Hey guys! All right, I know I've been on a hiatus for like ever, but I'm back and I have a few applications for co-writers so that's great! Um final week is coming up so I'm going to be sort of dormant for the next month or two but don't worry I have not abandoned you guys! It's just that high school is mean and sort of sucks. Anyways I wrote this chapter ages ago and it's really not that great, but it's all I have right now so I guess I have to put it out there at one point or another, right? Anyways remember comments are amazing and you guys are amazing for reading this, thank-you!

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Shonda Rhimes except Tessa

"When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back."

-Paulo Coelho

Tessa's POV

I didn't actually know it was me screaming until I heard myself and by then I'd already had a good 3 second run before I stopped myself. The tears sprang into my eyes as I remembered what the dream, or more like a repressed memory, had been about. I shouldn't be having trouble with this; nightmares had begun to become a part of my daily schedule, so much that I had managed to almost banish my screams, but tonight. I don't know what happened tonight. The same feelings returned though; the immediate feeling of helplessness, the absolutely terrifying fear, and the deafening sadness had become my common enemies. I noticed my breath was shallow and my heart was racing as I tried hard not to burst into tears, a trick I had yet to master. All of this had happened in a matter of 10 seconds before Mark burst through the doors and immediately flipped on the lights.

"What is it?!" He said as he scanned the room for an intruder, looking like he was about to tackle someone.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I quickly lied, avoiding his gaze that seemed to bore through my skin like lasers. He gazed around the room for a few more seconds before he sighed and noticed me trying to shield my eyes with my hair so he couldn't see the tears.

"Hey are you okay?" He questioned his voice genuine, a comfort but the same time a burden. I hadn't prepared myself for him to be like this.

"Yes, like I said, I'm fine," I lied again, a tear slipping down my face, one that hopefully he couldn't see. I couldn't see his face but I imagine a doubtful look on his face as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You know when people are fine, they don't usually wake up screaming in the middle of the night," he commented as I looked up, blinking back the remaining tears.

"It was a nightmare, okay? Everybody has nightmares, there's nothing special about this," I said bitterly with a touch of anger in my voice. Mark didn't seem fazed about it as he met my eyes, an unreadable expression covering his face. But his eyes told all, as mine did. They didn't show pity, like most people, but interest and some sadness. And for some reason that made me like him just a tiny bit more. "Sorry," I muttered. "I'm tired and I get cranky," I said as I avoided his gaze. A moment of silence began to pass through us.

"You know I'll try to learn," he said suddenly.

"What?"

"This whole dad thing, I don't know right now. Hell the only experience I've had with kids is a few patients that I've had over the past, but I'll try. I'll give my best to try and be this father figure or whatever, so I mean I just thought you should know I'm trying," He stated as he kept on staring at me, he seemed sincere.

"Thanks, for the whole trying thing or whatever, and the whole not throwing me out in the streets part too, that was helpful." I replied, feeling as if I owed him something, I paused before starting again. "They're just nightmares, I'm fine." I added, talking more to myself than him.

"Okay," He said simply as he put a hand on my back at an attempt to calm me down considering I was still shaking and my heart was still racing. But I flinched away instinctively; Mark immediately removed his hand, taken aback.

"I'm sorry," He apologized as he returned his hand back to his side.

"You're fine, it's not your fault," I dismissed as we went back to our normal awkwardness.

"Um do you want me to go?" He asked as we sat there, both of us staring at the wall, neither one of us knew what to do.

"I'm sort of tired," I replied, an answer to his question. He nodded as he stood up and walked to the door, as I laid back down. He hesitated at the door and turned around, about to say something, but he faltered as he changed his mind.

"Night," He said suddenly, a quick cover-up.

"Night," I replied as he turned around and turned off the lights and closed the door, leaving me in the endless darkness.

The next day I woke up to the sound of people talking and food, an unfamiliar morning for me. Luckily I hadn't had any nightmares in the few hours I had slept after my episode, so I wasn't entirely exhausted. I rubbed my eyes as I got out of bed, deciding I wasn't really in the mood at the moment to go talk to people. So I went into the bathroom and showered once again. My eyes flashed with pain as my thoughts wandered back to my deceased mother, whose death shouldn't have affected me like it did. She never really loved me, most of the time she was too drugged up to even remember where her bed was, and much less that she had a child to take care of. So ever since I could remember I had sort of taken care of myself, I mean of course I had some babysitters when I was like 4 but as I grew up they left, and I was alone. But her death had brought me to my knees, and had thrown me into an unexpected sadness that worsened with every change that her suicide had created.

And suddenly thoughts had dived into other things, darker things, and before I knew it I was rummaging around the bathroom for something sharp. I finally found a razor and dismantled it and took out one of the sharp blades, and then I looked into the mirror. I saw someone broken beyond repair, someone that no one could possible love. I saw the ugly duckling, and I saw all her flaws. I saw someone with too-big-thighs and an ugly face; I saw someone that was used, someone that was disposable. Someone that deserved everything she got.

