4.

All these threads, he cherishes, always

.

As far as Merlin remembers, creating new personas wasn't this much of a pain in the arse before. It wasn't compulsory to have documents to prove your identity but now… Gods, it's so difficult, getting all those cards and docs pretty and perfect. And lets not even mention the insane amount of work that finishing a persona off desires. (Because people nowadays surely can't just disappear without a trace!)

He can manage, of course (the great Emrys won't get beaten by a few stupid cards, anyway), so when he starts renting an apartment in Saint Paul, Minnesota, he's officially Brian M. Johnson (gross name, at least for him, but he wants to try something American), twenty-eight years old (last year Russell's age finally reached his own physical age, so Merlin hasn't used a glamour ever since then – and now that he's left home, he doesn't have to start using it again and being free this way feels great), currently unemployed (yeah, it's quite… uh, but it's not like he came here to work, even if he does get himself a temporary job here and there from time to time).

He spends his time travelling through the States, never staying in one for more than two or three months at most. He just talks to people, explores sights, tries out new things and, really, generally behaves like a long-term tourist. He always rents cheap fla– no, apartments, and never buys anything that isn't absolutely necessary – but even those that are necessary, he usually leaves behind (sells or simply gives it to someone) and obtains a new one later at the next place he stays.

The only exception is his coral red Volkswagen Beetle, which he loves to bits and pieces (and secretly christens Weebee, which is funny because Merlin is not even a Christian), and never, ever parts from it. (Quite literally: whenever he goes back to Ireland, he shrinks it to the size of a toy car so he can take it with himself and doesn't have to leave it to the mercy of the residents of Whatevervill where he last stayed at.)

There are a lot of things Merlin has to get used to again, some of them being completely alone to himself; inventing newer and newer backstories for himself; living in large and busy cities (London was the last one, and he'd left that with Bonnie eleven years ago after all); and not using his magic in the carefree way he could afford it back at home.

All in all, he knows it's good that he left for the US. Never once in the last fourteen and a half hundred years has the world changed so much as it does in this century. If Merlin's stuck here for a god knows how long a time, he want to explore it to the best of his abilities, see where mankind ends up. And what he told Bonnie was the absolute truth: never before was he so happy and content while journeying because now he's got something that he never had before – a place and people within to whom he can return to, knowing that they'll welcome him. That's so much of a gem to him that sometimes Merlin feels like he could survive on this knowledge alone. And speaking about Bonnie, she really didn't need Merlin to linger around her anymore. After the few initial months, she settled into life with her husband, and Merlin can see that they are happy together. He wouldn't want to intrude on them. It's enough that he goes home to Ferns in every third or fourth month, just like he'd promised, and they change letters via his magical writing-paper twice a week.

He turns on Weebee's radio as he drives along U. S. Route 66 for Los Angeles, and Raven's Count Every Star starts playing softly in the background.

Count every star in the midnight sky
Count every rose, every firefly

For that's how many times I miss you
Oh, Heaven knows I miss you…

One night, Merlin wakes up to the distinct feeling that something important has happened. He hasn't the faintest idea what makes him think that, because it's not magic and neither a seer-like prophetic dream – a sixth sense, maybe? Anyway, after a drowsy glance at the clock (three-thirty ante meridiem, dammit) Merlin tries to argue with his silly body to stop trying to wake him and go the fuck back to sleep because whatever seems to be happening at arse o'clock in the morning can surely wait… but the odd tingling beneath his skin begs to differ.

So after five minutes of failed attempts at forcing his mind back to dreamland, Merlin admits defeat and slowly gets out of the warm bed. Behind him, Jay frowns and mumbles something incomprehensible into the pillows that sounds rather like a curse, and pulls the thick cocoon of blankets higher up on his body.

Merlin puts on his bathrobe (because nights are really quite chilly in Toronto at wintertime), slips into the fluffy slippers he never wears when someone might see him (because they're rather embarrassing, even though he adores them because they keep his feet oh so warm) and staggers into the kitchen to make some hot cocoa. (Again, he is aware that it is highly embarrassing, but he can't help it: when Bonnie was still a child, whenever she woke up at night Merlin made him hot cocoa to help her sleep back, and she always demanded that he drank with her and… well, he got used to it, okay?!) Half-sleeping already, he makes his way in the darkness to the toilet, and after what feel like two to fifteen minutes, he startles out of sleep when his head hits the tiles in a highly painful way.

Cursing restlessly, Merlin swallows back his yawn and heads back to his room to see if he can manage a few more hours of sleep, when his sight accidentally gets caught on the piece of note-paper which is pinned to the living room table by an unwashed cup. The same note-paper Merlin uses to change letters with Bonnie and Eugene. The same note-paper on which there should be a long text about Eugene's promotion and the new family member, Sparky (a lovely German Shepherd Bonnie got from a friend), but instead there is only one line, only one tiny little line.

Merlin walks to the desk and lifts up the paper. It's so dark that he can barely make out the letters, but when he's about to walk to the switch the lamp abruptly flickers into life. Well, instinctive magic does make life easier.

Merlin reads the new letter and he's finished with it in such a short blink of a time that its meaning just flies through his head. So he reads it again. And again.

Dear Uncle, I'm arriving in five months. Get ready!

"What the…" Merlin mutters, mouthing the words of the letter and trying to comprehend them. It is way too early indeed, because he can't seem to do it for his life.

He could recognise Bonnie's handwriting anywhere, but instead of the usually round, pretty letters, they're noticeable scratchier and smaller now, like her hands were shaking (from excitement?) as she wrote them.

Is this her way of saying that she'll come and visit him in five months? That would be more than fine by Merlin, he hasn't seen her in a while after all, but she doesn't even know where he is residing now and besides, she can't really afford a ticket to here. And what's with the "Uncle"? He's used to Bonnie's silly ways, but that's not the same kind of moniker she usually calls him with so it's hard to detect the hidden joke. It's not like Merlin is an actual uncle, after all; he won't be that for a while, so long as Bonnie and Eugene don't…

The paper falls from his hands, and he grabs for the desk so hard that the cup tumbles, rolls down and breaks into tiny pieces on the ground with a loud crash. Merlin however doesn't hear any of it.

Oh, dear gods!

Ralph Jackson Turner is born exactly at 05:24 a. m. on 16th of June, 1953.

"Oh my god, he's so tiny," Merlin breathes in awe for what must be the twentieth time since he first laid eyes on little Ralph. "It's been so long since I've seen a new born baby, I totally forgot about how teeny-weeny they are. Gods, he's a small one!"

"Yes, Merlin," Bonnie sighs, "we understand that my son is tiny. But thank you for the constant reminding."

For all her false irritation, the gentle smile hasn't quite left her face and the pretty pink flush (that has been blossoming on her cheeks constantly for five days, Eugene whispers to Merlin, ever since she first touched her baby) shows without a doubt just how very happy she is.

"Don't listen to them," Helen purrs lovingly to the sleeping baby in her arms. "You will grow up to be a tall and fine man just like your father is."

"Actually, I was quite short to my age up until I turned sixteen," Eugene says with a laugh while he wraps his arms around his wife. "Boys picked on me because of my height rather often. And the spectacles. One cannot forget about those."

"They could pick on you only because you let them," Helen counters. "You were always too kind for your own good, son."

Eugene shrugs, and for a few moments nobody does anything else besides smiling at each other until Ralph yawns, opens hid pale blue eyes and starts whimpering in a rapidly loudening volume.

"My grandson is hungry," Helen observes with a chuckle as she carefully lifts the baby up, Bonnie already reaching for him with a soft look on her face.

"I'll go feed him. I know you lot are feeling hungry as well, I suggest making something for lunch."

"I vote for Italian!" Merlin chirps in cheerfully.

Bonnie rolls her eyes before disappearing into the parental bedroom and Eugene chuckles; Helen however stands up from the armchair and rubs her hands together. "I believe we have every ingredient required for lasagne. Will that be alright, Merlin?"

He gives the woman his widest grin. "Perfect."

Merlin follows Helen to the kitchen where they soon ease themselves into preparing food and chatting excitedly about the newest member of the family. Merlin doesn't really like cooking – somehow he tends to mess up the recipes and more often than not ends up with something only vaguely resembling the original goal (but with simpler dishes, he's fine; he had managed to feed himself and Bonnie for quite a time, after all) –, but it's either this or hovering around Bonnie… and the latter is not really an option because as sweet as he finds the suckling baby, the sight of a breastfeeding Bonnie is, as he soon finds out, something that he hasn't quite managed to prepare himself for during the long months of her pregnancy.

When Merlin, at his clumsiest best, knocks a glass of vinegar over and quickly extends his hand to stop the acrid liquid flooding the kitchen floor, he blinks up worriedly at the woman standing next to him, and is relieved beyond words to see that the surprise quickly leaves her face to be replaced by an amused smile.

"Oh, that's quite a useful thing, isn't that right? If you are at it, sweetheart, put that vinegar back into its glass, would you? I have just bought it yesterday."

Merlin breaks into a grin, and does as he's told.

It still catches him by surprise, how comfortable everyone in this family seems to be with his magic (hell, his identity!), but it's a good feeling – a fantastic one, especially because this is the first time in his entire life that he don't have to hide who he is, the first time he is free to do as he pleases, knowing that no one will judge him if he's caught pulling the blankets up with magic or cleaning up the remains of a broken plate with a wave of his hand. Not even Helen, who's still relatively new to the whole thing, seeing as she was let into the Turner-Previously-Bennett Family Secret only in this spring, around the time they finalised that she's moving in with the youths to be able to help Bonnie during and after her pregnancy. As Eugene now works more now because of his promotion (and that has come at the right time because there's more mouths now to feed), it was a really great idea but one that demanded Merlin to let her in, too.

It wasn't a sudden decision: Eugene wanted to tell her since a long time, even though he never said that aloud (and he really didn't have to; it was enough to see how he cringed and his face pulled into a grimace whenever Helen called Merlin "Russell"), and now they've finally did it, all three of them can feel the relief. Helen was told only the most significant issues (immortal, magic, damn powerful – that last bit was added by Bonnie), so she has even vaguer ideas about the rest than Eugene, but Bonnie (the only person Merlin has let into everything) helped her understand that talking about his past is very painful to Merlin, and after that, Helen let it go.

Now Merlin can feel the love of a family, and that's something that he hasn't experienced since Hunith and Gaius. No matter what kind of appearance he takes on for the rest of the world, no matter how he's still – the very much aging, thank you – Russell Bennett for the rest of Ferns, at home, he can always be just himself: Merlin, magical Methuselah (actually, Merlin beat him in being the oldest person ever to live, but that's not really important) trapped in a twenty-eight years old body that is still as clumsy as it was a millennium ago. And the Turners don't turn on him for that.

Sometimes, when he thinks about what would have happened had he not met Bonnie and decided to take her under his wings, Merlin can hardly breathe.

It's amazing how fast children grow up. It seems like as if it was just yesterday that Merlin made little Ralph laugh loudly for the first time by floating colourful origami cranes above his head, and now he's standing up, and now he's taking his very first steps, and now he's – OH! – running and jumping onto Merlin's lap with joyful shouts and ear-wide grins.

"Uncle Me'lin!"

"Why, if it isn't my not-so-little nephew! Honestly, Ralphie, what does your mother cook for you that make you grow so fast?"

"Nana cooked me cake!"

"Baked," Merlin corrects automatically, and then puts his shy-sized suitcase down so he can gather the child up into his arms. "Come on, then, let's go inside so I can greet the others, too, and see if they've left some of that cake for me."

He let the others know about the time of his arrival, yet they behave like it's a completely unexpected but a much adored Christmas present. Merlin kisses Helen's cheek and squeezes Eugene's hand, but as soon as he hugs Bonnie, he jumps back in surprise and looks down at her flat belly.

"Oh," he breathes before a wide grin finds its way onto his face. "Is it too early to congratulate yet?"

Bonnie's smile drops, and she knits her brows. "What for?"

If possible, Merlin's grin widens. "Too early, then." He can't resist a final glance down, though, and maybe he shouldn't have done so because he can see it from the corner of his eyes that Eugene follows his gaze… and the way his jaw suddenly drops suggests that he has made the connection.

"A-are you sure?" Eugene asks hesitantly, eyes never leaving Bonnie's belly. "You can… you can sense it, or something?"

The young woman rotates her gaze between the two of them, trying to catch on, while Ralph makes cheerful noises and crawls from Merlin's lap to his mother's.

"Er, yeah," Merlin nods, biting on his lip so it won't curl back into a smile. "Something like that.

"Would it kill you two to tell me what are you talking about?" Bonnie snaps finally.

Merlin can't fight the smile that threatens to split his face apart anymore. He puts his hand on Bonnie's belly, gently, like the touch of a butterfly, and closes his eyes as soon as he feels the warm, fluttering life inside, tiny and fragile, yet strong and brilliant like a miniature of a star.

When he next opens his eyes and sees the bewildered look and the deep blush that creeps higher and higher up on Bonnie face, Merlin smiles. "I hope you haven't thrown out Ralphie's baby clothes."

Raymond Roger Turner is born at 07:16 a. m. on 30th of August, 1957.

Ralph says that his baby brother is too pink, too wrinkled and far too sleepy for his liking.

Later that evening, the adults find him snuggled close to the baby, holding his tiny little hands as they both sleep soundly. The sight is so utterly adorable that Helen rushes for the camera and takes the very first picture of the siblings while giggling constantly.

