire Snake on a dare : Was almost staked by a freaked out panda.
81. Po- Faked a letter from his real dad so he could go on an epic adventure : Got lost and wandered around China for two weeks before being found.
82. Mantis-Brought multiple girlfriends to the palace at once after drinking just a little too much : The hangover and bitch slaps were punishment enough.
83. Viper-Hired geese to carry her through the village and proclaimed she was the princess of a far off land : Received another lecture from Shifu, this time about dignity and the proper behaviour of a Kung Fu master.
84. Crane-Recorded everything Po said in his sleep and posted it on signs around the village : Tied to the obstacle course after Po woke up to find Crane in his room.
85. Mantis, Monkey, Crane and Po-Had a drinking contest during the winter festival : Found pictures of their drunken antics posted around the village and palace.
86. Tigress-Left Viper messages from Crane, detailing very specifically what he wanted to do to her that night : Was rewarded with a long, sleepless night.
87. Monkey-Stole everybody's bed mats, leaving behind messages saying 'Your property will be used to fuel the Emperor's fire in the winter months.' : Slept on the ground for a week.
88. Viper-Hid Po's cooking utensils, moved all the food in the cupboards around and mixed up the labels on the spices : Ate a terrible meal and was banned from Po's cooking for two weeks by furious masters.
89. Mantis and Monkey-Moved an assortment of exotic plants into the barracks in the middle of the night and claimed the jungle was overtaking the world : Injured by an overzealous Po, lectured by Shifu and whacked with his staff, removed all the plants, cleaned the entire palace and ran the obstacle course twice each.
90. Crane-Threw blue paint on the palace roof, saying he was tired of it being the 'Jade' Palace, and now it could be the Sapphire Palace : Repainted the roof the proper colour and was forced to offer his roof painting services to the rest of the valley.
91. Po-Labelled a spice container 'Secret Ingredient' and filled it with chilli powder, then left it on the kitchen table : Received no punishment.
92. Mantis-Used his acupuncture needles to freeze everybody's faces then claimed the wind had changed : Was chased by furious masters and tied to the Peach tree of Heavenly Wisdom.
93. Monkey-Balanced buckets of water on the doors of the training hall : was forced to open the door himself when Shifu figured it out.
94. Viper-Didn't hold back on Po during a spar when she was moulting : Chased the concussed (and unusually fast) panda around the palace while he yodelled at the top of his lungs.
95. Tigress-Wore a pink dress to confuse everybody : Received no punishment.
96. Tigress, Po, Viper and Crane-Caught on a double date in the village while they were supposed to be on patrol : Forced to make public shows of affection, loudly proclaim their love for each other and be generally romantic towards each other, much to their embarrassment.
97. Shifu-Sent Zeng on a wild goose chase to find his long lost uncle and deliver him a message : Received no punishment.
98. Mantis-Set up a treasure hunt around the palace by stealing everybody's things : No noodle soup for a week, sparred with Shifu, slapped by Viper and ignored for two days.
99. Crane-Stuck glasses on Po while he was sleeping and convinced him he was going blind : Received no punishment other than helping Po remove the glasses.
100. Viper-Danced with her ribbons on the roof of the Jade Palace : Endured a two hour lecture on respect for Sacred places from Master Shifu.
101. Mr Ping-Set up a noodle and tofu shop in the Palace courtyard, cooking food on the Fields of Fiery Death on the obstacle course and employing the palace geese as his helpers for a much better wage than they would normally be payed : Received no punishment.
And there you have it, 101 things the inhabitants of the Jade Palace must never do again, ever. I am quite happy to write one shots of these, and if anybody has a specific one they'd like me to write about I'd be more than happy to oblige.
But for now, Ciao!