Chapter 5: Doubt

I feel as though I owe you all a bit of an explanation as to why it's taken me so long to update, so here it is, although it's not an explanation you're going to like. I went a while without writing because I was traveling and wasn't able to bring my laptop with me, but then I got back and I just had no desire to write. At all. I would pick up my laptop and I'd open my document, and I'd look at the page and just say, 'Fuck it.' So I took a break, watched a lot of Doctor Who, and probably would have continued along that path, but then I got a very nice review from a Guest who had noticed that I hadn't updated in a while and encouraged me to keep working on my fic. Without said Guest, I'd probably still be raging at the Daleks and the Cybermen and riding the tidal wave of emotions traditionally associated with Rose Tyler. So thank you, Guest, whoever you are. Additional thanks to sylversmith and brizamartian who are always exceptionally friendly and encouraging in their reviews. I'm glad to have fans like you guys.

And now, I make a valiant attempt to get this story back on track. Allons-y!

"I'm losing control here.

It's like these thoughts have a mind of their own.

The dam's not gonna hold if I can't

Get a fuckin' grip here.

It's inescapable; maybe I'll drown

In the questions or maybe I'll build

The arc above the sea."

-The Venetia Fair, We Used To Worship the Moon

Temari was really fucking tired. Today was the third long day in what was turning into an unbearably lengthy series of virtually sleepless days, and to be fair, she'd slept far better the previous night than she had in a while, but the fact remained that she'd been awake before the sun was even up. And to make matters worse, her travel companion was an absolute moron when it came to human interaction. Temari was getting cranky. At least the day was almost over.

She and Sai had arrived in the Hidden Leaf just before sunset and had barely managed to track down Tsunade, who had been finishing up her daily rounds in the hospital. They'd had to wander the offensively clean hallways for nearly half an hour before they'd found her, because the woman at the information desk had been so deplorably unhelpful.

Temari had just about had it with hospitals. They pissed her off.

But that's all done now—they'd delivered the information they'd been asked to deliver, Tsunade had approved their requisition of Ino, Kiba, and Shino, and now she and Sai were wandering aimlessly around the village, looking for things to do for the remaining hours before it would be socially acceptable to go to sleep but too exhausted to actually do much of anything.

She glanced over at Sai, who'd been boasting a strained fake smile all day, but had now abandoned the façade and was holding his hand to his side. Temari jerked her head in his general direction. "You okay?" she asked, not really caring all that much what the answer was but feeling she was obligated to check.

"Oh, yes," he responded cheerfully, pasting that fake smile back across his pallid face. "The efforts of the day are just catching up with my injuries, that's all. How are you doing?"

Temari shrugged. "Fine, I guess," she muttered as her stomach rumbled loudly. Temari scratched at her head, smiling embarrassedly as a few people on the street turned to find out from where the ungodly noise had emanated.

Sai chuckled good-naturedly. "Hungry, then?" He reached out a hand as if he were about to clap Temari on the shoulder, as one would to a close friend, but then withdrew, as if he'd thought better of the idea. Temari found herself feeling rather bad—was she really scaring him off that badly? She supposed she hadn't been the most amicable of travel companions, but—

No. No buts. She'd been downright awful; had hardly spoken to the poor boy all day. And after all, what had he done to merit such a cold reception? He'd tried to give her a nickname. And if what Shikamaru had told her had any ring of truth, he'd just been making a poor attempt at being friendly. She'd just have to be a bit nicer; Sai deserved to be given a chance.

"Yeah. Starved," she replied, flashing him a toothy grin that she hoped came off as friendly. "I packed a few rice balls for the trip, but those only last so long, you know?" She placed a hand on his shoulder just as he'd been about to do to her, and to her great delight, a genuine smile spread across Sai's face, setting his eyes twinkling.

"In that case, I know the perfect place for dinner. This way!"

He led her up the street and eventually rounded a corner, stopping abruptly in front of a small shop. The lantern outside glowed fiercely in the dusky twilight and the salty scent wafting out from behind the curtains made Temari's mouth water. The sign read 'Ichiraku Ramen'.

"A ramen shop?" Temari asked.

"Yes, Naruto swears by it. He'd die before eating ramen from any other shop," Sai responds earnestly, pulling back a curtain and gesturing for Temari to enter. "You like ramen, I presume?"

"Of course," she replied, entering the shop and taking a seat at the counter.

A young woman appeared from the back room to give them menus and take their order. Sai ordered a plain ramen with seaweed; Temari went straight for the ramen with a double-order of BBQ Pork. She needed to keep her strength up. The young woman took their menus and retreated into the back room, assuring them that their food would be out shortly.

A few minutes later, a kind-faced old man emerged with two steaming bowls of ramen and set them on the counter, grinning.

Sai and Temari plucked their chopsticks from the bowl and chimed, "Thank you!" in unison before digging in.

As Temari sucked in her first mouthful of noodles, her eyes widened in wonder. She'd always enjoyed ramen but had not realized until that moment just how delicious it could truly be.

The old man chuckled at Temari's presumably ridiculous facial expression. "You like it?" he asked.

Temari nodded furiously. "It's amazing," she exclaimed, proceeding to shovel the remainder of her ramen into her mouth and slurp up the broth. "Can I have seconds?" she asked eagerly, holding her bowl out to the old man.

"I'd be offended if you didn't." He winked, taking the bowl from her. "Did you hear that, Ayame?" he called into the back room.

"Already on it, Dad," she responded, emerging with a fresh bowl. She placed it in front of Temari and fixed her with a penetrating stare. "I haven't seen you around here before. You're from the Hidden Sand village, right?" she asked, pointing to her headband.

