RPG Stats for the "Wand of Yaoi"
DESCRIPTION: Long. Hard. Smooth. Sleek. Glistening. (Pant pant pant) Excuse me, I gotta go take a cold shower
MONETARY VALUE: One dozen Fushigi Yuugi yaoi doujinshi, a Sesshou-maru plsuhie, and two pounds of chocolate covered coffee beans.
CREATION: Was made by the Smut Fairy after one too many shots of tequila during a Gundam Wing marathon. She can't remember what she did, and the only clues to it's creation were an empty bottle of Tabasco sauce, her missing Mokona plushy, and the fact that her neighbor's cat walked funny for the next few days. However, she did remember the cool idea she had for a five-way Gundam yaoi fic, which involved nachos and the liberal use of nipple clamps designed by Washuu.
RECHARGING: The wand recharges slowly on its own. To recharge it completely in on go, the following method must be used:
beeeep beep CENSORED Insert tab A into slot B CENSORED CENSORED Now where am I going to get a chibi tentacle monster at this time at night? CENSORED beep "Oh, yes, yes, YES! More, more, I'm-" beep beep Oh my God, that's disgusting! CENSORED Next slather whipped cream on the Kama Sutra and- TOP SECRET beep beep "I say, what are you doing with that turnip?" beep beep beeeep Wow, I never knew you could do that with the human body! WHEEEEEE CENSORED "Quick, grab the cattle prods before he escapes!" CENSORED beep beep beep CENSORED And finally, spit out the smurf.
SPELL: Detect Bishounen
CHARGES USED: 2
EFFECT: Causes all bishounen within 100 meters to sparkle. However, since bishounen tend to already sparkle, this isn't a very useful spell.
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SPELL: Vibrating Wand
CHARGES USED: 1 per 10 minutes
EFFECT: The Wand of Yaoi vibrates; one of it's more popular uses. With the proper dental hygiene attachment it can be used as an ultra-sonic toothbrush, but do you have any idea where that thing's been?!
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SPELL: Bishounen-ify
CHARGES USED: 69
EFFECT: For use in shounen based realities where the men aren't that attractive and the women all have breasts larger than Kansas mutter grumble. Enlarges the target's eyes, makes his face more feminine, and all around makes him better looking. A roll of 1 on d20 means that the sparkle affect has been achieved Wai! Sparkles!!, and a roll of 00 on a d100 means that he's grown wings. Drool
This spell also grants the target 2d6 Angst Points. If afterward the target is still too cheerful and happy-go-lucky, you may apply the AMPLIFY ANGST spell.
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SPELL: Floating Eyebrows
CHARGES USED: 1
EFFECT: Ensures that the target's eyebrows float in front of his bangs.
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SPELL: Yaoi Pheromones
CHARGES USED: Variable
EFFECT: For when your bishounen stubbornly remains heterosexual. Effect on the target varies based on the number of charges used: Target subconsciously "notices" boys, perhaps leading to something later on. Target definitely notices boys. Causes embarrassment and blushing. Target starts flirting with boys. Target starts seducing boys. Target rips clothes off of boys and starts doing them right where they stand. Target screws anything that moves. Target screws anything convex. Boy, are you screwed.