Hey readers, sorry for the delay in updates.
I've been too busy mourning the loss of our ship on the recent eppy's, and wondering if Shonda is getting any joy out of ruining our lives and messing with our emotions week after week.
There's a quote in this chapter that's taken from a particularly amazing episode
of One Tree Hill.
Kudo's to you if you recognize the reference!
How Do These Hearts Unfold - Part IV
The days following Catherine's phone call pass by too quickly for April.
In a matter of days the lawsuit filed by Meredith, Derek and the rest of the doctors involved in the plane crash is settled, and after the doctors are each awarded a payout of $15 million each, the future of Seattle Grace Mercy West is on the chopping block.
The arrival of Alana Cahill, the hospitals appointed financial advisor, does nothing to soothe anyones worries, least of all April's.
It's the reason she's spent the last eight hours locked in a conference room with Dr Shepherd trying to save the hospitals E.R after
it was announced they would have to close it to cut costs.
The OR's had already been re-organized to ensure maximum efficiency, or so they were told yesterday morning, and cameras with remote assistants had been installed on nearly every floor of the hospital.
With the closure of the E.R it would mean Seattle Grace Mercy West would become more like a science research facility and less like an actual hospital, that focused primarily on it's patient care and the ability to save their lives.
"It's going to work right. It has to." She says, pacing around the conference room.
They'd spent the entire night in the hospital grooming over department funding and expense reports looking for areas to cut back to ensure the E.R would be able to stay afloat, and nine caffeine deprived hours later April's nerves were getting the best of her.
"Of course. If Durham cuts a fellow and skips the TED conference, and plastics and ortho share lab facilities we'll get a little bit here, a little bit there.
We'll have enough saved to keep the E.R alive." Derek says, ruffling through the papers on the table.
"It's going to work."
"They're going to be mad about the TED conference." She says.
"Oh ouch." She doesn't mean to say that last sentence out loud, but the swift movement in her abdomen causes her to stop pacing and press her hand to her stomach.
"April, what is it?"
"Oh my god." She breathes out, realising what's happening.
"Oh my god."
It kicked. She presses her hand down a fraction harder and feels the response again, this time stronger. There's a slight pain, but it's not uncomfortable. It's soothing, really.
"Is it food poisoning? I knew we shouldn't have ordered from that chinese place." Derek says, pointing to the empty takeout cartons spread across the conference room table.
"No, no, Dr Shepherd. It's not food poisoning." She reaches up to wipe away the tear trailing down her cheek.
"It kicked. The baby kicked." She says. To April, this is what makes it real. Despite the sonograms and check ups, this is the real cold hard evidence that inside her belly there is a tiny human growing.
"Wh-You're pregnant?" He asks.
"I'm pregnant." It's the first time she's seen the neurosurgeon look truly shocked, and she can't help but laugh, as she shakes her head yes.
"Wow. Uh congratulations. Who else knows?"
"Just Meredith. I uh, I haven't told anyone else yet." She says.
"Meredith? She didn't even tell me." He says, looking lost for words.
"You know what this means. Zola and McBaby will have a new play mate."
She can't help but laugh at that.
"Yes, yes they will."
"and the father?" He asks, although she thinks maybe he already knows.
"He doesn't know. He has enough to worry about at the moment, and I-I don't think he's ready to be involved in something like this."
Derek seems to understand that she doesn't want to go into details, so he nods his head and gives her a hug, and they leave the conference room to go present their plan to Owen and Alanna Cahill.
"Okay then. How about we go save our E.R."
She misses the concerned look he gives her retreating back as she exits the conference room before him.
As it turns out their efforts to save the E.R are in vein, and a complete waste of their night.
The hospital is being presented for sale to a potential buyer and the closure of the emergency room is non negotiable.
To say it's a disappointment is a complete understatement, and the cheery mood April has been in for the last few hours evaporates quickly after that.
She excuses herself from the conversation with her fellow doctors and makes her way towards the E.R, hoping for at least one more trauma case before she goes back to being an administrative assistant, instead of a surgeon.