"Yeah," Temari answered around a mouthful of hot noodles. "I haven't been to the Leaf in a while, but the last time I was here, I was helping organize the Chunin Exams."

"Oh!" the old man exclaimed, snapping his fingers. "I know exactly who you are. I remember Shikamaru talking about you a while back. Your name is…um…Te…don't tell me. T—T—Terumi? No, no, that's not it. Uh…but it definitely starts with a 'T'. Hmm…Ah! Temari! That's it, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Temari said incredulously.

"Ayame, this is the Troublesome Temari," he exclaimed, pointing excitedly. "We've heard so much about you! You'll have to forgive me for taking so long to remember your name. I'm getting up there in years and my memory just isn't what it used to be," he confessed.

"What are you talking about?" she inquired in disbelief, choosing to ignore the 'troublesome' comment. "That was impressive. I never could have done that—I'm the worst with names."

"I'm sure that's an exaggeration," he said, stretching a hand over the counter. "I'm Teuchi."

"Teuchi," she confirmed, shaking the old man's hand. "I think I can remember that."

She withdrew her hand and was about to take another slurp of her noodles, but was suddenly distracted by something she'd heard earlier. "Wait, did you say that Shikamaru was talking about me?"

"Yep," answered Ayame frankly.

"What did he say?" Temari asked, failing to mask the curiosity in her voice.

Teuchi laughed. "Oh, nothing bad, if that's what you're thinking. He complained a bit, but you know how he is—he complains about everything. I could tell he holds you in high regard."

Temari nearly snorted, imagining Shikamaru's lopsided smirk and his often superior attitude. "What, you think he respects me?" she cackled. "That's crazy."

"No, really," Teuchi murmured, leaning over the counter as if he were about to confide a vital secret. "I may just be a humble cook, but I'm a cook in a ninja village, and I've had every single person who lives in the Hidden Leaf through my restaurant at some time or another. Now, these people are highly trained Shinobi; very skilled at deception, very skilled at keeping outsiders from knowing their secrets, their innermost thoughts. But I've been around for a long time, and I've gotten really good at reading people who don't want to be read. I've only ever seen him talk about one other person the way he talked about you, and that was Asuma Sarutobi, bless his soul, and if that doesn't mean he respects you, I don't know what would."

Temari felt a chill as a breeze swept through the restaurant and as she remembered her conversation with Shikamaru two nights ago, when he'd confessed to her that his sensei had died. He had loved that man more than anyone—as far as Temari could figure, he was like a second father to Shikamaru, and the hurt from his death was clearly still there, raw and seeping. She recalled the pained expression on his face when she'd found him puffing away on his cigarette.

She sighed. If what the old man was saying had any truth to it, and she had no reason to believe it didn't, Shikamaru cared a great deal more for her than he'd lead her to believe. She had a sudden flash of the way he scratched at his head and bit his lip and fiddled with his earrings when his mind was distracted, and presently, the chill was gone; she felt warmed straight through. The corners of Temari's mouth quirked into a private smile. She wondered what Shikamaru was doing at that moment…

Shikamaru was looking in the refrigerator. His clothes were stiff with sweat and he was downright starved, but it appeared that Temari had taken the last of the rice balls with her when she'd left that morning. Troublesome woman, he thought. Shikamaru sighed and closed the fridge, resigning himself to a hunt through the cupboards for dinner.

It had been a long, trying day, but he and his comrades had little to show for their efforts. As it turned out, Shikamaru couldn't imagine a more horrible situation than wandering aimlessly around an unfamiliar village on a 112 degree day, with absolutely no idea what he was looking for. Except, perhaps, doing the same thing on a 114 degree day, as was the forecast for the following day. Although, the next day was Monday, and Shikamaru was expected to sub for Temari at the Academy, so at least he'd get to spend part of his day indoors. He couldn't say the same for his squad, but hey—it was out of his hands.

He'd met with Gaara and Kankuro about half an hour after he'd rolled out of bed that morning (and dressed in his own clean clothes, which he'd found neatly folded on the sofa that morning—he had to remember to thank the housekeeper), and they'd decided that it was unlikely that there would be an attack for the next couple days. If Shikamaru were in the rogue army's shoes, he would ride out the supposed 'the-enemy-doesn't-know-we're-here' advantage as long as possible. That being said, they'd agreed without question, they (including Sai, Temari, Choji, Hinata, and Naruto, and Ino, Kiba, and Shino once they arrived) would need to be on heightened alert and patrol the village at regular intervals, just to be safe. Besides, Shikamaru didn't think they would be able to relax for much longer. If Gaara was right about the army's ultimate plan, and Shikamaru was certain that he was, the optimal time to strike would be anywhere from two to five days from then—that span of time would be just enough for the village to think the terror was over, thereby creating a heightened emotional impact when they discovered it wasn't; plus, it would ensure that a great majority of the Hidden Sand's shinobi would still be in the hospital, unfit to defend the village.

He hated to admit it, but it was an excellent plan. He'd always despised going up against reasonably intelligent opponents—that meant they were that much more difficult to defeat. And he always defeated them, ultimately, but he loathed having to put effort into it.

After his meeting, he and Kankuro had headed to his friends' apartment to inform them of the current situation, as they knew nothing of the rogue army's plot. However, when Shikamaru finally told them, none of them appeared to be surprised in the least.

"Well, you sent Sai off to bring in reinforcements," Choji had pointed out smugly. "We figured we'd be sticking around for a while. Even Naruto figured something was up when we heard about that."

"Yeah," chimed in Naruto enthusiastically, but then he processed Choji's snide comment. "Hey…"

"Choji, don't say things like that," murmured Hinata nervously.

"See? At least Hinata likes me," boasted Naruto despondently.

Hinata gasped and curled in on herself, trying to hide in plain sight. Shikamaru could see the tips of her ears turning bright red.

