Opening Statement: Honourable Chair, with my backbench MP hat on, which I have worn for past 20 years, I postpone my opening statement and recede the remaining time to the next speaker in the list.
Opening Statement: Honourable Chair, with my Cabinet Minister responsible for The Department of Administrative Affairs hat on, I would like to make an opening statement that the situation is bad.
Point of Personal Privilege: I need a hug!
Motion for a Moderated Caucus for 5 minutes with the speaking limit of 30 seconds: with one vote for and one vote against, this Motion clearly fails.
Point of Personal Privilege: I want an ice-cream.
Motion for an Unmoderated Caucus for 5 minutes: with two votes for and no votes against, this Motion clearly passes.
We enter an Unmoderated Caucus for 5 minutes.
The Prime Minister roasts me alive if I support the civil service viewpoint. If I back down on it then I have a slight glimpse of hope to gain favour and there may even be VOTES in it!
VOTES!
Point of Information: The Prime Minister is a douche and they say he appointed me to DAA because it is a political graveyard. He hates me because he is envious of my talents.
But if I back down, then Humphrey gets very upset and starts blocking me again. Only downside there.
Point of Information: Humphrey is the DAA jerk, who blocks all my wonderful proposals. But he does it anyway, really.
WHO SHOULD I BLAME FOR IT?! BERNARD PERHAPS?!
Point of Information: Bernard is one very slippery eel.
WHAT TO DO?! I WANT TO ABSTAIN ON THIS ISSUE!
Point of Personal Privilege: I am confused!
I have a Draft Resolution to propose that I do nothing like usually and something just comes up.
Motion to Close Debate and put this proposal on a vote: with one vote for and one vote against, this Motion clearly fails.
No, not this time! I must do something! I must act firm! Lead the way!
But I cannot do anything courageous!
I have a Draft Resolution to propose that I make a firm decision.
Motion to Close Debate and put this issue on a vote: with one vote for and one vote against, this Motion clearly fails.
We need a mediator to break the deadlock!
I have a Draft Resolution to propose that we involve Mrs. Annie Hacker as a mediator.
Motion to Close Debate and put this issue on a vote: with one vote for and one vote against, this Motion clearly fails.
Yes and no! At this stage it only increases my confusion, maybe later if we ever get there.
The time limit for the Unmoderated Caucus ends in 10 seconds.
...
We are back to the Formal Debate.
Honourable delegate – with my Cabinet Minister hat on, I have a right to veto all your proposals.
Honourable delegate – with my backbench MP hat on, I have a right to leave and the Verification of Quorum fails!
Point of Information: Backbench MP-s are windbags!
Right to Reply: My personal honour as a former backbench MP has been offended!
Point of Information: This debate somehow always reaches a deadlock and no decision is ever made... I do not fully understand why...
Motion to Drink: with two votes for and no votes against, this Motion clearly passes.
Just like in The House of Commons, The Cabinet and most certainly in DAA we can at least all agree on something.
FIN.