I don't own MGS or any of its characters. Believe me, if I did, I would be
obscenely wealthy and I would not be sitting here alone writing childish
fanfiction. I'd be hanging out with my pet chimpanzee in my spaceship.
I also want to apologize for serious lack of updating. Summer is usually my time for writing. Our public school system doesn't look kindly upon creative outlets, not does it allow a lot of time for it. But, hey, fencing season is over, and I finally remembered that these little story existed, so its time for day three!
Day 3
[A quiet fall day. A mother drives her 15-year-old son to school]
Mom: Did you remember your books?
Son: Yes.
Mom: Your instrument?
Son: Yes.
Mom: Your lunch money?
Son: Yes.
Mom: Your cell phone?
Son: HOLY CRAP!
Mom: What's wrong?! You didn't forget it......what the hell?
[The white, 2-ton SUV rounds the corner to reveal the enormous metallic monster, METAL GEAR RAY.]
A few minutes later, in the classroom....
Snake: Today we will learn about some older weapons. My knowledge on military technology predating 1900 is somewhat limited, so I brought in someone to help. He's a bit of an expert.
[A grey-haired man in a brown trench coat, wearing a revolver on his hip steps forward.]
Man: I am.......SHALASHASKA!
Ryan: Gesundheit.
Tim: That's his name, you dolt.
Heather: Whoa...is that, like, foreign or something?
Snake: Heather! Twenty minutes, for being stupid!
[Heather stands and walks to the corner. Snake places a fragmentation grenade in her mouth and ensures that the lever is depressed before removing the pin and pocketing it.]
Shalashaska: Thank you. You can call me Revolver Ocelot. Now, children-
[Otacon enters suddenly.]
Otacon: Hey! Snake!
Ocelot: Damn these interruptions!
Otacon: Snake, I was listening in on your class with the directional mic-
Snake: What?! Why?
Otacon: Never mind that. I was listening and I started getting this interference. Some horrible sound! It took a moment before I realized it was music! Someone's listening to headphones in your class!!
Snake: You interrupted for this?
Otacon: It's horrid! Listen!
[Snake places the headphones on his ears as Otacon directs the microphone towards Brian. Snake listens for a moment before grimacing.]
Snake: Brian, remove those! (His student complies.) What is that crap?
Brian: 50 Cent.
Snake: (groans) Stupid kids. Why don't you listen to someone with talent?
Jeff: Like who?
Snake: Jimi Hendrix.
Otacon: Yoko Kanno.
Ocelot: Charlie Parker.
Ocelot(Liquid's Voice): The Who.
Fox: (unseen in corner) George Clinton!!
Ocelot: What the hell?!
Snake: That's Frank. Get used to it.
About 15 minutes later...
Ocelot: ...but you need to understand, that was before the repeating rifle came about. Still, even after all these advances in modern firearms, the SAA is still the finest gun ever made.
Snake: Ha! I'd like to see that up against a G36.
Ocelot(Liquids voice): Guns are boring. Let's talk about nukes!!
Ocelot: You and mass destruction! Nothing can match the finesse of a revolver.
Liquid: What good is a revolver against a 50-ton walking tank?
Ocelot: What good is a nuke in a shootout?
Liquid: You can't impress women with that pea shooter!
Ocelot: What do you care about women? You're a freakin' hand!
Liquid: I can do more for a woman with this hand than you can do with the rest of your body. When's the last time you were with a woman? I've barely seen you talk to one since I became a part of you.
Ocelot: It's hard with my profession! There is no time for women.
Liquid: You mean a patriot puppet? You spend all of your time in hiding, watching bad westerns.
Otacon: Ooh! Do you like Trigun?!
Ocelot: SILENCE FOOL!
Liquid: Geek.
After another ten minutes of bickering....
Jon: (Timidly raising his hand) Um, excuse me. Are we being tested on this?
Ocelot: I don't know.
Liquid: Who cares?
Ocelot: Ask Snake.
Jon: Err....(looks around the room)....where is he?
Fox: He wandered off a while ago.
Ocelot: Whatever. Back to the topic! The simply cannot be existence without God!
Liquid: That's crap. Atheistic religions like Buddhism have so much more to offer. The Buddha perfected himself to the point where he himself is godlike. That oneness with the divine is something western religions simply don't offer. Separation from God only leads to fear! True enlightenment can be gained through embracing humanity. Be like the Taoist.
Ocelot: That eastern crap is nothing but a bunch of mysticism. There's nothing concrete! Only a supreme being like the one described in the bible could have created a world with such perfect rules and order.
Kevin: I am so confused.
Elizabeth: I don't get it, is he supposed to be two people or something?
Elsewhere...
[Solid Snake presses himself against the wall and leans around the corner.]
Snake: No sign of enemy patrols. Proceeding to objective.
[Snake pulls himself up into a conveniently man-sized ventilation duct. He proceeds towards the teacher's lounge.]
In the lounge....
Principal: Thank goodness! Fresh donuts.
Mrs. T: It's such a pain dealing with this damn kids. Donuts are my nirvana.
Mr. E: Yes. Too bad they run out so quickly. We should order more.
Principal: Not in the budget. Donuts are very expensive. (He reaches for a cream filled donut.) [Before his hand reaches the donut, a small yellow cannister falls from the ceiling.]
Principal: Huh?
[The canister explodes, creating an echoing boom and a blinding flash. By the time the teachers regain their sight and equilibrium, the donuts are gone. The door is ajar.]