"Chill out, guys," he requested exasperatedly. "We've got a job to do. So Naruto, I want you and Kankuro to patrol the Northern half of the village. Choji and I will cover the Southern half. Gaara's still got paperwork to do, so he can't be of much use today, but I've promised to keep him updated and he offered to take the night shift. He said something about being used to going without sleep, so he'd be perfect for the job. Hinata—I want you to stay here. We need your leg to heal up a bit more before I send out outside, and anyway, you can probably get more done in a couple hours with your Byakugan from in here than the rest of us will be able to accomplish all day from out there. Everyone—keep an eye out for anyone exhibiting weird behavior, or anything suspicious about the buildings. At this point, we don't really know what we're looking for; it could be anything, but I've been thinking—do you guys remember that old man, Genno?"

Choji and Hinata wrinkled their brows in thought, but Naruto's unlined face showed instant recollection. "Of course. He was nice. He used to buy me ramen. He said I reminded him of his Grandson."

"Yeah. But do you remember everything else he did?"

"He posed as a construction worker, and he placed a paper bomb network throughout the entire Hidden Leaf Village," said Hinata softly, finally placing the old man in her memory.

"Exactly," agreed Shikamaru. "I'm thinking something similar may be happening here. Old Man Genno went for decades undetected by working the way he did, and even though the bombs turned out to be duds, it was still a brilliant plan. I'm sure the enemy hasn't overlooked that. So also keep an eye out for construction projects and that sort of thing."

Naruto raised his hand tentatively, showing a rare moment of restraint and having apparently sensed the gravity of the situation.

"Yes, Naruto?" Shikamaru asked exasperatedly.

"I should use Shadow Clones, right? We can cover more ground that way."

Shikamaru paused for a moment, mulling it over, but came to a conclusion almost instantly. "No," he said definitively. "The whole point of keeping our numbers so limited is to keep from drawing attention to ourselves. The second people see hundreds of Narutos flooding the streets, our enemy will know the game is up, and then they'll get desperate, which is exactly what we don't want."

"Well I wouldn't use hundreds," Naruto argued. "But wouldn't just having a couple help?"

Shikamaru considered the situation. "I suppose that if you space them out far enough, there wouldn't be any harm done," he conceded. "But I'm limiting you to two, and you have to make sure no one notices you're using clones. Can you do that?"

"You can count on me, Shikamaru."

"Great. Well, I think that's everything. Let's head out."

Shikamaru spent the next twelve hours meandering around a too-hot village on a too-impossible mission that he knew was probably doomed to fail, since he was missing his best resources. But in all likelihood, Temari, Sai, Ino, Kiba, and Shino would arrive sometime the next day, and they'd finally be able to make some progress in their investigation.

But as of now, Shikamaru was empty-handed, and not to mention hungry. He finally found some rice and seaweed in the back of one of the cupboards and decided to make some more rice balls. He put them together quickly, scarfed down five or six (he lost count) and put the rest aside for later.

No longer hungry, all he really wanted to do was go to bed. He could already hear Kankuro snoring from behind his closed door. He went to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face, relishing the coolness. He fetched the toothbrush from the pile of basic toiletries the housekeeper had been kind enough to give him with his freshly laundered clothes and scrubbed at his teeth, glad that something on his body would feel clean when he went to bed. He ran a hand over his sleeve and winced when he could feel the salt from his sweat. There was no way he could wear those filthy clothes in Temari's bed. He stripped down to his boxers and simply stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a moment, looking at himself. His skin above the collar and below the wrists was already a couple shades darker than the rest of him. He wasn't used to getting quite this much sun. But other than that, he looked exactly the same as always. Well, not exactly the same, he thought, turning to show the mirror his back. He examined the two rows of inexpert stitches stretching across his shoulder and lower back and was relieved to see that neither of them looked red or infected. No, they weren't red, but the black thread was just as harsh as an infection would be. The blackness made ugly gashes across his otherwise unblemished back, and he knew he was going to wind up with nasty scars, and despite it all, Shikamaru smiled. The battle had left its mark on him. He didn't know the full extent of it, but the battle was important—not just to the Hidden Sand, but to him. He couldn't quite explain it, but he knew that in the end, everything would be clear.

It was with that thought that he wandered to Temari's bedroom and crawled between her uniquely scented sheets. He remembered the previous night, when the two of them had drifted off into sleep side-by-side, and he found that tonight, the bed felt oddly empty. Without her weight balancing out his own, the bed simply didn't feel right. Shikamaru felt himself missing Temari, even with all her troublesome nagging and candidness. He hoped she was doing alright in the Leaf, that her mission had gone as planned, and he hoped even more that she'd be back tomorrow, which was yet another thing he couldn't explain. Somewhere in the past two days, they'd almost become friends. Not just grudging acquaintances or people who saved each other's asses when the situation called for it. Actual friends.

Shikamaru allowed himself a small smile and muttered, "Goodnight, Temari," into his pillow as he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

"Bye, Teuchi. Thanks for everything," Temari gushed, shaking the old man's hand.

"No problem," he replied. "Make sure you stop by next time you're in the village."

Temari smiled. "I will," she agreed as she walked away, following Sai into the scarcely-lit maze of streets which filled the Hidden Leaf at night.

Having finally had their fill of ramen, Sai had footed the bill and he and Temari left Ichiraku in good spirits. Sai was looking as happy as Temari had ever seen him, his eyes squinted up at the corners and betraying his feelings even if he wasn't smiling.

Temari marveled for a moment at how peaceful the Hidden Leaf seemed at night. For such a lively village, it was sort of beautiful in the moonlight. Temari took a lungful of the cool air and she smiled when it didn't smell like the desert.

