Chapter 1

The wind whipped my face, cutting my tender skin but I didn't care. I don't care about anything anymore. It's not worth it. Nothings worth it. Everything I do only causes pain and sorrow for not only myself, but others as well. I looked at the many scars that streaked across my arms. Some new, some old. Everything's about to end. The pain. The sorrow. This life. I don't want it anymore. Why was I even born? I wish I wasn't.

I stepped up on the ledge. I looked down four stories to the ground. It was a grassy area. I guess I can die in a soft area, but what does it matter. Nothing matters now. No one loves me. No one wants to be with me. There's nothing left for me. I closed my eyes as leaned forward and let myself fall to my death.

...

I heard beeps everywhere. Machines were causing a slight hum. Am I really dead? I thought heaven would be more peaceful. Maybe I'm in hell. But it would probably be a lot hotter if I were there so where am I?

I opened my eyes. I was in a hospital room. I sat up. My head throbbed but I shook it off. Why was I still living? I thought it was going to be the end. I wanted the end so badly, but maybe not now. I kind of feel relieved to be alive. I have no idea why because I still have nothing, but it's like death was just too much for me so I was spat back into life.

"Look who's finally up." said an unfamiliar voice.

A doctor had entered the room. He is young and bald. He was wearing nice pants and dress shirt that was covered my a white coat.

I just stared at him as he walked across the room and sat down on a spinny chair. I don't want to talk to him right now.

"You're lucky you're alive." he continued.

"I don't want to hear that." I replied.

"Why not?"

Again, I stayed silent. Why does he even care? He doesn't have the worst life possible. There's no way he could understand.

"You're going to stay here for a while." he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"You'll be staying here to receive treatment for your condition."

"What condition?"

"You have a very bad sickness. You have depression. It is curable though."

"So if this gets cured, my pain will go away?"

"Most likely."

Wow, I wouldn't have jumped if I had known that it could all go away.

"Where am I supposed to get this treatment?" I asked.

"If you can stand I can show you." he replied.

I leapt out of bed and stood up. To my surprise I had to hold onto tithe bed to support myself, but I could do it. After a little moving around I could walk normally. The doctor led me down the hall to a door marked 201. He opened the door. The room had one bunk bed, on dresser with two drawers, and a mirror on top of the drawer.

"This is supposed to cure me?" I asked surprised.

"No. You will stay here with one other man while you are getting cured. Room two hundred is where you will meet with everyone and get cured of depression." he replied.

I nodded. So they had put me Aim a support group where I was supposed to share my feelings. Yeah, that's not going to fly. I don't exactly want other people to know about my problems.

I shut the door behind me. I walked over to the dresser and opened the drawer with the tag on it the read "Emil." I pulled out a fresh change of clothes and put them on. I climbed on the top bunk and awaited the arrival of my roommate.

About ten minuets later a guy slightly older than I was walked in. He had blonde hair that was decorated with a cross. His blue eyes showed no emotion. He looked at me but said nothing. Like he was reading my mind. I stared back at him with a straight face.

"I'm Lucas." he said monotonous.

"I'm Emil." I replied.

He sat on the lower bunk.

"Why are you here?" he asked

"Suicide." I replied.

He stood up and scooted up really close to my face. I felt myself turn red as he examined me.

"You don't seem dead." he said.

"I'm not."

"Then your suicide failed."

"I don't need you to tell me that."

"Well I'm kinda happy you didn't die."

"Why?"

"Because then I wouldn't have you as a friend."

"Right." I said suspiciously.

Who the hell just proclaims me his friend after only knowing me for one minuet? I guess he is kinda desperate seeing that he is here. I guess you can say that I am too so I'll be friends with him.

Lucas refused to sit down so I quickly changed the subject and scooted away from him.

"What are you here for." I asked.

"Drugs." he replied as he sat back down on the bed.

We sat in silence. Finally! I'm not going to like having a roommate. I actually have to interact people. I'm going to hate this whole ordeal. Why do I have to talk to people in order to be cured of depression. This sucks.

