The silence in the lair was as thick as honey, and it seemed everyone gathered had trouble breathing. I stared at the ground, unable to face the ones I had hurt not so long ago.

"Rose!"

It was Mikey, the sweet, innocent Michelangelo, who broke the silence, and, before I could even understand what he implied by saying my name, hugged me as if he'd thought that I'd died. "Rose, where were you? I…I thought you left us!"

Completely taken off guard, I patted his shell. "I…umm…I'm sorry, Mike." The turtle didn't seem to feel the need to let go of me, which made me feel insecure. Physical contact wasn't exactly my thing, but for Mikey…I relaxed.

"Rose." Leonardo stood up, a gentle smile on his face. "Nice to have you back. Mind telling us what exactly happened? I mean, why exactly…did you leave?" I averted my eyes. "I'm sorry for having caused trouble, Leo…but, you see…I…I don't know actually. It was…"

I stopped, looking for help – and found it when my eyes met Master Splinter's. "It is fine, Rose." He said, nodding slightly. "We will sort that out later. For now, do you feel hungry?" Shaking my head, I declined. Instead, I asked: "Master…what's with…I mean, where's…" "Raphael?" The giant rat completed my sentence. I nodded.

"Well, unfortunately, I don't know either. We did try to contact him before, but he does not seem to feel like talking right now. We will have to wait."

Wait…I felt my shoulders sink down, not only in disappointment, but also in relief. Facing Raphael after all I'd done…that felt like a very hard task to do.

I looked up, my family in front of me, and smiled. At least, I knew I had made the right decision when coming back. And if I could win my best friend and sensei back, …

If.

Michelangelo let go off me, his baby blue eyes looking at my grey ones. "Rose, don't you dare ever leaving us. Everyone gets so pissed here when you're not around." I swallowed, uncomfortable under Mikey's glance. He sure did get through a lot in life, yet he managed to be...such a kid. Naïve. Believing. Innocent.

Slowly, I patted his head. "Don't worry, Mikey. I realized that I'm no good without you guys. We're …family, right?"

The hug I got from him almost choked me to death.

Tap. Tap-tap. Tap. Tap-tap. Tap. –

"Rose!"

April's voice was something between completely pissed off and annoyed to no end. "I understand you're nervous, but would you please stop tapping the desk? The sound makes me all itchy." I murmured an apology and put my hands on my lap, well aware that I would start soon again.

It had been three hours, and I still hadn't seen Raphael. No one knew where he was off to; no one knew when he was going to come home. His T-phone was turned off, and there was no other way to contact him. The other guys were outside looking for him, hoping to get him back home before he could do something stupid. I'd wanted to come too, but in Leo's opinion, I would've slowed them down. And I had to admit, he did have a point with that.

Tap. .

"Rose!" April turned towards me. "Why don't you go and exercise a bit? It always helps distracting me."

Not able to come up with a better idea, I stood up to get my clothes. Some minutes later, I entered the dojo, wearing comfortable and wide clothes. The clothes had been a present from the guys who seemed to understand that one could not exercise and live in the same stuff.

After making sure that I wasn't disturbing Master Splinter, I started practicing. Each move, each form…it was all Raphael had taught me. I found my breath becoming relaxed, my heart beating to a different rhythm. My body moved on its own, without any guidance from my mind. Of course; I knew every move by heart. They weren't powerful, nor agile, but at least, they were mine.

My body continued moving, and I started picturing the turtles in my inner eye, moving with me. I pictured the energy Mikey put in his moves, the agility Leo moved with, the calculating look Donnie's eyes had when he was standing up to an opponent. And I saw Raphael, his movements marked by the strength that was his very own characteristic; yet with an undeniable speed and elegancy.

I stopped.

"You were doing well, my daughter. Why did you stop?"

My head jumped up, staring at the Master who had come in without me taking notice. "Master. I….My mind, it…I got distracted." Splinter nodded. "Raphael has come home, although it does seem that Leonardo did need to use his authority as a leader." I looked into the rat's eyes. I wondered, how would Leo be able to force Raphael to anything? But I decided to keep thoughts like that to myself.

Raphael was home.

Anxiety settled in my body's core, making me feel weak, even more, sick. "My daughter."Splinter said. "Do you feel like facing your sensei?" Taking a deep breath, I looked at the rat. "I won't run away anymore, master." I said. "I said something to Raphael that I want to apologize for. He deserves better than to be treated like this. As his pupil, I owe him respect. And as a friend, I think I owe him an apology and an explanation." The words had come slowly out of my mouth, much to my own surprise. But unlike any other day, I felt calm. I knew that I was doing the right thing. I was anxious, nervous, scared, yet, calm.

I was in a fight. I just didn't know who I was up against. Either Raphael…or myself.

I left the dojo, knowing perfectly well that Raphael would be outside, in the living room. Just as I had thought, Raphael was standing there with Leo – and arguing loudly.

"So what?! I'm no baby anymore, I can go out whenever I want!"

"We all know you were upset, still-"

"I wasn't upset! I just needed some time off!"

"Oh yeah? Just when Rose happened to disappear?"