I looked back down at the sliver blade and proceeded to cut right on my upper arm, but I hesitated as I realized that there would be more risk of people seeing it if the cut bled through. I looked down at my hip and decided that that would be good enough. I moved the blade to the skin and made the first cut, it was deep, and as I watched the blood immediately spill out of my skin I found a sense of relief. Because although the pain wasn't as bad as when I did it on my arms, but it was still a sharp sting, a new pain that clouded everything else, and made me feel almost numb. I stared at the bright red color before I rummaged around the cabinets again for something to stop the bleeding. I finally found gauze in the bottom cabinet and pressed it to my hip, wrapping some duct tape around my leg to hold it there.

Realizing that I didn't have any clean clothes to call my own here, I slowly began to search around the bathroom for anything that could be considered decent. Looking back, I probably shouldn't have been so rash when leaving Chicago. I should have at least packed a bag, but even there I didn't have much. At least not in the foster home.
Wrapping a towel around myself, I opened the door to scavenge for leftover clothes. I looked into the room and found a small stack of clothes sitting on the edge of my newly made bed; I cautiously approached them and spread the findings on the bed as I looked at it. There were a pair of jeans, a plaid blue shirt, and a white jacket. Along with that were a pair of underwear and a bra. I quickly put everything on and examined myself. The jeans fit pretty well, but everything else was just a little bigger, but I honestly didn't care, I was just thankful to have clean clothes for once. I brushed out my long hair and stepped out of the room to find Mark, Callie, and Arizona, as soon as I opened the door there conversation fell to a halt and they looked at me simultaneously. I froze in my spot as I looked at them; we stood there for a second before we all shook out of the trance. I walked past them and poured myself a cup of coffee, a regular part of my day, but as I turned around I found them all looking at me, and sharing glances.

"What?" I asked, confused as to what was wrong.

"It's just that-um well coffee isn't the healthiest thing for a growing teenager to drink," Arizona piped up,"

I said as I looked down at the cup filled with the dark liquid, unsure of what I should do.

"You know, she's had a long week, a cup of coffee won't hurt her," Mark commented as I had begun to put the coffee cup on the counter. My hand froze right as the ceramic cup was about to meet the class counter. Retrieving the cup closer to my body I met Mark's eyes, and sat down at the table where a plate of eggs awaited me. Grabbing my fork, I picked at the food in front of me, avoiding everyone's gaze as I kept to myself.

"So I think I'm going to tell Lexie today," Mark stated, probably implying the fact that I existed.

"Really?" Arizona asked, intrigued.

"Well it's about time, not like you can hide a daughter forever," Callie commented as she sipped her coffee nonchalantly.

"Yeah, well um I could use some advice for when I tell her. I don't really know how women think, or at least emotionally," he said with a smirk.

"Just do it slowly, gently, calmly. Let her know she's the love of your life, and then slip Tess in somewhere in between," Arizona suggested.

"Or you could just tell her and get it over with," I suddenly said, voicing my opinion, but quickly regretting it as the table once again turned their gazes back to me.

"Or not, I mean I'm not really an expert with these things," I added, looking down at my hands.

"No, I mean I see where you're coming from. You're thinking that if you rip off the band-aid quickly you can just be done with it and get to the healing part or whatever," Callie voiced, looking straight at me as I lifted my head. She returned her stare to Mark and continued ", you know it all comes down to you. You can be an awkward jerk about it, or do it right. There isn't much middle ground when it's about these things, Lexie's Lexie. She's all optimistic and crap and for some unknown reason she chose to love you. So I think she can handle this if you hand it to her the right way, so don't mess it up ."

"Callie's right, she chose you despite everything, as long as you don't epically mess this up, she'll stay. Hopefully." Arizona added as Mark sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm going to go ahead and assume you don't want me there when you tell her," I mentioned as I wondered what Arizona and Callie mean by 'despite everything'.

"Yeah, that might not be the best idea," Mark added, looking at me and then turning his gaze to Callie and Arizona, a hopeful expression on his face.

"I can take her, I don't have any surgeries scheduled today," Callie stated.

"I don't need a babysitter," I remarked, somewhat annoyed that I was being treated like I was 8 again, although my impression on Callie so far has been positive.

"It's temporary, I can't leave you alone in a hospital that you've only spent half a day in, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to stay here all day," Mark replied as he got up to put the dishes in the dishwasher. I sighed, knowing he was right, but not wanting to admit it. Suddenly Arizona's pager let out a beep, she looked at it and clipped it to her jeans.

"That's my cue," she said, kissing Callie quickly and grabbing her jacket. "Bye," called out Mark and Callie at the same time.