Of course luck would have it that Stephanie Edwards is on her service again today.
The last thing she needs after the morning she's had is to have to take care of her ex boyfriends new girlfriend, so after she fails to remember which patients are assigned to which beds, she tasks her with moving the excess supplies down to the operating rooms.
"Uh Dr Kepner, I thought I would be on trauma today."
She's not sure why she says it, it could be the particularly hard kick the baby gives her underneath her scrub top, combined with the migraine she's developing, and the fact that this years interns seem to think their entitled to something without having to work for it.
"Dr Edwards, having to be in the same room with you is traumatic enough for me as it is, okay. So when I ask you to do something I expect you to do it, and right now I want you moving those supplies down to the O.R's and as far away from me as possible."
"Uh-I."
"That. Is. It." She snaps, picking up a chart and moving towards the ambulance that's approaching.
She avoids the confused look Jackson gives her as he walks in on the last of their conversation.
"April."
"Not now, Jackson. Just not now, okay."
"What have we got?" She asks the paramedic as he unloads the stretcher.
"Thirty two year old male. Car versus motorcycle. Significant injuries to the chest and abdomen and signs of internal bleeding."
Thank you, God. This is exactly what she needs.
After a successful surgery on her motorcycle patient the first thing April does is take a break in the attendings lounge, intent on relaxing for the next twenty minutes with a cup of tea and her feet up.
The only other person in there is Jackson, and it's enough to make her consider abandoning the idea of a hot drink and a moment of peace and quiet in lieu of eating in the cafeteria instead.
"Hey." She says, as she shuts the door behind her.
"Hey. You okay?" He says warily.
"Fine."
"You sure? You seemed a little riled up earlier.." He stops there, not really sure if he should continue.
"Look Jackson, I don't really have time to deal with your girlfriends attitude problem or lack of respect for her attendings, and I really don't have time to explain my actions to you so..
"Woah woah, slowdown." He says, standing up.
"First of all, she's not my girlfriend. It's not serious. And second, I was only asking because you look like you're having a bad day." His tone is defensive now, and April can tell she's upset him.
She feels terrible. As emotionally confused as she is over her ex boyfriend, and the fact she's spent the last month and a half trying to figure out how to tell him she lied about their pregnancy scare, at the end of the day he's still been there for her. Like right now. Anyone else would see she's in a bad mood and steer clear, but not Jackson.
"Jackson, I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm crazy, you know." She says, hoping that's explanation enough.
"I know." He says, shaking his head.
"I know you are." The smile he gives her, and the way he says the words a second time, more to himself and with a note of tenderness are enough to make her take a deep breath.
Neither of them really know what to say next, so she guesses it's a good thing her pager chooses that moment to go off.
"Did you hear?"
April lifts her head up from the mountain of patient files she had been sleeping on, to see Alex standing around the nurses station.
"Hear what? What time is it?" Her voice comes out groggier than she intended it to, and she's certain her hair is a mess.
She can count the number of hours she's slept in the last two days on one hand.
"They all quit. They just freakin' walked out." Alex says, kicking the corner of the nurses desk.
He shoots a dirty look at on the nurses who makes a fussing noise at him.
"Who quit?"
"Everyone. Mer, Christina, Derek, Torres and Robbins."
"Hunt said that after the nurses left, if the hospital loses anymore staff Pegasus will back out of the deal, and then they all just walked out.
They screwed all of us."
"Woah, wait a minute. They wouldn't just quit without telling any of us. It has to be a mistake."
She'd only spoken to Dr Shepherd hours ago and he hadn't mentioned anything about wanting to leave, and Meredith would have told her.
She definitely would have told her.
"Well they did. Guess now they have all that money they don't care what happens to the little people. I knew I should have freakin' picked Hopkins." Alex tells her, as he walks away.
If what he's saying is true that means that in less than a week she'll be jobless, homeless and working back home at the tasty freeze.
Her hands reach for the nearest phone and she dials the number before she really has time to think about what she's doing.
"Hello, Dr Avery. It's April.. April Kepner. I wanted to tell you that I've made a decision, and I'd love to work for you in Boston."
