"Hello, and welcome back to the Haruno Fan Fiction Review Show! Today, Kakashi and I will be focusing on a variety of somewhat unrelated topics," Sakura winked into the camera. "Although the most common and easily identifiable errors in fan fiction are often related to grammar and poor characterization, there are many other aspects to a story that can throw readers off. Even the best seemingly well-written piece can be bogged down by numerous problems, including things like poor pacing, unnecessary and drawn-out scenes, and over-the-top descriptions. So, Kakashi, why don't we start?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Fanfiction Manuscript #7

"One-percent or two-percent?" Sakura asked as she held out two jugs of milk in front of Kakashi's face.

"One-percent is fine."

Sakura wrinkled her nose. "One-percent is a little watery, don't you think?"

"Then get two-percent," Kakashi shrugged.

"Alright, next on the list..."

[..the author continues to narrate as Kakashi and Sakura go through their entire grocery shopping list..]

Kakashi frowned as Sakura reached for the nearest bottle of soy sauce on the shelf in front of them.

"Sakura, grab the other brand."

"What, why? I always get this kind."

"It's buy one get one free."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "We don't need two bottles of soy sauce, Kakashi. We're only going to be here for three weeks, maybe a month tops."

"You don't know that," Kakashi said. "Besides, it's still cheaper, even with two bottles."

"Fine, whatever. Just put it in the cart."

[..several additional paragraphs later..]

"I can't believe she's getting married wearing that," Sakura chuckled to herself as she flipped the page of the magazine in her hand. "It looks like she's wearing a garbage bag. Did you see this?"

The gray-haired jonin didn't respond, but Sakura was too absorbed in the celebrity magazine to pay him much heed.

"Morning, sir. Did you find everything you needed today?" The cashier asked as he began ringing them up.

Kakashi grunted noncommitally as he continued unloading the groceries from their cart onto the conveyer belt.

"Are you a member with AmeMart?"

Kakashi shook his head.

"Would you like to sign up today? It's free and you save 10% on select purchases."

"No thanks," Sakura said, having returned the magazine to the impulse-buys shelf. "We're not from around here."

"Okay, but you have to be club members to qualify for our discounts. You'd save 50 ryo with a membership today."

"Really, it's okay-"

"How long will it take to sign up?" Kakashi cut her off.

Sakura sighed.

"Oh, only a few seconds," the cashier smiled brightly. "Here, fill this out. Just put your name and address, and sign here..."

After filling out the form, Kakashi handed it back to the man in uniform.

"Alright, your total comes to 570 ryo. Will you be paying with cash or-"

"Cash, please," Kakashi said quickly as he handed the clerk a small wad of bills.

Grabbing their grocery bags, Kakashi and Sakura walked out of the store, stopping just outside the front of the building after exiting.

"So, what's next?" Kakashi said.

Sakura handed one of her grocery bags to Kakashi and pulled a paper notepad out of her flak jacket with her free hand. "Let's see... We need to stop by the boutique for formal attire, the discount shoe shop—don't look at me like that, Kakashi; you were the one who insisted on cutting the mission's budget—the post office, somewhere decent for dinner because I really don't feel like cooking tonight—I was thinking that cute little Tepanyaki house we passed earlier. You know, the one by the-"

Kakashi sighed. "Do you think the author is going to walk us through every excruciatingly boring detail of those too?"

"God, I hope not."

Fanfiction Manuscript #8

Sakura tapped her foot impatiently as she stood waiting by the front entrance of their hotel room. Kakashi was taking forever in the bathroom, and the ball had started nearly ten minutes ago. She knew he had a penchant for being late, but this was just ridiculous. They were on a mission, for Hokage's sake...

Sakura's head snapped up as she heard the door to the bathroom click open. She jerked her eyes towards the door and opened her mouth to complain, but as she gazed up at him, the words die on her lips.

Kakashi was dressed in a formfitting slate gray peak-lapel suit, which was accompanied by a sleek charcoal gray tie that contrasted nicely with the silver in his hair. A silver pocket square was folded neatly in his break pocket, perfectly accentuating the formal attire. Underneath the suit was a crisp, white button-up shirt. Every inch of clothing was freshly pressed; her eyes drifted downwards, catching on the slim leather belt fastened at his waist, the color of which...