"What would you like to do now?" asked Sai in an attempt to be chivalrous. Temari knew he was exhausted and that his cracked rib must be causing him a great deal of discomfort.

"It's getting late," Temari said, partly out of pity and partly because she desperately wanted to get some sleep. "I think we should just call it a night."

They continued walking, but after a few steps, Temari realized something. "I need to find a place to stay," she said abruptly. "Are there any hotels nearby? Anywhere I could spend the night?"

Sai turned to her and quirked the corners of his mouth up ever so slightly. "Don't be silly," he chided. "You can stay with me."

Temari was a bit taken aback. She'd never anticipated that Sai would warm up to her this much. "Um…thanks. That'd be great."

Sai nodded seriously. "I hope you will find it comfortable."

They walked for several more blocks in silence, until they reached a plain-looking multi-story complex. Sai stepped through the front door and beckoned for Temari to follow. They walked up several flights of stairs and finally stopped at a landing that looked very much like the other ones. Sai made his way down a dark hallway and stopped at the third door before entering the apartment.

The first thing that struck Temari was how sparsely furnished the little space was. It was a three-room apartment. The central space was a living room/kitchen and that branched out to two more rooms, which Temari observed were a bathroom and a bedroom. The only pieces of furniture she could see in the apartment were a futon, a small coffee table, a tall bookshelf, Sai's bed, and a desk placed under the window. The desk was littered with ink-splattered pages and Temari could imagine sitting there and feeling the sunlight on her face while she worked.

The second thing that struck her was that the walls were covered in paintings. They were beautiful, she thought. She stopped in front of one, an abstract with swirls in green and blue and orange and pointed. "Did you paint all these?"

"Yes," he replied. "I find that creating art helps me greatly with performing my jutsu."

"Yes, of course," Temari said, silently admonishing herself for forgetting. She had flown here on a giant ink bird, after all. "You're a great painter," she marveled, slowly making a circuit of the room. She paused in front of another painting, for which the title plate read Tree in Spring. She paused, confused, and looked back to the previous painting, for which the title plate was blank. "How come some of them have titles and some don't?"

Sai tilted his head as if remembering. "I used to create art out of necessity, not because I enjoyed it. I gave none of my early works titles because I felt nothing as I created them; nothing came to mind. I was trained to suppress any emotions that emerged through my work. Naruto and Sakura were the ones who encouraged me to feel those emotions, to let them out. And so my recent works have titles, based on my thoughts and feelings while creating the piece."

"All thanks to Naruto, huh?" Temari asked, only half kidding.

"Yes," Sai acknowledged, walking into his bedroom.

"I've been hearing that a lot lately," Temari admitted. "Naruto's done a lot for a lot of people. He's a good guy. And not just one of those guys who does good things for recognition. You look at him, and you know he's good right down to the core. I wish there were more people like that."

Temari meandered slowly over to Sai's room and leaned against the doorframe, looking down at her feet. "If only everyone could be like that, right?" she laughed sardonically. "Maybe then my village wouldn't be in this mess."

"Don't worry, Temari," Sai intoned. "If I know my squad, they will stop at nothing to save your village. You can count on that."

A smirk stretched across Temari's face. "So you decided to drop the nickname, I see."

"Shikamaru decided that might be for the best," Sai said matter-of-factly.

"Smart man," said Temari, finally looking up.

Sai's room looked very different than she'd expected it to look. It was just as sparsely furnished as the rest of the apartment, and the walls still boasted Sai's art, but these were different. They were all portraits. As Temari spun in a slow circle, she took in all of them. She saw many familiar faces, including most of the Leaf ninja from the Chunin Exams. Kakashi was there, as well as a couple other Senseis. Temari even recognized that Sasuke brat who went rogue all those years ago. But the thing that really blew her away was that the wall opposite Sai's bed was entirely covered in paintings of Naruto. His yellow hair, twinkling blue eyes, and sparkling teeth peered out from every canvas.

Seeing Temari's amazed expression, Sai endeavored to explain. "When I go to sleep, I like to be surrounded by my…friends." He struggled with the word, like it was unfamiliar to him. "It's new to me, having people like these in my life, and I like being surrounded by these reminders. With these, I know they exist."

"Whoa," Temari breathed, eyes still fixed on the wall opposite Sai's bed. "That is a lot of Narutos."

"Yes," Sai acknowledged.

"I mean, you've really spent a lot of time on these. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were in love with him." Temari looked at Sai, grinning, but her cheery expression quickly vanished when she saw the tortured expression on Sai's face.

"Oh my god," Temari whispered. "You are in love with him, aren't you?"

Sai's face quickly reverted to his typical stoicism. "I would not know."

Temari glanced at him quizzically. "How can you possibly not know if you're in love with somebody?"

Sai's brow wrinkled in thought. "I have never experienced love for another person. All that I know on the subject is what I've read in books."

"But how can you not know if you're in love?"

"How would I know? What are the indicating factors?" asked Sai with a genuine curiosity.

"I—I—" Temari stuttered. "I mean—you should just…know. Right? I mean, that's how it's always seemed."

"Seemed?" Sai repeated. "Then you have never been in love yourself?"

"As if," Temari scoffed. "That would involve a guy being able to talk to me for more than a couple minutes before running off."

Sai tilted his head inquisitively. "Why do they run?"

Temari sighed. "I don't know. I guess I scare them off."

"Why?"