When she gets off the phone with Catherine, she feels a little better about things. Sure, she's going to be leaving her friends, and the hospital she's come to think of as a home but at least when the baby comes it will have a roof over the top of it's head.
It also means it's time for her to tell Jackson. Having him not know is one thing, but April's sure that working in the same hospital as his mother, the woman will give her one look and be able to tell she's carrying her grandchild.
After she finishes checking on her patients for the night she finds Jackson downstairs in one of the surgery rooms.
"Hey. Uh our pancolectomy patient was discharged, said to say thanks." She says, killing time until she decides the best way to break the news.
How else do you tell the father of the child you're carrying that you've been lying to him for the last three months and that you're now moving away to work with his mother.
"Lyposuction day?"
"High volume, high price tag. Because when Pegasus trims the fat so do I." He jokes.
Jackson's always been quick with one liners, but it doesn't take a genius for April to figure out her former best friend is feeling the stress of potentially losing his job. Of course, with a single phone call he could have an interview at any hospital in the country, but she know's that Seattle really is his home now, and he'd be reluctant to leave the department his mentor had spent so much time building.
She doesn't say anything, and he looks up at her.
"What's the matter?" He asks.
It amazes her that he can still know her so well.
She shakes her head. "I can't talk about it."
"Why because of her?" He motions to his patient, leaning closer to the operating table and calling her name. "Trust me, she's blato."
"April, come on. Tell me what's up?"
"No, I mean. I don't know how to talk to you about it. I could when we were friends but.." But, now we're not, we're stuck in limbo, dancing along the fine line of friendship and intense feelings we've perfected the last few months.
"We seriously can't be friends now?"
He looks genuinely hurt by her comment.
"No Jackson, we can. It's just.. this is too much."
"How about this, I will tell you a thing I would tell you when we were friends." He says, continuing to operate on his patient.
"My mom is driving me nuts about taking a bigger role in the Harper Avery foundation. Grow up child, get your legacy on."
She can't help but laugh at his imitation of Catherine Avery. Of course she knows all about his current predicament, having just spoken to his mother a few hours ago.
"Yeah, she told me about that. It's not bad advice." She says.
"Wait you still talk to my mother?" He asks.
"Umm.. did I say that? I meant I'd heard about that, you know, um through the grapevine." Nice one, Kepner.
"April." He says, looking at her.
"Okay, okay. It's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Is she using you to spy on me now? You know what, you're a crappy friend. You're supposed to side with me." He says, starting to close up his patient.
"Jackson!"
"See, now you go."
"Actually it kind of has to do with your mother. She uh, she offered me a job in Boston."
He stops what he's doing and stares at her.
"What?"
"One of their trauma fellows is leaving the program in a few weeks and she offered me the job. I.. I told her I needed some time to make a decision, I mean this is a huge decision you know."
"You're going to leave.. again." He says. "Unbelievable."
She can tell even through his surgical mask that he's angry. He has that knit in his eyebrows he always gets whenever something upsets him.
"No, no, it's not like that."
"I just, I have something going on in my life right now and maybe getting out of here would be the best thing for me. Seattle's my home, Jackson. But the hospital's closing and I'm not even going to have a job here next week."
"Tell me."
"Wh-what?"
"Tell me what the problem really is. You've been different for weeks. You'd never consider leaving Seattle unless there was something really going on, so tell me."
"Okay.. Okay, I..
This is it, she thinks. She can do it, now. She can tell him, and they can do this.
"We can do this." She whispers to herself.
"Do what? April, just tell me."
It's the second time that day her pager interrupts their conversation, and she's not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed.
"It's 911. I..I've gotta go." She says, rushing out of the room. She can hear him calling her name as she runs down the corridor.
When she finally finishes the end of her 48 hour shift she's thankful that she has the following day off. She falls asleep clutching the sonogram picture and whispering lullabies to the tiny human growing inside of her.
The first thing she does when she wakes up is to call Meredith until she picks up, and after the other surgeon refuses to tell her anything over the phone the two agree to meet up that afternoon.
