A/N: I started this story about a month ago, but I've been hesitant to share. Still, I need some joy in my life and writing gives me that.

It's a story about the bond between McGee and Tony. In the story, they both make mistakes, and I am trying to do justice to both of them. If you're a Tony fan that thinks McGee gets away with everything or a Tim fan that thinks Tony gets away with everything, this is not the story for you. I'm trying to explore the complex bond these two guys have with one another despite being two very different characters. I love both characters. Enough said.

Dedicated to Chelsea for taking the time to give me real feedback and for being a Tony fan who can appreciate the entire NCIS family.

Sheila

Letting Go

Chapter 1

His chest hurt bad from running too hard up ten flights of steps and air came out of his mouth in a wheeze. Tony sounded just as bad. They circled her carefully, and McGee was glad to let Tony do all the talking. He would never be the wordsmith his partner was.

She was young, a teen-ager. Despite the cold, she was dressed in nothing but pink t-shirt and jeans and she trembled as she stood on the concrete ledge on the roof of her school on the Naval base.

"What's your name, honey?" DiNozzo's voice was as smooth as a milkshake.

"Doesn't matter," she said, shaking her head. She looked over the side of the building, and her trembling increased. "Why are all those people down there?"

Tony glanced at McGee and he nodded. Slowly, he inched closer to her outside of her line of sight.

Tony took a breath. "A lot of people care about you. You don't want to hurt yourself. You have a family and friends."

"You don't know that!" she retorted. "You don't anything about me!"

"I know that you're breaking my heart right now. Tell me something about you."

"I bet you don't know what it's like to have everyone in your high school call you a slut."

Tony winced. "I'm sorry, honey."

"I got drunk at a party and some boys took advantage of me and then they took pictures and posted them on facebook and twitter."

"I can help you with that. You show me those pictures and we'll find out who did it, and I will stop them."

"Everyone will blame me if you do that." She shifted on the ledge and Tony's heart jumped. She was so close that a strong wind was capable of making the decision for her. He was afraid to glance at McGee. She was so focused on him that she'd forgotten he had a partner. McGee moved closer.

"Honey, if you step down, we can have a real talk, and I promise that we can fix these things."

"I don't even know you, mister." She reached one foot back and perched it on the edge.

"Listen to me! My name is Tony and I'm a cop, and I can make things happen. You just have to step down so we can have that conversation. We will get you in another school and I will personally deal with anyone who touched you inappropriately."

She stopped moving.

"I promise you it will be okay."

She stared at him, her eyes puffy from crying, and in that moment, he knew he had her. She shifted and he knew she was getting ready to climb off the ledge, but in that moment, she also put too much weight on the foot perched on the edge and it slipped. She teetered for a split second and then her body followed her leg off the edge.

A scream caught in DiNozzo's throat and he lunged forward. McGee was closer and he dove onto the ledge and for a second, it looked like he was going over with her. He jerked, half of his body hanging over and the other half clinging desperately to the concrete ledge.

DiNozzo was on top of him in an instant. He looked over the edge and saw McGee clutching her hand. The girl looked up with terrified eyes.

"Help," McGee grunted. His hold on her was tenuous. Tony tried to scramble and reach for her, but the angle was wrong, and he knew if he reached any further, the three of them would topple over together.

"McGee," he said through gritted teeth. "You have to swing her. Just swing her a little and I can reach her."

"No! I don't have a good grip!"

"Okay! I'm going to start pulling you up." Tony reached for his upper arm.

"Tony! She's slipping!"

"You hold her, Tim! You hold her!" Tony jerked at his arm again.

"Hurry!" McGee screamed. Sweat from exertion took over and his hands slipped until he only had her fingers. DiNozzo lunged past him and grabbed for her, but in that second, there was only air. Both men gripped the ledge as she fell backwards, eyes wide open, and landed with a thud on the concrete below. There were screams from the crowd, and fire and military police sprang into action.

"No!" McGee cried as Tony pulled him off the ledge. He slumped against the concrete. "Oh God, I tried so hard!"