"I don't know! I don't do it on purpose!" she exploded, the frustration coursing angrily through her body like blood. She was breathing hard and her heart was pounding against the inside of her chest. She supposed that this was actually a good example of why guys ran off. Why was she such a perpetually angry person? She didn't enjoy being this way, didn't like surrendering to her rage or feeling like a bomb ticking, but she gets asked a couple personal questions, and BOOM! She kept telling herself to get a handle on her anger, but she was having trouble with doing that, especially in the past couple days. First the battle, which was a complete bloodbath, then her disagreement with Kankuro's doctor, and not to mention her attempt to strangle Sai the previous day. She was a pacifist, for crying out loud! She hated fighting! She hated what it did to people, what it did to her. She would have to stop these outbursts sometime soon, or else—

"Perhaps you do," said Sai, breaking into her thoughts.

"What?"

"You could be scaring them off on purpose."

Temari widened her eyes at him, bewildered. "And why would I do that?"

Sai shrugged, wincing as he tweaked one of his cracked ribs. "Perhaps you are already in love with someone else and haven't yet realized it. That is frequently the case in the books I read."

Temari let out one great, honking laugh before regaining composure. "What kind of trash are you reading?"

Sai quickly made his way over to his bookshelf and extracted a volume. He returned to Temari and held the book out to her. It was a garish shade of orange and the cover was emblazoned with the words 'Make-Out Paradise'. She plucked it from his hands and looked it over once before shoving it back into his hands, snickering.

"You shouldn't believe all the crap you read in these romance novels," she said. "They're not realistic. They're just gonna give you a false idea of reality. And why are we talking about me, anyway? We were talking about you, and Naruto."

Sai silently walked back to the bookshelf and replaced Make-Out Paradise carefully. He turned to face Temari, a helpless gleam in his eyes.

"Do you think you might love him?" asked Temari.

Sai sighed. "I really do not know. All I know is that it makes me happy to be with him. He makes me better than I really am, and I can feel it. Here," he said, pointing to his chest. "I feel warm when I am with him. Like his smile gets inside me."

Temari smiled sadly. "Sounds like love to me. You've got a rough ride ahead of you, buddy."

Sai nodded his head solemnly. "I know. But the ride will be worth it."

They stood together in silence for a few moments, bound by their thoughts, but finally, Temari broke the silence.

"I'm exhausted," she said. "We should probably get to bed."

"Yes," Sai said abruptly, as if the same thought had just occurred to him. "I thought you would be comfortable on the futon. There are sheets in that cupboard," he said, pointing.

Temari nodded. "Thanks."

"Of course."

"Good night, Sai," she called over her shoulder as she walked to the cupboard.

"Good night, Temari," Sai replied. He turned to re-enter his bedroom, but stopped in the doorway. "Temari?" he asked, as if preparing himself to say something.

"Yeah?"

"I know you think you scare people away, but you don't scare me," he said very seriously. "And you don't scare Shikamaru either."

After that, he closed the door very deliberately, leaving Temari to her own devices to figure out what, exactly, he was implying.

Monday morning arrived with a vengeance, the hot desert sun seeping through the crack between the curtains and cutting a harsh line across the otherwise dark room. Shikamaru's internal clock was being just as ruthless as ever, and he awoke just before Temari's alarm clock went off.

"Will you get that, Temari?" he slurred, head still heavy with sleep. It took him a few seconds to remember that Temari wasn't there, and then he felt the same bizarre loneliness he'd experienced the previous night.

He lay in bed for a few moments, willing the alarm to shut off by itself, but he'd never had much luck with that sort of thing. He finally rolled out of bed and trudged to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face to jerk him into the waking world. Upon returning to his bedroom, he found his freshly laundered clothes and put them on, reminding himself again to thank the housekeeper.

He walked to the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal, seating himself at the tiny dining room table and lazily munching on his breakfast. After about five minutes, Kankuro emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of steam. He had a towel slung precariously around his hips and his hair was dripping steadily on the stone floor. He yawned exaggeratedly, raising a hand to cover his mouth. As he closed his mouth, he blinked forcefully and whipped his head back and forth, trying to shake himself awake and sending water flying everywhere in the process.

"It's way too early to be up," Kankuro complained.

"Don't you have to do this like, every day?" Shikamaru asked.

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't make it any less brutal," he replied. "So you're subbing for Temari at the Academy today, right?"

"That's what we agreed on before she left. That'll be fine, right?"

"Should be, yeah. And I've got something planned anyway. I figured we could give Temari's class a little bit of a field trip today, you know? Try to take some pressure off you and give the kids a little bit of fun at the same time."

Shikamaru nodded solemnly. "Sounds like a plan."

Kankuro turned away and began walking slowly to his room. "Temari cares about these kids so much," he called over his shoulder. "I swear, if anyone besides you had ever suggested that she take a day off, she'd have killed them." He chuckled sardonically. "I've told her a couple times to take a mental health day, or something—"

"And what happened?" Shikamaru asked.

"I don't remember very well. I'm pretty sure she knocked me out." He sighed, pausing just outside his room. "She hates listening to me. I'd always sort of thought it was an age thing, like she didn't want to take advice from her little brother, but she listens to you, and you're even younger than me. Well, maybe she just cares more about you," he explained nonchalantly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shikamaru demanded incredulously.

Kankuro didn't answer for several seconds, and when he finally spoke again, it wasn't to address Shikamaru's question.

"We'll head out for the Academy in ten minutes," he said, slipping through the door and clicking it shut behind him.

The mornings were milder in the Hidden Leaf than they were in the Hidden Sand. So much so, in fact, that Temari was sincerely regretting having to leave, but she knew she had to. She had her own village to think about. She glanced over her shoulder and watched as the Hidden Leaf shrank into little more than a speck on the horizon, a dot of green in the clear blue of the morning sky.

She returned to her original position, face defiantly pointed straight into the wind. The sharpness of the air stung as it nipped at her skin, and her eyes watered uncomfortably, but it was a good sort of discomfort. It was the sort that reminded Temari she was alive.

