House of Took

They were nearly at Mirkwood, when Gandalf was finally able to convince Thorin to let them rest for a bit, no sooner had the Company dismounted their ponies and stretched sore muscles did it appeared.

Stumbling from out of nearby bushes, blonde with grey streaks hair sticking everywhere with twigs and leaves, face and clothes covered in mud was a Hobbit.

"Aunt Lily?" Bilbo said as he and the others sheathed their weapons they had taken out when they heard the rustling of bushes.

Aunt Lily blinked at the other Hobbit before smiling, "Bilbo!" she squealed before grabbing and hugging her nephew tightly, "oh look how you've grown! Look just like your Mother you do!"

"Missed you too" Bilbo wheezed as his lung were crushed underneath his Aunt's….ecstatic greeting.

When she finally let go Lily took a good look at her nephew, she frowned and tsked at what she saw, "Rosa was right, you have lost weight"

"You've talked to Aunt Rosa?"

"She sends me letters, sent me one some days ago about you and your new husbands, speaking of which"

No, the Dwarves did not cringe when the Hobbit turned her eyes their way, and no they did not shuffle back when she took steps towards them.

Sighing at the mischievous gleam in his Aunt's eye, Bilbo realized he needed to have a talk with the Company about this whole marriage thing before any more of his relatives showed up and killed them all via shock.

"Thirteen, I mean twelve, one of them is already married yes? Dwarven husbands" Lily said when she finally stood in front of the group hands on hips, eyes taking in each nervous Dwarf (though why Gloin had a reason to be nervous seeing as he was the one married, none of the others knew…though to be far Lily was quiet intimidating).

In the background, Gandalf lit pipe, sat back and watched what was sure to be an amusing show commence.

"Hmmm, well Rosa wasn't lying when she said they were a handsome bunch"

That fact that Rosa said it didn't make any of them feel better.

"Aww, and look at you" Lily coo'ed when her eyes landed on Ori, "aren't you the cutest, I could just eat you up"

"…Please don't" Ori said leaning close to his brothers.

Lily giggled, "Oh! Where are my manners I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Lily Took, Bilbo's great Aunt"

The Dwarves rather reluctantly, introduced themselves.

"You're Dwalin?" Lily asked when the Dwarf spoke.

The Warrior nodded, then to everyone's surprise (and Gandalf's amusement) Lily moved around the giant Dwarf and squeezed his arse.

"Auntie!"

"Valdemar was right; you do have a nice arse"

Gandalf nearly hurt himself laughing when Dwalin's face turned red and the warrior let out a horrified squeak.

"Auntie, please stop touching Dwalin's arse" Bilbo sighed when the normally harden Dwarf squeaked again at the assault.

Suddenly a voice roared through the air "LILY TOOK!"

Lily was now the one squeaking, her hobbit feet quickly making there way over to Gandalf and hiding behind the wizard.

"Auntie?"

"Uh, I just remembered why I was running and who from" came the reply.

"Who?" Bilbo asked worriedly.

"My husband" was the answer before said husband burst through the bushes.

Thorin and Company were expecting a small creature with big feet to emerge, they were not expecting a man sized body, pale skin, long blonde hair, and pointed ears covered in mud, chest heaving eyes blazing with anger.

They were not expecting an Elf.

Said Elf looked around the startled group (well startled Dwarves) before landing on the wizard, who smiled merrily at the Elf. The Elf's eyes narrowed before he stumped over to the wizard, his arms reached behind the other, there was a squeal before Lily was being lifted from behind Gandalf by the scruff of her shirt like a kitten, arms flailing.

"Oh, Medlinaer my loving husband, there you are"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't skin you alive?" Medlinaer growled.

"Because the sex is good?"

Medlinaer's eye twitch, the twitching getting worse when his wife smiled at him.

"Uh, Uncle Medlinaer?"

The Elf turned and looked over at the Hobbit.

"Bilbo?"

The Elf then took note of the Dwarves.

"Are you his husband, my wife's been talking about?"

Dumbfound by the knowledge they just discovered (a Hobbit and an Elf, married!), they nodded instead of protesting as they should have done, and really they needed talk to their burglar about the whole marriage thing.

"You poor sods"

Medlinaer and Lily met during one of the Hobbit's adventures, the Elf had found the Hobbit stumbling through Mirkwood (cursing up a storm), he had helped her get out the woods and gotten his prized knife stolen in return. A good chase later, they were friends, friends quickly turning into a married couple when Medlinaer woke up in a hobbit home.

Thorin never thought he'd feel sympathy for an Elf, until now.

The Dwarf was even more surprised at how…non-Elfish the other was being at moment, growling at his wife who didn't seem the least bit brother by her anger spouse.

"Give it to me" the Elf ordered after he set his wife down.

"….In front of my nephew and his Dwarves? Really never took you for the sort"

"Not that, I meant the item you stole that got us chased out of town!"

"Oooh that"

"Yes, that"

There was silence as all eyes focused on the couple.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

Medlinaer growled in frustration while Lily just smiled sweetly, it's only when the Elf picked up his wife again that Gandalf interrupted.

"Pray tell, what trouble has Lily Took gotten into this time?" the wizard asked, "and really Medlinaer, put her down she is not a pet"

Medlinaer glanced at the wizard before putting his wife down with a sigh and plopping onto the ground.

Bilbo giggled at his relative's antics from where he was sitting between Nori and Oin, between the stories and the bickering, it was always fun to be had when Auntie Lily and Uncle Medlinaer visited Bag Ends.

"Well" Lily began after brushing some of the mud off her clothes and sitting down next to Bifur, "we were on are way to visit an old friend of ours, when we stopped by a rather small town to rest and get restock supplies. Just as we were leaving, I spotted this lovely jeweled bracelet in a shop's window. I went inside to inquire about the price"

"I'm assuming it was too high for your wallet" Gandalf said.

