I've had thoughts about the finale, from rational to completely irrational & I think this is more the latter. I stumbled across a theory blog on livejournal and (apologies but I forgot who posted it) it pretty much confirmed one of my possible thoughts of what is going to happen in the finale- with the whole PTSD mentioned as a mitigating factor towards the cheating and all. If the author of the livejournal miraculously stumbles across this fic - give me a shout & I'll add you to credits since you've kinda expanded my opinion on said theory & inspired some ideas for me! Don't get me wrong - I already had the idea in mind but you really helped out on a few points. I highly doubt this is what is going to happen, because it's pretty darn bold - but hey, one can dream.

Part of the reason I watch Grey's Anatomy is due to Calzona - I'm a die hard fan & this current storyline is baffling me. It's so out-of-character (for Arizona) & is down right upsetting! So I'm hoping there is something more to it! I have faith Calzona will be end game but I'm just not sure how long it'll take them to recuperate after this...

As you'll probably tell the majority of this story is very A/U and I may have twisted a few things just so it blends in.

Purely rated T for language & certain themes, nothing too extreme.

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy nor its characters - all rights belong to ABC Studios & Shonda Rhimes.

A shiver up her spine drew Arizona from her peaceful slumber, her automatic reaction was to cling to the sheets in a desperate plea to keep her very naked form warm. Not feeling satisfied enough, she decided to cuddle into the body that lay beside her - the body that she had just spent the last hour exploring, pleasing, taunting - to gather some warmth, she haphazardly threw her arm in the direction of where the body was next to her.

Or where the body was supposed to be.

Opening one eye inquisitively, a sigh escaped her lips as her suspicions were confirmed - she was alone in the small on-call room. Sitting up & allowing the sheet to fall from her small frame, she eyed the on-call room warily. Arizona's mind was still fuzzy from the events that occurred, but one thing she couldn't forget was the sex.

The mind blowing, earth shattering fucking sex.

A dimpled smile pressed across her face - one she was sure had not been seen since before the accident. The woman she had just spent the past hour with brought out this new side to her. Dr Lauren Boswell was perky, adventurous, beautiful, and flirtatious.

She was Dr Arizona Robbins before the accident. The accident which claimed her leg, claimed her child's father, claimed her identity. Ever since that fateful flight, she had never been the same - she'd come to embrace that recently, maybe this was destined to happen? Maybe she was forced to alter her personality completely in a cruel twist of fate. But Lauren - she brought back all those feelings that Arizona was herself again - she was whole. Around this woman she'd known all of two days Arizona had left the facade she had built up around everyone crumble down - it was easy to pretend to be her old perky self nowadays, Arizona had become quite the master of disguise per sé - but Dr Boswell saw straight through it and called the pediatric surgeon on it. The control she thought she had built up in the aftermath of her recovery had collapsed, the craniofacial surgeon's haunting words still ringing in her ear.

You are allowed to lose a little bit of control.

And so she did, she stopped controlling how she was perceived - how she felt to everyone else and succumbed to the advances of the younger surgeon. She shut out the world outside and let all her pent up frustrations over the past few months release. She may have been a bit rough on Lauren, but was sure the other doctor would understand- speaking of, where the Hell was Lauren?

Shouting from outside the on-call room snapped Arizona from her thoughts and she quickly gathered her discarded clothing. When she & Lauren entered the on-call room the corridor, including the nurses' station seemed so empty - where the fuck did everyone come from? Choosing to put on her prosthesis last, Arizona took a moment to stare at once was her leg, a symbolic reminder of what she used to be. She was so carefree, now she was controlling and pessimistic. How the Hell did this Lauren Boswell figure out all this in the space of two days? The realization only struck Arizona a short while ago - it was like the new surgeon was a mind-reader, knew her every move.

Snapping out of her thoughts, her gaze drifted to what fingers were absentmindedly playing with whilst she sat in a daze.

Her wedding ring.

Her wedding ring to her fucking wife.

Arizona quickly attached her prosthetic limb and stepped out the on-call room, avoiding eye-contact with any passer-by. Oh God, what had she done? She was married and had just committed adultery on her wife, the love of her life – Callie Torres. But what was worse – the fact she was married & in love and slept with someone else...or the fact that she liked sex with the seemingly perfect stranger? Daunting questions plagued Arizona's mind as she limped her way through a suddenly crowded corridor – she was certain questions were being thrown her way regarding patients but she'd completely fazed out – no one was speaking to her bar her very own thoughts.

Do I feel remorse?

Why am I so attached to Lauren?

I love Callie, how could I have cheated on her?

Did I just make a mistake, or realize one I've been making all along?

Needing to stop these questions that plagued her, Arizona took off her wedding ring and carefully placed it in her lab coat pocket – she didn't have the audacity to wear such a symbol of love after what she'd just done.

There was no doubt in Arizona's mind that she loved her wife, Calliope was the best thing to happen to her & was supportive throughout her recovery...but, yes – there was that nagging but. However supportive her wife was Arizona felt at times that maybe her recovery was a little rushed – everyone else involved the accident who hadn't succumbed to their injuries had either seeked help or grieved appropriately. Arizona did neither. It didn't help that over the past few years the pediatric surgeon had taken a back-seat in the relationship, Callie tending to be the demanding, impeding presence within their marriage – she kept telling herself she was fine with this but...was she? Was the accident providing her with a moment of clarity to truly reflect on how she felt with her life at this present stage in time?

After the accident she firstly began resenting everything – the fact she was powerless to make her own decisions which led to her wife making the decision to cut off her limb – looking back now, not so much of an issue...since it saved her life. But she had also resented life itself – this sick joke it was playing on her. She was a good man in the storm, but after the accident she became the one who caused the storms. Could she honestly say that at this moment in life she was truly happy? The old Arizona Robbins was gone – what was the path for this new one? This dark & deceitful, adulterous whore who plays happy families even though deep down it does not fulfil her? Was any part of the old Arizona still left within her or had the accident completely erased everything?