"Yo, Temari!" she heard from her right. She glanced over and saw Kiba with his long arms wrapped tightly around the neck of his ink bird. His eyes were wide with a strange mixture of adrenaline and fear, and his teeth were clenched. "Nobody said there'd be flying involved when they brought me into this!"

Temari smirked. "What, are you afraid of heights or something?"

Kiba blanched and his features assumed a more defensive appearance. "No!" he shouted. "I'm just worried about Akamaru!" he explained, momentarily extricating one arm from his vice-like grip on the bird to point to his dog. Akamaru was perched on the bird directly behind Kiba, and although his claws were digging into the bird like he was hanging on for dear life, Akamaru's tongue was hanging out of his mouth and his cheeks were flapping in the wind. The gigantic dog seemed to be having the time of his life.

Temari turned back to Kiba. "Yeah, he looks really terrified," she responded, raising one eyebrow to highlight her sarcasm.

"Kiba," came a raspy voice from her left. Shino. "You know, if you're scared, you should let someone know. That's because if you explain yourself, we might be able to work out a compromise and—"

"Shut the fuck up, Shino! What the hell do you know, anyway?" came the slightly panicked reply. "I don't need any of your shit right now!"

"Man, Kiba, I never knew you were this much of a pussy!" came Ino's twinkly chatter from the rear of their formation. She was standing atop the bird with her arms held straight out at her sides, like she was surfing. Her blonde ponytail was whipping back and forth as they flew, and her smile was so wide that Temari thought it must hurt to keep one's face like that. Ino laughed at the look of absolute horror on Kiba's face. "Sai," she called to the front of the formation. "I wanna do another loop!"

Sai nodded, grinning ever-so-slighlty, and made a hand sign. Ino's bird immediately changed course, soaring straight up into the air and taking Ino with it into a backflip. Ino whooped loudly as the bird reached the apex of the loop, and Kiba's terrified expression only intensified.

"Ino, quit it! YOU'RE GONNA KILL YOURSELF!"

She giggled as she caught up with the group once more. "Kiba, you need to get that stick removed from your ass. You're no fun at all today."

"Kiba, you really have nothing to be afraid of. That's because you can simply channel your chakra into your feet to keep your balance, just like climbing a tree—"

"SERIOUSLY SHINO, SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Temari shot a sideways glance at the hooded shinobi. Shino's face was as solemn as ever, but Temari thought she saw the ghost of a smile on his face. "So this guy's your best friend, huh?" she asked.

"Yes," Shino replied. "Ever since we were children."

"And you're gonna take that abuse?"

"I am used to people not listening to what I have to say."

Temari's brow furrowed. "That sucks, man. Why don't they listen, if you don't mind me asking?"

The ghost of a smile disappeared entirely as Shino opened his mouth to speak. "It's the curse of the Aburame clan," he explained. "It's because we specialize in insects. We become flies on the wall, and people often forget about us."

Temari snorted derisively.

Shino turned to her in a rare display of outward confusion. "What?" he asked.

Temari shook her head. "You think people forget about you? You should see the impact you made on my brother. Do you remember when you beat the crap out of Kankuro, after the Chunin Exams? I've been meaning to thank you for that—he needed some sense knocked into him, the cocky bastard. But trust me, he hasn't forgotten you. In fact, he's wanted a rematch for like, three years. So don't be surprised if he wants to fight you the second we arrive."

Shino turned his face back into the wind, an odd look of satisfaction on his face. "I may have to take him up on that offer."

Temari rolled her eyes. "You men are all the same. You always want to fight."

"And you don't?"

Temari turned away from Shino. "No," she murmured so quietly she could hardly hear herself. "But sometimes I can't stop myself."

"HEY," shouted Kiba over the wind. "I HATE TO BREAK UP THIS LITTLE SAP-FEST, BUT CAN WE PLEASE GET MOVING?! I'D LIKE TO LAND SOON."

"Kiba, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were afraid of heights," Ino taunted, still surfing the air currents.

"I AM NOT AFRAID OF HEIGHTS I AM JUST CONCERNED FOR AKAMARU'S SAFETY," Kiba shouted, completely abandoning conventional verbal punctuation.

"Oh, Kiba's such a little scaredy-cat. I didn't think that was even paw-ssible," Ino joked.

"STOP WITH THE FUCKING ANIMAL PUNS YOU KNOW VERY WELL I'M A DOG HANDLER SO I WON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT CAT SHIT CAN WE PLEASE JUST SPEED UP I DON'T WANT AKAMARU ON THAT DAMN BIRD ALL DAY."

"We are already going the top speed," Sai called back to him.

"WELL HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE?"

"Approximately three more hours," Sai responded nonchalantly.

"I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I SEE SHIKAMARU I WILL FUCKING KILL HIM FOR DRAGGING ME INTO THIS THAT SON OF A BITCH IS DEAD FUCKING MEAT YOU HEAR ME DEAD FUCKING MEAT."

Shikamaru and Kankuro left the apartment and began to make their way across the village to the Ninja Academy. The day was already shaping up to be even hotter than the previous one, and Shikamaru was extremely grateful that he would be spending the day indoors. He couldn't say the same for his friends, but someone had to be on patrol. True, they weren't expecting any sort of attack for another few days at least, but reconnaissance was always a good thing. There was no such thing as too much information.

Shikamaru and Kankuro walked in silence for a few minutes, but before long, Shikamaru felt himself bubbling over with questions.

"What did you mean, earlier?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"About Temari."

"Oh," he said, gritting his teeth and not providing any information.

Shikamaru looked at him imploringly. "You said she cared about me."