"It had nothing to do with Rose, okay? Stop bugging me!"

I stood there, insecure. Should I talk? Tell Raphael I was there? Or should –

"Rose?"

I always had a difficult time telling what exactly he was feeling. And when I looked into his eyes, seeing shock and surprise, I knew that there was pain, too. Pain and something I couldn't understand.

"Raph, I -"

Gone was everything that had kept me calm. Stuttering, I tried to form the words I needed to tell him. "Raph, I'm sorry, please - "

His lime green eyes stared at me in disbelief. Insecurity roamed in my body, and my mouth opened and closed uselessly. And then, he turned away.

My body acted on own accord. Leaping forward, I crossed the room faster than I'd thought I could ever do it. My arm extended, grabbing the edge of his shell. "Raph, please, listen -"

Turning around like a whirlwind, pushing me away – it all happened in less than the blink of an eye. Again, I faced him.

I had thought to see fury in his eyes, but…it was soft. Raph's face. Completely shocked, I stared at the green eyes, wide in an emotion I didn't understand. I opened my mouth to say something, to say sorry, to make it up to him somehow.

Raphael stared at me, and then, without any warning, he turned around once again. He was about to leave.

"Raph…I …I didn't mean it. I was…confused. Raph…I…I need you."

For a moment, I lost all hope. The relationship between me and Raph…it was lost.

"Raphael!"

Splinter's voice rang through the lair, loud, demanding. And Raphael obeyed immediately, stopping his motion the same second he'd heard his master's voice.

A few seconds of complete silence followed. "Raphael," Splinter finally said. "you will listen to what she has to say. After that, I trust you to make the right decision. Rose, do not forget what you did, whatever it may be. Choose the words you tell him carefully. And, now, both of you, go."

Silently, I followed Raphael into the dojo – where else? I could feel the eyes of the others look right through me; Leo, Donnie, Mikey, Casey, April and Splinter. Soon, there was only me and Raphael.

Without saying a word, he sat down on the earth. Insecure, I wondered where to sit myself – next to him, across him? – and finally decided to sit next to him, as I had sit next to him not so long ago when he used to explain me something.

Silence.

I tried to start, once, twice, but I didn't find the words I wanted to tell him. A 'sorry' did not seem to cover what I wanted him to know.

I started talking, my voice shaking, unable to keep calm. I stopped thinking, started talking the way I wasn't supposed to – uncontrolled, without thinking a single word through.

"I lied. I think. I was just…scared, because …I don't know. But when I was out, everything was cold, and it felt good, and there were people, and then Casey came…and I got a hot chocolate, and he didn't ask me a single thing, just like you wouldn't have, and then I went out, and - " The words were bubbles, rolling around in my mouth, confusing their order, plopping into the air.

"Rose. Stop talking."

I shut up the second he told me to, and this time, it was him who broke the silence.

"I understand, ok? I got it. Leonardo is a nice guy, he knows his stuff, he'll teach you." I stared at Raphael in complete shock. "But…but…" I raised my hand, put it on his shoulder, tried to turn him towards me – but he refused to, shaking me off, -

His eyes.

Green, bright, usually with a fierce spark. They seemed to contain something…no, not 'something'.

It was the same thing I used to have in my eyes, long ago, when I looked into the mirror, screams behind me.

With my memories echoing somewhere in the back, I realized, that there was fear, crawling in my heart around – but yet, I felt safe. I looked into the bright, green, eyes, knowing somehow, that I was scared, knowing, that this emotion in his eyes was fear, aware, that I felt bad. I didn't want him to fear anything…I wanted to give him back this feeling of comfort and safety.

"You know," I whispered, amazed by the feelings inside of me, which weren't scaring me for once, "I realized, that, when I'm with you, I'm not scared anymore. I…feel safe. And I wished…I wished, you'd feel safe, too. After all, we're family. And I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want to say something like that. Because you're not what's scaring me. You're…comforting me, when I'm scared."

I continued to look into his eyes, though there wasn't any confidence in that anymore, I had turned bright red, and hell, was I embarrassed.

Yes, I loved him. I loved this giant, strong, hot-headed turtle.

And I wasn't scared. Not of him.

Because when he looked at me like in that moment; when his eyes changed expressions and the fear inside him seemed to die out, I knew that he wouldn't leave me. Not as long as we were family.

"Rose." His eyes held no fear, yet, I saw something else flickering…insecurity. "Rose, did I ever…?" I shook my head. "You didn't do anything wrong, Raph. You never scared me. I'm…just a mess. And sometimes, it scares me."

The turtle sighed, and then, with no warning whatsoever, he smacked me.

"OUCH!" I yelled. "What was that for?!"

"Didn't I tell you to stop running away?!"

We basically ended up shouting at each other, but it was fine. After all, I did mess up.

Later, in the evening, I stared up at the ceiling.

Everything did turn out quite good, though there were moments where I'd almost given up. Yet, I wondered, how much it had changed Raphael's view on us. I wondered; would there be a scar left?

With a rather loud groan, I turned around, remembering how embarrassing I had behaved myself.