Pairing: SwanQueen

Rating: M for description of abuse.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters and I make no profit.

AN: This is a story with dark elements in it and a description of rape. If that thing makes you uncomfortable, don't read the story, or at the very least jump over the part in italic.

I hope the reactions and emotions feel real and I'd like to hear what you think as I was uncertain about posting this at all.

Emma groans into her pillow as she feels herself returning to the world of consciousness.

For a brief moment, she's confused as to why she's awake, before she feels the bed twisting. With a pout she turns her head to look at her lover, ready to try and make her feel bad for waking her and squinting with one eye over at the other woman. Her lips quickly turn into a frown and her eyes open fully when she catches sight of the distressed features of Regina's face. She startles as the brunette twitches again and mumbles something incomprehensible.

"Regina?" the blonde whispers cautiously, trying to decide if she should wake the other woman or not and how it will be perceived. She feels her heart skip a beat as the woman twitches again and a half coherent 'no' can be heard.

It's clear that whatever her lover is dreaming about is not something pleasant and so Emma's arm makes her decision for her, reaching over to touch the brunette's arm of its own accord.

For a moment there's a prickling sensation rushing from where her fingers are touching the other woman's arm and up along her own, before everything becomes black.

She's back in the darkly decorated room, looking around at the stone walls that make her feel imprisoned.

Her attention is drawn to the thick wooden door and the heavy footsteps that grow steadily louder. She shudders involuntarily as it slams open to reveal the king; her husband.

She's been waiting in his room for what feels like half an eternity, two guards having knocked on her door earlier and informed her that the king requested her presence in his room and escorting her there. And so she's been waiting for him for a long time, staring at the décor and dreading what's to come; what she's powerless to prevent.

He's not sober, she notices with trepidation. He's always gentler if he is. He's had important guests today, which means he's brought out the finer liquor. It's a treat for everyone who tastes it, but unfortunately it makes him particularly ruthless and focused only on himself and his needs.

She rises stiffly from the bed she's been perched on as soon as he takes a step inside, curtseying him as he throws the door shut behind him absentmindedly, stumbling slightly as he is forced to take an extra step to the right to steady himself.

She barely manages to suppress the shiver of disgust as he cups her face roughly and she feels his alcohol fueled breath.

"My king?" she questions innocently, forcing herself to not squirm away from his touch and hoping against hope that he will not want what she absolutely doesn't wish him to want.

Her hopes are quickly shattered as he pushes against her hard enough to make her stumble backwards and fall upon the bed. It's only instincts that make her catch herself as she scrambles fearfully further onto the big bed. It's the wrong thing to do.

"Get back here," the king snarls as he reaches for her leg, his hand locking around her ankle before he tugs her forcefully down towards him. Unconsciously, she fights against it for a moment before she goes still. She knows he will only hurt her more the more she defies him and his wishes.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes fearfully, but he ignores her. She bites her lip to keep her exclamation from escaping as he reaches for the edge of her long, beautiful dress and tears it.

For a moment, all she can focus on is the sound of expensive fabric being ripped apart before she releases an involuntary shudder as the slightly chilled air of the room envelopes her now exposed legs.

"I'm sorry," she tells him desperately as he deftly undoes his pants and she glances away, unwilling to watch the sight of his no doubt rapidly hardening member.

"I'm sorry," she pleads as he reaches forward and tears her underwear before he takes hold of her legs behind her knees and forces them apart.

"Prove it," he growls before he pushes forwards at the same time as he pulls hard at her bent legs.

She collides against him and bites her lip hard enough to bleed to keep her scream from escaping as her whole word becomes seemingly endless, horrible pain as he fills her.

She's unable to contain the whimper that leaves her throat through the metallic taste of her own blood as he pounds mercilessly against her.

Regina is only half aware of blonde hair quickly disappearing into the bathroom as she tries to calm her breathing and push away the memories from her dream. She frowns when she hears the unmistakable sound of someone throwing up and quickly untangles herself from the sheets before approaching the half open door cautiously.

"Emma?" she questions softly, uncertainly as she pokes her head through the opening and finds a mane of blonde hair bent over the toilet. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

Green eyes brimming with tears lock with her own for a brief moment before the sheriff's face disappears again as she starts retching. Regina's mothering instincts kick in automatically as she moves behind the woman and gathers up her hair gently, just in case, keeping it out of her face and scrunching her nose in disgust.