Kankuro sighed. "Look, man," he said. "This has nothing to do with my sister; it's just me complaining. But a few years ago, after the Chunin Exams? After you had all but beaten her and then decided to forfeit? You humiliated her. She wanted to kill you. And that's not a metaphor, or whatever—she told me once that she had a dream about decapitating you and carrying your severed head around on the point of a spear."

Shikamaru grimaced. "Nice."

"Yeah," Kankuro chuckled. "And I don't know when that changed, exactly. I guess after we all fought the Sound Ninja, she felt like you two were even and she dropped the grudge, but that just doesn't happen with my sister. I've known her for eighteen years, and once you're on her bad side, you never leave. And all it takes to get on her bad side is some tiny, trivial thing—I should know. I stole four of her kunai knives when I was six, and I know my sister loves me and all that sappy sibling-y shit, but she hasn't allowed me near her Ninja Tools since. And it's been twelve years. If there's one thing my sister can do, it's hold a grudge." He paused for breath, giving Shikamaru a chance to interject.

"But not against me?" he asked.

"Looks that way," he agreed. "There's something different about you. I think it's just that you're smarter than her. She's always been the one the Council turns to when they need a strategist, so she's used to being the sharpest knife in the drawer, but if she's a knife, you're a fucking chainsaw, man. She respects you."

Shikamaru arched an eyebrow. "Really?" In his mind's eye, he saw Temari as she was three years ago, after the failed Sasuke Rescue mission. He saw her lip curl in disgust as he broke down in tears and promised that he'd never let his comrades get hurt again. She despised his weakness—not just the fact that he'd failed his mission, but also the fact that he had the audacity to cry about it. She certainly didn't respect him then, and he wasn't convinced she did now. He recalled the unguarded twinkle in Temari's eyes from the previous night as she carelessly stuffed her cheeks full of rice balls. She'd been wearing her pajamas and her hair had been down. Shikamaru's lip twitched up slightly at the contrast between Temari then and now. He was pretty sure they'd altogether skipped the 'respect' stage. What they had now was more personal, more familiar than respect. He wasn't quite sure what to call it; they weren't exactly friends, per se, but no other word seemed to fit. "It doesn't feel like respect," he muttered to Kankuro, effectively ending the conversation.

They arrived at the Academy and Kankuro ushered Shikamaru to Temari's usual classroom. They entered, somehow explained to the tiny children that Temari-sensei was away on a mission at the moment without being too specific, and then Kankuro asked whether they'd like to make their way to the older kids' class and watch their skills tests. The children all nodded eagerly and they marched in a disorderly fashion toward the training pitch, where they oohed and aahed at the elaborate setup of targets they saw.

Kankuro's older students arrived shortly and he waved all the kids into their seats. They huddled together, whispering excitedly, and Shikamaru smiled when he found Yumi, the little girl from a couple days ago, in the audience, sucking her thumb with her brown eyes wide with wonder.

"Are you ready?" Kankuro muttered in Shikamaru's ear.

"For what?"

"I need a witness. You're about to help me settle a bet," Kankuro responded cryptically. He turned to his class and raised his right hand in the air, an instant hush falling over the crowd.

"Welcome, one and all, to this year's third quarterly skills test!" Kankuro boomed, instantly adopting the persona of a circus ringleader. He could have been an actor, Shikamaru thought. He knew how to work an audience.

"So are you guys ready?" shouted Kankuro animatedly.

"Yes, Sensei!" came the unanimous reply.

"You all remember the drill, right? You get one try—and one try only—to hit as many of those targets as you can," he explained, gesturing to the practice field. "Your score will help determine your class rank, which will in turn determine your squad assignments for when you finally make Genin. So remember, you just need to do your best, okay?"

"Yes, Sensei!"

"And don't forget—I've got a friend here from the Hidden Leaf Village"—he pointed at Shikamaru, who bowed his head embarrassedly—"and we can't let him walk away from here thinking our Sand Shinobi-in-Training are a bunch of sissies, can we?"

"No, Sensei!"

"That's what I thought. Alright, let's get started. Hiroki, you're up first."

Shikamaru's head jerked up at the sound of the familiar name. He scanned the crowd of children until his eyes found a slight, black-haired boy making his way to the practice field. The boy from the marketplace, Yumi's older brother. In a sudden flash, he remembered the bet Kankuro had made with the boy based on this test—if he got a perfect score, the boy would get to go out to dinner with Temari.

Now Shikamaru understood Kankuro's cryptic introduction from earlier, about needing a witness. Knowing Temari, if Kankuro told her that Hiroki had won the bet, she'd get angry and refuse, and probably accuse Kankuro of lying about Hiroki's test results to piss her off. She'd write it off as some sort of sibling prank. But if Shikamaru could confirm the results…

Well, she'd still be pissed, and it would be a total pain having to tell her, but she'd believe it. Eventually.

Hiroki walked purposefully toward the center of the range of targets and turned in a slow circle, making a mental note of the exact location of each of the ten targets he was expected to hit. He reached into his pouch and pulled out a large handful of shuriken, widening his stance and bending his knees. He looked momentarily over his shoulder to glare at Shikamaru through narrowed eyes for a few more seconds, and then closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and leapt into the air, flinging shuriken in every direction. There were several dull thudding noises and the students cheered. Hiroki landed lightly on the ground and turned in another slow circle, calculating his results.

He'd hit every last target.

Shikamaru had expected him to taunt or brag, but Hiroki's face at that moment broke into such a pure, childlike expression of unwavering happiness that Shikamaru found it difficult not to share in the boy's joy. Hiroki sprinted over to Kankuro to receive a well-earned high five and soon returned to his seat, where his classmates all took turns clapping him on the back.

"Excellent, Hiroki," Kankuro shouted before pivoting to face Shikamaru. "So what do you think, Mr. Leaf Village? Impressed?"