Merlin has always had this weird hypothesis about the varying speed of elapsed time.

Long ago, decades seemed to fly past him like years for normal mortals; for Merlin, a few months seemed nothing more than a blink of time. He has often thought about different religions back then, wondering whether whatever god or gods were there felt the same as he did whenever they had to watch over the fleeting lives of humans. Merlin hasn't been present for an eternity like deities, but the nearly one and a half thousand years he has got behind him has surely cracked him up.

After Aithusa died, this thing seemed to reverse itself. Time seemed to drag on forever, days slipping by at a snail's pace, making Merlin feel like being trapped in a slow-motion universe where there was no escape from the impossible tardiness of the world surrounding him.

Now, however, finally... everything seems to be moving in the speed they're supposed to.

The next near-twenty years are the most memorable ones Merlin has experienced in a long time. At first, he continues moving around and exploring the American continent and works as a temporary shop assistant, volunteers at various – mostly health – organizations, performs on streets as a musician, a puppeteer and a magician (those are a lot of fun), and one time he also joins a travelling theatre for a year and a half.

Like usual, he goes back to Ireland in every third of fourth month and spends one or two, or sometimes even three weeks with the Turner family, becoming Russell Bennett once again for those who live there and know them. The cake shop he used to work at has been shut down, but he still meets up with Archie and the others from time to time. However, he tries to spend most of his time with his family.

The kids adore their Uncle Merlin. They grow up with magic having a constant presence in the house, every adult family member agreeing on that it's not something shameful or freaky that Merlin should hide. Yet until the kids are very young, they are led to believe that the small charms Merlin does for them are nothing more than magical tricks, so they won't accidentally slip and talk to neighbours about how flying, talking and singing toys are a common occurrence in the Turner household. (Also, they are told that "Merlin" is just the nickname of their Uncle Russell for the simple reason that everyone in Ferns knows that Bonnie's older brother sometimes works as a magician and illusionist. This way, no one really suspects anything.)

Sparky is the only one under the age of ten who seems the know the complete truth about him (though Merlin admits that he might have given himself away by always conjuring up bones and steaks and other yummies out of thin air whenever he was around Sparky, and surely even a dog can sense it when magic is so constantly used in front of its nose), but however sad it is, Sparky passes away on a cold winter night nine years after Bonnie receives her. (As a matter of fact, that's EXACTLY the reason why Merlin never bothers with pets. He had more than enough trouble coming to terms with losing people whose entire life flies away in generally four to eight decades, so what should he expect from pets the lifespan of which only consists of ten plus-minus-three years at best?!)

When Ralph turns ten, his parents and Merlin sit down with him and tells him the truth about Merlin being a real sorcerer (or wizard, as people nowadays seem to prefer saying), putting much stress on how this is the biggest secret this family has to keep and protect, for they are protecting Merlin with it. Ralph has always been a dutiful and serious child, far more mature than his peers (an attribute coming from being the eldest, Merlin suspects), and he doesn't seem particularly surprised by the revelation. He solemnly promises to keep the secret, and Merlin doesn't doubt his words. Ralph resembles his mother in more than one way, and if she could keep it at the age of seven, surely, it won't be a problem for him at ten?

When Ray reaches his tenth birthday, he also learns Merlin's true identity. He takes the news in a much more excited way than his brother: he jumps in the armchair and asks what feels like billions of questions, shouting and grinning and hugging Merlin like a flustered energy ball. Merlin catches Bonnie sharing a worried look with Eugene; they fear that although Ray would never mean to do anything bad intentionally, maybe he won't be able to keep his mouth shut and slip something about Merlin to his classmates. It's Merlin who has to calm them down by saying that if anything ever goes wrong he won't hesitate using his power to gain back his grounding. Despite this, he hopes that he will never be forced to live to his words.

Years come and pass, and the boys grow up to be quite different in the end. They are very close to each other while they're both smaller, but as with the passing time their differences become apparent, they start to drift apart.

As Ralph grows, it becomes clear that he's somewhere halfway to sharing both of his parents' appearances. Even when he just hits puberty, he's tall but very slender, with narrow face and pointy chins, small nose, auburn hair and dark brown eyes. His eyesight is quite bad, so he gets a pair of glasses at the mere age of nine. He's quiet and reserved; at school, he prefers reading books and solving various mathematical problems as a way of spending his free-time rather than playing group games outside with his classmates. He has friends, though, albeit similarly geeky ones. He makes his parents proud, though, with always being top of his class.

In a lot of ways, Ray grows up to be the complete opposite of his older brother. He takes after his paternal grandfather, having a slightly stronger built than the rest of his family, oval face, bright green eyes and very dark chestnut hair. He's cheerful and loud, always wanting to be in the centre of attention but never becoming arrogant. Thanks to his likable and friendly personality, he gains lots and lots of friends, especially among his football teammates. He plays various sports from a fairly early age so he can let out his energies in a useful and enjoyable way, and Ray loves it. At the age of eight, he already claims that he will be a sportsman who will win a few Olympic gold medals, or maybe a professional footballer, or maybe just an average P.E. teacher that kids adore everywhere.

Ray is also very protective of his friends. There is this girl, Sophie Thompson, with whom he has been in the same class since nursery. One day, his form teacher calls Bonnie and Eugene in because Ray fought with one of his classmates. The reason, as it is later revealed, was that the guy mocked Sophie with calling her a "fat pig" until she cried and hid in the lady's toilet.

"He was a git!" Ray shouts with his face beet red, arms crossed fiercely across his small chest when his parents question him later at home. "She's not even fat, she's just– just a bit chubby, that's all! And anyway, she's a really nice girl, so who cares about what that stupid Mitch says?!"

Bonnie can't really stop smiling and stay angry with him after that declaration.

Ralph never gets into trouble; he's and exemplary student and an obedient son. Bonnie and Eugene are careful never to ask Ray the much hated "Why can't you be more like your brother?" question, but perhaps it's still there somehow, lingering unseen in the air, because whenever Ray gets a bad grade (which are not that bad, mind you, he's solid in his knowledge, only he doesn't invest as much practise into learning as Ralph does), he immediately points sharp bitter looks at his older brother, who in turn scoffs and shrugs and marches off to his bedroom.

Still, they are fairly good siblings. They rarely fight, they help each other, and save for when one of them having a period of sulking, they get on well despite the difference in their ages.

Until... well, until lightning comes down with Ralph turning fourteen and officially entering the dangerous middle section of adolescence.

It probably starts with Ralph developing a deep crush for the beauty of the class, a certain Jessica Wright. Merlin only sees her once (and that one time doesn't really count, either, because it was only in a class photograph), but he can see it instantly that she's not the type of girl Ralph should go for; slender, dark blond, with a highly pre-matured body and a facial expression showing that she's well aware of it. The first time Ralph tries to talk to her, she laugh at him, calls him a four-eyed geek and shoves at him so hard that the poor guy nearly falls into the bin.

One would think that's enough show of her personality to make him give up, but no. Ralph suddenly decides that he wants to be popular so he can win her over.

He starts to hang out with lousy, popular kids who abuse school desks and steal pints from their father's drink stocks. When one day Ralph come home smelling of smoke, Bonnie turns ashen and has a long talk with her son.

"I haven't even smoked one!," Ralph shouts then, leaving Merlin (he tries coming home more often now that he knows that there are problems with Ralph, so he's back in Ferns again this time) completely shocked because he never, ever heard the boy raise his voice, let alone while talking to his mother. "I just stood there while they did it, so why are you telling me off?"

"Because they are bad for you, Ralph! Why can't you see that? Those boys are trouble-makers, everyone knows it. You are better than them!"

"They're not bad for me! My grades are the same, I'm still the top of the class, so why can't you just leave me alone! I can decide for myself who I want to be friends with!"

Bonnie lets out a long sigh. "They're bad influence, and I don't want their kind to hang around you. I don't understand why you don't spend time with your old friends anymore. I'm sure they miss you."

Ralph looks pointedly down and mumbles something under his breath.

"What did you say?"

Ralph remains silent.

"They aren't real friends, you know, Mum," Ray chirps in from the living room where he's currently playing cards with Merlin. "They just hang around Ralph because he lets them copy his homework and writes the assignments for them."

Ralph pales and gapes at his brother. "How do you even…"

"Margaret told Sophie," Ray says with a shrug. (Margaret is the older sister of Ray's friend Sophie, and is a classmate of Ralph.) "She also said that you swore in front of a teacher."

Ralph does swear then, though Merlin is sure that he doesn't mean to, and Bonnie's colour turns from pale-ish to literally angry red. "Go to your room, Ralph. There is no television for you today, and if I hear that you let anyone copy your homework again or you wrote assignments for others, I will personally talk to your teachers. And don't think that we're finished with this talk!"

Ralph marches off to his room and shuts the door close. Bonnie lets out a long sigh and all but collapses onto the armchair next to Merlin and Ray.

"Don't worry, he'll grow out of this," Merlin says quietly to her. "He'll understand."

"I hope so," she whispers back.

Things seem to get better after that, a bit. The tatty brats are never seen around Ralph anymore, and his teachers said that they don't interact in school, either. Ralph's oddly rough attitude however does not disappear, and lately there's more problem with him than with his younger brother. He doesn't find his place in the class; he tries to prevent to be classified as a dull geek, but neither does he go for the trouble-makers. And he still pines over Jessica.

Merlin knows that Eugene and Bonnie have to deal with this, not him or Helen, so a week after a smoking incident, he goes back to America.

Months pass without much happening, until the final crack happens next autumn.

Merlin is residing in Acapulco, either sunbathing in the hot sand of La Bonfil beach or working on his Spanish with an extremely fit Mexican guy who seems determined to work with Merlin on other things as well under the pretence of teaching him the tricks of surfing. When he goes back to the hotel later that day with the firm decision to head straight for the shower (because he'll go crazy if he has to bear even one more second with that gritty sand stuck between his arse-cheeks), he stops dead on his tracks when he discovers the new, hastily scrawled message that has appeared on the note-paper Merlin pinned to his fridge.

COME HOME ASAP

Merlin does. For he doesn't know what the matter is but sensing that something must be terribly wrong, he doesn't even wait for an airplane or something. He just collects his few belongings, gathers his suitcase and with his eyes closing, thinks about home…

… and when he next opens them, there he is. Right in the hallway.

He should feel wobbly at least, he suspect, maybe having a headache or a heavy intake of breath, but… absolutely nothing. It's like he hasn't just crossed half the planet within a blink of time! Okay, so maybe he teleported before (that night with Kenneth Brown Jr. was quite a memorable one), but never this much of a distance. And it still doesn't feel any more complicated than lighting a candle.

Eugene spots him at first, and the stunned expression he regards Merlin with suggests that the same thoughts are running over in his head, too… but then his face darkens.

"You have to visit these two boys, Merlin," he says in a dreadfully serious tone while handing a small piece of paper to Merlin. The warlock glances down at the names and addresses written hastily down on them. "Ralph has… He has shown them the star atlas you gave him last Christmas. I reckon he has also…" Eugene can't quite get himself to say it, looking all embarrassed in behalf of his son, and Merlin has to swallow back a curse.

That atlas is charmed so that whenever Ralph outlines the Moon on the first page with his finger, the illustrations emerge from and start floating above the book, displaying the construction of constellations true to life. (He often gave magical gifts to the boys, knowing they were always thrilled by it.) Merlin specifically chose that present for Ralph because he knew how interested he is in Astronomy, though he gave it strictly to home use only.

And now this happens. All along, they worried that Ray might slip something by accident and now… now Ralph – always dutiful, always reliable Ralph – spills the beans on purpose.

Merlin pays a short visit to the concerned boys and has a few not entirely unkind words with them. (Not like they remember any of it after…) He then goes back to the Turner's to find Bonnie and Eugene standing in the centre of Ralph's room, the boy himself sitting on his bed in the apparent attempt of staring a hole into the floor. Merlin doesn't go inside to join them – he doesn't know what to do. They always feared this situation … He doesn't known how he should behave.

In the end he pushes his back against the wall beside the room door and remains silent as he listens to the talk inside.

"…–show the magical side of that atlas to them, was it? Then why did you? You know it very well that protecting Merlin's secret is the single most important duty of this family!"

"And why is that? It's not like he's our relative for real! He just clashed into our family, and now shows up for birthdays and holidays, but…"

Merlin is so busy tensing up with his whole body that he doesn't even shudder upon hearing the unmistakable sound of a slap. Dead silence follows the noise, which is broken by Eugene after a few moments.

"Blood alone does not make someone family, and Merlin is a much loved member of ours. I know that you would have agreed on this a year ago, and it is only this new troubled situation with your friends and being a teenager that is speaking, but Ralph Jackson, that's not excuse. I'm deeply ashamed you could even think of such things, let alone say them out loud!"

There's a noise again, probably Ralph standing up from the bed and starting to stroll.