[ten paragraphs of description later, all highlighting the exact color and brand of his socks, pants, shoes, wristwatch...]

The sleeveless cocktail dress that Sakura wore was a stunning deep red; the stretchy material perfectly hugged the feminine curves of her body and the lowcut V-neckline provided Kakashi with a tantalizing glimpse of cleavage.

Kakashi took quick inventory of Sakura's figure before letting his eyes linger pointedly below her neckline.

"Wow, that dress makes your boobs look great."

"Kakashi!" Sakura gasped, scandalized. "Why didn't my outfit get paragraphs and paragraphs of pointless description? And why aren't you completely floored by how stunningly gorgeous I look? How are the readers supposed to believe that you find me sexually attractive now?!"

"Um, I don't know. Maybe the author got bored halfway through? Or maybe she was too busy salivating over how dashing I look-"

"Do you even know how much this dress cost me? Can you even tell what it's made of?!"

Kakashi raised both eyebrows. "Who do I look like, Patrick Bateman?"

Huffing irritably, Sakura turned away from him and stared dejectedly at the floor. "How is anyone supposed to visualize my outfit properly if the author doesn't describe every last inch of it? I spent two hours in the boutique picking this out and... and don't you care?!"

"Actually, I don't. And neither do the readers."

Fanfiction Manuscript #9

Sakura stood huddling over the hors d'oeuvres table, fuming silently to herself as she munched halfheartedly on some cheese and crackers. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Kakashi from across the room as surreptitously as she could manage.

The man in question was supposed to be keeping tabs on their target, but instead he was loitering near the bar area as a wanton woman draped her arms loosely over his frame. The woman was all big blue eyes, voluptuous curves and blonde ringlets; the innocent beauty of her face contrasted sharply with the trashy neon pink haltertop she wore. It even had sequins, Sakura noted with distaste. She clearly had no sense of style.

After listening to the woman giggle flirtatiously every time he spoke for another couple of minutes, Sakura finally edged her way over to the two of them.

"Oh, Hitoshi, you are so funny!"

"Excuse me," Sakura snapped.

Kakashi glanced over at his pink-haired partner, seemingly unaware of her bad temper. "Hm?"

"Can I speak to you for a moment? Alone?" she said, eyeing the woman at his side meaningfully.

"Oh, who is this? You didn't tell me you brought your little sister with you, Hitoshi-kun!" The blonde batted her eyelashes playfully. "How cute."

"Um, yeah... I'll be right back, Megumi," Kakashi gently pried the woman off of him as he allowed Sakura to drag him away by the arm.

Once they were a decent distance away from Megumi, Sakura whirled on him.

Gritting her teeth, she whispered, "We're on a mission, Kakashi. How can you let that harlot hang all over you like that?"

Kakashi looked back over at the scantily clad woman before shrugging sheepishly. "Ah, sorry about that, Sakura. I have a thing for one-dimensional, cardboard cut-out inserts who only function as jealousy-provoking plot devices. Didn't you know?"

Fanfiction Manuscript #10

Kakashi woke up, bleary-eyed and winced at the painful pounding in his head. The light sifting through the windows was almost painful to look at, and he groaned into his pillow as he stretched out his limbs. After a moment, he heard a feminine voice mumbling softly near his ear, and his eyes snapped open—

Kakashi stopped reading and squinted in confusion at the manuscript.

Sakura blinked up at him. "What's the problem, Kakashi?"

"I can't read this."

"Why not?"

"It's... it's one giant paragraph."

"Huh?" Sakura frowned and reached for her own manuscript. "Gah! My eyes!"

"Yep," Kakashi sighed.

"Okay viewers, this one is pretty simple. No matter how beautiful your writing is and no matter how interesting and otherwise well-written your fan fiction seems, no one wants to read a giant text block of 5000 words. Please, please, please indent. Paragraphs exist for a reason. They break the text into manageable chunks and provide the reader with natural stopping points. Nothing is worse than being interrupted while you're in the middle of a story and completely losing your place because the author doesn't understand the concept of indenting. Most readers are going to just get frustrated and find something more user friendly to entertain themselves with."

"Speaking of frustrated, I think I'm done for today," Kakashi said. "See you next week."