Shikamaru forced himself into the easygoing, encouraging personality he always tried to adopt in front of kids. "I've got to make sure to send the Hokage a letter telling her we've got to step our Academy up a notch, if we're gonna keep up with you guys."

"Damn straight," Kankuro replied, causing several of the kids to crack guilty smiles, as if they were embarrassed by the curse word but still found it funny. "Now, are you guys gonna let Hiroki upstage you?" he continued.

"No, Sensei!"

"That's what I thought! Alright, Kirin, you're up next. Do us proud."

A jaunty sandy-haired girl skipped onto the practice field and took up her stance. While she got ready, Kankuro sidled up to Shikamaru and muttered, "So it looks like you've got a date."

Shikamaru blanched. "What?"

"With Temari and Hiroki—GOOD JOB, KIRIN! NOW IT'S YOUR TURN, SAYU!—Sorry dude, I've got to at least pretend I'm paying attention to my kids. Where was I? Oh, yeah. There's no way Temari's going on a date with a little kid without a wingman."

"Is that what I am? A wingman?"

Kankuro shrugged. "Well what else would you be?"

Shikamaru looked away, unsure how exactly to answer the question. "I don't know."

"Well Hiroki's gonna be a right pain in the ass 'til I tell him when his date is—THAT'S OKAY SAYU, BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME. YOU'RE UP, HARU.—so what should I tell him? Is Wednesday good?"

Shikamaru thought for a moment. "Yeah, it should be. Then everyone'll have a day to recover from flying here before they have to cover for us. And besides, we're not gonna be much help anyway once the others get here. There's no way strategists like me or fighters like you can beat—"

"ALL RIGHT, HARU. ISHIYAMA, YOU'RE NEXT. Sorry man, you were saying…"

Shikamaru chuckled. "I was saying there's no way to beat Hinata, Kiba, and Shino in a game of hide-and-seek, and that's really all this is. Once we have our sensory ninja, then this hunt for these bastards really begins."

"So when are they supposed to get here?"

Shikamaru glanced at the clock. "If they left as early as I hope they did, they should be here by the time school lets out."

Kankuro's face morphed into an expectant smile. "Excellent."

Shikamaru arched a single eyebrow. "What's excellent?"

"Ino's coming," Kankuro replied deviously. "It's time to put my game face on—ISHIYAMA, I KEEP TELLING YOU STUFF LIKE THIS'LL HAPPEN IF YOU DON'T PRACTICE. GO SIT DOWN. CHIHIRO, I HOPE YOU DO BETTER THAN THAT—You don't mind if I…y'know…"

"What, ask her out?" Shikamaru asked. "Why would I mind?"

Kankuro shrugged embarrassedly. "I just thought that, well…you do spend a lot of time together."

Shikamaru sighed. "Didn't we just go through this a couple days ago? Of course I spend a lot of time with her. She's on my squad. She's my friend. But she's like my sister." Shikamaru turned away and considered leaving it at that, but then he was grabbed by a sudden burst of curiosity. "How come I'm always the one people think is with Ino? What about Choji? He spends just as much time with her as I do; probably more, actually, now that Tsunade's been working me so hard. How come people never ask about him when stuff like this happens?"

"WELL DONE, CHIHIRO. NOW YOU, MASAKO," he shouted. "Well, I can't think of any way to say this politely, so I'll just say it. Choji is fat and kind of unattractive. I'm pretty sure people just figure if a girl's gotta choose, she'll pick you."

Shikamaru shook his head in dismay. "People are fucked up, man," he murmured. "Choji's a better guy than I'll ever be."

"Dude, don't undersell yourself. You're a good guy."

Shikamaru snorted.

"Don't give me that shit," Kankuro snapped. "You didn't have to help us catch these terrorists. What was your mission, again? You were just supposed to help us win the battle, right? But that's not all you did. You did the right thing; you stayed. You're helping us see this thing through."

Shikamaru stared down at the ground, wishing Kankuro would just shut up. "I stayed because of Hinata's injury. It had nothing to do with right or wrong. It was just the logical thing to do."

Kankuro smiled cryptically. "You may fool other people with that, you might have convinced everyone else you're a brain without a heart, but you can't fool me. I've spent too much time with my sister for something like that to work on me—THAT'S OKAY MASAKO, THAT'S STILL BETTER THAN LAST TIME; IT'S THE IMPROVEMENT THAT COUNTS. RIN, IT'S YOUR TURN—You guys are more alike than you know; Temari does exactly the same thing as you. She pretends she does things because they're the smart thing to do, but she's just as crazy, just as fucked up, just as…emotional as the rest of us." Kankuro turned his head to stare straight into Shikamaru's eyes. "She told me about your sensei," he admitted. "And you can't tell me that didn't hurt. You can't tell me you didn't think with your heart after that happened. No one can survive by just listening to their head for very long. At some point, the heart always becomes involved. It's only a matter of time."

With that, he patted Shikamaru lightly on his uninjured shoulder and stood to address his class. Shikamaru took another longing glance at the clock. Three more hours until school was over. Three more hours until his friends arrived.

Three more hours until the fun could really begin.

I bet that was probably a bit dissatisfying after such a long hiatus, so I'm going to take a second now and apologize. Again. I'll try to be a bit more prompt with my updates from here on out.

I pinky-promise.

I'm also thinking about starting another fic or two, just so that I can have something to work on if I'm ever stuck on this one, so if you have any requests (for other pairings, fandoms, etc.), let me know! I'm up for pretty much anything. You know. Within reason.

And to conclude, as always, please REVIEW! Nothing makes me happier than knowing someone cares enough about my work to tell me that it's good, or to give me constructive criticism. That makes me feel like I matter, and that's the best feeling in the world.