The face in the mirror

Chapter 2

by RGoodfellow64

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Disclaimer: I think I covered that in chapter 1.

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"He left me for a job, Alexis," Kate said with some residual anger toward Will.

Her voice was very soft when Alexis said, "Have you looked in a mirror Kate?"

Kate was stunned. When speaking to Alexis, Kate had always been amazed at how poised she is, how intelligent she is, how caring she is. She tended to forget that Alexis was raised by Richard Castle, the man who figured her out within a few hours of meeting her. Alexis was sharp, and her tongue could be the same.

"Uhhh…" she couldn't think of a response to Alexis' comment. It never dawned on her that her actions in taking the Homeland Security job would mimic Will's.

While Kate was trying to come up with something to say, Alexis continued. "I went to visit Lanie this morning and although I didn't want to eavesdrop, when I heard Dad's name mentioned I hid outside her office and overheard a conversation she had with Detective Esposito."

Pausing a moment to give Kate a chance to speak but hearing nothing but her breathing over the line, Alexis continued, "They were talking about how you aren't sure where your relationship with Dad is going. That you think he's taking you for granted."

"Alexis…"

"Do you really think that Kate?"

"Alexis, we've been together for a year now, and it's great, it really, really is, but…"

When Kate paused Alexis asked, "But?"

Finally, the words came out, "But I don't know where we're going! I don't know if he's in this all the way or if he's getting tired of me."

"Kate? You really think…"

Kate interrupted Alexis and said, "He chased me for so long, what if it isn't enough any more. We never talk about the future, it's all about now." She paused for a moment and added in a small voice that slowly faded as she spoke, "I don't know if he wants to be with me so I thought a little time apart might make him think…"

As Kate's voice died down to a whisper Alexis said, "I stood outside her office for almost twenty minutes Kate. I heard Detective Esposito say that he didn't understand, especially after the bomb."

"The bomb?" Kate asked.

Alexis' voice was firm when she said, "I heard the whole story Kate. The bomb you were standing on for so long a couple of weeks ago, when Dad stood with you the entire time, right down to the last second. Kate, he was willing to die with you rather than live without you and you wonder if he wants to be with you?"

Those last words were spoken in disbelief and Kate was again stunned by the brutal honesty coming from Alexis. Rick did stay with her; he chose to be with her rather than his daughter or mother. He chose her! The magnitude of those words caused her to again stop and think. To wonder what she had been worried about.

"Detective Esposito said you started acting weird during the case with Eric Vaughn. Lanie said Vaughn kissed you but you pushed him away, and I'm very glad to hear that, but Kate, I remember during that case Dad was upset…he was very upset."

Kate found her voice and replied, "He didn't need to be."

"Really? He was afraid you'd move on and leave him for something better, and aren't you doing that now?"

Kate shook her head and said, "Alexis, it's not what you think."

"Are you sure? Kate, since that case you've been different, even I could sense something was off with you, and I'm not around that much."

"Different how?" Kate asked.

"It feels like you're pulling away, that you've found something better."

"No! Alexis, I love your father!"

"And yet you're leaving him," Alexis said softly. Before Kate could reply Alexis added, "Lanie mentioned that Vaughn said you were remarkable. Dad told you that you're extraordinary. I never thought remarkable trumped extraordinary."

Without realizing it Kate said, "He hasn't told me lately."

"He decided he'd rather die with you than live without you Kate, I'd think that should show you how much he cares!" When she didn't hear anything from Kate, Alexis added, "And it wasn't the first time, either."

The pain that Kate had felt earlier was gone; in its place was a hurt that was far stronger. She'd run away again. As much and as deeply as she loves Rick, she fell back on an old habit and ran away again.

As Kate was thinking Alexis ended the call by saying, "He loves you Kate, he loves you so much. This is destroying him." Before she could respond, Kate heard a click and knew that Alexis had disconnected the call.

She had no idea how much time had passed since Alexis ended the call, she just sat there, staring at the two bottles and thinking. Thinking of all that she wanted with Rick. Thinking of how they never just sat down and discussed anything. Thinking of how she never told him a thing when she was asked and then accepted the job. Here she was wanting more from him, and she hid away her plans, her concerns and her worries. 'What a hypocrite you are,' she thought to herself. What she demanded from him she refused to give.

"Enough!" she said, standing up from the couch. She knew they needed to talk about this; 'I need to talk about this,' she thought, 'and apologize for making my decision without discussing it with him first.' Even though she'd worried he might not be all the way in while she was, what she did wasn't right, or fair to either of them.

She might take the job or she may not, but whatever happened it would happen because they both made a decision. 'He's too important to me not to try', she thought.

Walking to the door, she grabbed her purse and put her phone in it. She would go to Rick and talk. Something she thought they were good at but these last few weeks have shown otherwise.

As she was turning off the light, she paused, then firmly walked to the kitchen and picked up the bottle of wine. "We're either going to be fine or we aren't," she said softly to herself, "But whatever happens tonight, it will be special."

She walked out the door and locked it. Her future would be decided tonight, she would make that decision with her partner and for the first time since she got home, she felt hopeful.

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AUTHORS NOTE: First, I want to say I started this story with one idea and shortly into it, it took a complete 180 and went in another direction. Muses, they are honestly more confusing than wives are.

This is not a blame Kate fic. I think the episodes in this arc are going to show more of what she wants and hopes from Rick, and that they both are still stone stupid when it comes to communicating with each other. To me this fic is hopeful, as Kate wants to discuss the future with Rick. Will she stay with the NYPD or take the government job? We don't know here, we only know that she is hopeful that whatever path is chosen, they take it together. In the end, that's really all they can ask of each other.