Title: After the Silence

Summary: The case was over; his partner laid to rest and his family heading for vacation, but inside Danny knows Jamie's brave face is a defense mechanism and he sits down for a small heart to heart to find out. Post ep 3.23 'This Way Out' 'Contains spoilers' Missing Jamie/Danny Scene

Disclaimer: Um you know by now write? Lol I own nothing but my hard working muse Alice.

A/N: Okay so I personally thought that this eppy was a tad weak but that was just me. I felt the eppy last week was a bit more powerful and this one just lacked a bit of that 'human' factor. So I thought I'd write a small moment for our boys and hope you all like it. AND the alert system seems to be down for the past 3 days so that's why no alert for this (grrr fanfic!) so if I reply please check your inbox if you'd like :) thanks and now on with the story!

"We'll now call on Officer Jamie Reagan to say a few words."

Jamie hears his name and instantly feels all eyes turn and stare at him in expectation. It was the private funeral for his partner Vincent Cruz and he was an emotional mess. The whole ride over with his father and grandfather his mind had been reminding him to remember to pull his wallet and take out the heartfelt words he had written as soon as he left the hospital after Vinny had been shot and his mind was filled with emotional sorrow instead of tension filled anger.

He feels all eyes on his back as he slowly heads up to the small podium and then turns to face the sea of expectant eyes; watching and waiting in anticipation. He turns around to face the crowd and suddenly feels anxiety take a hold of him; his brain failing to send the correct signal to his hands to reach for his wallet, pull out the neatly folded piece of paper and read the words of tribute he had written to his fallen partner.

Instead his mind goes blank. It's not until he looks at his father who gives him a small smile that he gently clears his throat and proceeds. With his hands gripping the sides of the podium, he takes a deep breath and then starts. A few seconds before he finishes, his brain finally clicks in and he can only curse himself as he takes a few steps to the side and then heads back to his seat.

After the service is complete, Jamie stands up to leave, wanting to make a hasty retreat, wrap his hand around a glass of scotch and just try to find some peace in the hellish day they just survived.

"Good job kid," Danny pats him on the back as he tries to make his escape.

"Thanks."

"You okay after all that?"

"Fine," Jamie answers with a tight lipped smile, taking advantage of someone calling Danny's name, allowing him to duck outside, head for his car and drive away to drown his inner misery in solitude. For the next two days he would try to keep himself busy, but it wouldn't be until after family dinner that the truth about his silence would be brought to the fore and one person in particular knowing which buttons to push.

XXXXXXXX

*2 days later*

"No no no…damn it kid you're doing it wrong," Danny groans as he hears a 'clink' and then hurries to the front of the car and pulls the part out of Jamie's grasp; Jamie giving him a small shrug before he pulls away and turns his back.

"Then you do it Danny, okay? You fix this yourself," Jamie states in exasperation as he turns and heads toward the exit to their father's garage. All throughout dinner, Jamie had been the most quiet, piping up only when he was to agree about their first whole family vacation in years. Something's up and he knows inside he has to get his brother to open up before another tormented day passes and he loses his brother for good.

"Hold on there," Danny's hand shoots out and grabs Jamie's arm and turns his little brother back to him.

"What?"

"You haven't said much since Vinny's funeral and that's not good," Danny tells him outright, knowing that it was the death of his partner that has his brother so broken up inside and not acting like himself to those around him.

"I have nothing to talk about. Cop was shot, we got the guy, he had a nice funeral and I'm back to training someone else," Jamie replies as he jerks his arm free and gives Danny a small frown.

"He wasn't just some cop and you know I'm not buying this from you."

"It's over Danny."

"You missed the points of you being shot, watching your partner die, going head to head with dad and then having to speak at your partner's funeral."

"But that's all over so there's nothing to talk about," Jamie answers quietly as he turns to leave.

"Really?"

"I'm not a rookie so I don't expect dad to talk to me like I'm a child. The funeral…" Jamie's voice dies out as he looks down at his grease stained hands. "It was um…it was tough but I kept it brief right?" Jamie shrugs as he looks up.

"I know it hurt," Danny suggests.

