FACADE STAGEPLAY Tue Feb 19 19 54 04 2013
TRIP Where are the new wine glasses?
GRACE What for?
TRIP That should be obvious!
GRACE Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, - (interrupted)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
TRIP Uhp, she's here!
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
GRACE What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now!
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
TRIP No, she's supposed to be here now!
LISA bro
GRACE God... Trip!
(Trip opens the front door.)
LISA bro let me in
TRIP Lisa!
TRIP Hey! God it's been so long since we've seen you! How are you doing?
LISA n
GRACE No, no, here we are!
GRACE Lisa,
GRACE Hi! How are you? Oh it's so nice to see you, it feels like it's been forever!
LISA move bitch!
TRIP Yeah, yeah, how are you doing?
GRACE Uh, I just asked her that...
TRIP I can ask too!
GRACE (frustrated sigh)
LISA I'm doing good grace
GRACE Oh, Lisa, you've always got such nice things to say.
GRACE H-mmm (happy smile sound)
GRACE And, I've got to say, you look really good!
GRACE Make yourself at home, come on in!
LISA grace you look really nice tonight
TRIP Huh, I'll close the door.
TRIP I'm gonna fix us some drinks.
PHONE ** RING **
(Trip closes the front door.)
TRIP Oh, I'll get it -
GRACE No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.
PHONE ** RING **
LISA hey grace can I hug you?
PHONE ** RING **
GRACE What? Oh, that's - hmm, w, wait a second... (clears throat)
PHONE ** RING **
ANSWERING MACHINE ** click **
ANSWERING MACHINE You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!
LISA I haven't seen you in so long. sorry
ANSWERING MACHINE ** beep **
(LISA hugs grace.)
ANSWERING MACHINE Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely daughter is doing.
GRACE Oh, uh, you're hugging me...
TRIP Oh, that's nice of you. Grace, aren't you glad we invited her over?
ANSWERING MACHINE I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should be there.
GRACE (clears throat)
LISA sorry if I upset you grace
TRIP Well, Grace's parents... They're something else, really classy people -
ANSWERING MACHINE Oh, and be sure to arrive early, I want to talk to you about this business about why you won't be attending your mother's Christmas Eve gala.
GRACE Uhh, no, they're impossible, they expect me to drive up to the house in Connecticut to attend all their stupid socialite charity benefits and parties, it's so tiresome. - (interrupted)
LISA COUCH!
ANSWERING MACHINE (clear throat) So, that's all. Uh, goodbye.
TRIP Yeah,
(LISA sits on the couch.)
TRIP if there's one thing Grace is really passionate about, it's her decorating...
GRACE What? God,
GRACE Lisa, don't listen to him, it's just a hobby, really -
TRIP No it's a real creative thing for you, it's really great, you get so into it -
GRACE No Trip there are things I am much more passionate about than decorating, believe me.
GRACE Ha ha, geez. - (interrupted)
LISA TRIP!
GRACE um...
GRACE Yeah, I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.
LISA NO
(LISA gets up from the couch.)
TRIP Oh, Grace, let's not do that.
LISA WAI IS THE WALLS ALL BLACK?
GRACE (little sigh) You know, for this corner of the room I had a desire for something... big... and bold...
LISA NO COLOR?
TRIP Yeah, this is a huge couch...
GRACE but now I can see how I should have chosen a simple, comfortable... love seat.
TRIP uhh...
TRIP See Grace, no one is complaining about your decorating, there's nothing wrong with it!
LISA NONSENSE IT LOOKS PRETTY
GRACE Trip, I can't explain it, but this room is just not working, okay? I'm going to return what furniture I can, - (interrupted)
LISA WOAH
TRIP Lisa, yeah, Grace, nothing's wrong, everything's fine!
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
LISA WHERE YOU COME FROM?
TRIP Why not?
TRIP Heh!
GRACE (little sigh)
LISA SCUSE ME!
GRACE (big sigh)
GRACE Oh God, Lisa, this isn't much fun for you, is it?
TRIP What?
LISA no
GRACE Listen - (interrupted)
GRACE You don't agree? Okay, well...
TRIP Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful...
GRACE Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend - - (interrupted)
TRIP Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing. - (interrupted)
LISA it's not very fun.
TRIP Y - yeah, yeah, no no no - we're not disagreeing.
TRIP Well, - (interrupted)
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP Heh... It's a sure thing.
LISA please don't fight. you scarying me
TRIP Huh... I don't know about that...
