Baby Loopsy

Disclaimer: The author respects the rights of Tachibana Higuchi, creator of Gakuen Alice

There had been many situations that Koko and Kitsuneme got themselves into where whenever they backtrack and review, they couldn't really explain the turn of events. That morning, they found themselves in yet another predicament of which they only had a vague memory of how they got there.

"Hey guys, what are you doing?" Yuu asked as he approached them. Then he paused and stared at the tiny bundle Kitsuneme was holding. "Where did you get the baby?"

"Mr. Jinno left him with us."

Yuu blinked. "On purpose?"

"That's the thing," Koko said slowly. "We're not sure."

"You're not sure why he left you with a baby," Yuu repeated. "It's a baby. It couldn't have been all that random."

"He may have been very distracted," Kitsuneme agreed. "Anyway, we don't know what to do with him."

Yuu peered at the little boy. It looked about seven months old. It had porcelain skin, pudgy arms and legs and it was looking back and forth with curious brown eyes. When it smiled, he could see its first teeth were just breaking through the gums. Since he was inside the campus, Yuu concluded that the baby must be an enrolling student. However, he couldn't fathom what facilities the Academy would have to accommodate such a young child.

"What's his Alice?"

"We don't know."

Kitsuneme snorted then he adjusted the child's position on his shoulder. He took a small towel to wipe its mouth. "It's a Drool Alice as far as I can tell."

Yuu laughed. "Did Mr. Jinno leave instructions?"

"He might have," Koko said. "But I can't remember. My brain is fuzzy on the details."

"Mine too."

"You guys are hopeless."

Yuu held out a finger in front of the boy and he enthusiastically grabbed on. The small gesture made Yuu grin. He was playing with the kid when Mochu and Ruka found them.

"Hey guys," Ruka greeted then looked at the boy in surprise. "Why do you have a baby?"

Koko shrugged. "Mr. Jinno left him with us."

"On purpose?"

"Yeah, that puzzles us too," Kitsuneme answered with humor. "Do you want to hold him?"

Ruka shrugged. "Yeah sure, why not?"

He started dancing from foot to foot while the baby gurgled happily in his arms. He spun around then nearly tripped over his feet when he saw that Natsume was standing behind him, watching with bemusement.

Then instantly, Natsume's expression cleared. "Hey, it's a baby." He scooped the kid out of Ruka's arms who was silently protesting. "Whose is it?"

"Mr. Jinno's."

"No way."

"I think he's a new student," Yuu provided.

"Starting them young, are they?" Natsume remarked. The little boy was laughing at the faces Natsume was making and inwardly his friends were amused as well. Then abruptly the boy stopped and his eyes lost their happy sparkle. His expression turned to concentration. Natsume frowned. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. You were all here. He just… turned off."

"I'll handle this," Koko said as he walked closer and bent down until he was at eye level with the boy. He had always wanted to read a baby's thoughts.

"Is it hungry?"

"Is it sleepy?"

Koko's eyes narrowed, "No… it's taking a ca-ca."

All the boys backed away at the same time and blanched. Natsume almost dropped the kid. "He's doing what now?"

"A ca-ca," Koko repeated. "A doo-doo, a boom-boom—"

"You mean he's—"

"Letting it rip from here to kingdom come," Koko grinned. "Hold still, he's not done yet."

"What the frack, Koko? Do something!"

"Like what?"

"Change him!"

"Into what?"

"Change his diapers!"

"Woah, wait a second." Koko held up a hand. "I'm very honest about things I cannot do and changing diapers is definitely one of them."

"Well, someone has to do it."

"You hold him, you take care of him," Kitsuneme said cheekily. He was enjoying the Black Cat's discomfort very much.

"Kitsu!"

"Hang on," Ruka said reining them in. "Stop shouting. You'll make him cry."

"I'll do it," Mochu volunteered to their surprise. "I'll use my Alice. I wouldn't even have to touch him." Natsume grunted then gladly passed the kid over to Mochu.

"Wait! I have a question," Mochu paused. The baby gurgled in mid-air. He turned to his friends. "Are we sure it's a boy?" They all looked stumped.

"Could we just decide that seven-month old babies are sexless?" Kitsuneme asked innocently. Yuu wiped a hand over his face. If they weren't careful, he was pretty sure they were going to end up emotionally scarring this kid.

"Look, everyone just turn around and don't watch," Yuu coaxed. When their backs were turned, they could hear Mochu begin to work.

"We're being ridiculous," Natsume said. "He won't remember any of this."

"Yeah well, what if it's a girl?"

"It's a boy!" Mochu called to them in relief. They turned back around in time to watch Mochu finish up. He looked smug. "And that boys, is why you should envy me when we become fathers."

Before any of them could reply, Mr. Jinno rushed up to them red in the face. "Thank goodness! I was afraid we had lost him."

"Nope, he's right here," Koko said proudly as Mochu handed the baby to him. "Safe and sound, aren't you, you little drool monster?"

"Did you feed him?" Mr. Jinno asked.

"Yes."

"Did you burp him?"

"Yes."

"Did you change his diapers?"

"Begrudgingly, yes."

"Excellent!" Mr. Jinno reached out to take the boy back when he remembered one more thing. "Did you sing the Bunny Foo Foo song?"

"No… why?"

Their teacher slapped a hand against his forehead. "If you don't sing the Bunny Foo Foo song in half hour intervals, he gets restless and his Alice goes off. I explicitly told you to do that."

"What's so bad about his Alice?"

They had their answer a second later when the baby suddenly glowed and released a shock wave that engulfed the area. They all reared back as the light grew blinding and swallowed up everything it touched. When the brightness receded, Koko and Kitsuneme found themselves standing alone with the baby and a strange buzzing sound filled their ears. They were still trying to figure out what happened when Yuu walked up to them.

"Hey guys, what are you doing?" he asked. Then he paused and stared at the kid in Kitsuneme's arms. "Where did you get the baby?"

THE END