Light in Darkness

Chapter 6

Magnus breathed a sigh of relief; he was glad that the ritual had indeed worked. He pushed the guilt out of his mind; he had gotten what he'd wanted, he couldn't focus on the negative aspect of the ritual. Magnus wondered if Alec remembered the words he'd said, how he had broken his heart. Somehow he didn't think Alec would even want to see him, after everything that had happened.

"Magnus?" he heard Isabelle say from the other end of the phone. "He's been asking about you, if that's what you're worried about, he wants to see you again." How could he? Magnus thought how could he want to be anywhere near me after the things I've said and done to hurt him, it's my fault he died.

"You were also the one who brought him back too" Isabelle said as if reading his thoughts. "If it wasn't for you, he would even be here now, so if he still means anything to you at all, come see him." Magnus stared at the phone in his hand. Could it be true? Did Alec really want to see him, after everything? Magnus could only hope so. Sighing, he decided he would go see if he really wanted him there. His heart raced at the thought of seeing Alec. He knew that he deserved to be forever separated from him, but he still couldn't help the way his heart beat anxiously in his chest. He wondered what condition Alec would be in. would he be one hundred percent better, or would he grow better over time. He hoped it was instantaneously better but he would take whatever he could get.

Leaving his apartment, he hailed a cab to take him to the institute. The closer they got the more nervous Magnus grew. After the words he'd told Alec before Alec had been attacked, and then his refusal to come help; he didn't expect Alec to be too warm towards him. Of course, that was nothing less than he deserved, and he knew it. Still, he hoped that Alec wouldn't care that he was there.

Once he arrived, Magnus swallowed hard and dragged himself out of the cab. It was now or never, one way or the other he would learn the true depth of Alec's feelings. Paying the cabdriver, Magnus turned and headed towards what looked like an abandoned church, he truly knew it to be the Institute, however.

The door opened at his first knock, Magnus stood with his fist in the air, to find Isabelle waiting impatiently.

"Come on already, he's been asking about you." she muttered as Magnus walked in. she slammed the door shut then headed towards the elevator.

"He doesn't hate me does he?" Magnus asked curiously as he fell into step beside Isabelle.

"No, in fact he can't even remember being attacked at all, much less the fight that took place before he was attacked." Magnus frowned, he wasn't sure if that was normal or not. He would have to do a little more research on the ritual when he got home. He should have exercised a little more caution when using it, but at the time the only thing Magnus cared about was bringing Alec back to life.

When they reached the room, Isabelle opened the door and let Magnus in.

"I'll be out here, holler if you need me." Magnus nodded glad that he would get to spend some private time with Alec. He needed to know what was going on, just how much damage he'd caused.

"Magnus, is that you?" Alec asked from where he lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Yes," Magnus replied "I'm here."

"What took you so long to come see me?" Alec asked turning to look at Magnus.

"I wasn't sure that you wanted to see me, not after I said some pretty terrible words to you."

"I'll always want you with me, no matter what words you've said. Besides, don't you know, the person you love the most is likely to be the one that hurts you the most?"

"I don't think I like that actually," Magnus said swallowing, and crossing the room to sit at the edge of his bed. "I don't ever like the idea of hurting you, and that's all I've done, you wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for me."

Alec frowned, puzzled.

"I don't even know what happened to get me here, so how do you think it's your fault?"

"Because we got in a fight, and I left and you were attacked" Magnus growled "if I had stayed with you then this wouldn't have happened." Alec shrugged.

"Maybe, maybe not. But I'm a Shadowhunter so it's not like I'm not used to being hurt."

"This was so much worse than just getting hurt." Magnus said turning away, unable to bear the look in Alec's eyes. The look that said he could forgive Magnus anything, even being the cause of his death.

"Know this" Alec said softly, not liking the shame he saw in Magnus' eyes. "I will always love you, nothing or no one is going to be able to change that." He reached out and took Magnus' hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. Magnus could only hope that Alec meant what he said. He just didn't understand how he could.

A few minutes later, the infirmary's door was thrown open and Isabelle raced into the room. Alec and Magnus could both tell that something serious had happened.

"What's wrong?" Alec demanded, wondering if Simon had hurt his sister, and if he had, he would find a way to kill the bat boy.

"It's Clary, she's dead."