Summary: The dobe can't even spell 'dictionary' correctly.

Warnings: Maybe a few minor sexual implications and Yaoi! Male x Male! Minor mentions of M-Preg.

Comments: Thanks for reading! I came across some jokes about Naruto dictionaries and thought I'd make a dictionary belonging to Naruto of my own! SasuNaru this is, so please don't be offended, Naruto has a...colourful imagination lol! PLEASE REVIEW!

Disclaimer: This fic is one of the reasons Kishimoto-sama refused to give me ownership of Naruto. Damnit!

Naruto's Dicktionary

XxDreaming of RealityxX

Sasuke smiled as Naruto rolled over inaudibly and draped an arm over his body, caressing the pale skin from beneath the linen of the blankets and kissing the back of his shoulder. His lover was pressed against him, caramel thigh on his hip and his own parted lips were only inches away from the side of Naruto's sun-kissed neck. Leaving his naked boyfriend in his warm place, Sasuke hesitantly climbed out from under the covers, watching Naruto let out a low groan at the loss of affection and turn over, with a relaxed expression on his face.

Sasuke sighed and found Naruto's borrowed boxers on the floor, pulling them over his hips and, knowing the Uzumaki would scold him later, padded down the stairs quietly as to not wake Naruto up. His voice was hoarse, so Sasuke had come down to get a glass of drink, the moon visible in the sky as he turned on the lights downstairs and found a glass in the cupboard.

It seemed that some deity was on his side tonight, as lying there in all its glory was a small orange book that was seemingly supposed to be hidden, but last night Sasuke was in such a rush to get inside Naruto-ugh, bed, that the blond had left it poking out the drawer. Smirking inwardly, the Uchiha pulled out the book, touching the smooth cover and letting the first page open with a smile adorning his satin features. Who spelt 'dictionary' like that?

Naruto's Dicktionary and Guide to Life

Uzumaki Naruto: The best person you will ever meet in the world because I'm the best! I'm the next Hokage, without a doubt! And I'll rub it in Sasuke-bastard's face! I'm amazing, the best looking in the world and I am a full-fledged ninja warrior with the philosophy of Narutoism! YEAH!

Konoha: The best place in the world! Because it has Ichiraku's Ramen and the best people EVER! Ninjas are awesome! HELL YEAH! Except Konoha is home to pervs left right and centre…

Family: Well, I've got Jiraiya and Tsunade and Iruka and Kakashi and everyone else, so I'm good! Uzumaki Naruto is his own family! I've got it all~! But ramen is probably my God…so yeah.

Tsunade Baa-chan: An old hag who gambles all day and drinks sake in the afternoon! I keep telling her it's only gonna give her more wrinkles, but she's pretty set on it. Damn old woman.

Jiraiya A.K.A Ero-sennin: The biggest pervert alive and the Icha Icha Paradise novelist who is such a pervert, he even sneaks up on the girl's baths and tries to get in with them. He deserves those black eyes, the pervert.

Ramen: The best edible food created. Enough said. Anyone like the bastard who doesn't eat it is mentally disturbed and should seek therapy. Ramen is my God that I worship. Without ramen, there would be no point in living!

Fangirls: Sasuke's followers and stalkers…I swear they're out to get me. Well, it's obviously because I'm so awesome, otherwise why would I be chased around by them all day long? Because I'm that good. No doubt about it. Sasuke must be sooo jealous.

Orochimaru: A gay paedophile, I'm telling you! He tried to rape Sasuke! He's one hell of a snake bastard, that's for sure.

Kabuto: Orochimaru's loyal follower…I think he worships him…

Umino Iruka: Iruka likes things perfect. He likes to keep everything in order. And he likes Kakashi. That I'm pretty sure of.

Uchiha Itachi: Sasuke's aniki who is a psycho fugitive on the loose who joined Akatsuki and wants to kill everyone. Sasuke's crazy obsessed with him, I tell you. He insists he's sexually confused because he likes to have long hair and nail polish. But so does Neji? I mean…what's wrong with nail polish?

Rock Lee: What more is there to say? He's ugh…he has nice…eyebrows? Well, I guess Lee bathes in the idea of youth along with Gai, but it's just a thing he's got going on…maybe…?

Tenten: Oh, Tenten's kind of like a…what do ya' call it? Tomboy! Yeah, she's got a load of scrolls I think. Sasuke was complaining about where she puts them, but I'd rather not go there.