"It hurt," Jamie replies sourly as he slowly wanders over to a small stool and slumps down on it. But after a few minutes of silence and Danny's gaze not leaving his, Jamie finally feels himself starting to cave and admits what's still eating him up inside. "I should have said more."

"What? When? Look, dad knows…"

"No not with dad. He was doing his job and I didn't expect him to talk to me like a first year rookie. I asked Erin and maybe that got his back up against the wall but…but no it's not that. Dad and I worked past that. We talked and are fine."

"What then?"

"At the funeral. I should have said more," Jamie admits in sorrow.

"The funeral? What you said was fine."

"But it wasn't…never mind."

"It wasn't what? Come on kid, it's like pulling teeth."

"It wasn't what I had planned to say okay?" Jamie growls.

"And that has you playing silent Sam for the past two days?" Danny inquires as Jamie nods in confirmation. "So what was so wrong with what you actually said?"

"Remember when you and Joe would come in here and talk about a tough call or a death on the job. I was here, listening."

"What, you were?" Danny asks in surprise as he nears Jamie and slumps down onto the other little stool in the quiet garage.

"Most of it was just routine police on the job stuff. But I remember the time after Joe's partner Burns bought it and um…he was pretty broken up and you two came in here and I remember him asking how he was supposed to feel. He was more angry than upset and you said we all deal with things differently and he couldn't rush his feelings but nothing he was feeling was wrong. What would be wrong is if he felt nothing."

"And you feel nothing?"

"I'm angry."

"And that's normal."

"I'm angry at myself."

"That's…also normal. Jamie what is it, talk to me," Danny tenderly implores.

"When I got up to speak at the funeral I was more angry than sad," Jamie looks away in remorse. "I stood before the small crowd and I heard the anger in my voice and I let it take over and I feel as if I didn't say enough or what I wanted and I let Vinny down. You never called me on it…" Jamie's voice dies out as he gets back up off the stool and walks over to the small worktable and starts to fidget with something on top. "Why would you right?"

"You expected that so you've been giving all of us the silent treatment for the past two days because I didn't scold your ass for being more sensitive? You know you're talking to Danny Reagan right kid?" Danny lightly quips as Jamie turns around with a small frown and then looks away. "Damn really?" Danny groans as he gets up off the stool and nears the table Jamie's still parked in front of. "Course I could hear the anger in your tone, you were set up and your partner died in your arms you sounded like any one of us."

"I sounded like someone talking at a parole hearing or a trial or something. Not a friend saying a few words for another friend."

"But…"

"Joe wasn't upset. I heard what he said for Burns and it wasn't filled with anger…I feel I let him down," Jamie's fingers start to pull at something until Danny once again is forced to pry the small object for his grasp or risk having to pay his father for something else.

"There is no…wait don't turn away," Danny gently growls, "in that moment you were angry. Just because we arrested Santana and his band of merry jagoffs doesn't mean the pain will just go away. You were caught up in the heat of the moment, riding that angry wave and then boom you have the funeral. Had it been today or even tomorrow when the misery would have finally set in a bit you might have said something else. Maybe not…who knows."

"He was a good man."

"Yeah he was but his partner is a good man also," Danny's tender tone brings Jamie's somewhat watery warm gaze back to his. "Joe ever talk to you about Burns?"

"No, said he wanted to spare me," Jamie sighs. "I asked him if that made him want to stop being a cop and he said he considered it. In that moment I went right to mom and told her I never wanted to be a cop."

"What'd she say?"

"Lawyers mostly dodge verbal bullets," Jamie retorts as Danny gently smirks.

"Joe wanted to spare you the burden of what he was feeling."

"Wish he hadn't though you know? You too…maybe I'd know how to feel."

"There is no right or wrong way to feel after something like this. You can't think like that. You know losing a guy on tour and losing a guy on the street are different for me. Sure both die for their cause but inside I feel different things. I know both and will mourn both but not in the same way; some more than others. Is that wrong? Maybe to the family whose son, brother, father, whatever I mourn less but I can't help it," Danny tries to explain. "That's what I told Joe. But it's the not dealing with it part that's wrong. I have Linda."

"And I have no one," Jamie's lips offer a small nervous chuckle.

"You have me…you have dad…heck you can even spout off to Jack or Sean," Danny reminds him as his hand rests on his shoulder and gives it a tender squeeze.