She spends the morning sorting through boxes in her apartment, and calling her parents. She doesn't mention that they'll be grandparents in a few months, but instead tells them about Boston and distracts them with questions about her sisters.
When she hangs up an hour later, she feels better. She drives over to Meredith and Derek's house after lunch, and is greeted by Zola when she opens the front door.
"Why hello princess, I missed you."
She picks up the smaller girl and twirls her around, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
Zola giggles and when April puts her down she runs to fetch her tea pot, waving it back at forth and pointing to the miniature table and chairs.
"Oh I'd love some tea, thank you miss Zola." She pretends to sip from her cup, while Zola waves the teapot in the air.
"Momma." She says, pointing at Meredith when she emerges from the hallway.
"Yes sweetheart, Momma would love some tea."
"She's in love with this tea party set Derek bought her. She's going to be the most spoiled little girl ever."
"I had one just like her when I was a little girl."
"She's so perfect. What if this one's a monster." Meredith says, poking her stomach.
"It's not going to be a monster." April laughs, as Meredith sits down.
"Now, tell me everything. I was so worried when you Alex told me you all quit. What are you going to do now? Are you going to go to a different hospital? In Seattle-"
"April, slow down." Meredith says, picking Zola up and putting her on her lap.
"We did it."
"Did what?"
"We bought the hospital?"
"You..what?"
"We bought it. It's ours. We all put our money together and Jackson's mom put in the rest and we own it."
"Wait, Catherine Avery?"
"She swooped in this morning and offered to use the Harper Avery foundation to fund the majority of the money we needed."
"Does Jackson know?"
"That his mommy made him king of the castle? Yeah, he's the majority vote on our board of directors."
"Oh god."
"So, the hospital's not closing?"
"Nope. Although by tomorrow it will probably be called the Harper Avery Hospital." Meredith joked.
"Oh this is bad, this is so bad."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"No, no, don't get me wrong I'm so glad you all saved the hospital, but I accepted a job in Boston at the Brigham. When I thought the hospital was closing."
"Wait, you got a job at the Brigham?"
"I know, right. I'm not even board certified, but next thing I know Jacksons' mom is calling me up to offer me a position there."
"April, you can't go. What about the baby and Jackson."
"I know that, I only said yes because I thought the hospital was going to close. But how do I say no to Catherine Avery. Oh god, how do I always get myself in these situations."
"Let me speak to Derek, I'm sure he'll be able to call up Jacksons mom and tell her we've made you a better offer."
"But why would you do that?"
"You're boards are in what, two months and then you'll be certified, and we can make you a formal offer for your fellowship. Besides, we're a team. We're the baby squad."
They spend the next few hours playing with Zola, and it's not until April's getting ready to leave that Meredith stops her.
"You know he's your person, April."
"What?"
"Jackson. He's your person. Every one has one, and when they get hurt by that person they swear it's different, and they're done for good. But they aren't. They wish they were, but the thing is, they can't be. Because that person they keep going back to, they can't be completely happy without them. He's your person, April. And you need to tell him."
When April goes back to work the next day the first thing she expects to see isn't Catherine Avery standing in the entranceway talking to Jackson and Dr Webber.
She thinks maybe she can slip past them quietly without noticing, but she doesn't make it more than five steps before Catherine is calling her name.
"April, honey. There you are. I have a bone to pick with you."
She closes her eyes and tries to plaster a smile on her face before turning around, and walking over to them. She lets the older surgeon pull her in for a hug, and doesn't miss the way her eyes flick to her abdomen.
"Well, well, look's like you took my advice seriously, sweetie."
"What advice?" Jackson asks, looking between his former girlfriend and his mother.
Oh god, this is not how she wants Jackson to find out.
"Nothing, it's nothing." April says, panicking.
"I'd hardly call that nothing, honey."
"Maybe, we can talk about it later... privately." She says, using her eyes to plead with the older surgeon.
"Of course, dear. That wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about. I received a very interesting call from Dr Shepherd last night, informing me that they've made you a very tempting offer to stay here in Seattle."