The door suddenly flew open and a overly happy man bounced in. He had blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. It seemed like he always smiled. Why is he in a support group then? This is for depression, not being overly happy. I decided just to ignore him for now. He'll eventually go away.

"Hey guys! Can I crash here?" he asked.

Lucas and I both stared at him. Is he crazy? This room is for two and I don't want him hanging around.

"I'll take that as a yes!" he exclaimed.

No! Take it as a no! He is so annoying!

"I'm Mathias. I'm the leader of your support group!" he continued.

You're shitting me right? I have to talk to this guy about why I wanted to die? Not going to happen. He wouldn't understand. No one would understand.

"You wouldn't believe it but I once attempted suicide."

Liar. He's way to happy go lucky to have even thought about suicide.

Suddenly Lucas was on the floor inches from Mathias's face, staring him down. The same thing he had done to me. A weird feeling swelled in my chest. I wonder what it is? Maybe it's just this depression thing.

"You two really suck at suicide." Lucas said, getting up and sitting back on his bunk.

Wow. Thanks for the update.

"Well I'm glad I failed. My life is so much better now." Mathias said.

Well maybe it got better for him, but it won't for me. I have nothing but pain. He can't understand even if he was like me.

The door opened and the doctor from before said "Here you are! The remaining two people need to meet you."

Yes! He's going to leave!

"Just tell them to come in here so they can meet everyone." Mathias replied.

"Fine." the doctor said.

No! Not only is this idiot going to stay here longer, I have to socialize with more people. God this sucks!

Two people entered the room. One was extremely tall. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. His face seemed to be molded into a permanent scowl. God, he is fucking scary! The other one was the exact opposite. He was short, blonde, and brown eyed. He had seemed fairly cheery. Why is he even here? Someone happy can't be depressed.

The doctor closed the door and the two sat on the floor.

"Alright! Now that everyone is here let's introduce ourselves and tell everyone where we're from. I'm Mathias and I'm from Denmark." Mathias said.

"I'm Tino and I'm from Finland!" the short person said.

"Berwald and Sweeden" the scary dude muttered.

"I'm Lucas and I'm from Norway."

I groaned. I had to introduce myself.

"Emil. Iceland." I grumbled.

"Why don't you tell us about yourself Emil?" Mathias asked.

I stared at him horrified. He wanted me to talk about myself? Fine.

"I hate you." I said bluntly.

Everyone in the room but Lucas looked thoroughly shocked. I could here Lucas snickering below me. At least someone thinks I'm funny.

"That wasn't very nice." Mathias said, laughing uneasily "What about you Tino?"

"Well my family never was very rich, but we got poorer once my father died. My mom had to start working long hours for little pay. We went hungry many nights. It only got worse when I started drinking." Tino replied.

He's so open. He must not have a problem with this thing.

"Berwald?" Mathias asked.

"I had no parents. I was constantly bullied because of my homosexuality. This is the result."

Berwald pulled up his sleeves and held up his arms. They were covered with scars. I looked down at my arm where the remnant of one of my cutting sessions showed. I quickly covered it with my sleeve and sank back in my bed. I hate this! Everybody here has depressing lives. Huh, I guess that's why they have depression.

"You're up next Lucas." Mathias said.

"My parents abandoned me when I was twelve. They ran away with my neighbors, who left their kid behind. I took care of him until he went missing when he was fourteen. The police tried to find him but couldn't. It was around that time I started LSD. I still have hallucanations een though I've been cut off for several weeks." Lucas said

I was surprised by this for two reasons. One, he said this with no emotion. He didn't sound sad about it at all. He said it like it was a fact being stated in a court room. Two, that sounded similar to what happened to me. I had no siblings, but my parents did leave me in the care of a strange boy. Then I was kidnapped. I managed to escape, but I was one country away from my home. My life went downhill from there.

"Tino, what are some of your interest?" Mathias asked.

Oh my god! He just wants to keep this conversation going on forever! I think I'll take a nap. Mathias has to be crazy to ask me about something again today.