"Really?"

"Well the last two goobers would probably just give you a cookie and say something like okay uncle Jamie but the rest of us know a thing or two about losing a guy in the field."

"He deserved more. He deserved something better than being ambushed and dying in the same place he grew up."

"But he didn't die alone," Danny's tender whisper forces Jamie's eyes to squeeze shut. "You were there with him. A cop dying in the line of duty is one of the risks as you know when you took the oath. But dying alone is what we fear most. You were with him. He had you there and as stupid as this might sound to you, he took comfort in that."

"He still died Danny."

"He didn't die alone."

"I held him," Jamie deftly acknowledges.

"Joe didn't even have that. He was set up and he…" Danny's voice cracks as he looks away in torment. "You didn't let Vinny down in any way. I know it feels like that but we can't even imagine what dad felt when he was told that Joe died and then how."

"Just wish I could have said more, even to his mom, you know just for me."

"You know you still can."

"Danny…"

"Tell you what, tomorrow we'll take her and Vinny's sister down to the cemetery and you can say to them what you feel you forgot at the funeral. They're the only ones that really matter right?"

"Really?"

"You haven't been yourself for two days now kid. It's even starting to bother me," Danny replies lightly. "I know this hurts but it's gotta be more important than just saying what kind of kick ass cop he was to work with. Maybe you didn't want to appear…"

"No see that's not it," Jamie's voice trails off as he turns away, his back to Danny as he places the small part on the table to his left and reaches for his wallet. "I um…I had this to say."

"What?"

He turns back and hands the small slip to Danny and then steps back with a heavy exhale. "I had something of substance to say and I got up there and I forgot to pull out the paper. Thought I'd sound weak but it was written from the heart but I froze and didn't say it and now…"

"Now it's eating you up inside because you feel you never got the chance," Danny whispers before he looks down at the small slip and slowly opens it.

"I can't go back and ask them to redo the funeral just so that I won't screw up again right?" Jamie's voice rambles off as Danny reads the words Jamie had written. After he's finished, he looks up at Jamie's uncertain expression and gives him a small frown.

"No good?"

"Actually no it's great."

"I should have said that instead."

"Think he would have slapped you upside the head? Because I can do that, if you think it'll make you feel better," Danny gently teases. "What you said was fine."

"It should have been more."

"You'll say it tomorrow okay? These words…they're for his mother right?"

"For the most part. Maybe I'm making too big a deal of this. I don't know what to feel anymore."

"You'll say this tomorrow to the people that count the most," Danny assures him in haste.

"Will you come with me? I mean if you're busy or…"

"I'd love to come, it'd be an honor," Danny states as he hands Jamie back the folded up piece of paper. "Joe would be proud," he tells him before he pats him on the back.

"Think so?"

"I know so and who's gonna argue with that?" Danny chuckles as he wraps his arm around Jamie's shoulders and pulls him close. "You will get through this okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay so now what else did you listen in on?" Danny inquires as his grasp around Jamie tightens, not letting his brother escape.

"Nothing else," Jamie shrugs as he tries to pull back. "Cept maybe you and Linda making out once," Jamie replies with a small smile as he yanks himself free; Danny looking at Jamie with a slightly narrowed gaze.

"Making out?"

"Okay maybe more, you know I think I hear…" Jamie tries to dart away, Danny's hands grabbing him and pulling him back; his arm wrapping around his neck as he ruffles his hair, Jamie laughing as he tries in vain to pull himself free.

"What else did you see? Huh?" Danny teases.

"Nothing, I swear…except…."

"Uh huh…"

Frank hears the happy laughter coming from the garage and smiles to himself; knowing inside that he had sent Danny in search of his brother in the hopes of him finding out what had been troubling his youngest after the funeral, suspecting inside that it had to do with more emotional fallout from Vinny's tragic and untimely death. And while he didn't fully eavesdrop, as he hears their laughter and playful banter and then Danny's serious promise to be with him tomorrow for the private graveside service, he knows in his heart his mild meddling paid off; together they could get through anything.

THE END!

A/N: Okay so it was a small moment and I don't have the strength to write the funeral scene (was just at one in RL dang it) so hope you all liked this and please do review and thanks so much!