GRACE Trip, would you put that thing away, it's ridiculous.
TRIP I like it!
LISA ball!
TRIP Wha - uh, heh, oh, well...
TRIP Lisa, I - I want you to look at this photo from our recent trip to Italy...
GRACE (impatient sigh) Trip, maybe our friend would prefer -
TRIP Grace, just because you don't like it, doesn't mean our friend won't...
GRACE Trip, you see, your fetish for all things European is making our friend very uncomfortable!
TRIP Goddammit, Grace, this was supposed to be our second honeymoon!
GRACE What? Lisa, Trip is absolutely exaggerating, it was simply a weekend getaway, that's - (interrupted)
LISA I'M SCARED!
TRIP Jesus, - (interrupted)
TRIP Wait - see - I just wanted to spend time together!
TRIP uh...
GRACE All those business trips of yours to Europe must have done something to you.
LISA NO BRO
TRIP uhh!
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP Definitely, hmm.
TRIP Uhh, yeah, right... - (interrupted)
LISA SUPER CREEPY BRO
GRACE N - no, Trip can get overly obsessed.
TRIP Oh no, Lisa, I just realized... I'm sorry!
GRACE What?!
TRIP I haven't gotten us drinks!
GRACE tuhh...
TRIP Oh this is good because I just bought these classy new cocktail shakers I need us to try out.
LISA this picture says rape
TRIP uh...
GRACE uh...!
TRIP geez, I'm not, uh...
LISA sorry
GRACE (nervous coughing)
TRIP that's, um...
LISA sorry
TRIP heh, ha ha...
GRACE ha ha ha ha ha, heh...
TRIP ha ha ha!
GRACE ha ha ha ha!
TRIP Ha ha ha, heh, Lisa,
GRACE heh heh heh...
TRIP heh, you had me going there for a sec...
TRIP heh, ha ha...
LISA sorry!SORRY!SOOOORRRYYY!
TRIP You're not afraid to say anything, are you?
TRIP mess with us ...
(LISA sits on the couch.)
TRIP heh heh, you're crazy, you know that?
TRIP ha ha...
TRIP (big sigh)
TRIP Anyway, uh... what - what were we talking about?
GRACE (happy but tense sigh)
GRACE Lisa,
GRACE you and I are getting along so well tonight...
GRACE Stay there for a moment...
GRACE I want your opinion. Stay there.
GRACE Ugh, I'm getting so tired of looking at this god awful work table.
GRACE Maybe if I replaced it with... um...
TRIP Do you... do you remember, Grace...
GRACE What.
TRIP How I proposed to you.
GRACE Oh, God, Trip -
TRIP Here, Lisa, I'll show you.
LISA CRAZY? HOW DARE YOU!
TRIP It was at Grace's parents' house, Christmas, senior year of college -
GRACE Trip, what are you doing?!
TRIP I got on one knee, in front of everybody, and -
GRACE Stop it, Trip!
TRIP I pulled out a diamond ring -
GRACE Trip!
TRIP And I said, Grace, will you marry me?
LISA EeEEEEEEWWWWW
TRIP Heh, is - is that romantic or what?!
LISA no.
GRACE Thank you!
TRIP What? I -
GRACE See, Trip, not everyone thinks being proposed to like that is so romantic.
GRACE I don't know where you get your ideas.
TRIP Lisa,
TRIP Grace, come on, what could be more romantic than that?
LISA it was in the middle of a dog park
GRACE Lisa, I'm sorry, you didn't need to see that -
(LISA gets up from the couch.)
TRIP Grace!
GRACE Trip, you're being a real bore tonight, let's just forget about it, okay?
TRIP (big frustrated sigh)
GRACE (clears throat)
LISA can we dance?
GRACE Oh God, I can't take anymore of this!
TRIP Ahh, no, I can't take anymore!
TRIP Goddamn romantic... wedding proposal... - (interrupted)
LISA I'M SORRY!
TRIP Huh? What are you saying to me?
TRIP I try to reach out to you, I try to be romantic with you, but you're cold, and distant! I do, I really try!
GRACE (impatient sigh) - (interrupted)
LISA STOP FIGHTING!
TRIP No don't criticize me anymore, it's just going to turn this even more ugly!
GRACE My goddamn parents...
LISA YOUR SCARYING ME!
GRACE I wish you would just be yourself! Ever since I've known you, you resist just being yourself!
TRIP Oh, Christ...!