Hyuuga Neji: He's a nice guy, with his long hair and all. Pretty sure he has a thing for Gaara. I mistook him for a girl once, but that got sorted soon enough, painfully…

Inuzuka Kiba: Kiba! He's like my partner in crime, man! Got some fetish for dogs but he's pretty much the most loyal friend there is. I bet if I told him to jump, he wouldn't ask how high, he'd just do it. Well, that's probably 'cause of the lack of brain cells. But if anyone goes near Hinata, he'll run them down.

Hyuuga Hinata: Neji's cousin! She's so sweet, but she blushes excessively, so much so that I wonder for her health. She's mastered the technique of fainting somewhere along the way, but she's like a mouse! So kawaii in a way. Don't tell Sasuke I said that.

Aburame Shino: Shino's, uh…Shino's unique with his bugs? Let's just leave it at that.

Akimichi Chouji: He's an awesome guy! Chouji likes to eat, and that's about it. Apart from that, don't call him fat. Or you're heading down a one-way street towards death.

Yamanaka Ino: Sakura's best friend and a fellow fangirl. Her and Sakura compete about everything like I do with Sasuke. But me and Sasuke are together! Unless-?

Nara Shikamaru: Shika is Shika. A lazy, lazy, lazy guy who finds it hard to wake up in the morning without wasting any energy. But he's crazy smart. He found out when I stole Sasuke's tomatoes to get him mad without even seeing them. Don't ask how!

Sexual Intercourse: Sasuke's excuse for having babies! I'm not complaining, but Sasuke does find it addictive and it is pleasurable beyond the power of ramen. But the reason I have to do this daily exercise is because Sasuke's a closet pervert who secretly worships Jiraiya's novels.

Hatake Kakashi: A pervert following the teachings of the Legendary Sannin, Jiraiya the creator of perverseness in general, and loyal follower of the Icha Icha Paradise novels.

Haruno Sakura: Sakura's a tough cookie! I used to chase her like a school kid with a crush – well, part of that was true – but we had this love triangle thing goin' on 'cause she liked Sasuke. Well, that was solved easy enough. We're still friends, but Sasuke acts like she's a banshee when she approaches for some reason.

Uchiha Sasuke: He calls me a self-proclaimed Hokage, an idiotic, moronic retard with no sense of morality or brain power whatsoever and claims that I say 'dattebayo' and 'teme' at every sentence uttered. I'm not an usuratonkachi, damnit! But I'm his dobe and he's my teme. He's highly contagious (you might catch his constipated-ness) and addictive, but also a violent, freak, emo who takes pleasure in aggressiveness. You'll never meet such a bastard as him. He's grouchy, an ice prick and a stuck-up intelligent bastard, but I love him. And we're gonna have a ton of Uchiha babies, whether I like it or not.

A small smile played on Sasuke's sweet-as-honey lips and he was brought back to reality by a familiar, silken voice from behind him, a voice that made him breathe a sigh of happiness that no one would see except for his dobe.

"Sasuke?"

He pulled ebony-onyx eyes away from the notebook and found a restless looking Naruto standing on the stairs wearing only his boxers. Adorning his head, messy hair fell over soft, golden, sunbathed features, indicating that he'd had some kind of dream earlier when Sasuke left. The Uzumaki moved behind him as he pushed the book back into the drawer, and held him in a sensuous hug from behind.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked sleepily, nuzzling against Sasuke's back tiredly and reminding Sasuke of a mischievous kitsune. "It's cold…"

"I came to get a drink." Sasuke's eyes looked at the half-swallowed glass of water lying on the sink. Naruto heaved a small sigh of relief as Sasuke tangled his fingers in his golden locks, massaging his head gently and kissing his neck, before whispering softly in a small voice.

"Come and get back in bed with me."

Sasuke hummed in approval and slid his fingers down Naruto's abdomen, kissing his neck with parted lips. When Sasuke got like this, he showed Naruto how much he loved him, like he would tonight. Uchiha Naruto smiled and followed Sasuke up the stairs. "Hn."

Questioning Naruto's dictionary could wait until tomorrow; for tonight he would be busy experiencing sweet nothings with his partner for life.

And maybe tomorrow he'd read an entry he missed.

Uchiha Babies: Noisy little Sasu-clones who'll have my eyes and his features. Cry and eat a lot. I know Sasuke's been wanting a couple 'a hundred of them since he's gonna revive his clan. Pretty sure he's got one in the making. *Snicker*.

Owari~!

A/N: Hope you liked it! REVIEW! Thank YOU!