"I.. I was going to call you today. I thought that maybe given my.. situation, staying in Seattle would be better suited for me right now." She says, quickly looking beside her at Jackson.
"What situation?" Jackson interjects.
"You hush, Jackson Avery. April and I are having a conversation. Lord, who raised you when I wasn't around."
"Catherine, perhaps you and April can have lunch together, let's leave these two alone for now." Dr Webber interjects, laying a hand on the urologists arm.
"Oh fine. April honey, come and find me at lunch time, we'll eat somewhere nice, my treat." She winks, before being dragged away by Dr Webber.
"Still think she's a trailblazer?" Jackson asks, narrowing his eyes at the retreating figures of his mother and former chief of surgery.
"More like a tsunami." April says, laughing.
"What was she talking about?" He says, looking her up and down, trying to see what his mother had seen.
"It's nothing, we can talk about it later. I heard about the hospital. Congrats." April says, trying to steer the conversation into a different direction. It seems to do the trick, as Jackson sighs and shakes his head.
"Yeah. Not exactly how I planned to get a promotion. I'm going to be lucky if I ever see the inside of an O.R again."
"Well if you need any help with paperwork you know that I make an excellent administrative assistant." She jokes.
"Yeah, but you make an even better surgeon." He says.
"Thank you." She says softly.
It's happening again, she can feel it. That current of magnetic electricity flowing through her body, as they both stand there looking at each other.
Neither of them brave enough to make the first move to break it.
"Dr Avery."
April turns her head at the mention of his name, and see's Stephanie standing behind her. She rolls her eyes internally, and smiles when she feels a tiny kick inside her stomach. At least one person shares her opinion of the intern.
"I should go. Apparently the E.R's opening again today." She says, hoping to leave before having to make any awkward small talk.
"April.." Jackson says. He's obviously not sure what else to say, especially with his new girlfriend standing there, so she decides to let him off the hook.
"We'll talk later." She promises, walking away, not before hearing the intern ask Dr Avery, if he's available for a quick 'consult'.
She does however fail to hear Jackson turn her down, citing paperwork and a meeting on policy and procedure as an excuse.
His eyes follow her back as she steps on to the elevator at the end of the hallway.
After having an exhausting lunch with Catherine Avery, and fending off the urologists questions about her pregnancy and the paternity, which April refuses to divulge, she's looking forward to her shift in the new E.R. After three hours though, they've to have one serious injury come through the door and her hopes are beginning to be dashed.
April can tell she's not the only one longing for a surgery, as Jackson and Hunt have spent the morning trying to coerce patients into having a full body scan in the new lodox machine, and Christina's been skulking around the O.R board for hours.
She's about to start praying for someone to come in, so she'll actually get to see the lodox in action when Hunt gets the call saying a tanker's crashed and they need to be prepared for mass casualties.
She's partly thrilled at the prospect of some real trauma action, but also worried for everyone involved. Car crashes are deadly, combined with a tanker that risks exploding, she sends a quick prayer to Jesus that they don't lose too many patients today.
Over the next hour six ambulances arrive, each bringing with them critically injured patients.
Meredith and Christina are assigned to a husband and wife that are brought in after their car collided with the tanker,
and Hunt rushes off to the O.R with them, leaving April to supervise the intake of patients.
She assigns the interns to looking after the patients that have just arrived while she waits for the other ambulances and the rest of the injured victims.
She's just about to update the ER board when she, along with the rest of the people in the room feel the explosion that comes from outside.
"Oh my god. Is everyone okay?" She asks, resting a hand on her stomach.
"Looks like that tanker blew." Jackson says as he walks into the E.R along with Dr Webber and Dr Ross.
"Son, I don't think that was the tanker." Dr Webber says, pointing outside the front doors to a man running around on fire.
Luckily there's paramedics outside who manage to extinguish the flames coming from the man, who it's revealed decided to have a cigarette while covered in gasoline from the tanker crash. April doesn't know whether to slap him or sedate him.
