Chapter 1: IM NOT STUPID! I JUST PRETEND TO BE STUPID!

Natsu stared at Mirajane as she complained about his densness. he wasn't dense, he just didn't feel the need to talk about couples, it was stupid and boring. Just like all the time juvia bought potions for the guild and accidentally fucked it up more than it needed to be.

"Natsu why can't you see that Lucy loves you!" she exclaimed in tears. "Now she's dating you're rival!"

Natsu knew the blonde was. He was in love with her too. But he just felt like taking his sweet time with confessing, due to the fact that Lucy and Gray were dating. Natsu was happy for gray, he didn't really think of him as a rival. he just liked messing around with the stripper. But he would never let anyone know that. it would ruin his sweet pride.

"Minna, if I help you put people together will you leave me the fuck alone?" he asked making the barmaid mouth drop open.

"N-N-Natsu…did you jus-"

"Levy-chan! Gajeel wants a pussy cat," he yelled to the bookworm earning a confused look.

"What?! he has pather lily," the scroll mage muttered.

"That not the cat im talking about, Im talking about the cat in you're pants," he stated making the whole guild quiet down and A certain iron dragon go agaped.

"OI! Salamander where did you learn to talk like that! Last time I checked you weren't that smart!" gajeel exclaimed pointing accussively.

"Hnn….I just figure that you wanted a different sort of Kitty," he responded plainly. "Like Droy and Jet do, the fucking perverts,"

"OI!" Jet yelled in anger.

"You bastard how could you sell us out!" droy exclaimed in fake anime tears.

"You're both idiots! You know a dragon slayer can smell when you hor-Nevermind you don't need to know what embarrassing things me , wendy and gajeel can smell." natsu snarled. "It's private! Except for the fact that Levy-chan is on her period, so go easy on her when you snuggle nakedly together,"

Mirajane fainted from the dirty talk that was coming out of their sweet dragon slayers mouth. Lucy was sweat-dropping. Gray was utterly speechless. Juvia however was smiling a like person on crack. Gajeel and Levy were both scarlet.

"O-o-oi! Flame-brain what hell?" gray exclaimed finally finding his voice.

"I didn't say anything hurtful, I'm just saying what's bound to happen, and im warning metal head that if he gets levy-chan pregnant, I'll cut his snork off," the pink haired man warned making gajeel and Levy's faces go even more of a cherry color.

the whole guild was utterly confused. When did the pink headed idiot become the love expert.

"Natsu…have you been spending time with master Macarov?" Erza asked sending a certain guild master a death glare.

the master shuddered in fear at the thought of what she might do to him if she thought he was the one who turned they're sweet loving fire breather into a complete, fucking pervert. The vision utterly scared the master shitless, and he was a fucking saint.

"Nope," Natsu stated making the master thank the gods.

"Then why are you s-"

"BECAUSE YOU THINK IM STUPID AND IM SICK OF IT!" he snarled making everyone's mouth drop open.

"Natsu….wha-" Macao started but natsu gave him this dark look that told him if he did…he would probably regret it.

"You all think I don't know what love! you all say that I'm Dense! well im not, I just like pretending am!"natsu spat making every give him a 'Holy shit' look. "And yes I may have been raised by fucking dragon, it was the best fucking years of my life! because I wasn't treated like a fucking fire breathing monster! And yes I am only saying this so you all just leave me the fuck alone! I know when someone has feelings for me! I know when someone is flirting! I am half-dragon, and guess what's the part shockingly human ! so I have motherfucking feelings, so all of you can go jack off and die!" he shouted making everyone look at him in shock, and some look at him in pity.

Natsu merely growled and walked off, deciding that they were too stupid to understand what the hell he said and how the hell it made him feel everytime they questioned his brain power and how high his IQ was. the bastards!