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The Secret Diary of Garet Day 1Had nasty run-in with Halloween rejects. Should not have commented, as ended up unconscious on ground shortly after. Not my fault.
3 years later
Day 1Fell through Isaac's roof. Needs stronger hay. Not my fault.
Day 2Halloween rejects stole shiny objects from Sanctum. Kraden upset. Isaac upset. Jenna kidnapped. Not my fault.
Day 3Off on mission to save world. Should have listened to conversation in hindsight. Thought it was mission to buy potato chips from Imil. Oh well. Not to worry.
Day 10Beginning to think epic quest not all its cracked up to be.
Day 12Came into Vault. Met some strange kid who can apparently read minds. If he read MY mind …
Stupid kid. Wants us to find his special stick. Pfft.
Day 13Beat up some thieves. Recovered precious Ivan's precious stick. Was going to loot thieves pockets before Isaac butted in. "Noooo Garet, this stuff belongs to the towwwns people." Tripped him over with axe for revenge.
Day 15Stupid Isaac. "Oh look at me, I'm the LEADER!"
Day 20Weird forest with pixie dust. Or IS it pixie dust? Ivan seems to think it may be something else. Said he'd seen magical powders before.
Very dodgy kid.
Day 21Damned trees. Trying to kill us and all. Suggested big bonfire, but Isaac said we must "fix the evil". Beginning to think Isaac off his rocker.
Day 24Bloody Ivan. Whinging about his lost Master Ham-net. Set his cloak on fire when he wasn't looking. Very amusing.
Day 32Woke up to find Ivan staring at me. Suspect he knows about the flaming cloak thing.
Day 35Reached Imil. Very cold. As usual, Isaac gate-crashed every house. Serious manner problems that man. Found some blue-haired chick healing sick guy. If healing really does mean slipping a Panadol into old guy's mouth whilst he's distracted by "magic Psynergy lights".
Day 36Up on top of lighthouse. Windy as hell. Big fiasco with guys who lit the flame. Looked more like a disco ball to me. Had a tussle with large blue-faced guy. Kneed him in his "weak-spot".
Isaac taking all the credit. Stupid Isaac.
Day 38
Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to … somewhere. Least Mia has a map. Strange map with big yellow "M" signs all over it, but still map.
Day 47In a temple. Mia upset because it doesn't have a big yellow "M" sign.
Kicking people while they meditate is fun.
Day 50Stuuupid Isaac. "Let's go across the Lamakan Desrt, because it's a shoooort cut."
Am walking around with eyes shut, as Ivan using opportunity to remove all his clothes. Ew.
Day 53Bored.
Day 54Bored.
Day 55Bored.
Day 56Bored.
Day 57Killed a wolf!
Day 58Boooooooooooring…
Day 60Oh look, a TOWN. There's something you don't see every day! Kalay very boring though. Ivan's home. No big "M" signs here either.
Day 61Laughed myself stupid listening to Ivan trying to explain to Lady Layana how he'd "lost" Master Ham-hock and "lost" the Shaman's Rod, and then "found" set of 3 companions, and how he was on a "quest" to "save the world".
…More like Isaac's World Tour of Angara Mach 1.
Day 62Isaac all uppity about Colosso. Says he wants to enter. Agreed with him, as will likely end in his tears.
Day 64At sea. Nasty monsters. Mia seasick. Unfair, as I'm bunking with her. Yuck.
Day 66Ivan wanted to show me what kind of magic his Shaman's Rod can do…
Not quite what I expected, but still educational.
Day 67Isaac spotted me pushing Ivan overboard. Party pooper.
Day 70
Signed Isaac up to Colosso. What fun, must stand around the arena and "help" him out. Cheater.
Day 71Mistakenly forgot to move pillar for Isaac whilst distracted by Ivan and his antics with Shaman's Rod and unsuspecting guard. Isaac very annoyed with broken leg. Ha ha.
Day 72Had audience with some old guy in a bed. Some business with lemurs and a chemist. Isaac decided we'd go on this guys quest. Isaac the wonder boy, doesn't need his COMPANIONS input.
Spotted Mia cutting off Isaac's hair while he slept. Obviously I'm not the only person annoyed with fearless leader.
Day 76
On the roooooaaaad agaaaaaaaaain!
Day 78Took Mia's nail polish and hid it in Ivan's bag. Gonna be good fun tonight.
Day 79Mia found her nail polish. Ivan unconscious. Life is good.
Day 80Not ANOTHER desert. Stupid continent.
Day 83Ivan keeps sneaking up on Isaac in the dark and belting him with Shaman's Rod. Isaac most displeased. Subsequently throttles Ivan each time. Such a heroic leader.
Day 86Walked right past lighthouse before Isaac realized it. Stupid-head. Spent hours searching lighthouse for something. Can't remember what, seeing as did not find it.
Day 88
Lalivero nice town. Bit sandy though. Ivan keeps glancing at me when he thinks I'm not looking. Do not want repeat of Shaman Rod incident. Am keeping him at bay with giant raging firewalls.
Day 89Just how many lighthouses does this continent have?
Day 90And why is the inside of Venus Lighthouse blue?
Day 91Had mega-battle with fenrirs, ogres and fluffy bunnies. Was going great till Isaac slammed sword hilt on my head. Said it was an accident. Didn't stop me from blasting him to kingdom-come.
Stupid Isaac.
Day 93Beginning to see pattern between lighthouses and strange blue man and pink woman. Blue man took Shaman's Rod. Ivan in hysterics. Had big fight. Isaac knocked out. Yay! Sadly knocked out myself. Woke up, no more blue man and pink woman. Huge farkin' dragon though. Distressing.
Day 94Felix jumped off lighthouse. Should someone have told him that bungee jumping usually requires rope?
Day 107Fearless leader said we're going on quest to find Jenna. What are we, Quests R Us?
Found a stick in the woods, then carved "Shaman's Rod" into the big end. Ivan seemed convinced. Anything to stop him crying about his magical staff.
Day 108Big ship plus Isaac equals journey. Go figure. Perhaps find places with big yellow "M" signs?