She sits down behind the desk, intent on updating the patient files, but can't help but glance over at Jackson leaning over his patient to treat his wounds.
Her eyes linger longer than they should, trailing from his face, down his arms, and to his torso. Trying to ignore the way her lower body tingles as she watches his biceps flex as he reaches for various tools.
"Enjoying the view?" Meredith asks as she walks up to the desk.
"Huh, oh I was.. I wasn't.." April trails off, snapping her eyes away from Jackson.
"I. I thought you were in surgery." She says, hoping to change the topic of conversation.
"The wife didn't make it, and Christina and Owen are working on the husband" Meredith says, shrugging.
"Oh, that's too bad."
"How's the new E.R going?"
"Amazing. Look at this." She says, hitting a key on the tablet in front of her and pointing to the wall as the patient files update.
"You do get excited about things."
"And how's that going?" Meredith says, looking behind her to Jackson, who's attempting to calm down his patient.
April guesses he's only just realized that he's burnt half his face off.
"Are you asking asking, because I really need to talk about this."
"Now I'm not sure if I'm asking."
"Okay, uh remember what it's like when you go to the carnival with someone.."
"You want to go to the carnival?" Meredith asks, looking confused.
"Because I've been already.. rode the rides."
"Oh. You went to the carnival with Jackson." Meredith says, smirking.
"I have ridden the rides, and they are good." "Now with these baby hormones, it's all I can think about." She whispers.
"I happen to be a big fan of the carnival. I go every chance I can get."
"You're right. You are definitely not the right person to be talking to about this." She says, going to greet the next ambulance.
"Who's going to carnival?" Jackson asks as he walks up to the desk.
"Not you, apparently." Meredith laughs before walking away.
More ambulances continue to arise as April runs inside with the paramedics who are wheeling a young woman in.
"What have we got?"
"Elise Cruz, thirty seven weeks pregnant, hypotensive in the field, with abdominal bruising and second degree burns on her right arm."
"Page OB." She yells to Leah, who's standing behind her.
"I'm Dr Kepner, can you tell me your name?" She asks the young woman.
"My name's Elise. But I don't care about me. Please save my baby. Just save my little girl." She cries, grabbing on to April's hand.
"How about I save you both." April promises her, rushing the stretcher over to one of the empty beds.
Please Jesus, please let me save them. She prays.
"Abdominal tenderness." She says, as one of the nurses checks Elise's vitals.
"Damnit, she's having D Cells. Her BP's dropping. Where's my OB consult?" She yells, looking around the ER.
"Elise, just stay with me okay, try to stay with me."
"Don't lose my baby, please, please."
"We're going to roll you on your side now, okay."
"Page OB!" She asks one of the nurses.
"Kepner. She's bleeding." Alex says, coming over.
'What?"
"Cords prolapsed. We need to secure it."
"Elise, this is going to hurt, but we need to secure your umbilical cord before it cuts off the baby's oxygen. Just hold my hand, okay." April says, kneeling down beside the bed.
She tries to ignore Elise's scream when Alex attempts to fix the cord.
"We need to get this baby out. Now." Alex says.
"Tell them to meet us in the OR."
By the time they've taken her up to surgery, and performed an emergency C section, she's already beginning to lose to much blood. The baby's fine, but it takes her and Alex four hours to stop the bleeding and patch her up, before moving her to the ICU.
She's on her way to give the husband an update when Jackson comes into the room.
"Hey. Alex told me she had a pretty nasty burn. How's she doing?"
"Not great. She's acidotic and her creatanines sky high." She tells him, as she inspects Elise's arm.
"I was going to go and give her husband an update. The baby's fine, perfect."
"That's good news."
"Yeah."
She repeats the story Elise had told her on the way up to surgery, about her husband and how they had lost contact after she moved away only to meet up again when they both randomly decided to move to seattle and join the same bowling league.
"How weird is that."
"That people join bowling leagues?" Jackson raises his eyebrow, taking a seat beside the bed.
"The universe kept pulling them together, just waiting for them to see that they were meant to be together, and then.." She trails off, wondering how god could let something like this happen to such good people.