"Why?!" he shouts, frustrated. "You have no idea what I have to bear with in school, Dad! If you aren't a friend of Rick, they bully you and no one speaks to you. I'm not popular like Ray, I can't get friends in other ways! And Rick, he is always bragging about how his brother is in America, doing some serious job, not begging on streets, and he always sends cool things to him. And I said that my uncle is in America, too, but no one believed me because they see how often he's at home and they say it's not possible for someone so shaggy-looking to spend this much on travelling… And they said that he looks so queer like that guy from the neighbourhood, who's changed schools last month and… and… You know how he's like! I didn't want him to start saying those mean things to me too, so I told them that Merlin can do spe–special things, interesting things, so Rick won't–

"Won't what?" Bonnie interrupts, her voice trembling from barely supressed anger. "Won't say mean things about Merlin or won't dismiss you anymore?" There is a moment of silence, and then Bonnie proceeds, "You know what I think, Ralph? I think that you only thought about yourself. Your only goal was that you can show Merlin off to Rick in the hope that he will accept you as a friend and makes you popular. For that Jessica!"

"It's not about her! Don't you see how it is?! It's always magic this and magic that at home whenever he's here, and then at school I have to pretend like those things are not even real, and it's horrible! I–"

"I have been keeping his secret since I was seven, Ralph!," Bonnie shouts, and Merlin feels even more terrible because he never heard Bonnie shout, either. What has he done to this family? "Seven! Not fifteen like you, yet I understood the significance of what I'm keeping for him!"

"But you didn't know that he's the real Merlin back then!"

"It doesn't change a thing!" Bonnie thunders. There's a moment of silence, and then, "Who he is, or more precisely, who he was in the past doesn't change anything. We know him and love him – that is all that matters. You should think it through, Ralph, whether it's worth shoving your loving uncle away for a bunch of bullies and one pretty, arrogant girl."

There are some noises, thumping sounds, and then the adults leave Ralph's room and the boy shuts it close instantly.

They both release a deep sigh. Eugene squeezes Bonnie's hand before leaving to search for Ray and Helen, and Bonnie slowly walks to Merlin and stands right in front of him. Merlin doesn't move; he stays still by the wall with his head bowed, hands trying to get a grip on the wall, never raising his eyes so he can avoid Bonnie's questioning gaze.

"Merlin..."

"I'm sorry," he says suddenly, not wanting to hear what Bonnie has to say.

What if she blames him for the fight? He never realized how much pressure he had put on the kids. With Bonnie, it never seemed problematic and the boys have always loved him – it has never occurred to Merlin that perhaps it's harder for them than how they let it on. How long has this been going on? How long has Ralph felt like this, annoyed for having to keep such a serious secret, harassed and bullied for the way Merlin is...? Shame and guilt grip at his heart with leaden claws and make his tongue feel heavy and gross inside his mouth.

When he feels a soft touch on his cheek, he shudders involuntary.

"You haven't done anything wrong," Bonnie whispers to him with so much confidence that it leaves Merlin more than a bit breathless.

"I should have noticed something," he says quietly, still too ashamed to meet her eyes. "I should have noticed how much pressure I've put on him. I never wanted anything like this to happen, yet–"

"Merlin," Bonnie interrupts fiercely, now cupping Merlin's face with both of her hands so he can't really avoid looking up at her, and it's as if Merlin sees her for what she is today the first time: thirty-five, a mother of two, and still the kindest woman Merlin has ever had the pleasure of knowing. She's nothing like the sweet little girl Merlin had first taken in or even the beaming young woman he lead to the altar, yet there is something familiar, something old... something that will never change.

"Merlin, I meant what I said. You have done nothing wrong, so don't let this eat you up! Ralph is a teenager... He might say terrible things now, but in the end he'll come round and understand why we do what we do. You know he loves you, he always did – he's just confused." She bites on her lip for a fleeting moment before caressing Merlin's face. "I'm not justifying his actions or words, just... please be patient with him. I have no doubt that eventually he will regret saying those things."

Eventually... Yeah, so should he just pray that the family won't fall apart because of him before that time? That won't do. That won't do at all.

Merlin takes in a deep breath, and for a fleeting moment he leans into the gentle curve of Bonnie's palm on his face, trying to gather whatever comfort he can find in it.

"I presume," Bonnie starts tentatively, like she hates bringing up the topic, "that you have taken care of Martin and Rick?"

The warlock wants to close his eyes again, but he has no inclination to see the boy's fearful expression in front of himself again, so he chooses not to. Just like he does his damn best to not think about how they shouted when they saw him, how they shouted "Stay away from me, wizard!" and "Don't you dare putting a spell on me!" and "Jesus fucking Christ, his eyes...!" and a trembling "Please don't kill me, I won't tell anyone, I swear!"... A humourless chuckle escapes his lips, and when he looks up, he sees Bonnie watching him worriedly.

"Yes," he answers at last, and it takes him by surprise how dark and tired his voice sounds. "I've taken care of them."

Bonnie doesn't say "good" or "okay". She only nods, understanding without needing to have it spelled out just how much it pained Merlin that he had to use his magic against kids in this way.

"Do you think..." Merlin halts, and clears his throat in a pitiful attempt at getting rid of the roughness of his voice. "Do you think I should talk with him?"

The woman doesn't answer immediately. "I think you should," she says finally, "but not now. Let him think it through. And... you need to calm down, too. You look like a ghost."

And that's just it – Merlin feels like a ghost. Where has the happy family from last year disappeared to? Bonnie is sad and dejected, Eugene is sad and restless, Ralph is angry and hot-headed, Ray doesn't understand why everyone is so tense and Helen tries her best hiding her worry.

Up till now Merlin had never felt anything but welcomed and loved within these walls. Now, he feels like drowning, and it's terrible, like Camelot being taken away from him again – so far, he never let a place and its habitants grow this close to his heart, and because he let that happen this time, he now gets the first taste of what it would be like to lose this home. Happiness slips from his fingers like the hot sand of Acapulco bay, and he can't make a grab for it out of the flaming guilt that burns his chest from the inside out.

He doesn't get a wink of sleep that night.

Dawn finds him on an airplane, flying to... well, to be honest, Merlin doesn't exactly know. But it doesn't matter anyway.

Despite Bonnie's initially optimistic ideas, the issue remains unsolved for many years to come.

Ralph eventually cuts his connection with Rick and his gang but does not renew his friendship with his former friends either, deciding to stay mostly alone and concentrate solely on his studies. Eugene and Bonnie talk with his teachers about the bullying, and fortunately, the matter gradually solves itself. Ralph does not speak about the incident, and glares deadly to those who try to bring it up, but it's crystal clear that it has affected him greatly. It's not until he's a high-schooler that he starts hanging with others after hours again, that he takes an interest in someone from the opposite sex, and to his parents relief, he chooses all of that carefully now. He doesn't want to join lousy popular kids' circles anymore and spends time with kids with whom he actually has things in common.

His relationship with Merlin, however, never heals so much that it could be like how it was in his youth. He eventually apologizes to Merlin when the warlock next goes back to Fern four months later, but it feels half-hearted and pressed, and after that, it becomes more and more apparent how they're not able to go back to the way they were before. Ralph now never seems particularly happy or existed during Merlin's visits, and he especially has a wry face whenever Merlin does something obviously magical, so Merlin stops bringing the boy magical presents. It's like as if the whole sorcerer-thing has become a sour spot for Ralph, one to which he is constantly reminded of with Merlin's person. It's not a visible fight; Ralph never does or says anything inappropriate to Merlin, but his feelings are evident in the way his eyes narrow when he sees the warlock, in the way his hand never linger long when they shake hands, in the way he never speaks to Merlin more than what is absolutely necessary.

It pains Merlin to no end, especially because he sees how the others are all too well aware, hurt because they can't do anything to make it right.

Maybe he's a coward, or maybe he just doesn't want to be the cause of more distress in the family, but it's an undeniable fact that he only ever goes home for Christmas and Easter after that. Ray always complains about that; nowadays, he writes his own letters to Merlin, and in each and every one of them he expresses his desire to kick his brother's arse for driving his beloved uncle away.

It was him who screwed it up, not you, he writes one time, so you shouldn't stay away, come home as often as you did before! If he bothers you, just ignore him – he's always sulking like he's got a needle up in his arse anyway. Mum misses you greatly, just like me. Please don't let Retard Ralph get to you!

Merlin is glad for the support he gets, but he doesn't want to act on it for the simple reason that Ralph is not exactly in the faults. He did wrong things, yeah, but it's not his fault that he feels the way he does. Merlin doesn't want to make him feel distressed.

In 1970 Merlin leaves America for the last time. After a visit to Ferns, he goes back to England and makes a short trip to Avalon (the place has changed an awfully lot in the past decades, with people getting close to it, making new roads close the lake and building bridges around it – but it's still Merlin's own sanctuary, one where he can drop down on the grass and open his heart, talk about everything that weighs heavily on his mind even though he suspects that no one really listens to him… It's a comforting thing to know that he is the only one who can see the Isle and the monument on it while everyone else can only see the excess of the lake, somehow) before moving on and going back to Europe once again. He travels to Asia after that, staying in Calcutta for a while, and later he goes even further to East, to Tibet. There, he finds what he never expected to meet anymore: people with magic.

He is in the Cuona district in the Tibet Autonomous Region of China, staying with a group of Monpa (or Menba, as the Chinese call this ethnic group). The Monpa are the first to recognise him as Emrys since the time Merlin has spent in Japan, though he supposes it's not that much of a surprise considering that their religion is quite intertwined (through Buddhism, mind you, not Shintoism). They are good-natured and welcoming of him, and Merlin enjoys his time with them, feeling an odd nostalgia upon living with people whose lives are centred on their monastery, just like how he once lived in a shrine complex with Subaru's family. The Monpa believe in the transmigration of souls, and the Lamas would often talk about the never-ending journeys one has to make throughout their several lives. Merlin takes comfort in those speeches; he closes his eyes and Aithusa's prophetic parting words came back to him like she was right there beside him, whispering softly into his ears.

There are shamans among them, some of which indeed has magic, albeit quite faintly. But it's still there, and that's something Merlin has never expected. It usually manifests in young boys who are then trained to the ways of shamans and after an initiation ceremony, may become Lamas to their monastery. It's nothing more than the ability to foresee and connect to the faint magic of natural beings, but it's undeniable there: they can feel the incredible amounts of magic inside Merlin, and they esteem him for it. They let him observe the shaman initiation ceremony: it is tradition that men can never hunt tigers (for the tiger is their main totem, their clan idol, and to popular belief the manifestation of a forest spirit) except on this special day when they use the tiger's jawbone as a magical weapon to enable the tigers to evoke the magical guiding spirit of their ancestor, who will then protect the trialled boy in life.

Merlin is not sure about ancestral tigers and guiding spirits, but he can't deny that he feels the surge of magic during the ceremony, even though he cannot identify it. There is something ancient, something familiar in it that makes his magic dance happily beneath his skin, and that's enough for him to deem it true.

When he leaves the Monpa people after a couple of years, Lha-mo (who is one of the two Dzongpons, which is the most respectable position a Lama can gain in the Monpa society, something like a governor) steps in front of Merlin and deeply bows his head. "Brace yourself for the dark times ahead, Emrys the Great. We will need your power and guidance to survive."

Merlin wants to ask about that 'dark times ahead' thing because hey, it's not the first time he hears it, but Lha-mo lift his open palm up as a way of silencing him before he could have even started speaking. The Dzongpon then reaches into the folds of his clothes and pulls out a small object.

"Please accept this as our farewell gift," he says while pushing the small wooden carving into Merlin's hands. "We hope that it will bring you good fortune."

Merlin observes the carving. The figurine looks like a falcon (maybe a Merlin, and wow, did they intend for the pun?), and it's all kind of shiny and beautiful, but you can't expect less from these people. The small, open-winged bird is a comfortable weight in Merlin's hand, and gives off a slightly vibrating, warm feeling that is not entirely unlike the faint magic that still lingers in Aithusa's scale. The warlock has no doubt that the Lamas blessed the figurine, and it seems to be working.

"Thank you," he says to Lha-mo. "I'll treasure it."

He leaves their village after that, and goes further into China. The country is enormous, but he doesn't dwell anywhere for long; he wanders south more and more, getting acquainted with Burma, Thailand, Malaysia and finally, bits and parts of Indonesia. He stays in Jakarta for eight months before buying a plane ticket back to Ireland.

He's planning on spending a week or two in Ferns, and then going back to Japan after half a millennium, if just to see those grand changes to the country he knows about with his own eyes.

Little does he know that his travelling years are soon to reach an end.

The first thing Merlin notices upon entering the Turner house is that the scent coming from the kitchen is incredibly good.

The second (which he notes after going to the aforementioned kitchen to get wind of the situation) is that Linda's got a shockingly large belly. Like… an awfully large one. Enough to contain a… Oh.

Maybe a few words about the Turners would be in order.

Ralph had always had a good brain with science subjects, so it was never a question that it was what he wants to do in life. After finishing secondary school he moves to the United Kingdom and applies for Cambridge where he studies Mathematics and Physics simultaneously, meanwhile starting to date a certain Linda Green. They are nothing like the lovebirds Eugene and Bonnie were, but it's clear that they like each other very much. It's not a surprise that they decided to get married in 1974, after Ralph gets his bachelor degrees.

At this point, the old matter resurfaces when Bonnie first broaches the subject of telling Linda the "family secret". Ralph vehemently refuses, and it's only then that Merlin (who comes back to Ferns from Singapore, Malaysia that time) realizes just how deep the damage he has caused in Ralph is. He tries telling Bonnie that it's alright, that he can be "Russell" for Linda (it's not like they'd meet them often, seeing as how they live in England now) but she doesn't want to hear any of it, claiming that their family was never one to keep secrets from each other, and they won't start it now. Eugene, too, agrees with this, but it takes the old grandma Helen to convince Ralph.

