Remus and Peter patiently listened as Sirius ranted.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him and all, but they're actually going out now, and it's bloody terrible! What if James doesn't like us anymore? What if he doesn't hang around us anymore? What if I become a third wheel?" Sirius exclaimed, pacing back and forth across the maroon carpet in the Gryffindor common room.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sirius, we're James' friends, too. If you become a third wheel, Peter and I will become fourth and fifth wheels. You're overreacting. And I'm pretty sure your feet are wearing holes in the carpet."

"But she's always there now!" Sirius complained. "And it's just so bloody éprouvant pour les nerfs, il est avec elle pratiquement tout le temps et ce que s'il nous, et oublie, and—"

"Sirius, you're shouting in French," said Remus, massaging his temples.

"He's shouting in French. I didn't even know he spoke French," mumbled Peter.

"Of course I speak French, Wormtail, I'm a Black. We all learn French and ballroom dancing and etiquette and table manners and all that before we're out of nappies," snapped Sirius.

"You're exaggerating," consoled Remus.

"That's beside the point! Oh, bloody hell, here they come."

Sirius slunk in a seat besides Peter as James and Lily spotted them and began walking in their direction.

"We're back!" said James happily. "We brought you lot Chocolate Frogs, too." He tossed a bag at Remus, who eagerly opened it to find them.

"Hi," said Lily, shifting back and forth on her feet. "So, um…"

"How was the date, Lil?" asked Remus, smiling mischievously.

"I see that look," said Lily, crossing her arms. "Shut up."

"Hey, Padfoot," said James, collapsing next to Sirius. "Oi, mind moving over a bit?"

"Hi, Prongs. Hi, Yoko," muttered Sirius.

James gave him a quizzical look. "What?"

"Never mind. Look, I have to go," said Sirius, rising from his seat. However, before he could move, he felt a hand grip him from behind and the tip of a wand pressed against the back of his neck.

"What did you call me, Black?"

Peter's eyes widened, staring back and forth between Lily and Sirius.

Lily stepped in front of Sirius. Her wand switched to his throat, directly between his collarbones. "I said what did you call me?"

"Nothing!" said Sirius. "I swear!"

"That was a rhetorical question, you prat," snapped Lily. "I know perfectly well what you called me."

"Then…why'd you…ah!" Sirius winced as Lily poked gave his throat a poke with her wand.

"Yoko?" said Lily, looking faintly amused. "As in…Yoko Ono? John Lennon's wife?"

Sirius didn't answer. Remus sighed.

"Lily, maybe—"

"Quiet, Potter," said Lily. The dangerous tone with which she had spoken to Sirius was gone, replaced by a mildly interested, entertained manner.

"I see what you did there," she said unexpectedly, turning back to Sirius. "But, Black—you're a Pureblood. How do you know anything about Muggle music?"

Sirius grinned broadly, under the impression that he was safe.

Before he could shake her loose, Lily suddenly pressed the tip of her wand into his throat, harder than before. "If I hear that again your tongue will be hexed to stick to your nose. Is that clear?"

Startled by the swift display of force, Sirius nodded, his dark eyes meeting with Lily's.

"Good," she said pleasantly, retracting her wand. She took a seat next to James. "Glad we have that settled, then."

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