"and then a tanker explodes and she ends up in the hospital." Jackson finishes for her.
"Yeah." She whispers.
"I should give the husband an update. I'll come back and check on her in a bit."
No sooner has she made it down to the waiting room her pager goes off alerting her of a 911.
"No, no, no." She whispers, rushing back upstairs.
When she gets back to Elise's room, Jackson and a team of nurses are in there with a crash cart.
"What happened?" She asks, reading the monitors.
"I was doing my exam, and she started bleeding from her incisions and her IV site. She dropped into VFib. We've shocked her once."
"I'll take over. Charge to 150! Clear!"
"No, no, come on Elise. Come on."
"200. Clear!"
"Push another epi." She hears Jackson tell the nurse.
"Clear!"
"Push more epi. Now!"
As a doctor, she knows it's useless. But she can't give up on her, she'd promised. She'd promised she'd save them both.
It's Jackson's hand on her arm that halts her.
"April, we lost her." He says, taking away the paddles.
She can't stop the tears before she rushes out of the room.
He finds her ten minutes later in the hallway, sitting on one of the gurneys.
He doesn't say anything, just sits down beside her.
"I don't know why this one's hitting me so hard." She tells him.
In truth, she does know though. It's not hard for her to see herself in Elise's situation.
Now she has to go and tell the woman's husband that she'd failed to save his wife, after she'd promised that she would see them both through this.
"It's not supposed to happen this way.. It's not right." She says, looking at him through her tears.
He places a hand on her back, rubbing in small circles. It's something he used to do for her when they were dating, when she'd had a particularly hard day. Today is definitely one of those days.
"I..I can't tell him, I can't make him feel worse just because I feel bad.."
"I'll do it." He offers.
It's one of the things she loves about him. He's always willing to do the hard work, if it will make someone feel better, even when it's uncomfortable.
"No, no. I can't let you do it. I'll do it.. I just need a minute." She says, shaking her head.
She can feel the tears coming, threatening to escape her body. She doesn't try to fight them, there's no point. Between the emotional day and the hormones, it's a useless battle.
Her head drops on to his shoulder as her body begins to shake, letting out all the emotions she's been feeling for the past few hours. She's not sure how long they sit there, it's probably minutes but it feels like hours.
Jackson doesn't say anything, or try to stop the tears as they fall, just brings her closer to him in his arms. It's the only place she wants to be, and she hates that she needed a situation like this for it to happen. There's a light touch to her forehead as he presses his lips there, and she tries to regain some sense of composure. As terrible as she feels, Elise's husband is waiting for an update, not knowing that his wife has just died, and she needs to tell him.
She straightens up, and lets out a shaky breath, looking up into his eyes. His face is so close to hers that she can feel his breath ghosting against her lips. She doesn't know who makes the first move, they both just lean in, inch by inch, until his lips gently press against hers.
It's a soft touch, and it
"I.. I have to go."
"April." He says, grabbing on to her arm as she tries to walk away.
"Jackson I have to go tell him."
"We have to talk about this."
"I can't.."
"Stop saying that. Just, look, just meet me at Joe's after you finish okay. Please."
"Okay.. Okay." She tells him, before walking off down the hallway.
He sits back against the wall, resting his head in his hands.
She's not sure why she decides to go, she know's it's a bad idea. But after telling Elise's husband, and finishing the end of her shift she finds herself walking into the bar.
She doesn't see him immediately, instead orders a glass of water and then spots him towards the back of room. But he's not alone, and he's not happy. Stephanie is standing in front of him, pointing and arguing.
April doesn't mean to eavesdrop, but it's hard to ignore the raised voices.
"Look, I'm sorry. Just let me explain." He says, attempting to put a hand on her shoulder, which she brushes off.
"Just shut up! Right now I need for you to not talk." Stephanie tells him.
"It's because you own the hospital now, right. That's why you haven't called me in eleven days. Because I hate myself, I hate that I know how many days it's been. But I need to know. Why. Why it's been eleven days." She says, and April can tell she's struggling not to cry.