"We should probably head out pretty soon too," Callie commented, as she got up, leaving me at the table alone "and you two probably need to stop at the mall or something today, I don't think you can keep wearing Arizona's old clothes forever," she suggested as both me and Mark looked at her.

"I don't do malls," stated Mark.

"Neither do I," I added, and she looked at us.

"Yeah you're definitely related," Callie muttered ", okay I'm not on call this weekend, we'll go and get clothes and crap," she finished with a sigh. I blinked at her, honestly not knowing what to say, which had recently become a common problem.

"Do you need a ride?" Mark asked Callie as he grabbed a stack of papers on the counter and made way to a cabinet which I assumed held the keys.

"Considering that Arizona just took the car, yeah," she answered.

"Okay, let's go," he said as he made way to the door, Callie close behind with a jacket, and last of all me, trying to catch up. The car ride was basically me sitting quietly in the back of the car while Mark and Callie talked about breakthrough medical orthopedic procedures. The air of awkwardness seemed to have lessened with the presence of Callie, but Mark and I still barely looked at each other. We finally pulled into a parking space and got out of the car, walking towards the huge building Mark and Callie continued their conversation, and I personally wondered how Mark had ended up moving from New York to Seattle. We stayed together up until we got to the surgery wing.

"Okay so um, good luck with Lexie, and don't be a jerk," Callie said firmly as she looked at Mark.

"I'm not going to mess this up, I've always been good with these kind of things" He replied with a half smirk on his face, probably trying to relax the situation.

"Addison." Callie stated and I watched as Mark's face turned somewhat serious.

"Ok she doesn't count, that relationship started wrong, it was doomed to end from the very beginning," He countered.

"The nurses," she replied with a playful expression on her face.

"You got a point there," he admitted "I'll be better this time, I'll just tell her as soon as I see her. I will sit her down and I will tell her calmly and collectively." He added.

"Yeah right," Callie said as she smirked."Well we should probably go so you can, you know, calmly tell Lexie you have a daughter. Because you are so calm in these sorts of situations," she added sarcastically as she smirked.

"Bye Torres," He replied with a half-smirk, and looked at me suddenly.
"Um Bye Tess," He added awkwardly, using my name for the first time since he discovered I was his daughter.

"Bye," I said, quick and short, and then as soon as I knew it, Mark was walking in the opposite direction, and Callie and I had turned around to walk to the attending's lounge so she could get changed into her scrubs. I sat down on the chair and glanced around the room, examining the objects while subconsciously asking myself what I was doing here in the first place. What I was doing in here, in the hospital, in Seattle. There's of course an easy answer, the whole I wanted to find my long-lost father, but there was a lot more to it, and I didn't even know half of it. And not meaning to be philosophical, but honestly, what are any of us doing here? We're brought into this world and then we're pushed down, and hurt. I mean what's the point of it all? All we feel is pain, so why do keep going?
_

Mark's POV

I have a daughter. A 14 year old daughter, one that I hadn't even met till yesterday, one who can barely say a word to me, one that looks almost exactly like her mother if it weren't for her eyes and nose. A daughter that came hurdling into my life, with no warning, one that woke up screaming last night, and one that I was surprisingly happy to know that existed. But then there's Lexie. Who I love more than anything, and by anything I mean anything. Who I have to tell that I have a daughter.

Don't get me wrong, I want Tess, I really do, and I swore to myself that I'm not going to throw her back into the streets no matter what. She's family, and I've never had a real family, I barely have any family members as it is. My dad's been a dead-beat ever since my mom died, I don't have any siblings, and everyone else is dead. So I am not turning away a chance at having what I've always wanted. But Lexie, is my life, my love, my everything, so she has to be okay with this, she has to, or I do not know what to do.

Suddenly I saw Derek walking through the halls, looking extremely tired, I ran up to him, and fell in step with him as he glanced at me and kept walking.
"So how'd the surgery go?" I asked casually as he continued walking.

"You mean my inter-cranial tumor? It took us almost all night to get it out, 7 hours, but the patient lived. But if you're asking about Lexie, I think she went to an on-call room to crash for a few hours," he answered as an intern ran up to him with a cup of coffee. "Thank-you Dr. Andrews," Derek said, acknowledging the intern as she smiled back and walked in the opposite direction.

"Okay, so I have time," I said, sighing in relief at the thought of having some time to figure out how I would break the news.

"A daughter Mark, really?" Derek suddenly asked, as he glanced at me momentarily.

"It was 15 years ago, you know how I was 15 years ago,"

"Still, have you called social services yet?"

"I was up till one last night talking to them. Apparently their either going to send a social worker up here or I'm going to have to go to Chicago. But honestly they sounded like this happened all the time, like a missing kid didn't even matter,"

"Probably because it does happen all the time, Chicago's huge and crime filled, and from what I've heard the system isn't even good with small towns either, much less big cities. It's sad though, that they're forgotten like that," Derek commented as he began to file through the stacks of paper.