Merlin was never so nervous about confessing than how he is now. It isn't harder than baring himself in front of Arthur or Bonnie, but it is decidedly more distressing because now he has to do it with Ralph standing right in front of him but purposefully not meeting his eyes, arms crossed meaningfully against his chest. Merlin is anxious and feels faintish, but Eugene and Bonnie help him through it. Linda takes it relatively well, somehow like Helen did back then, and they quickly agree without words on not mentioning it again unless out of absolute necessity. Her own family isn't initiated into the secret, however.

The wedding is held at summer. It's larger than the last Merlin attended, with more people yet it feels less joyful – but maybe it's only because Merlin feels out of place among them. He spends most of the time chatting with Ray and Sophie (who is certainly not Ray's girlfriend, what the heck is Merlin thinking for even suggesting that, while he knows that they're childhood best friends?! Or so the kids claim, but Merlin can see the way they look at each other when the other can't see it, and he thinks it's cute so he doesn't say anything) in one of the corners and only goes to dance floor three times – once with the bride, and later with Bonnie and Sophie.

Ray himself is doing quite well. He's currently working on getting his teacher's degree in Physical Education (he never grow out of the love of sports, in the end, and Merlin thinks that it's a good thing). Merlin doesn't fail to notice how fit he'd become: he's nowhere near as tall as his brother, but has an athlete's body with broad shoulders and strong yet not overly-muscular chest, and a warm smile that never seem to leave his face, so the kids will probably adore him in whatever school he gets to work for. After he finishes university, he wants to leave Ferns, too, and he's trying to convince his parents and grandmother to move with him. He dreams of buying a large family house somewhere in England – not in a busy city but in a peaceful town with good sporting opportunities. Bonnie has stated firmly before that she doesn't want to go anywhere near London (the painful childhood memories will apparently never go away), but she seems willing to move, even though she says it'll be strange and sad, leaving their current house behind.

Well, that's just a plan. For now, they stay in Ireland where Ralph and Linda visit them often just like Merlin does.

Like now, for example.

So, Linda has a large belly, and the way she blushes all the way to the roots of her lovely blond curls suggest that Merlin's not wrong with his assumptions.

"Oh," he says, and wow, isn't that the cleverest thing one can says to a pregnant acquaintance upon seeing her for the first time in half a year? "You look great, I mean... Congratulations! I had no idea!"

Linda blushes an even brighter shade of red. "Thank you. Well, we wanted to tell you in person, so..." She breaks off after a while, and Merlin doesn't have to be a genius to guess that it was Ralph who didn't want to let him know sooner. And why, that hurts quite bit. Because what did Ralph think, that Merlin will jinx her or something? If he really can even presume such a thing then the boy that loved Merlin is really long gone. And what if he hadn't come home know? Wouldn't have they told him even when the baby was born?

Linda quickly puts these behind herself and smiles kindly at Merlin. "But why are you loitering here when the others don't even know that you've arrived? Come on, let's go to them!" She pulls the pot down from the gas-stove and gently shoves Merlin to the direction of the living room.

"Do you know the baby's sex?" he asks slowly, because as soon as Linda touches him, the fluttering life makes its presence known to him, and it is so sweet and warm that the feeling makes Merlin smile.

"No, not yet" the woman says, pressing a hand absent-mindedly to the large curve of her belly.

"Would you want to know?"

Merlin could tell her. Anytime. But she shakes her head. "We want it to be a surprise," she says, a soft smile tugging at her lips. "But I think it's a boy," she adds it quick and quiet, like a secret whisper.

Her intuition proves to be correct when two months later she gives birth to a healthy boy.

When Ralph gathers the infant Michael into his arms for the very first time, Merlin notes it with something of a pang that he hasn't seem such a blissful, beaming smile one Ralph's face in ten years.

A short three months later, Helen Turner silently passes away at the age of sixty-two. Eugene holds himself together relatively well; he says that his mother has been telling him that she could feel her end nearing, and she just hoped that she will be able to meet her first great-grandchild. Her wish was granted. After the funeral, Bonnie puts a framed photograph onto the wall in which the grey-haired Helen is smiling brightly into the camera while rocking the five weeks old sleeping Mike in her lap.

Merlin doesn't tell it anyone that he catches Ray making a copy of that photograph to take it back to their home in Cambridge.

Nobody prepared Merlin for the shock he receives when she hugs Linda the next time he visits them in October.

"Oh my god, again?!" he exclaims in absolute surprise before his brain could have a chance of stopping his mouth. "You guys certainly aren't wasting time!"

Linda looks completely puzzled, not that Merlin can blame him. "What are you talking about?"

"Er... nothing," he says hastily, dropping his eyes to the ground. "Never mind. How's little Mike doing?"

The conversation thankfully turns to the baby's life, then to Ralph's new operational research job at a renewed nearby company and other things, and Merlin's slip is fortunately quickly forgotten.

... For about two months, that is, when the rare occurrence of Bonnie calling Merlin on telephone occurs.

"Linda's pregnant again!" she exclaims excitedly as a way of greeting. "Can you believe it? I will soon become a grandmother of two!"

"Wow, that's... great!" Merlin says, feigning surprise. "Congrats! How's Ralph taking the news?"

"Honestly? He was shocked to the cores, I can tell, but otherwise, he's very happy for it. He just worries about how they will manage with two babes all at once. I told them that Eugene and I would be more than happy to give them a helping hand, if they want it."

"And Ray?"

"Well, he wants to stay in Ireland until he gets his degree, but then he'd love to move to the UK. He said that if we go before him, he'll manage the house until someone buys it." She lowers her voice. "I have high suspicions that he wants Sophie to move in with him."

"About damn time," Merlin says with a grin. "They've been making eyes at each other since, what, they've entered primary school?"

Bonnie's laugh echoes long in the phone line. "Roughly, yes. So, I could reach you on this number so I guess you are still in Wales, then?"

"Oh yes. I'm leaving for Denmark in a week."

A short silence follows this statement, and then, "Don't go. Come with us."

"What?"

"Come with us to Cambridge. You could be of help, too, and I'm sure Linda would be thrilled." Merlin keeps quiet so long that he only speaks again when Bonnie worriedly asks, "Merlin? Are you still there?"

"Yeah, yeah…" he mutters. "Look, Bonnie, I don't think it's a good idea."

"I think it is," the woman states calmly. "Ralph is a working adult now, a husband and a father. He's far too old to hold onto childish grudges and it's high time someone makes him see that. I understand your reasons, you know I do, but you too are at fault for letting this drag on for so long. Get yourself a spine and show him that he has no reason to judge you wrong!"

It's easy for you to say, Merlin wants to counter, but he bites on his tongue to keep the words from slipping out of his mouth. It really has been long since his relationship with Ralph had reached an unfortunate dead end, and now Merlin doesn't even know how to interact around the man. It's hard to admit, but he is scared. Terrified. He doesn't want to mess it up more than he did already.

He can't deny who he is, can't pretend that he's something which he is not. He's magic, and immortal, and fucking gay. If Ralph can't accept him like how he is, then that's it – because Merlin can't change himself. And he wouldn't want to.

But he knows he ought to say something or else Bonnie won't stop pestering him, so he lets out a long sigh. "I… I'll think it through."

"Okay. That's all I ask." Merlin swears he can hear the woman smile. "Love you."

"Me too. Take care, and say hi to Eugene for me."

That night, Merlin spends an awfully long time lying on the bed and staring at the plane tickets in his hand.

He doesn't go to Denmark.

Ralph is not exactly happy with this turn of events, but he keeps his objecting thoughts – as clear as they are on his face – to himself, especially because Linda is evidently glad for the support, since her own family lives somewhere in Devon and can't afford moving closer to them. Bonnie and Eugene buy a smaller house near Ralph's that is close enough so they can go over whenever they're needed; Merlin only rents out a flat, because he's not optimistic on how long he'll stay there. He can't deny it however that Linda surely needs help, especially at daytime when Ralph is away for work. (Eugene as well, by the way, because he finds a new job in a month, Bonnie however doesn't even looks for one for now so she can stay with Linda and help her with Mike.)

Except for the tense connection between Ralph and Merlin, everything is going well. Merlin makes up for not getting to know Linda before and now they sometimes talk for hours without a break. He is surprised to discover that she is not the sober businesswoman-type as he previously put her down (somehow he came to the incorrect conclusion that she's the female counterpart of the ever-serious Ralph, but that's not the case) but a real gleeful girl with a lovely nature who has good sense of humour and as much of a sweet tooth as Merlin. (They regularly send Eugene to hunt Skittles, Gummy Bears, jelly beans, gobstoppers and various sweets for them, to which Eugene usually mutters a "Merlin, you are aware that you're not the pregnant one here, don't you?") When the school term ends and Ray comes to live with them for the duration of the summer break, his joyous personality seems to make life here even brighter.

As the months pass by, Ralph gradually starts to loosen up to the constant presence of his family, though he has yet to do that in Merlin's presence. There aren't any problems surfacing, but perhaps that's just because Merlin does his best to suppress his instincts whenever he catches himself absently trying to do something with magic. He's not changing himself, no, but… it won't hurt to try to humour Ralph now, will it?

"Hug Me", Linda reads out one afternoon as they chew on Love Hearts while watching some crap film on the telly. "Who wants to volunteer?"

Ray springs up from his armchair and all but throws himself on the woman (careful, of course, to not hurt her sizeable belly), winking shamelessly at his older brother who stands in the doorway with a frown that quickly melts into an honest smile when his wife beams and waves at him. "Come here, sweetheart!"

Before the smirking Ray could drop a situation-fitting comment on his brother about the endearment, Bonnie prevents it by loudly inspecting her own yellow piece of sweets. "Angel Face. It's a pity; I don't really like the green ones."

"What, no 'Bonnie Lass' this time?" Eugene asks, laughing. "Dull!"

The woman's only answer is to hold up another circular candy which reads Grow Up. They all laugh, and even Ralph can't really bite back the smile that pulls at the corner of his mouth at that.

Linda curls her arms around Ralph and leans over to see what Merlin has fished from the pack. "Come on, Merlin, what's yours?"

The warlock holds up his Love Heart so the others can read the message: Find Me.

And honestly, it seems so utterly unfair that even these silly sweets are mocking him with taunting texts like these that Merlin grits his teeth in frustration. And no, he's not exaggerating and it's definitely not a coincidence, because he pulled Miss Me and Blue Eyes and even a fucking Hold Me (which had Merlin stare blankly at the candy for several minutes) in the previous rounds, and that's just too much of a coincidence, isn't it? But there is not much he can do. He doesn't even dare to complain about it. Not in front of Ralph.

"Shame, I wanted a Cheeky Boy," he says finally, trying to pull an easy smile.

He doesn't seem to fool anyone, not even Linda (who only has vague ideas about the whole King Arthur-thing), but they don't comment on it and the conversation soon turns to telly programmes when a Faulty Towers episode begins playing. Merlin meanwhile chews on the Find Me Love Heart as roughly as he can, and as soon as it turns into sweet powdery crumbs in his mouth, he instantly feels better.

It's the third of July, Sunday, and they're all at Ralph's once again. Ralph is in some serious discussion about the importance of technical knowledge with his brother; Bonnie plays cheerfully with the toddling Mike; Eugene reads a newspaper; Linda is in the bathroom drying her hair after a shower; and Merlin is washing up the dishes after the Sunday roast.

That is, until an awful feeling shots through him like an arrow, leaving him paralysed with terror. The wet plates slip from his hands and fall to the ground where they break into tiny pieces with a horridly loud crash.

Ray is the first one to appear in the doorway of the kitchen, followed by the frowning Ralph. "What was that loud noise? Is everything okay?"

Merlin shudders in his whole body, and he feels sick as he look at the direction of the bathroom. "She…"

Ray knits his brows, but in that moment Linda's sudden cry cuts into the air. As on cue, all colour leaves Ralph's face. "Is she…? But she's not due yet!"

"She's in the ninth month, man, she's due anytime!"

"But–"

"Oh for god's sake, Ralph, just hurry up and go to her! I'll get the car, Merlin, you phone in to let the doc kno–"

"No." Merlin just stands there, pale and frozen, but as he hears the words "car" and "phone in", the stupor partially leaves him at last. "No, you can't go in, not yet. The baby…" And he's already racing through the rooms to reach Linda, to reach her in time. He can hear Ralph cursing behind his back and shouting questions at him, but he can't stop now to answer.

Eugene is already in the bathroom, helping Linda up from the floor. She's cradling her belly and moaning, still wet hair sticking to her forehead and cheeks. "Oh, god," she forces through her teeth, "it came so suddenly…"

Ralph shoves Merlin aside and rushes to her wife. "Don't worry, love, we go to the hospital now. Where's your pack?"

"It's in the–"

"Wait, wait!" Merlin interrupts, reaching out to touch her belly. Dread floods him as he feels the weak flutter, the cooling warmth and the faint light beneath his fingers… the baby's struggle for life. "Oh gods, she's dying," he breathes in absolute shock.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ralph snaps angrily. "Don't just stand there, Merlin, we have to get her to the hospital!"

"She's dying!" Merlin shouts back, desperate to get his point through before it gets too late. "She's dying, her heart is barely beating, and you can't get to the hospital fast enough, you have to let me–"

"Are you crazy? She's not dying, you imbecile, she's just in labour!