She considers leaving before one of them notices her, but her curiosity gets the better of her. She needs to know, and understand.
"Because I own the hospital." He says softly.
"No. You don't get to lie to me. After everything, just be honest. Please."
He seems to struggle with deciding whether or not her should tell her, which prompts Stephanie into saying something that surprises all three of them.
"It's her, isn't it. She's the reason."
April can feel her heart stop beating.
"What?"
"You never stopped loving her, not enough for me to matter. I spent weeks waiting around hoping that one of those days you'd even remotely look at me the way you look at her, but I can't keep waiting. Even Bailey can manage to make me feel more important than I ever did in a room where she was next to you."
He doesn't seem to know what to say to that. If he denied it, they both know it would be a lie.
"I never wanted to hurt you, Steph."
"But you did." She says, picking up her bag and walking away.
She doesn't say anything when she brushes past April, just keeps her head down until she's out the door.
April doesn't move from her spot, she feels frozen.
Jackson turns around and see's her, seeming to freeze too.
"Hey." He says cautiously.
"Hi."
"Did you.." He trails off, and she knows he means did she witness that.
"Yeah."
"Maybe we should sit down."
She nods her head as she follows him over to a booth.
"I didn't want you to have to see that." He starts, unsure of what to say.
"It's fine.. Are you okay?" She asks.
"Yeah, Yeah I think I am."
"Do you want a drink?" He asks, gesturing to the bar.
"Uh no, no I can't."
"Does this have anything to do with what's been going on with you?" He says, sitting back down.
"I..
"April, just tell me." She can tell he's starting to get angry now, the way his voice lowers.
"I.. I can't."
"Dammnit." He says, banging his fist on the table.
"We're supposed to be best friends and you still don't trust me. You've had something going on for months that you won't talk to me about, half the time you can barely stand to be in the same room as me, then today you kissed me." He says, raising his voice.
She can tell everyone's starting to stare at them, and she sends Tom a look of apology. She's never been one to make a scene.
"You kissed me back, April. Then you left, again. You're always leaving me. I mean you were going to take a job in Boston just to get away from me. Why do you keep leaving me?" He asks.
"Because I didn't want you to leave me first."
"What do you mean?"
"Im pregnant." She says, feeling the tears start to fall.
"I lied. When we had that scare, it wasn't a scare, but I heard you telling Meredith that you weren't ready for this, so I lied. And I didn't know how to tell you." She says, crying.
"You're pregnant." He says, swallowing.
His eyes flick back up to hers then, and she can see the hurt in them.
"You're pregnant and you lied?" He asks, standing up.
"You've been lying to me all this time. Unbelievable"
"You were the one that left me Jackson. You left me first!"
"I wouldn't have left you if I had known!"
"Because you would have stayed with me out of obligation."
"I would have stayed with you because I love you."
"You love me? That's why it took you two minutes to get over me, and start sleeping with interns."
"You set me up with her! I thought that was what you wanted."
* "What I wanted? I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say there was no one in the world you'd rather be with, and you'd rather be alone than without me." *
"How was I supposed to know that."
"You just are." She says, picking up her coat and rushing towards the door.
She can hear him fumbling in his jacket for change to cover his drink before following her, but she's got a good twenty seconds ahead of him, and she can make it to her car before he catches up with her.
Her foot catches on the top stair, sending her tumbling over on to the sidewalk.
She can taste the blood in her mouth as she lands on the cold cement, but it's the pain in her stomach that has the tears burning in her eyes again.
"No, no, please." She says, struggling to sit up. Her head's pounding, and she can barely open her eyes, her hand resting on her stomach as she feels the blood pooling there.
"April!"
She can barely make out Jackson's voice, as he runs towards her, before her eyes close again.
That's it for now, stay tuned for another update over the weekend.
Also I'd love to hear your thoughts about the latest episode!
Am I the only one that really didn't like the proposal, and thinks Matthew is obviously insecure enough that he needs to trap April with such a public proposal so that she can't say no without looking like a terrible person? Also they've only been dating what, a few weeks after they broke up and she's barely said I love you yet?