The lights flickering on-and-off did nothing to deter Arizona from her course – she was determined to get as far away from where she knew her wife would most likely be. She couldn't face her – the guilt weighing down on her shoulders was too much to bare; fellow doctors or nurses passing her gave quick glances of concern as tears began to fall from her eyes – but they were all too focused on their own drama, what with the impending storm consuming the hospital.

Managing to haul herself up a flight of stairs, the evident throbbing in her leg doing nothing to deter her, Arizona found herself in the NICU ward and – after successfully avoiding panicked parents and a flurry of pediatric nurses, accompanied by frightened interns/residents – found herself in Baby Tyler's room. Hers & Lauren's facial reconstruction case. Needing the distraction from everything, she fumbled for the chart and flicked through – the constant flickering of the lights being quite a tough obstacle to overcome whilst reading – and found something odd.

Her writing, her signature on the very chart. Strange – Lauren was the one who filled out the chart & signed off on it; Arizona was with her when it happened, too. Eyes widened in confusion, she flicked through every page only to discover the same outcome. What the fuck was going on? She sighed, setting the chart back down on its holder and put the confusion down to lack of sleep.

"Um...Dr Robbins?"

Snapped from her thoughts, Arizona half-heartedly looked over her shoulder at one of the resident pediatric nurses and flashed her deceptively-dimpled fake smile.

"What's up Talia?"

"Well um...we've been looking for you everywhere— as you can see things are pretty hectic up here and your wife from what I've heard is getting anxious to your whereabouts and we've tried paging you but we had no res—"

"Damnit! I think I left my pager in the on-call—on another floor. I was called elsewhere during the midst of all...this and forgot it – my mistake," it was sickening how accustomed she'd become to lying. Deciding to try steer the conversation another way after noticing Nurse Talia's questioning look, Arizona prodded on with another question, "So uh, have you seen Dr Boswell around? She and I were working on this case together and I'd like a detailed prognosis on what Baby Tyler's recovery is going to look like."

Nurse Talia paused momentarily, a genuine confused look plastered on her face as her eyebrows shot up quizzically. If Arizona didn't know any better, she'd say the young pediatric nurse hadn't a clue what she was talking about – or who.

"Huh? Dr Robbins I don't know wh—" before Nurse Talia could continue, she was called away by an anxious parent. She sent Arizona a look of apology before setting off to see what the issue was.

Strange, Arizona mused – the nurse looked practically miffed at her question. Dr Boswell had came up to this ward with her many times to check on Baby Tyler, they'd even passed Nurse Talia a good few times and waved – no formal introduction was presented but she had said her name aloud several times around all the nurses that she thought they'd eventually click on.

Trying to allow herself a quick escape without being noticed by anyone, Arizona headed out the NICU ward and for the nearest stairwell. Nausea slowly creeping up on her, forcing her to come to a halt and take a minute to breathe.

The guilt had fully come down on her and the reality of what she had done was sickening. Even if her personality was altered from who she once was – she always thought she was never a cheater. Sure, in her hay-days before she came across Callie she'd "play the field" so to speak – but only when single, whenever she was "tied down" or in a relationship she'd never play away.

Was this a sign? Was it time to call it quits with Callie or was this a sign that she had to work harder to fight for her family? Her wife and her daughter...oh fuck - her daughter. This revelation would absolutely crush her and that alone made Arizona want to turn back time and reverse everything – the harm this would cause on her family was too overwhelming. Head spinning, she collapsed down onto a step – elbows propped up on her knees, head in hands. She was truly the picture of a broken woman.

She had never really thought of the repercussions her actions would cause, she was too last in the moment. Lost in the passion of it all. Was she that much of a heartless woman now that she failed to care about her family? As soon as she had locked that on-call room door she knew she had made the conscious decision to turn her back on her family – did she want to do that?

The answer came fairly quickly: no. All the previous questions were pushed aside with that one answer – she didn't want to do that, she couldn't lose her family over this...what the Hell made her jump into bed with another woman?

Arizona failed to hear the background noise of a door opening & closing beneath her muffled sobs, more so she failed to notice there was another presence with her.

"Arizona? Oh my God, I was so wor—are you alright? Hey, what's wrong?"

Callie. Her wife was here. Seeing her in this state, Arizona mentally berated herself for allowing that. She didn't deserve the sympathy coming from her wife – she deserved anger, probably even a slap.

"Please talk to me, are you hurt? What happened?"

Callie came down and sat next to Arizona, cradling her broken wife in her arms. The muffled sobs turned uncontrollable as she buried her head into her wife's shoulder. Callie's hand pressed against the back of Arizona's head, gently smoothing down her blonde hair reassuringly.

"I-I-I'm so sorry...I don't..."

"Don't apologize. God you had me so worried, I was looking everywhere for you, I—" Arizona forcefully raised her head out of Callie's grasp, effectively cutting her wife off and sat up straight, staring into her lovers eyes.

It was now or never.

This was the moment she was about to crush her wife.

This was the moment she was about to destroy her family.

"I slept with Lauren Boswell."

The glint of a tear in Callie's eyes was one of the most heartbreaking things Arizona had ever seen – she was sure. But there was something else on her wife's facial expression...was that, confusion? Everyone seemed to be mirroring the same expression today. Callie merely tipped her head to the side, eyes never leaving Arizona's and with a tone that came just above a whisper muttered something that made Arizona's pulse race.

"Who's Lauren Boswell?"

figment of the imagination – something created by the mind