With a groan, Emma's hand reaches blindly above her until she feels the flush button and pushes it. The brunette takes it as her cue that they're in the clear and releases the blonde's curls before filling a glass of water and offering it to her lover.

Emma gives the mayor a shaky smile as she takes the proffered glass and sips it, rinsing her mouth and spitting it back out a few times before holding out the glass with a trembling arm. Regina takes the glass gingerly and empties the glass before turning back to the other woman worriedly.

With enormous effort the sheriff puts both her hands on the toilet seat and pushes herself upwards, swaying slightly as her stomach churns dangerously before she finds her footing.

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" Regina asks concerned as her hands move to touch her lover. She lets out an undignified squeak as she finds herself wrapped up in Emma, the woman clinging to her as if she's convinced she'll disappear if she lets go.

"I'm sorry," the blonde says against her throat and in the mirror, the mayor can see the confusion and fear reflected back at her from her own face.

"Emma, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the sheriff repeats and Regina's heartbeat takes on an erratic rhythm as she feels the unmistakable wetness of tears against her shoulder.

"Emma, you're freaking me out, tell me what's going on!" the mayor demands shakily, trying unsuccessfully to pry herself away from the sobbing woman who just holds on tighter and keeps muttering nonsense apologies like a mantra.

It takes a while – and a lot of struggling – before Regina manages to force Emma to let her go and takes a step back so she can assess the woman's red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"What the hell is going on Miss Swan?" she asks in her best authoritative voice.

"I didn't mean to-but then I-and then you-" the blonde rambles between sniffles as she tries to get herself back under control.

"You're not making any sense," the mayor nearly shouts as she grips the other woman's arms and shakes her slightly as if it will get her to explain so Regina can try to understand what's going on.

Unfortunately it works quite opposite of the intended effect as Emma throws herself at the other woman again. Regina releases a groan of clear frustration before she pats the sheriff's back awkwardly, resigned to the fate that she won't be getting anything sensible out of the woman for a while.

It takes far longer than the brunette really has the patience for before Emma calms down enough to explain what has her reacting this way and she's refusing to let her lover go even as she wipes self-consciously at her eyes.

"You were having a nightmare," the blonde explains and Regina stiffens immediately.

"I don't see what that has to do with this," the mayor states tersely, even as her suspicion and fear grows as she can pretty much guess what must have happened for the other woman to have such a strong reaction. She can feel her heart beat faster and her palms sweating as her panic grow for every word Emma tells her.

"I was going to wake you and I don't know how, but when I touched you, I could see what you were dreaming. I didn't mean to and I have no idea why it happened, but I'm sorry and-"

Regina motions with her hand for the other woman to stop talking and the sheriff promptly shuts her mouth.

"It's okay, it doesn't matter. It was just a dream," the brunette says as nonchalantly as she can manage in her panic, but the words sound hollow and unconvincing to her own ears.

She's not surprised her lover sees right through her bullshit.

"It wasn't just a dream though," Emma states softly, tentatively, and the mayor sighs before nodding curtly to let the other woman know she's assuming correctly.

"I'm so sorry," the blonde says again before she wraps Regina in another tight hug, ignoring the noise of discomfort her lover releases.

"This really isn't necessary," the brunette tells the other woman as she tries to slither out of her grasp, but Emma refuses to let her get away.

"Can we at least get back to bed if you're gonna keep clinging to me?" Regina asks, trying to make light of the situation and her discomfort by appearing indifferent and sarcastic.

In truth, she's freaking out over the violent reaction the blonde had to the memory. It makes her feel ashamed of what happened and scared that now the woman won't want to be close to her anymore. She's fully aware that she's damaged goods, but she had been hoping to make sure the other woman didn't find out until a lot later; preferably never.

She should have known better,she thinks with a sigh as she crawls back in bed, Emma following her closely and wrapping herself back around the mayor as she starts making soothing motions against her arm. It would be kind of cute if Regina wasn't so terrified of what her lover must be thinking about her now.

Not much in her life has gone according to plan. Why should this be any different just because she's happy?

"I'm sorry," the brunette whispers to the room, keeping her gaze deliberately at the ceiling and not at Emma's questioning look. "I should have told you before things got serious. I shouldn't have been selfish and I apologize."