"Not Linda!" Merlin yells, attaining shocked moans from both Eugene and Linda. "The baby!"

Ralph turns ashen, and Linda moans and clasps her hands to her mouth in dread. "No, that can't be!" she rasps in a trembling voice. "But… it hasn't… she, she hasn't been moving so much…"

Merlin takes her hand and start guiding her to the living room hastily. "For how long?"

"I'm… not sure, for an hour or so… Oh, god, I haven't even paid attention to it…" Tears start flowing down on her cheeks but her face quickly morphs into a pained grimace when the labour pains return.

When they reach the living room, Bonnie only makes a quick eye-contact with Merlin before promptly picking Michael up and heading for the child's room with him. "Come on, Mikey, let's play with that new toy train you got from your Dad."

Merlin meanwhile sits Linda down to the sofa, looks around, and then turns to Ray. "Ray, I need that table here… You know what, never mind." He looks at the table in question and lets his magic out. A second later it's already standing in the middle of the room, clean of everything. Linda gasps between two moans (it's probably the first time he's seen Merlin do magic up close, the way his eyes turn gold) but allows herself to be laid on the table.

Ralph however apparently decides that he's had enough. He marches to Merlin and grabs his shoulder so strongly that the warlock thinks it might have just disjointed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the man hisses, face turning from pale grey to angry red in seconds. "You can't have her deliver the baby here! We have to call an ambulance, tell them it's urgent…"

"She might have minutes, Ralph" Merlin hisses back. "Even if the ambulance arrives in ten minutes, they will do a Caesarean and the baby will run out of time!"

"Then what are we talking about?! You can't make Linda give birth in minutes and certainly not here!"

"I CAN!" Merlin shouts, and he's so angry, so frustrated now that framed pictures and vases and chairs all start shaking in union with him. He can't believe that Ralph can make such a hysterics at such a critical situation. "I can speed up the labour phase and the contradictions so Linda can start delivering in a few minutes, and then I'll have a chance of helping the baby's heart. If it's the speeding up you're worried about, it's perfectly safe, I've done this before and–"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT," Ralph roars. "I won't have you conduct a home birth with some freaky hocus-pocus when you claim that my daughter is in critical state! Ray, for the love of god, call the ambulance and tell them–"

Ray however shakes his head firmly, lips pressed into a thin, determined line on his face. "I think Merlin knows what he's doing."

"I agree," a pale Eugene cuts in while putting some pillows under Linda's head before brushing the woman's sweaty forehead. "Son, this is not the time to act according to a senseless grudge you hold against Merlin. Think about your daughter!"

"I do!" Ralph shouts. When he next looks at Merlin, the warlock thinks that this is it; this is the part of Ralph that has been growing larger and larger in the past ten years since they have drifted apart. The fury and accusation in his eyes, the tense set of her jaws, the way his fist turns white and he quite nearly snarls at Merlin… this is what he had caused, with his magic, with his ways. And he's so damn sorry for that. "I do think about her, and that is exactly why I don't want a fumbling magician to be her only mean to survive!"

"RALPH!" Eugene snaps, shocked and mortified, while Ray looks like he might punch his brother in the face any moment.

Merlin swallows back the words that desperately want to come out at the biting remarks, and forces himself to state it calmly, "But that's it, Ralph – I am her only mean to survive! Can't you see how we're losing important moments with this ridiculous fighting?!" He turns to Linda and searches her face for a second before carefully putting her legs apart. "Do I have your permission to speed up the labour?" he asks her gently.

Linda nods earnestly, like it wasn't ever in question. Merlin tries to ignore Ralph's frustrated protests and closes his eyes while spreading his fingers on the woman's ankles.

Magic bursts out of his palm and floods into Linda's body who gasps and shudders, but grits out a breathy "No, it's okay, honey, I'm okay…" before throwing her head back onto the pillows and letting out one long moan. Merlin knows that the process in not painless (of course it isn't, how could it be when he's making her vagina widen in rapid speed), but he mumbles soothing words to her as he prepares her body for the delivery. A thick spur of magic search for the foetus, and upon finding her, it curls around her tiny body and doesn't let go after. She's in position, but her pulse is nearly non-existent, her heart scarcely ever making a beat.

"We have to get her out immediately," he mumbles, opening his eyes and looking Linda in the face. "I have to touch her directly to strengthen up her heart."

"You can't magic my child!" Ralph hisses again, this time nearly in Merlin's face as he stands right by his side, his whole body shaking with fury. "You can't mess her up!"

"Christ, Ralph, all I want is to SAVE her, not mess her up!" Merlin snaps, losing his already quite fragile patience. "Grow up already, brat, this isn't aboutus! It's about your daughter!"

"Exactly! MY daughter! Forgive me if I don't trust you of all people to help Linda give birth to her!"

"I've helped hundreds of children to the world, you sodding sap! I've been a physician for centuries, I know how this works!"

"Oh, really?" Ralph spits back bitingly. "And when was that, exactly? In the Middle Ages?!"

"ENOUGH!"

They both shut up at the snapping shout that's so rare to hear from Eugene (in fact, Merlin can't remember ever seeing the man lose his composure), who then motions to the door with his shaking hand. "Ralph, get out. You're no use to anyone like this."

"You can't make me leave, Dad, it's my house and wife and dau–"

"Go out, Ralph!"

Even Ralph shuts up at Linda's quiet, trembling but definite order. The woman wets her chapped lips before attempting to give his husband what is probably meant to be a reassuring smile. "You don't have to worry. I won't let anything bad happen to her."

"I…"

Linda moans sharply however, and that's Merlin's cue to finish the speeding up. "She's ready," he announces quietly.

Eugene slaps his hands. "Okay. Ralph, go wait outside. If you don't leave on your own now, I'll have Ray kick you out. Merlin, what do you need?"

"Tub of water. Don't bother heating it up, it will only take a sec for me. Towels, sharp scissors…" Linda moans again, and she squeezes his father-in-law's hand tightly. Ray jumps and hurries to gather up the necessities.

Ralph does not leave, but after a few moments of standing with an expression as if he'd just been slapped, he reluctantly retreats to the back of the room and watches the others without making any further protest. Nobody pays attention to him.

Natural delivery of babies really hasn't changed anything, and Merlin has more than enough experience, so it's almost a smooth process. The head is barely out of the birth canal however when the weak fluttering feeling stops completely, breaking cold sweat on Merlin's body.

"Crap, no…" he mutters, directing his magic into Linda again, reaching out for the foetus and trying to get inside her. To Ray's alarmed face, he quietly reports, "The heart stopped."

Linda cries out agitatedly (and they can hear Ralph's pained gasp in the background) and makes a grab for Merlin's wrist while looking him sharply in the eyes. "I don't care what magic you have to use, save her, I beg you! Don't let her die!" There is so much plea and desperation and, yes, trust in her voice that Merlin shudders under the weight of it.

"I do what I can," he says, turning his attention back to her pelvis, "but you need to deliver her very quickly. Push, Linda, you're almost there."

Linda's now crying constantly, hot tears streaming down her face but she does her best while Merlin starts pushing his magic inside the baby. Upon connecting to her, all he can feel is stillness, deadly stillness, but he surges for her impossibly tiny heart and whips it with waves of healing magic again and again, trying to get it to beat.

"Come on, sweetheart," he mumbles when the shoulders finally pass through. His palm covers nearly all of her small, slippery shoulder blade. "You can do it, come on…"

Very soon the whole body slips out, and Linda groans as her head falls back onto the pillows. She wants to sit up then and gather her baby, but Eugene wills her back, whispering, "Let Merlin do his magic."

And Merlin does, almost painfully aware of how much trust and hope they've put on him. He focuses his attention solely on the infant as he gives brief instructions to Ray on how to help Linda deliver the placenta. He can feel his eyes burning in their socks as he forces as much magic into the baby and into her heart as he can, willing the organ to resume beating, her lungs to start working as they ought to. She is still incredibly warm and smells strongly of the inside world, and frankly, a bit gross with all that white and purple and red and pink mess on her wrinkled skin, but still she's everything to her parents, to her family, and Merlin won't lose her – he just won't.

He's the greatest sorcerer ever to exist. If he says that this wee heart will beat even and strong then damn well it will!

And there, it happens – his magic makes something akin a minor explosion inside the infant's body and right in that second, her heart starts thumping evenly, gradually becoming stronger with every passing minute. The placenta is already out, so Merlin quickly cuts the umbilical cord which Ray has clamped a minute before, and then the baby takes her very first breath… and cries out.

"Oh, thank the god!" Linda chokes out in relief. "Can I…?"

"Of course," Merlin says with a shaky breath, nearly fainting from the insane amount of relief that swells in his chest. He carefully places the crying little girl on her mother's chest and Linda holds her like she's the single most precious thing in the world.

"My beautiful daughter," she whispers, eyes once again tearing up until they're shining like liquid diamonds. "You're so perfect…" She kisses the messy pink forehead before looking up and glancing at the general direction of the corner. "Darling?"

It's almost funny how every head snaps up and turns to Ralph, who ducks his neck like a prey expecting an attack. He fidgets nervously and stands from one foot to another, not quite looking at the others but still glancing up from time to time, trying to catch a glimpse of his new born daughter. When his eyes accidentally meet Merlin's, shame colours his cheeks to a deep, ugly red and he quickly drops his eyes to the ground. Eugene breaks the silence by clearing his throat, after which he steps to his older son and pats him on the shoulders.

"Go," he says lightly, nodding towards to mother and child. "Someone would like to meet you. I'll go fetch my wife and call that ambulance now."

"Don't tell them about the complication," Merlin tells him quietly while walking him to the door. "There won't be any trace of that, anyway. Just say that the labour phase went really fast and there was no time to call sooner." After a moment, he adds, "You can tell them that you brother-in-law, who has medical qualifications, was at home if you want."

"Do you really have that?"

"Oh, yes," Merlin says with a quick smirk. "A bit out-dated, but qualification nonetheless. I can whomp up a valid-looking certification in no time, but I don't think they'll care about that. Just have them make sure that they're both alright. Which they are, of course, but still…" Gods, can't he shut up? All the excitement has really gone to his head.

Eugene nods. "Thank you," he says, squeezing his hand tightly before leaving.

Merlin takes a deep breath and slowly blows it out before turning on his heels and walking back to the others. Ray has already washed the baby down and tucked her in warm blankets, and now stands next to the parents, examining his niece with a soft smile. Ralph holds the infant gingerly in his trembling arms – Merlin is almost tempted to sound his worry about Ralph dropping the girl – and whispers loving, feather-soft words to her.

Linda is the first one to look up when Merlin approaches them. Her forehead is shiny from sweat and small sparkling droplets are beading on her nose and above the bow of her lips, but she has a healthy flush and a beaming smile on her face that makes her look divine despite clearly being exhausted.

"They're coming to take you girls to the hospital for check-ups soon, but there's nothing you should be worried about," he tells them. "I'd still like to check you myself, though, if you don't mind."

"No, of course not," Linda says instantly. "I trust you more than anyone among the hospital monkeys."

Ray makes a strange noise that is somewhere halfway between a snort and a chuckle, and Merlin can't fail to notice the way Ralph flushes and fidgets again.

By the time Merlin finishes inspecting Linda's lower parts Bonnie arrives into the living room and now gently washes off her daughter-in-law's face with a soft, wet towel.

"Everything looks good," Merlin says finally while pulling Linda's skirt back down. "I didn't close the wounds – have to leave something for the docs, you see –, but I did a small spell that should take care of the worst of the pains."

"Thank you," Linda says, looking deep into Merlin's eyes with her own watery ones. "I never meant anything more seriously in my life. I cannot thank you enough for what you did for us… Thank you, Merlin. I am forever grateful to you."

And she says it so firmly, with so much confidence that it is Merlin's turn now to flush. "It was nothing," he says blankly, but then he catches Ray's expression, and hastily amends, "Well, not nothing, of course not, but… I mean. You're welcome."

The baby has relaxed after the birth, but now she starts making tiny little noises again, moving her hands and head with little movements in her father's arms as if searching for something. Bonnie smiles and turns to the other woman. "Linda, dear, you should put her on your breast."

Ralph carefully gives the baby to Linda who adjusts the child on her chest. "But there's no milk yet, is there?"

"No, but she's not doing that for feeding," Merlin explains. "She just familiarizes herself with your breasts, and probably won't even suck for long before resting a bit. But she needs that comfort now, and it will strengthen your bond."

"Oh, Merlin, what would we do without you?" Linda sighs happily.

In a completely not subtle way Ralph turns abruptly and heads to the door, muttering something about that he'll lead the ambulance men in once they arrive. Ray shares a look with Bonnie before stretching his arms out and quickly starting off after his brother.

"Merlin, would you please check in on Eugene and Mikey?" she asks while indicating to the door with her head in a go after them before they do something stupid way. "I'm sure he would love to meet his little sister."

Merlin's mouth answers solely on its own. "Yeah, sure." And he's already halfway out of the living room.

The door doesn't even closes after him when he hears the awfully loud crash and a sharp, pained moan. He quickens his steps and rushes in the direction of the sound – only to find a crawling Ralph on the floor with blood dripping down his chin from where he presses his hands against his nose and a firmly standing Ray with a thunderous, ice-cold expression on his face.