"It's bull, that's what, they're kids. All of them, they're just scared and irrational, and they need someone," I suddenly said, noticing my voice had taken a forceful turn. Derek looked up and met my eyes.

"You already got attached," he stated as I sighed.

"She woke up screaming last night, and she was on the brink of tears. You should have seen her, it was like she saw everyone as the enemy, like everybody was looking to hurt her," I explained, as I thought about how in hell I had gotten attached to this angry teenager that seemed to never want to talk.

"What are you going to tell Lexie?" Derek asked with a sigh.

"I don't know, that's why I needed you to stall her. She needs to be okay with this, she needs to be," I stated, leaning my head back to see the ceiling.

"How the hell am I going to do this," I asked, exasperated.

"You look like you need a beer," Derek commented as he looked at me.

"You think? I'm exhausted, I found out I have a daughter less than 24 hours ago, and I still have to go tell my girlfriend that I'm a father. Of course I need a beer."
"Would a surgery make you feel better?" He asked, as my attention was brought back.

"Are you giving me a pity surgery?"

"Yes, but I also need you on this," He asked seriously.

"What's the surgery?" I responded.

"Nicholas Reynolds, 9 years-old. He's got AVM," Derek began.

"So he's basically got a bunch of malformed blood vessels in is brain,"

"Right, and Arizona and I went in two days ago to try and fix it, but I couldn't reach the vessels. The only way would be through the sinuses, and we don't have the instruments to do that. So we had to go talk to the mother, and tell her that we couldn't save her sons life because we don't have the tools to do it, and she asked why we don't just make them then, and that's exactly what we're going to do."

"So you're offering me a surgery and the chance to make new groundbreaking tools? Who wouldn't say yes?" I replied, giving Derek and answer to his question. He grinned as I handed back the file.

"Good, we're going to start working on this tomorrow whenever you have free time during work hours." Derek informed just as my pager beeped.

"Damn it, it's Lexie," I said with a sigh as I looked at the appliance attached to my belt.

"Good luck," He called out as I walked out of the room.

"I'm going to need it," I muttered under my breath as I made my way towards the elevator.
I thought through my head how I would tell Lexie about Tess, I memorized the exact sentences, the exact words, and I remembered everyone's advice. And then before I knew it, I was out of the elevator and in the on-call room where Lexie had paged me. As I walked into the room I saw her, she looked thoroughly exhausted, but still stunningly beautiful.

"Hey," she said softly as I stared at her.

"Hey," I replied, repeating her greeting.

"Ok, so I'm going to explain myself okay? I was just about to leave to go home last night when Derek calls me in and asks me to assist in brain surgery. Brain surgery. And you know I'm a first year resident, I don't get to do this very often, so I said yes. And then I tried calling you like 5 times and you wouldn't answer, and I know I promised you all these things, and I didn't follow through, and I promise we'll do them tonight. But the point is I'm so so-"

"It's okay," I interrupted, catching her attention.

"What?"

"It's okay. You look worn out by the way." I remarked, feeling guilty.

"I haven't slept since yesterday," she replied, getting off her original topic, a relief to my mind.

"Neither have I," I responded, as her attention averted to me.

"Why?" She asked, and this is where I should have told her everything. This is where I should have explained to her that I had a 14-year-old daughter, and that her mother died, and she didn't have anyone else, this was the part where I should have explained myself, and told her that I love her more than life. But I didn't.

"Um, I couldn't sleep," I replied instead, chickening out at the last second. Lexie smiled at me and kissed me passionately, the sparks that flew were indescribable.

"Well you know, there is a bed right next to us," she brought up in a tired whisper, just as both of her pagers beeped.

"Crap," she muttered as she pulled out her pager, as her expression quickly turned serious I knew that she would have to leave."Um, I have to go, I'll try to be back as soon as I can," Lexie said, giving me a quick kiss before running out of the room. Once she was gone I sat down on the bed, thinking of how big of an idiot I'm being for procrastinating this. But I don't want to break the spell that was going on, I don't want to damage the love that we have, I don't want to. But I have to.

I spent a good 2 hours just thinking, trying to figure out what I'm going to do, I came up with absolutely nothing. Lexie finally came back then, surprised to see me there.

"I didn't think you were going to wait, my patient went into cardiac arrest, and once we saved him, I had to monitor him," she stated, explaining her situation.

"Its fine, um I think I have to tell you something," I replied nervously, working up the nerve to finally spill to her.

"What?" Lexie asked as she sat down next to me on the bed, an air of exhaustion hovering over her.

"I need you to know that I love you and I would never hurt you in my wildest dreams, "I began, noticing just how cheesy and out of character I seem.

"Well what else is new?" She replied in a joking matter.

"I think I have a daughter."