"What are you talking about?" the blonde asks confused, releasing her hold on the other woman slightly so she can try to get a better look at her, not liking the direction this conversation is taking and the fact her lover refuses to look at her.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to stay. I won't make a fuss, but we have to find something suitable to tell Henry," Regina continues in defeat, staring hard at a spot on her roof and not at all surprised when the sheriff pushes away from her.

She can't make herself look over to the other woman and find agreement, disgust and pity. It would hurt too much. Better to just get it over with as quick as possible so she can be left alone to lick her wounds and try to pick up the pieces.

The mayor is expecting Emma to leave, so she jumps slightly at the unexpected words spilling from the other woman's mouth, her voice laced with incredulity.

"You think I'll leave you just because someone abused you in your past?"

Regina looks seriously at the sheriff, willing her to listen to her and make this as painless as possible. "I'm damaged goods. No one wants to be with that."

The blonde can't stop herself. She laughs. She laughs loudly, incredulous at the way her lover thinks her confession is significant and a well-kept secret. She quickly tries to get a hold of herself at the mortified look on the mayor's face.

"Regina, I already knew that when we got together," Emma tells the other woman when she manages to reign in her laughter. "We both have our own problems and carry our own baggage, but all this tells me is that you're even stronger and braver than I thought you were."

Regina looks like she can't grasp the meaning of the words she's just heard.

"I think you've lost your mind," the brunette states with a frown, but her lover only shrugs before she curls up against her lover and lets her hand make soothing patterns against her arm again. The sheriff knows the other woman will need more reassurance.

"I didn't react that way because I was disgusted by you," Emma starts to explain softly. "I was disgusted by what was done to you."

Part of her is itching to get confirmation of who he was, but since she's pretty much figured it out herself, she doesn't have the heart to ask. "Is that why you killed him?" she questions instead.

"Just one of many reasons," the brunette responds darkly before shaking her head slightly, as if ridding herself of her less than kind thoughts.

They fall into silence for long moments before the blonde speaks again.

"I'm glad you killed him. I hope he suffered."

Regina lets out a snort of agreement, before she realizes what she just did and freezes in the other woman's hold. "Don't let Snow hear you say that," she tells the sheriff with disdain, the words feeling sour in her mouth as she tries to pull away, but Emma just tightens her hold.

"I don't care. Where I'm from you make sure people never hurt you like that by whatever means necessary. I don't care who he was, he deserved it."

Guilt hits the brunette at her lover's words, knowing she's the reason the woman had to go through all that she has experienced.

"Maybe if you told Snow she would understand?" the blonde mumbles and Regina can't help herself. This time it's she who laughs. It's high pitched and, she has to admit, sounds a wee bit maniacal.

Honestly, she's quite impressed that the other woman doesn't shy away from her at the sudden outburst that in any other situation would cause most people to shrink away from her in fear.

"Snow would never be able to grasp what happened to me. And even if I did tell her, she would just do what she does best…ignore it and pretend it's not true. I never should have played along just to spare her of the knowledge that the world isn't black and white. I shouldn't have let her grow up to be so ignorant and naïve. I shouldn't have let her become a brat that only chooses what she wants to see. "

It feels weird to rant out loud about her less than impressive views about Snow White to Snow White's daughter, especially when adding the fact they're half naked and the woman is holding her tightly so she can't push her away.

In a way, she half wishes that her vehemence and animosity will propel Emma away from her, but the blonde holds strong, nodding her head in acceptance as they fall into silence yet again, the only sound that of their slightly labored breathing.

Eventually Regina calms down as she realizes her lover isn't going to leave anytime soon, her neck protesting the not quite comfortable position it's in and her eyelids starting to drop. With a soft sigh, she wriggles against the sheriff so she can get more comfortable as she resigns herself to being held possessively by strong arms for the rest of the night.

It doesn't really feel half bad, but she's too scared of how this will change things between them to fully enjoy it.

"Are you staying for dinner?" Snow asks softly, watching her daughter carefully as she moves about her room and throws clothes into a bag haphazardly.

"No, Henry and I are staying at Regina's for a few days," she states without pausing to look at the woman's reaction. There's no way she's leaving her lover alone right now. Regina's going to need all the support she can get if she's going to try to deal with what happened to her.

