Title: To Die a Good Man

Author: Emo Barbie

Rating: T {For whatever reason. Eh}
Pairing: Sorta Andrew/Lester, Teddy/Chuck
Fandom: Shutter Island

Extra: Everyone has their own views and perceptions of stories and movies...this is how I viewed things.

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To Die a Good Man

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My name...is Andrew Leddias. I killed my wife in the spring of '53, because she killed our children. And in a fit of guilt and self loathing I took on the persona of a person long forgotten. Teddy Daniels. A Marshall, a hero...but Teddy's long gone now...

"So what's our next move?" I hear myself mutter as I take in everything around me.

"You tell me."

I can hear him examining me. That might sound stupid, but the tone he takes says it all. He's looking for it, any sign of Teddy still there, some sort of crack that would give way and completely smash all of the hard work they've put into me. But, I think more then anything...he's preying to God he doesn't find it.
"I gotta get off this rock, Chuck. Get back to the mainland. Whatever the hell's going on here, it's bad..." I can hear his breathe catch and it takes all I can not to look at him, not to give away anything, but I can't help it, and my eyes flicker to him...and I can see it there. The disappointment, the sadness...the hurt. "Don't worry partner, their not gonna catch us."

"That's right, we're to smart for 'em." I hear the strain in his voice.

"Yeah we are, aren't we?"

He can't look at me in the eyes now, and I know he's doing everything in his power to not give in to whatever the hell it is that claws at the back of his mind and I let him collect himself for a moment as I watch the approaching tenants.

"You know, this place makes me wonder."

"Yeah, what's that, boss?" I can hear it in his voice, he's not holding up to well, and I feel that dull ache in my chest...
"Which would be worse-to live as a monster? Or to die a good man?" There it is...the recongization and I know he's realized it...I know he can see it. And maybe I said it because I really didn't want him to think all that work had been for nothing, or maybe I wanted him to know that this was my choice...that I wanted this...

"Teddy?"

I knew what he wanted...what he didn't want: he didn't want to lose me...but he wanted someone I wasn't, at least not anymore. I knew it from the moment I came back to reality,I had this rising suspicion, but I can't say for sure. He might have had it with the old me...or the Teddy before this one. But whoever it had been with, was not the me right now. I had no recollection of ever being with him, other than a few lingering feelings, the ghosts of foggy memories, and a few odd moments were I felt like touching him...like it was normal...

But the me that I am now...does not belong to him.

No, this Andrew Leddias remembers nothing but his wife...and her face...nothing but his dead children. There is no room for him in this Andrew Leddias's life. That is why...I won't turn around, because I know if I do...whatever part of me that might have once loved him will shine through and make me do something stupid. Like admit that I'm not Teddy, that I'm not delusional, but...I do not deserve to do that...I don't deserve to be able to do that and be loved by someone, when my own wife's blood stains my hands. Nor does he deserve to have a monster like me in his life...no, this...this is for the better.
"Andrew?"

It's only the faintest of a whisper, but it's there and I actually falter for a moment, because God...I can hear the anguish in his voice...begging for me to turn around, to look at him...to tell the truth, that I really wasn't Teddy; that I was Andrew...and that I knew it. But you see, in this world, people who kill others...shouldn't get a second chance. In this world...I was Andrew Leddias...a murder, a monster; and I'd rather die as Teddy, a hero, then live my life as Andrew Leddias.