LISA STOP IT!
GRACE Okay, you know what, Lisa,
GRACE I'm going to ask you something.
TRIP Grace -
GRACE Trip, let me ask our guest a question.
LISA ok
GRACE Lisa, yes or no...
GRACE Do you think it's _wrong_ for one person in a marriage to listen _too much_ to the other?
TRIP What?
GRACE To trust your husband or wife too much, to rely on them too much? Is that wrong?
GRACE Yes or no.
LISA what do you mean?
GRACE Look, don't bother answering, I don't need to hear it!
LISA yes
GRACE Goddammit! How can I be happy when you act this way, Trip? Huh? I'm miserable!
TRIP Oh, come on...!
TRIP Uhh! Yeah, go on, go away!
TRIP I can't even frigging look at you.
TRIP What the... goddammit!
LISA can I has a pepsi?
TRIP uhh!
LISA BRO DUN COME NEAR MAI!
TRIP What are you saying? What?
GRACE What, I can't hear you, are you talking to me?
TRIP No!
TRIP Lisa, I can't believe this is happening...!
TRIP uhh...
LISA STOP. FIGHTING. BOTH OF YOU!
TRIP Look, you - you probably want to get out of here...
LISA no
TRIP Oh, Jesus... Christ...
GRACE What? If you're talking to me, I can't hear you!
TRIP I'm not!
GRACE Lisa, (annoyed sigh) Trip is sometimes so...
LISA grace?
TRIP Oh, we're talking about me, are we?
GRACE What?
GRACE Trip, it's your fault - ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,
LISA BRO! you went through a wall!
GRACE you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art!
TRIP What?
GRACE If it weren't for you, I could be a real artist by now.
TRIP Uhh... Lisa, uhh... - (interrupted)
LISA I liked your art grace
GRACE Uhh, this painting, well... mmm... see, all I really wanted was something personal and, uh... beautiful and special...
TRIP Grace...
GRACE But I just... mmm... no, I - I just get so depressed and angry when I look at it!
TRIP Jesus...!
LISA it's beauitful. your art work
TRIP No, look, there's nothing wrong with the stupid painting!
GRACE Well it makes me feel like shit.
TRIP Uhh... you feel that for no reason!
LISA stupid?
LISA STUPID?! HOW DARE YOU!
GRACE Look, why don't we talk about us, our relationship.
GRACE Lisa, you - you blame me for all this, don't you?
TRIP See, Grace, you're the one turning this into such a big issue. In fact I saved you from wasting your life as an artist.
GRACE What? Oh my God.
(LISA picks up the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Sure Thing")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
GRACE Lisa, is that true, all of this is my fault? - (interrupted)
(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")
(LISA puts down the advice ball.)
TRIP Lisa, does it look like I want to fix you drinks right now?
LISA NO
GRACE Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.
TRIP You know, Grace, ever since I first proposed to you, almost ten years ago now...
LISA I was just standing here bro.
GRACE Trip...
TRIP No, I mean, I'm sure that Grace really... loves me... but - uhh - uhh...
LISA grace.
TRIP Lisa, if there's something about me, just tell me what it is!
TRIP Grace, we don't - we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just -
GRACE Lisa, I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it!
LISA your ugly trip
LISA don't do it bro
TRIP No, Grace, we can... I mean, come on, don't make it out to be so bad...
GRACE Uhh...
LISA HUG AND MAKE UP DAMN IT
GRACE Look, let's talk about Trip now.
TRIP Lisa, you know, it's weird to me, when I'm on a business trip, Grace never calls me, ever!
LISA ok'
GRACE Uhh...
TRIP She says she's afraid to call me!
LISA she is
GRACE Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us.
TRIP It's so annoying... Grace, why is it that anytime I want to do something nice for you, you resist it?
GRACE Trip...
TRIP Like I always have to convince you?
GRACE Lisa, you know, we... uhh...
LISA STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE TRIP
GRACE Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.
LISA YOU HEARD ME
TRIP You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...
TRIP Lisa, She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good in front of the guests!
LISA BECAUSE YOUR AN ASSHOLE
TRIP Okay, Lisa, I think this evening is over, you've got to leave.
LISA NO"
TRIP I'm sorry, but, uhh, I don't know what the deal is with you tonight.
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP We'll be fine - you should just go.
LISA EW REWQRWLK:EHRt rn4kq ';l
(Trip closes the front door.)
LISA YOU SUCK