It is half past three when the thunder finally wakes Alec. He blinks, registering the pounding of the rain, and automatically looks around for Magnus. It doesn't take him long to discover that his boyfriend is already awake and is staring at him intently.

"You're trying to memorize me," Alec says, only half kidding. He waits for Magnus to deny it. He waits for the quick grin and the witty rejoinder, but they don't come.

"Does it bother you very much?" Magnus asks softly.

Alec shrugs. "I don't know," he says, still not fully awake. He waits for Magnus to push him for a more detailed response, as he so often does, but the warlock is silent. "I…" Alec continues, uncertainly, "there isn't anyone who loves me who hasn't done that. I mean…I know I could die anytime." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. It unnerves him when Magnus is quiet. Alec knows him well enough now to know that this version of Magnus is always lurking underneath the surface. Magnus is truly is the person who genuinely laughs at the cat's antics, who delights in clothes, and who is never afraid to draw focus. However, he is also this person; a person who quiet and reflective; a person who has seen everything and is afraid of being left with nothing. Alec enjoys Magnus's flair but it is this second Magnus, the private Magnus, that he can tell his secrets to.

"I do it too," Alec says. "Sometimes I catch myself looking at Izzy or Jace or you and thinking, 'I have to remember this. I have to remember this in case they die so that I can always see them, just this way.' I guess…I guess sometimes it bothers me to think that you'd be remembering for so much longer."

"Sometimes it bothers me, too," Magnus says. The corners of his mouth twitch upward slightly, "especially at thee-thirty in the morning."

"You should be asleep," Alec says, reaching out and pulling Magnus against him. Alec himself is still half asleep.

"There's a storm," Magnus says. "I don't sleep during storms."

"Because you love them or because you hate them?" Alec asks.

"Because they're storms," Magnus says enigmatically.

"Why three-thirty AM?" Alec asks, remembering Magnus's earlier comment.

"Because at three-thirty AM, I feel my age," Magnus says. "But," he continues, brightening, "only every other third Tuesday in odd years, so it's not really very burdensome."

Alec chuckles. He is used to Magnus's changing moods. "So this storm coincided with…whatever you just said?"

"Precisely!" Magnus agrees, and Alec can see the white flash of his teeth in the dark. It isn't the truth, Alec knows, but he thinks Magnus tells him as close to the truth as he tells anyone. This time, it doesn't bother Alec. He knows what it feels like to be afraid that if you give into fear of loss, even for a second, it will consume you.

It is too complicated to think about in the middle of the night, Alec decides, noticing that Magnus has shifted so that his hips are pressing into Alec's.

"So, you don't sleep during storms?" Alec asks.

"No," Magnus confirms, his hand sliding across Alec's ribcage.

Alec nods, and then reaches out to grab the back of Magnus's neck, crashing their mouths together. He listens carefully as Magnus moans into his mouth and watches as Magnus pulls away from Alec's mouth and begins to move down his body. It is something that Alec wants to memorize.