"Are you sure that's a good idea," the dark haired woman questions tentatively, barely keeping herself from pulling back in alarm as Emma rounds on her with a wild look in her eyes.

"Yes, I think it's a perfect idea. She's Henry's mom too and she's done nothing to suggest she isn't more than fit to care for him," the blonde states defensively.

"I've never said that Regina is a bad mother Emma. But you can't just overlook the fact that now that her curse is broken she's the Evil Queen again," Snow tell her daughter, trying to make her see reason.

"Stop calling her that," the sheriff spits angrily before turning to the small closet and fishing out Henry's favorite sweater and throwing it aggressively down in the half-full bag between them.

"It's who she is Emma-"

"You have no idea who she is," the blonde interrupts before her mother can start another round of listing all Regina's past misdeeds to her. She's heard it all before.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Snow asks defensively. "I've known her almost all my life."

"No you haven't. You've only known the parts of her that she's let you see."

The dark haired woman crosses her arms petulantly as she frowns at her daughter as she raises her brows in an 'explain yourself' kind of way.

"If you really knew her, you would know what she's been through to make her so desperate she'd curse an entire realm just to try to find some happiness," Emma exclaims hotly and Snow looks at the sheriff suspiciously.

"What are you talking about?"

"Did you ever once question how she became the Evil Queen or why?" the blonde asks, her fingers making air quotations on the name her mother likes to use for her lover.

"Of course I did," Snow exclaims angrily. "You think I didn't try to figure out what we could have done differently to prevent all the pain and suffering she caused?"

"And what about the pain and suffering she endured first," the sheriff shoots back immediately, feeling her anger bubbling quickly to the surface again at the less than impressed look the dark haired woman gives her.

"If you're talking about Daniel's death or Cora, that's hardly an excuse to-"

"No," Emma interrupts before her mother can say something she'll regret. "I'm not just talking about them. I'm talking about your father."

The silence that follows her exclamation is sudden and the blonde regrets her outburst immediately. Not because of the shocked and horrified expression on her mother's face, but because it feels a lot like she just violated Regina's need for privacy.

"What are you talking about?" the dark haired woman asks, her voice suddenly sounding small and uncertain.

"Oh come on! Even you can imagine what happens when a beautiful young girl marries a man 30 years older than herself," Emma blurts out, briefly wondering if she should just smack herself so she might stop talking about things she shouldn't.

"I…I'm sure my father was kind to her and-"

"Well I've got news for you mom," the blonde spits out, her anger overpowering her rationality of keeping her mouth shut. "He was not kind to her and he deserved what happened to him."

"How can you say that?" Snow asks with a gasp, tears quickly brimming in her eyes.

"He abused her. He forced himself on her. I would have killed him to," the sheriff says darkly.

"My father would never- She's telling you lies."

Emma laughs, the sound hollow and mirthless and uncomfortably loud in the silent room. Her mother's confidence in her father's innocence and Regina's guilt is frustrating and naïve.

"Regina has told me nothing. She wants me to pretend I don't know. She tried to convince me it wasn't real."

Snow looks surprised at her daughter's words and she frowns as she tries to digest the information.

"I…I can't deal with this right now."

"Of course you can't," the blonde replies with a sigh, obviously disappointed, but not surprised by the dark haired woman's reaction. "Like I said, we'll be at Regina's for a while."

Emma quickly zips up the bag and tosses it over her shoulder as she brushes past her stunned mother. She stops short at the door when she sees Henry standing just outside, his eyes locking with hers sadly.

"How much did you hear kid?"

His guilty look and silence tells her all she needs to know and she sighs, knowing her lover is gonna flip when she figures out that their son knows.

"Come on, we'll talk about it in the car," she tells him as she grabs his shoulder and turns him, marching them down the stairs and out of Snow's apartment.

By the time they reach the mansion Emma is pretty sure she's managed to convince her son not to mention anything to his other mother about having overheard things someone his age shouldn't hear.

"What's this?" Regina asks her son as he drops his fairy-tale book heavily on the counter where she's preparing dinner.

"I want you to destroy it," he states as seriously as an eleven year old can while he looks at the book with something not unlike disgust.

"Why? You love that book," the mayor asks even as she berates herself silently for saying it when she's wished for him to get rid of it for such a long time.

"It's full of half-truths. It doesn't tell the whole story. I don't like it," he exclaims before he throws himself at his mother and hugs her waist tightly.