"And you would assume right!" Lily nodded, "so the most natural thing to do was to liberate it"

"You stole it? Just like that?" Ori asked.

"Well not just like that, had to wait until the owner was distracted before I could take it, unfortunately, age is catching up with me, hands aren't as quick as they use to be. Though luckily my feet still are."

"Unfortunately" Medlinaer said though his voice was annoyed his eyes were fond, "the bracelet she stole had already been brought, by the mayor of the town for his wife, the next thing we knew we're being chased by guards, we just managed to lose them before we ran into you lot".

The Elf sighed as he remembered the chase not some time before, once again cursing himself for falling in love with such a high-spirited woman….even if the sex was good.

"Ah Tooks, always know how to start a thrilling chase" Gandalf mused before taking a puff of his pipe.

"Thrilling my arse, we were chased for five miles Gandalf! We got shot at!"

"Oh spot being such a baby, you enjoyed it"

Medlinaer looked away with a huff.

"So" the Hobbit- Lass then asked her nephew, "where you lot headed to?"

"Mirkwood" Bilbo answered.

"Oh, I see, mind if we join you?"

"No, we're not joining them. I don't need you giving them a reason to skin us alive"

"Oh hush you, so can we come?"

…What?

Bilbo barely was able to contain his laughter at the look of horror on his Dwarves' faces.

"I don't mind, but you're going to have to take it up with Thorin" Bilbo answered, snickering when his Aunt turned to the King, and said King all but cowered under the woman's gaze.

"I" Thorin paused to clear his thought, "I see no problem with it, though you'll have to share a pony"

"That's alright, I prefer to walk, and we'll only be joining you until we get to the entrance of the woods, still have our friend to see and all"

"You'll be joining them, I'm not going anywhere with you" Medlinaer said.

"Oh come now" Lily sighed, thought her voice was anything but annoyed, "you say that all the time"

"I mean it this time"

"No you don't"

"Yes I do"

Lily smirked before going over to her husband and whispered in his ear. The others watched as something flickered in the Elf's eyes and he sat up straighter.

"Fine, I'll come"

"Lily got us banned from Mirkwood"

Gandalf and Thorin nearly stopped their horses at that. The wizard had asked the Elf to escort the Company through Mirkwood after learning he had been a resident there, the Elf had declined, when asked why (both ignoring Thorin's less than flattering remark), Medlinaer answered.

Thorin by now should not be surprised.

"Why?" Thorin then asked, curious as to how a Hobbit of all people was able to upset a race that was known for their never ending patience, "did she steal something?" the Dwarf then asked when he remembered the tale that had been told.

"Surprisingly no, the King thought my wife would be a bad influence on his son." Medlinaer said, "which is odd, because he's never seen my wife only heard stories of her from the other Elves and his son. Either way we can't step foot in there"

Thorin looked back at the Hobbit-Lass who sharing a pony with nephew, happily talking to Bilbo and the others.

"I applaud you for patience, most men and even some Dwarves, would have drawn a line somewhere" Gandalf said with a chuckle.

"True" Medlinaer laughed, "I've never met a person who made me so frustrated as she does, or who's always keeping me on my toes. Did you know on our wedding day we were fighting Goblins, it's very hard to say you're vows when you're not trying to be run through. Then when we finally got to our wedding night, we spent it in prison because my darling wife wanted some mushrooms of all things and all the shops were closed"

Gandalf laughed, and even Thorin chuckled.

"She's sounds like a handful"

"Oh, she is, but I love her regardless and wouldn't change her for anything in the world…don't tell her I said that, I'll never hear the end of it" The Elf had turned to look back his wife, smile on his lips and love in his eyes.

"I have a feeling that if you two had any children they would wreak terror on this world" Thorin said.

"Possibly, but I'll never know"

"You do not want children?"

"No, I wanted them as did Lily, but…Lily cannot conceive"

"I'm sorry"

"It's alright, it's a rare for Hobbits, but not unheard of, it took her a long time to stop feeling guilty about it. Though I'm kind of grateful for it, it would have been a hard and dangerous birth for her, considering our size differences".

Nothing more was said after that.

Meanwhile in the back, Lily had just finished another one her tales that had her nephew and the others in giggles.

"Tell me Auntie, how did you get Uncle to come with us?" Bilbo asked after he stopped giggling.

"I promised him we could play Helpless Lass And the Brave Wonder after we part with you all"

Bilbo blushed at his Aunt's leer.

"No offense" Bombur said, "but you don't take me for the helpless kind"

Lily blinked, "Who said anything about me being the Lass?"

All eyes stared at her before slowly turning to the Elf (who was sharing a horse with Gandalf), said Elf looking back at them when he felt eyes on him.

"What?" he said.

"Nothing love" Lily grinned.

Medlinaer narrowed his eyes before going back to talking to Gandalf.

When they finally made it to the entrance of the woods, goodbyes were said.

"Be safe" Lily said letting go of her nephew.

"I'll try"

Lily smiled before she went and hugged the Company.

"If I find out my little Bilbo has been more than unreasonable hurt, I will kill you" Lily said smiling sweetly after hugging Thorin.

No, Thorin did not shiver.

"Don't look at me" Medlinaer said when the King's eyes turned his way, "you should know by now I have no power in this relationship".

A sudden yelp had everyone turning to see a red-faced Dwalin and a grinning Lily.

Rolling his eyes the Elf grabbed his wife.

"Come on you, let's go before you cause any more trouble" he said.

It's only after they entered the forest that the Dwarves realized that none of them had asked Medlinaer if Lily really did drug the Elf's stew and dragged him to her ancestral home.

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