Merlin gawps at them. Ray was always the stronger between the two of them, doing all those muscle-building sports and outside practises, but never before had he used violence against his brother. He now shakes his right hand with which he apparently carried out the punch, and only spares a short glance at Merlin before turning back to Ralph with a furious expression.

"'Freaky hocus-pocus'? A 'fumbling magician'?" he spits, and Merlin involuntary shudders as he remembers the way those words were originally shouted at him. "Who the fuck do you think you are, speaking to Merlin like that? Daring to? If your wife wasn't giving birth to your daughter there, I swear I'd have kicked your arse to a bloody pulp right then and there!"

"Ray, you don't have to–"

"No, Merlin, it's about bloody time someone makes him get off that high horse! You, Ralph," he snarls, pointing his finger accusingly at his brother who's still at the floor, not looking up, "have been an utter arsehole to Merlin ever since you has messed up with not keeping his secret! You were at fault, not him – you were the one who couldn't keep shut and told Dick Rick about Merlin because you wanted to be popular! You've always adored Merlin, was proud of him, and you loved the magical gifts he always brought us, don't you dare denying it! Yet you messed it all up for a stupid chick and some jackass twats, and after that you had the nerve to blame it all on poor Merlin!"

Ray is panting so hard like he's running a marathon, and Merlin is torn between wanting to stop this fight because violence and shouting is never a solution and wanting to let Ray finish it because goddamn, that's what he thinks as well, and it feels good to hear someone stand up for him.

"You drove him away from his own home; he hasn't dared coming back after that out of fear of making it more awkward for us. He never told you off for being a prick and he was always trying to avoid making you feel uncomfortable even though he knew how much Mum and I missed his regular visits. But you, Your Highness, you never appreciated it! You deemed him worthless… for what? For being magical? Gay? None of those are his fault, Ralph, it's just the way he is! Immortal? What, you think he's happy for it? I'm sure as hell he isn't!"

It's the first time since the shouting started that Ralph attempts to look up, but as soon as he catches Merlin's gaze, he jerks his head away. Merlin is not sure what makes him do so; shame or anger. But he can see the way he clenches his fists so hard that his knuckles go all white, the way his face is so red now that it nearly matches his auburn hair. He has dropped his arms by now, and Merlin can see the dark purple bruise that is already forming on the right side of his cheek and the thick cut on his lips that's still bleeding a bit.

Ray takes a shaky breath, and continues in a somewhat calmer way, though his words are still sharp like a dagger and freezing like ice. "I'm not sure how long I would have held it back, but your actions today… I can't even find the right words. I'm at the point of being ashamed as hell for having you as a brother! Merlin was saving your daughter, and you were fucking ripping him apart with your ridiculous accusations and insults and general hysterics! Where the fuck has your mind gone, Ralph?! I'm sorry for even saying this, but you would have fucking deserved it if something had happened to…" He catches himself, takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "No, I won't say it. Not because of you – but because of my sister-in-law and niece."

Someone quietly clears his throat. Three heads snap up, and Merlin is mortified to discover that Eugene is standing in the hallway, pointing at the window beside him while wearing a fathomless expression. "The ambulance is here. You might want to finish this up soon."

And oh gods, just how long has he been standing there?

For an insanely long moment, there is nothing but dead silence… but then Ralph lubberly gets up from the floor and storms up on the stairs to his bedroom without so much as a glance at anyone. Ray glares after him for a long time before the tense set of his shoulders finally relax.

He glances back to the stunned Merlin standing behind him.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he starts, making something of a shrug, "but I couldn't bear the thought of no one putting him in place this time either, and it was apparent that you'd be willing to let it go again."

"No it was… alright, I guess." Merlin scratches his arm absently. "Thank you. I… It means a lot to me, what you've said."

Ray smiles at him then, and Merlin is happy to see the angry expression gone. "It's the truth."

Eugene walks to the front door, but before opening it, he turns to Merlin. "You should put on that glamour of yours."

Russell is currently around fifty-five, and while Merlin usually don't have any problem with it (hey, he's lived as a long-bearded antediluvian often enough), he doesn't really want to change himself now.

"Nah, I… I'll make myself scarce." He looks at the staircase and makes a small unidentifiable motion with his head. "I should probably go and have a talk with him."

Eugene nods earnestly like he's just wanted to suggest it himself. "Good. Tell him please that Bonnie goes with Linda in the ambulance. She wants Ralph to follow with his own car after he has calmed down."

"Okay."

Merlin is feeling quite sick to the stomach as he knocks on the door of the parental bedroom, but he knows that he can't postpone it any longer. He didn't have this talk with the fifteen-year-old Ralph, and look what have it brought to them. They should settle this matter once and for all… but he can't help wondering about whether that will mean that he has to exclude himself completely from this part of the family. It's a highly distressing thought.

When no answer comes after three attempts at knocking, Merlin gingerly pushes the door open.

Even though it's Sunday afternoon, the drawn curtains make the whole room dull and relatively dark. Ralph sits on the double-sized bed with his back to the door, head bowed down. He doesn't look up at the sound of Merlin entering.

"Er… Ralph?" The man jerks like Merlin has slapped him, and the warlock wets his lips nervously, because gods, is he really that angry? "I'm sorry for what Ray did… I mean, I never wanted this whole thing to get physical, and I certainly did not encourage any violence on his part. Or the whole fight, as a matter of fact."

"No, it's… I know you didn't," Ralph says, finally turning around to face Merlin and holy crap, Merlin wasn't expecting this.

"Are you… Ralph, are you crying?" he asks, even though he knows it's a perfectly unnecessary question because he can see the streaming tears quite clearly on his bruised face, the watery redness of his eyes that doesn't dare meeting Merlin's own but focuses on a point somewhere between his chin and his nose.

Ralph rubs at his own swelled nose and winces in pain, but doesn't answer.

"Should I… um. I could, you know." He makes a wide waving gesture with his hand, not quite daring to use words like "magic", "spell" or "charm". "Heal it, if it causes much pain to you, or…"

Stupid! Of course it causes much pain – his nose has swelled to the size of a cucumber, it can barely keep the frame of his glasses in place. And Linda and the baby surely wouldn't want to meet Daddy looking like this.

But Ralph is shaking his head firmly even as Merlin fumbles with the words. "You don't have to. I… I deserved it."

Well. Merlin doesn't exactly deny that.

And apparently that's as much of a cue as Ralph needed, because he finally looks Merlin directly in the face and… and breaks down completely.

"I… Jesus Christ, I'm so, so sorry!" he chokes out in a hoarse voice that Merlin can hardly recognise, and the tears stars flooding again. There's nothing manly, nothing nice in that cry: it's ugly and messy and all kinds of embarrassing, and Merlin can't help but stepping closer in a protective instinct. "It's true, everything he said. I was a right git for treating you the way I did, like you deserved it even though you did not… for making you feel like you don't belong in this family, but you do, and god, if you weren't here today…! If you weren't, I could have… would have…" He can't seem to force the words out and breaks off, choking out even more sounds like he's being strangled. Merlin approaches him slowly, and when he puts a tentative hand on Ralph's shoulder, he starts shaking wildly again. "I am so sorry, Merlin!

They stand like this for long moments, Merlin giving silent comfort to Ralph until he calms down enough to not shake constantly from crying. The warlock sits down beside him on the bed, and wets his lips again before quietly saying. "It's probably my fault, too. I never realized how much pressure I've put you guys out to back then, and since then… I'm not sure. I guess I was just as afraid of you as you've been of me."

"I was never afraid of you," Ralph confesses in what would could be a barely audible whisper had not for the raspy roughness of his voice. "I… Back then, I felt like I was keeping a block of gold in my pockets all the time; I hated how I had to keep it from everyone else when it could have made me known and liked. I was always…" He swallows, and drops his eyes to his enlaced fingers. "You know how Ray it is; forever friendly, forever cheerful, always easy to talk to. He's always needed two minutes to make new friends while I struggled with that in all my childhood. I… was always jealous of that. I had the brains in the family, yes, but that's not something kids are proud of, you know? And with you… it was a secret that made me feel special, like I was better than the others for knowing someone like you… and I wanted the others to know how much better I was. Christ, I was so stupid!"

Merlin doesn't say anything. He suspects that Ralph has never revealed this much of his weaknesses to anyone, ever, maybe not even his wife, and it makes Merlin feel weird in a not entirely unpleasant, but not in a pleasant way either.

"After that happened, I was… terrified that I'd be the laughing stock of others, that I'd get bullied even more and that made me say things that already two months later I wished I could take back. I– I always wanted to tell this to you, but you started distancing yourself from us, and the more time passed the more I dreaded apologizing. I was too proud and arrogant to admit my mistake. Gradually, I convinced myself that it was really your fault, and that I had nothing to apologize for. Magic became a terribly sour spot for me."

"And today, I just got so… scared." He looks up at Merlin, and the warlock can see the raw terror that still lingers behind his eyes. "Terrified. I couldn't really even process what you had said when you were already getting into action and fighting for my child's life while I was whining and bitching like an idiot… Oh god, I don't even remember any of it. Everything went dark and the only thing I could think of is that my daughter is dying and I really should get a doctor but then I'd have to start explaining magic and things and I… I don't know what came over me. I'm so ashamed of my behaviour you can't begin to imagine it…"

Merlin squeezes Ralph's shoulder, and he in turn closes his eyes, but some shining droplets still escape through his lashes.

"I could have killed my own daughter," he whispers, and there's so much broken self-loathing in those few words that Merlin cannot keep silent anymore.

"No. You'd have done everything in your power to save her."

"But that wouldn't have been enough, would it?" he rasps out, swallowing loudly. "The doctors wouldn't have been able to save her. She'd have died by the time they got her out, wouldn't she?" Merlin doesn't reply to that, but that's an answer on its own. Ralph groans, and buries his face in his hands. "Sweet heavens, I almost jumped at you for not listening to me, and then my daughter would be dead now! How can I ever look Linda in the face after what I have done today?"

"You're just human," Merlin says quietly through the muffled noise of Ralph's rough crying. "Humans make mistakes."

"Lo-losing my child would not have been a simple 'mistake'."

"No. But you didn't lose her." He searches for Ralph's eyes and upon finding it, Merlin gives his shoulder another reassuring squeeze. Suddenly, he can see the same boy in this grown man who he thought he'd lost nearly ten years ago, and it's an odd relief, a startling present. He hasn't changed that much after all, for all the tough and cold masks he had put on himself. "You can start amending for your past mistakes starting from now."

Ralph sniffs loudly, and he rubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms, not swallowing back the hisses when his hands press against the fresh bruise. "I'm so sorry for what I've put you through, Merlin," he says then quietly. "I truly am sorry. Can you… Can you ever forgive me?"

The warlock flashes him a smile.

The child is named Agatha.

Merlin is glad. He has no objection to boys at all, but after three boys in the family, he's glad for the girl. (And he can finally renew his excellent braiding-technics! After Aggie's hair grows out, that is.) He resumes his Uncle Merlin title however, and that's something he never realized how much he's missed.

Nothing is the same after Agatha's birth regarding his relationship with Ralph. After that long time due man-to-man talk (about which they mutually agree on never sharing details, simply because as embarrassing and baring as it was, that concerned the two of them, and only them alone) Ralph finally stops acting on his pride and grudge, and their relationship slowly but surely starts to heal.

Old habits are hard to leave off; Ralph still tenses in Merlin's presence before loosening up, and sometimes he still grunts for the use of magic, but that's only happens when Merlin is using it for silly things. Like that time when Mike is three and Aggie is two, and Merlin brings them charmed toys; Mike gets a toy-sized fire engine with three miniature fire-fighters inside, who can come out of the truck, assemble the pipe and wave at the boy (Bonnie loves them, says that one of the fire-fighters even resembles Merlin) while Aggie gets a pink plush unicorn that walks and smiles and sings parts of I've Got No Strings from Walt Disney's Pinocchio. The little girl laughs at that, but when Ray sees it for the first time, he pulls a face and jumps like he's stepped on a nail with the loud exclamation of "Holy singing unicorn!" Since then, that phrase has been used generally whenever he sees something gross or distasteful. (Merlin doesn't like this new family habit. Not in the least.)

After Ray finishes university in 1978, they finally sell their old house in Ferns, and Ray moves to Chelmsford, Essex where his application to the Great Baddow High School as a Physical Education teacher is accepted. He starts a loose relationship with a girl called Martha, but his whole family expects him to go back to Ferns to get things right with Sophie soon enough. (And they're not mistaken – two years later at Christmas he suddenly turns up at Ralph's with Sophie on his arms. Somehow, nobody's particularly surprised.

Ray proposes to Sophie that summer, and they get married in the autumn of 1981.)

When the children are older, Bonnie starts working again with Eugene. Merlin sells his flat because he doesn't need it anymore: whenever he's in Cambridge, he stays with either the older or the younger Turners. He never travels far nowadays, however; he keeps himself busy in Great Britain, mostly Wales. He once goes north to Scotland where stays in Banavie for a while (among other places), from where he can see the Beinn Nibheis (or Ben Nevis, as people prefer calling it) daily. He's tempted to climb it so he can see what had remained after his beloved dragon-sister, but in the end he always chooses not to. The white pendant that has been hanging around his neck ever since the day of her death is enough. He wouldn't ever forget, anyway.