Regina feels herself tear up at the gesture, soaking in his affection desperately like she's been doing ever since the curse broke. She smiles softly down at him before a thought strikes her and it turns into a frown.

"What happened?"

Henry looks up at her guiltily, but doesn't let her go as he starts to explain.

"Emma and Snow argued. They didn't know I was there and I wasn't supposed to hear, but I did and I'm sorry for what happened to you. I should have known you didn't just become the Evil Queen without reason."

The mayor wipes discreetly at her eyes as she looks down at her son with adoration. "That's very kind of you sweetie, but just because bad things happened to me it doesn't excuse what I did."

It hurts her to say these words to him since all she's ever wanted from her son is for him to love her and support her. But she can't let him justify her past deeds falsely just so he will want her more. It won't make his affection real and she has to do right by him.

"I know that, but it makes it more understandable," he tells her as he buries his face in her stomach as he tightens his hold around her.

"Thank you Henry, that means a lot to me," she says softly before she wraps her own arms tightly around him and buries her face against the top of his head, taking in his unique scent and letting it soothe her.

"You'll get rid of it right?" he questions when she reluctantly lets him go and she nods her confirmation before she watches him run out of the kitchen, his footsteps disappearing quickly up the stairs.

Slowly, Regina lifts the book up and studies its cover. It's strange to think that she's holding the thing that ruined her curse; that she's been given permission to get rid of it finally. All her pain and suffering for the last year because of a stupid book. This book.

Still, she's also come to think of it as the representation of how good can come from everything. It makes her feel oddly sad and sentimental when she imagines getting rid of it when this is one of the things that has led her to be happier than she's been for a very long time.

No, she can't bear to destroy it. Instead, she quickly walks into her home office and locks it away safely in a drawer before going back to finish preparing dinner.

Emma finds herself hovering uncertainly by the bedside as she watches her lover get under the covers. The brunette looks confused for a moment before understanding floods her features and she looks down at her hands in shame before taking a deep breath.

"You can sleep in the guest room. I put on fresh sheets earlier," Regina says, trying to keep the sadness from her voice and eyes.

The sheriff's eyes widen as she realizes the mayor takes her hesitancy as a sign that she finds it uncomfortable to be with her now that she knows some of what happened to her in the past.

"I don't want to, but I thought maybe you were mad at me," the blonde replies quickly, watching as surprise and confusion flits across the other woman's face.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Henry told me about the book and what he asked. I didn't mean for him to hear anything. The last thing I wanted was to betray your wish for privacy, but I've just been a little rattled and out of it today and Snow was pushing," Emma tries to explain in one breath as she shifts nervously from one foot to the other while waiting for the other woman's reaction.

Regina briefly contemplates berating the other woman for not being more careful and letting their son hear things his innocent mind shouldn't have to deal with. But she knows, deep down, that the sheriff has been beating herself up enough for the both of them.

"I have been too," the brunette admits softly and she watches the blonde's shoulders relax as she lets out a relieved breath and takes the words as a sign that she's allowed into the bed. She quickly slides under the covers and turns on her side so she can look at the mayor.

"I just don't want things to change between us," Regina whispers brokenly, refusing to look at her lover at the admission. "But I know it will and I understand if…if you find it hard to…be with me."

The blonde's heart breaks a little at how the other woman is so sure she's undesirable now that the secret of her abuse is out.

"Oh babe," Emma sighs as she moves as close to the mayor as she can and wraps her arms around her in comfort. "I think you're strong and brave and beautiful and I don't find it hard at all. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

The brunette releases a relieved breath as she lets her head rest against the crook of her lover's neck. "I never feel uncomfortable with you," she murmurs, smiling at the resulting squeeze she gets for her words.

"And I hope you never will," the sheriff replies as she turns her head just enough to place a soft kiss against the other woman's forehead.

Regina moves slightly so she can look up at her lover and their eyes lock, both staring at each other and contemplating the other for long moments before the mayor slowly leans upwards and brushes her lips uncertainly against the blonde's. The sheriff tries her best to pour all her love and reassurance into the kiss.

"I love you," Emma whispers when they break apart.

"I love you too," the brunette responds just as softly as she lays her head back down against her lover and lets herself get wrapped tightly in the other woman's soft, strong, safe arms.

Maybe something will finally go her way after all.