Principal: ........I never get any donuts.
I also want to apologize for serious lack of updating. Summer is usually my time for writing. Our public school system doesn't look kindly upon creative outlets, not does it allow a lot of time for it. But, hey, fencing season is over, and I finally remembered that these little story existed, so its time for day three!
Day 3
[A quiet fall day. A mother drives her 15-year-old son to school]
Mom: Did you remember your books?
Son: Yes.
Mom: Your instrument?
Son: Yes.
Mom: Your lunch money?
Son: Yes.
Mom: Your cell phone?
Son: HOLY CRAP!
Mom: What's wrong?! You didn't forget it......what the hell?
[The white, 2-ton SUV rounds the corner to reveal the enormous metallic monster, METAL GEAR RAY.]
A few minutes later, in the classroom....
Snake: Today we will learn about some older weapons. My knowledge on military technology predating 1900 is somewhat limited, so I brought in someone to help. He's a bit of an expert.
[A grey-haired man in a brown trench coat, wearing a revolver on his hip steps forward.]
Man: I am.......SHALASHASKA!
Ryan: Gesundheit.
Tim: That's his name, you dolt.
Heather: Whoa...is that, like, foreign or something?
Snake: Heather! Twenty minutes, for being stupid!
[Heather stands and walks to the corner. Snake places a fragmentation grenade in her mouth and ensures that the lever is depressed before removing the pin and pocketing it.]
Shalashaska: Thank you. You can call me Revolver Ocelot. Now, children-
[Otacon enters suddenly.]
Otacon: Hey! Snake!
Ocelot: Damn these interruptions!
Otacon: Snake, I was listening in on your class with the directional mic-
Snake: What?! Why?
Otacon: Never mind that. I was listening and I started getting this interference. Some horrible sound! It took a moment before I realized it was music! Someone's listening to headphones in your class!!
Snake: You interrupted for this?
Otacon: It's horrid! Listen!
[Snake places the headphones on his ears as Otacon directs the microphone towards Brian. Snake listens for a moment before grimacing.]
Snake: Brian, remove those! (His student complies.) What is that crap?
Brian: 50 Cent.
Snake: (groans) Stupid kids. Why don't you listen to someone with talent?
Jeff: Like who?
Snake: Jimi Hendrix.
Otacon: Yoko Kanno.
Ocelot: Charlie Parker.
Ocelot(Liquid's Voice): The Who.
Fox: (unseen in corner) George Clinton!!
Ocelot: What the hell?!
Snake: That's Frank. Get used to it.
About 15 minutes later...
Ocelot: ...but you need to understand, that was before the repeating rifle came about. Still, even after all these advances in modern firearms, the SAA is still the finest gun ever made.
Snake: Ha! I'd like to see that up against a G36.
Ocelot(Liquids voice): Guns are boring. Let's talk about nukes!!
Ocelot: You and mass destruction! Nothing can match the finesse of a revolver.
Liquid: What good is a revolver against a 50-ton walking tank?
Ocelot: What good is a nuke in a shootout?
Liquid: You can't impress women with that pea shooter!
Ocelot: What do you care about women? You're a freakin' hand!
Liquid: I can do more for a woman with this hand than you can do with the rest of your body. When's the last time you were with a woman? I've barely seen you talk to one since I became a part of you.
Ocelot: It's hard with my profession! There is no time for women.
Liquid: You mean a patriot puppet? You spend all of your time in hiding, watching bad westerns.
Otacon: Ooh! Do you like Trigun?!
Ocelot: SILENCE FOOL!
Liquid: Geek.
After another ten minutes of bickering....
Jon: (Timidly raising his hand) Um, excuse me. Are we being tested on this?
Ocelot: I don't know.
Liquid: Who cares?
Ocelot: Ask Snake.
Jon: Err....(looks around the room)....where is he?
Fox: He wandered off a while ago.
Ocelot: Whatever. Back to the topic! The simply cannot be existence without God!
Liquid: That's crap. Atheistic religions like Buddhism have so much more to offer. The Buddha perfected himself to the point where he himself is godlike. That oneness with the divine is something western religions simply don't offer. Separation from God only leads to fear! True enlightenment can be gained through embracing humanity. Be like the Taoist.
Ocelot: That eastern crap is nothing but a bunch of mysticism. There's nothing concrete! Only a supreme being like the one described in the bible could have created a world with such perfect rules and order.
Kevin: I am so confused.
Elizabeth: I don't get it, is he supposed to be two people or something?
Elsewhere...
[Solid Snake presses himself against the wall and leans around the corner.]
Snake: No sign of enemy patrols. Proceeding to objective.
[Snake pulls himself up into a conveniently man-sized ventilation duct. He proceeds towards the teacher's lounge.]
In the lounge....
Principal: Thank goodness! Fresh donuts.
Mrs. T: It's such a pain dealing with this damn kids. Donuts are my nirvana.
Mr. E: Yes. Too bad they run out so quickly. We should order more.
Principal: Not in the budget. Donuts are very expensive. (He reaches for a cream filled donut.) [Before his hand reaches the donut, a small yellow cannister falls from the ceiling.]
Principal: Huh?
[The canister explodes, creating an echoing boom and a blinding flash. By the time the teachers regain their sight and equilibrium, the donuts are gone. The door is ajar.]
Principal: ........I never get any donuts.