Merlin once again starts doing small jobs here and there; interpreting, tailoring, clock-making, baking, and so on. Besides these, he finishes some courses and gets some more certifications, and with it, a hell lot more identification papers (bah!). He still drives his good old Weebee, no matter how aged it gets; the car still functions splendidly, although that's mostly thanks to Merlin's magical enhancing.

He spends a long time near Avalon as well. A small town has formed around by now, and now wide roads are closing round the lake and the remains of the forest, with bridges and a pretty gazebo being established so locals and visitors can find pleasure in the sight of the beautiful faraway mountains behind the brilliant lake. And oh, they do cherish the sight, only there isn't a single one out of them who can see the Isle with the monument like Merlin can. He supposes that is because of his magical heritage, and, really, being who he is, but he finds himself not feeling sorry for it. Avalon was always his place, and while he might got used to humans growing to it and deeming it their own, it feels good – comforting, even – that a small piece of this significant place has remained solely his own.

The library where he currently works at (as "Mr Greenhill", the gruff and snarky old man who never hesitates to tongue-lash at brats who don't bring the books back in time) is quite close to the lake, so he can see it every day as he walks the pavement beside the road. At the first weeks he always stops whenever he gets a glimpse of the Isle, but now he wills himself to pass it without any pinging glance at its direction. But he can't help the slight pauses that still occur from time to time; not looking up and glancing at the Isle feels rude like denying a greet from an old and dear friend. In a way, that's exactly it. When Merlin catches himself doing this, he takes a deep breath, pulls his hat lower on his head and hastily adjusts his coat and bags (which are always sooo damn heavy for being stuffed full with books) before willing himself to keep walking seemingly unaffected.

Maybe this is the reason why he dreams about Arthur one night.

It hasn't happened in centuries, but that one night his dreams are full of distant memories of the King; he lives through their first meeting, all of their banters and fights and adventures… he experiences the joy of falling in love with him again and the pain of losing him again at Camlann. The last thing he sees before jerking awake from the dream is Arthur's still body floating further and further away from him in the boat.

When Merlin rises with a panting gaps, he's whole body is trembling wildly, long grey hair sticking to his sweaty skin and heart beating an uneven rhythm against his ribs.

It takes him a long time to fall back asleep after that.

A year later, Ralph calls him on his phone. "Can you come to us? It's… urgent." His voice is thick with nervousness and Merlin can feel it in an instant that something is wrong.

"A problem?"

A long pause, followed by a brief, "Something like that. When can you–?"

"I'll be there by tomorrow."

Merlin takes the train, and true to his words, he's in Cambridge by next day. Of course he rejuvenates himself to his physical age the moment the front door closes behind him.

"Hellooo!" he shouts loudly to make his arrival known, dropping his suitcase to the corner.

It doesn't even take a minute and Mike is already racing to him like Merlin's the bloody Santa Clause. "Uncle! Uncle Merlin! Hi!" And he jumps at Merlin before hugging him tightly.

Merlin laughs and ruffles the kid's dishevelled dark tufts. "Howdy, Mike? Gods, you're so big! How's school?"

"Good," the boy says with a grin. "I've started to learn playing the piano! My music teacher says I'm doing it very well, and I told him about how my uncle can play like an orchestra all by himself!"

"That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think, Mike?" Merlin puts the kid down and heads to the living room with the boy trailing after him excitedly. "But it's great that you're playing the piano. Practice a lot and enjoy what you do! And maybe your sis will sing an accompaniment to it."

"Oh, she doesn't like it," Mike says in a somewhat less chipper way, and it doesn't escape Merlin's notice how he starts fidgeting under the warlock's gaze. "She muted the piano when I was practising yesterday."

"She muted it?" Merlin repeats with knitted brows. "What do you mea–"

"Oh, Merlin, thank god you're here!"

The man can barely even look up when he's already covered from head to toe in a warm and tight, sweet-smelling embrace. Linda's crispy curls tickle the bare skin of his neck, and he almost snorts into the woman's shoulder from the sensation. "Hey, Linda. You're kind of… suffocating me here..."

"Oh, god, I'm sorry!" She quickly releases him and steps back a bit, but her happy smile only widens. "You were really quick."

"Yeah, well, I got the feeling from Ralph that something's not quite right, so…"

As on cue, Ralph appears in the doorway with a worried frown that quickly melts away as soon as he sees Merlin. "I thought I'd heard your voice. Thank you for coming so quickly."

"It's nothing," Merlin says as he shakes Ralph's extended hand warmly. "But tell me, what's this all about?"

Linda shares a glance with her husband, who then swallows and presses his lips into a thin line. "Perhaps it would be best if you would just have a look at it."

He leads Merlin to the living room where Aggie is sitting on the carpet with a doll in her hands, staring unblinkingly at the television screen where the Lady and the Tramp is currently playing. The child doesn't even look at them when they enter, which is strange, because she's usually right there with his brother (the two are like twins, Merlin swears) when Mike jumps on Merlin the second he arrives. But then again, she can be much focused when something perks her interest. Like a cartoon film, for example.

"Hello, Aggie," Merlin tries, and he even waves his hand, but the only response he gets from the six-year-old is an acknowledging hum.

Linda clears her throat and walks to her daughter, picking up the remote control from the sofa on her way. "Agatha, I told you that you can't watch videos until you pack your book bag."

When the girl pays no attention to her, Linda pushes a button on the remote and the screen suddenly goes blank in the middle of Si and Am's Siamese Cat Song. Merlin has a fleeting thought that she should have at least let Aggie finish the song, because as embarrassing as it is to admit, that's some catchy melody it has.

And apparently, the gods are agreeing with him because there is a short static buzz and in the next moment the movie suddenly springs back to life.

Merlin makes a surprised blink (has he really wanted to finish the song so much that he involuntary turned on the telly?), but he doesn't have time to really dwell on it for Linda's angrily snapped, "Agatha!"

Merlin gawks at the girl and then back to the telly where Lady successfully manages to save the goldfish from the hungry wicked cats before Linda once again turns off the television.

Aggie makes a frustrated noise through her nose.

"Do you hear what I hear?" asks one of the newly re-appeared cats with a thick accent.

"Grrr, a baby cry!"

"Where we're finding baby, there's mil–"

Linda turns off the TV again, takes a deep breath, and then marches to her daughter and stands right in front of her to block out her view. "Agatha, enough is enough!"

"–lk nearby."

"If we look in baby buggy there could be plenty of milk for you!"

"And also some for me!"

Lady starts growling in union with Linda, but even the woman is in for a surprised jump when the tape is abruptly pulled though the fast forward effect. Aggie turns her attention to the doll in her hands and starts combing its hair while a sped up Lady chases the cats, Aunt Sarah comes down and blames Lady for the mess, takes Lady to a pet shop to get her a muzzle and Lady runs away. The playing speed of the video snaps back to normal when the Tramp sees Lady being chased by wild dogs and races to her rescue.

Linda breathes out a frustrated sigh and steps away from Aggie, walking to her husband and Merlin with swift, tense steps. She bites on her lower lip as she turns to the warlock with an anxiously whispered, "Have you seen what she did?"

There's a deep line from too much frowning on Ralph's forehead, and his eyes are just as concerned when he speaks as her wife's. "It's beyond our depths."

Merlin looks back at the little girl who has once again closed off to the world completely for the film. His mind is already racing through explanations and meanings and future options wildly, but his body must still be perplexed from the shock because it doesn't really ask for his mind's permission before deciding to open a mouth and say, "I can't see why. It's perfectly understandable."

Noticing the surprised glances he receives, he adds, "I mean, those scenes with Aunt Sarah are utterly unfair. No wonder she doesn't like watching them!"

So, it turns out that receiving so much amounts of Merlin's magic in the first wee moments of her life somehow made Agatha magic.

The only explanation Merlin can come up with is that since he had to push magic inside the dead still baby heart to get it beating, perhaps the peeled portion of his magic stayed right there inside the organ to keep on supporting it through the years. He shares this assumption with the worried parents as well, who nod and agree, but it is quite obvious that they don't really care about the why? as they care for the and now what?.

After Merlin has a long talk with the girl, he learns that her power manifested about a year ago, but she was only able to move smaller things back then. She was only five, and she didn't understand it for what it was; she just started to notice that her toys were moving the way she wanted them, sometimes even smiling or winking at her, and that she found it strange but it didn't scare her. She hasn't been able to use her magic intentionally before the week Ralph has phoned Merlin.

As she's only six, she hasn't been told about Merlin's true identity yet, but seeing as how things progressed, Linda and Ralph are agreeing on making an exception so Merlin reveals himself to the girl. He tells her that he's also magic and thus he can help her understand and use it better, but she has to keep it a complete secret – if not only for his, but for her own sake. (The warlock's heart warms up quite a bit as he listens to Ralph telling his daughter about the importance of keeping her and Merlin's secret. Before, Merlin was afraid that his newfound friendship with Ralph will shatter again after the revelation that Merlin has involuntary made Agatha magic, but fortunately, this thought never seems to form in Ralph's head. If anything, he's just even more grateful to magic for saving her life and – apparently – keeping her alive all this time.)

Merlin slowly starts teaching spells to the girl, but quickly discovers two things: a) Aggie is utterly hopeless with pronouncing Old English (a fact which will never change in her entire life) and b) but it's not really a problem because her magic seems to be as instinctive as Merlin's (which is not surprising, considering that it actually is Merlin's magic that she has partially borrowed for good). She hasn't got as much power as Merlin – only capable of moving, mutating and altering things – but she's talented. And what's even more important, she seems to understand the weight of her ability even in such a young age.

That aside, she does things that makes her parents go grey before they even hit thirty-five, but all in all, she's a good kid. A lovely, extremely sweet kid – who somehow adopts a shockingly cheeky nature by the time she reaches ten.

After the awakening of her magic, Merlin temporary stops with his journeys in favour of moving in with Ralph's (to the parent's excess request) so he can become sort of a live-in mentor for the girl. Mike and Aggie are flying high from this arrangement, just like Bonnie and Eugene. For four years, Merlin stays in Cambridge and for once it's not him but Ray and Sophie who are taking over the role of the Beloved and Faraway Living relatives whose visits the kids and adults are always waiting eagerly. Especially after Sophie gives birth to a baby boy named Wilbur in 1984.

Merlin only ever goes away for a week now once a year, and only for the sake of walking his lap of honour around the Lake of Avalon. He got used to watching over it while he worked around there, and now he finds himself missing it almost constantly, like he's got an itch after the nostalgic dream he had there and now he feels out of place and odd if he doesn't go back at least once in a while.

… It's probably this newly-resurfaced obsession that makes him wander into a tattoo parlour one day.

He doesn't even plan for it, he just… sees the sign and the next moment he finds himself inside, scrawling a hasty drawing to a white sheet about the picture he'd want to get onto his body. At first the thought of getting Arthur's name tattooed on himself fleets through his mind, but it's so utterly embarrassing even in the private place of his mind that it leaves Merlin blushing to a furious shade of red. He should find something less obvious, he thinks, and his mind wander to the Pendragon crest… But no. Getting Arthur's (and Uther's, yuck!) emblem tattooed to his skin would be an equally strange and more than a pathetically desperate act on his part.

Still, he wants to get something of a reminder, something old and precious – like what he'd got from Aithusa –, and so he does his best to re-create the phoenix emblem as he recalls the so very distant memories about the day Gwen first showed that to him in Camelot.

When he finishes the drawing, he gives it to the tattoo artist with heated cheeks and releases a sigh he hasn't realized he'd held back when the man nods.

The emblem with the single fame and the phoenix nestling is now resting on the left side of his chest in burning red and sparkling orange colours. It's not big (not longer than the length of his thumb), yet it feels a large step toward something that Merlin can't quite grasp but feels with every cell of his body. To Merlin, the emblem is not just about Arthur; it's about magic, ideals, hope, acceptance, promises, memories and affection. It's everything he's lost and everything he hopes to find again.

He thinks about home, his new home, with the people inside who loves him… and realizes that partially, he already has.

Merlin sits on the wooden bench of the gazebo, resting his eyes on the vast expanse of the deep blue lake. The surface seems to be sparkling almost blindingly in the summer shining, but Merlin doesn't care about that. (It's not like he could lose his eyesight, anyway.) Here, surrounded by the snow-capped mountains and the bright green forest, he stands with an old friend. Here, he feels content and calm.

The Isle is foggy and mysterious as always, even in such a beautiful summer day, but Merlin has long gotten used to that. It's funny, how the world has changed in the past nearly fifteen centuries and in the process, how he himself has changed. He remembers coming here to Avalon in the first few decades after Camlann; always broken down, always with a tight lump in his throat, always on the verge of tears. Being around this place was equally painful and addictive, like a drug about which Merlin knows that it's bad for him yet he comes for more.

But as the years – centuries – went by, Merlin has learnt to accept it. It's his destiny, as Kilgharrah would say. He doesn't feel like Avalon is ripping his heart out of his chest anymore; it's more like descending to a hidden, secret part of him which is his sole sanctuary – a shrine, a hiding place, a guarding place of memories. Nowadays, Merlin doesn't feel the need to spill his heart out to the souls who rest in the Isle, hidden away from his eyes. He used to find comfort in talking to them, and although he still does it every now and then, these days he is content just by standing on one of the bridges and resting his eyes on the lake while bees and birds sing their ageless songs above his head and dance cheerfully with the warm sunrays.

Today, Merlin chats casually with an elderly lady (gods, he's got an inkling that the granny actually fancies him, and Jesus Christ, had he known before that it will attract the unwanted attention of wrinkled old ladies, he sure as hell wouldn't have taken his old form again) before awkwardly excusing himself with low mumbles and walking to the large bridge in front of the gazebo, leaning onto the metal guardrail with his elbows. Soft summer rain has started dribbling from the sky, making various designs of water rings on the otherwise still surface of the lake. The gentle breeze that flags Merlin's long milky-white beard carries the sweet scent of flowers and rain and nature, and it is such a nice feeling that he leans his head back and closes his eyes, sinking into pleasant obliviousness as the cool drops come to rest on his face before rolling down to disappear in his beard.

His silent reverie is abruptly shattered by a loud splash.

Jerked out of his peaceful meditation, Merlin swiftly turns around only to see a small child trying to climb up the guardrail on the other end of the bridge. There is a small bag dropped to the ground beside him, opened and tipped over, some content of which must have slid behind the rail and fell into the water, causing the splash earlier. Merlin's abrupt outrage at having some little snotnose brat dropping things into his lake is stilled only by the fear of having the same snotlose brat inside his lake very soon, if the kid's continued rail-climbing is anything to go by.

As much as he's fond of kids, no one gets away with throwing things to the sacred place of Avalon, so Merlin storms over to the little pest and makes a grab for his neck.

"What on earth do you think you're doing, fool? Find another lake to jump into, that's no swimming pool for you!" He snarls at the boy, and okay, maybe he exaggerates a bit, but he's clearly over-fired from having been flirted by a wrinkled old lady. (Not even a wrinkled old man! Not that it'd be any better…)

The boy shrieks a bit when Merlin grabs him by the collars before dropping him unceremoniously on the bridge floor, but recovers quickly and blinks up at the warlock with huge sky-blue eyes. "I wasn't going to jump in," he states in a bit of humble-mouthed way.

"Then what were you doing, exactly? Rail-climbing is dangerous! And you dropped things into the lake!"

… Yeah, so that's the sorest spot for him, so what?

The boy – who is clearly not more than five – furrows his brows and even pouts before turning his head to face the sight, glancing over the lake and finally turning back to look Merlin in the eye. "I didn't do that in purpose, and it was just a bouncy ball. But I apologize."

Merlin's brows lift as far as the top of his forehead. Just what kind of pre-school kid uses the word "apologize" instead of a simple "sorry"? He must be the child of posh academy teachers or diplomats.

"Are you Merlin, mister?"

Merlin chokes in his saliva. He tries and fails to disguise it as a cough while he looks down at the boy who is already climbing the rail again, but this time only so that he can see past the banisters to gaze at the view with joy dancing around his face.

"What makes you ask that?" Merlin asks warily.

"Mum reads me a lot of stories. Judging by your look, you are either Merlin or Gandalf."

Oh, so the kid gets historical legends and epic fantasy novels as bedtime stories? No wonder he's so proper then – Merlin would be willing to bet a box of Skittles that even his great-step-nephew-of-sort Mike has not heard about Gandalf yet. And he's already eleven.

"Gandalf got slain at one point. I don't really fancy that," Merlin puffs with a light, raspy chuckle. "Nah, I'll go by Merlin and let me tell you know now, boy, that if you don't get off that rail in this exact second, I turn you into a frog and push you into the lake."

"I thought that you don't want anything in the lake," the brat says, stepping lower on the guardrail but not quite hopping down onto the ground. "And besides, I really didn't do anything wrong. I just said goodbye to the lady."

The next biting remark is already on the tip of Merlin's tongue, but as soon as the last sentence sinks in his head, the man halts as though he was doused with chillingly cold water.

"What… What lady?" he asks, leaning close to the boy but not quite seeing him.

"The lady who lives in the lake," the kid answers readily, pointing to the distance with one pink finger. "And on the island, I guess."

"You can… you can see the island?" Merlin gapes, nearly fainting from shock. No one has ever seen the Isle before! No one!

The kid turns away from the scenery to look up at the warlock from beneath his fair fluttering lashes. "Of course. Why wouldn't I see it?"

"And the lady…?"

"I don't really know her," the boy says, playing with the shining droplets of rain that beads the top of the rail, "but she has been speaking to me at nights whenever we came to this town to visit my grandpa. But last night she said that this will be the last time, because now it's time for her to give me back. I don't really understand it, but I figured I should say goodbye properly."

Merlin feels weak and faintish in his whole body, and his heart hammers so much that he really thinks it will break his ribs for real this time. Like he wasn't looking at the kid before at all, suddenly he takes in the soft, serene curves of the boy's face, the clear and crisp blue of his eyes, the silky blond mop of hair that positively gleams in the summer shining… Aithusa's parting words start ringing loudly in his ears, and when a gentle, familiar tingling rush through his body, Merlin's jaw hits the floor.

"You're… oh my god," he breathes, and he has to grab the rail because he's not sure his knees won't give in the next second. "I mean, you clearly don't remember but– no, shit, I shouldn't say anything, but I'm so… well, er. I– Nothing. Nothing at all."

The kid furrows and looks questioningly at Merlin, but then he snaps his head up when a loud shot echoes in the air, "Christopher! What are you doing?!"

Merlin looks in the direction of the voice and soon spots a nice lady running towards them. She's panting by the time she gets there, long milk-blonde hair flying everywhere and getting stuck to her flushed cheeks. She isn't Ygraine, Merlin observes instantly, but quite similar to the ancient queen in appearance.

As soon as she reaches them, she throws her hands around the little boy's shoulders. "Chris, what have I told you about wandering off from me? I was worried sick!"

"I'm sorry, Mum," he says, dropping his eyes to the ground. Merlin has to give him credit for actually sounding sincere.

"And you haven't put on your hat again. I know it is summer, but unless you want to spend the rest of your holiday in bed down with flu, you shouldn't make light of the raining. Understood?" The boy nods, and that's when the woman finally looks up and flashes a tentative (worried, more likely) smile at Merlin. "I'm sorry, sir; has my son been bothering you?"

"No, not at all," the warlock finds himself saying, and the he way the kid's brows knit at that answer doesn't really escape his notice. "The lad was climbing up the guardrail so I told him to get off before he falls down, that's all."

"Was he?" The woman throws a chiding glance at his son. "Thank you very much for your help, then. He's a sweet child, but he can be so mischievous sometimes that I hardly can leave him alone! Especially when we came here to visit my father, he tends to roams away even more."

Merlin smiles at her. "He will grow out of it, I'm sure."

"Well, we have to go now; my husband is waiting for us in the car. Thank you again." She shakes Merlin's head before heading off in the direction of the nearest car park. "Come on, Chris, say goodbye to the mister!"

"Be a good kid, Christopher," Merlin says softly. "And listen to your mother."

The boy nods and brushes the hem of his sleeves across his rain-streaked cheeks in an attempt to get rid of the wetness, but he only manages to smudge it all over. He's got a healthy, childish flush on his face but his expression is much more mature than one would expect from a boy his age.

"I prefer my middle name," he says then, blinking up at Merlin again with a flutter of wet eyelashes. "But Mum doesn't want to hear about it."

"Oh. And what that would be?" Merlin asks, humming as he scratches his long, wet beard.

The boy beams him a smile then – a cheerful, all-teeth-smile that is so alike to the one that still hunts Merlin's dreams some nights that it is practically a punch to his guts – and picks up his bag from the ground.

"Arthur," he says, and before Merlin could recover from the heart-attack he swears he starts suffering in that moment, the kid throws the bag on his shoulders and runs after his mother…

… leaving a petrified, gaping warlock in his wake.

After standing motionlessly for what feels to be hours (but at least a good dozen of minutes, because the light raining has stopped by now), Merlin slowly turns his head away from the spot where the kid disappeared with his mother from his sight. He never even noticed when he lifted his hand to grasp Aithusa's scale, but now he hisses at how hot it pulses against his palm – he wouldn't be surprised if it burnt a hole into his shirt. When he is finally confident that his heart won't leap out of his mouth the moment he opens it, Merlin turns to face the peacefully wavering lake.

"So," he starts, trying not to flinch at how breathless he sounds, "talking to him but not to me, are we now, Freya?"

Strange shimmering flickers across the lake – one that could be easily blamed on the sunshine playing tricks on the surface of the water, but Merlin would swear that it's nothing else but the lake winking cheerfully at him.

Merlin buys a ticket to Cambridge in an hour (right after he can finally get himself out of the dazed state the newly reincarnated Arthur has put him in) and travels back home with the next train. He keeps grinning and laughing out at the oddest of times all the way back to the city, and when he finally jumps off the train, he starts running home from the railway station like his life depends on it. He's panting hard, heart beating an uneven rhythm against his ribs, sweat rolling down from his temples from exhaustion and hot summer weather, but he doesn't care about any of that because it finally, finally happened – Arthur has come back. Arthur has come back!

Arthur has come back!

Merlin jumps and whoops and quite nearly sings from joy, for his heart feels so full with excitement, happiness and gratitude that he wouldn't be surprised if it exploded from all the extreme, thundering emotions. People on the streets cast funny looks at him from time to time – questioning, suspicious, sometimes outright disapproving – but he couldn't care less because ARTHUR. HAS. RETURNED!

All the lonely years and hopeful dreams and agitated break-downs and hopeful day-dreamings… nothing matters now, because it's over. It has happened. He keeps pinching himself to confirm again and again that he's not dreaming and… Christ and Mary and Joseph and Buddha and all the spirits and deities, Arthur's back!

Merlin recognises now the strange dream he had five years ago about Arthur for what it was: his magic trying to tell him about the reincarnation of his other half. He was stupid for not realizing it sooner, but it doesn't matter because he knows it now, has seen it with his very eyes, has even talked to him – while he's a child, okay, but he won't be that for long. He'll grow up, and hopefully be less of the prat he was when Merlin first met him and more like the amazing King he'd grown up to be… and Merlin will be there. He will stand right by his side. Again.

Always.

When he finally reaches Ralph and Linda's home, he all but tears open the front door and storms into the house. Gone is the long beard and grey hair, gone is the wrinkled old face – the glamour has melted off of him even without Merlin noticing it, like his sheer joy was making him young again. He races inside while crying out a happy "I'm baaack!", scaring the living soul out of poor Bonnie who's setting the table in the dining room.

"Sweet Heavens, Merlin!" the woman shrieks as soon as he recognises the warlock. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Merlin doesn't – can't, really – say a word; he just rushes to her and hugs her for all he's worth. Bonnie looks questioningly at him, but returns the embrace. "Weren't you supposed to be home the day after tomorrow?"

Merlin can't answer, because two voices starts yelling happily and in a second he feels the excited children make their way to him and jump up to his lap. "Uncle, you're back earlier!"

"Uncle Merlin, how come you're here?"

"Have you bought us something?"

"Get off him, Mike, I can't hug him!"

"Shut up, Agg, he's my uncle just as much as he's yours!"

"But he likes me bette–"

"Hush now, little ones!" Bonnie says, laughing, as she separates the lovely little leeches from Merlin. "Let him catch his breath!"

But Merlin can't, he really can't because the high from meeting the new Arthur is still so fresh that the grin is plastered to his face from ear to ear, and he's so full with emotions that the world seems sparkling around him, singing, dancing, glittering, pulsing and beaming. When Linda and Ralph come out of the kitchen to shower him with some surprised exclamations ("Oh, so that was this loud shouting about! Welcome home, Merlin!"), the warlock really thinks that he will faint in any second.

The wait is over. Never again does he have to spend nights with musing about how many years or decades or centuries must he live through before it finally happens. Because it has happened – and he doesn't quite believe how amazing it feels. And how even more amazing it is that he has people around with whom he can share his happiness.

"What's this big grin for?" Bonnie asks finally, flashing a loving and curious smile at the warlock, and Merlin can't hold back the overjoyed laugh that wants to bubble out of his throat anymore – so he doesn't.

"He's back!"

Thank you for reading the first installment of feathers! If you liked it, please leave a feedback either here or on AO3 or my LJ.

Some quick end notes:

1) Let's just pretend that Merlin magically got ahold of a pre-release VHS of Disney's Lady and the Tramp in 1983 (even though technically it wasn't available for home media until 1987), okay?

2) Also, let's pretend that the truck-scene of the Merlin finale took place in the eighties. :P

3) I don't know how many of you have noticed, but the Turner family is my tribute to the awesomeness of various animated feature films! I hereby list the films and characters from which I stole the names for the family members who made an appearance in this installment:

Walt Disney Animation Studios: Alice Jones - Alice (Alice in Wonderland); Roger Bennett - Roger Radcliffe (101 Dalmatians); Ralph Turner - Wreck-It Ralph (Wreck-It Ralph); Raymond Turner - Ray (The Princess and the Frog)

Pixar Animation Studio: Helen Brown - Helen Parr (The Incredibles); Carl & Russell Bennett - Carl Fredricksen and Russell (Up); Bonnie Bennett - Bonnie (Toy Story 3); Michael Turner - Michael "Mike" Wazovsky (Monsters Inc.)

DreamWorks Animation SKG: Jack Turner - Jack Frost (The Rise of the Guardians)

Blue Sky Studios: Linda Green - Linda Gunderson (Rio)

Studio Ghibli: Sophie Thompshon - Sophie Hatter (Howl's Moving Castle)

Laika: Agatha Turner - Agatha Prenderghast (ParaNorman)

More to come in main part #2! ;-)