Tony was too agitated to sit. "I was so close. So close! If I could've grabbed her, she'd be safe, but you let go! Why did you let go?"

"Where were you, Tony!" Tim shouted as he winced at the pain from the shoulder that carried the weight. "I needed you!"

"I was crawling all over you trying to get to her. Don't put this on me, McGee! You're the one that had her." Tony paced in front of him. "God, I don't even want to call down. I know she's dead. 5 stories. No other outcome."

"God, I'm sorry." McGee's chest heaved.

"Sorry doesn't mean anything. Do you think your sorry helps this girl's family? Was it your fear of heights? How often do you work out, McGee? You gotta' step away from the videogames from time to time, you know."

"Stop it! You knew I couldn't hold her forever, but all you did was fumble around until it was too late!"

"I connected with her. I had her. All you had to do is hang on one more second. One second, McGee!"

McGee struggled to his feet. "I did the best I could!"

"Enough!" Gibbs was on the roof and striding toward them.

DiNozzo turned to him. "We could've saved her!"

"Shut up! We don't do this on my team! We don't blame each other!"

"She's dead, right?" Tony ran shaky fingers through his hair.

"She landed on cement, Tony. I headed for the stairs the moment I saw her come over the side."

"We were so close, Boss. So close. Don't know what happened."

McGee headed for DiNozzo. "That wasn't what you said just a minute ago. You knew exactly what happened then. It's my fault, right? I was weak! Say it, Tony!"

DiNozzo stepped back and pointed a finger. "You only had to hold her for one more second. How hard could that be?"

"Did the two of you not hear me? Knock it off!"

DiNozzo turned away from both of them.

Gibbs put a hand on McGee's shoulder and he howled. "Hey Tim, it's okay. You probably dislocated it. Don't move it."

McGee stood there breathing hard, cradling his injured shoulder while Tony rubbed at his face roughly.

Gibbs shook his head. "It happens like this sometimes. You get close, but it's not enough. I know that both of you did everything you could to save her, but today it wasn't enough. When that happens, you don't turn on one another. There's no one to blame. You accept it for what it is, and you process it, and then you move on."

Tony turned to them and nodded. "I apologize, Tim. I really do."

McGee couldn't face him as he murmured. "It wasn't anyone's fault."

"It's going to be a circus down there. DiNozzo, you're going to stay and give a statement. McGee and I will head to the hospital."

…

McGee didn't look up when the team came out of the elevator. He stayed focused on his work. DiNozzo swept in and took a jump shot, dropping a bag into McGee's lap. McGee glared at him.

"Come on, McGoo, we picked up burgers. I got yours just how you like it. No ketchup. Just mustard and pickles."

McGee picked up the bag and put it on the desk. Gibbs walked by and he nodded at him. "Boss, Vance cleared me for the field this morning."

"You feeling ready?"

"Yeah," he said. "I was out three weeks and light duty for two more. I'm ready. Shoulder is feeling good."

"That's all I needed to hear."

Tony hovered. "You finished with the- you know- thing with Dr. Cranston?"

McGee flinched. "Did you?"

"Yeah. Weeks ago."

"Me too. You got a problem with me out in the field?"

Tony threw Ziva a look, and then shook his head. "No, I don't, McGee."

"You don't want to test my arm strength or anything?"

Tony sighed. "No."

"Just checking."

Gibbs looked from McGee to DiNozzo. "Are we still dealing with this nonsense?"

"Hey, I'm perfectly fine," Tony murmured.

McGee sighed. "Sorry, Boss."

"Time to move on. I mean it. It happened and it's over. Both of you need to let it go."

McGee nodded and went back to his work. Ziva watched them for a few moments. "I think we should all go out tonight. We haven't been out as a team in a while. I was thinking we could go to McKinney's for dinner and a couple of beers."

Tony shrugged. "I'm in."

"I don't know, Ziva. I'm sort of up to my ears in paperwork. Maybe another time."

She threw up her hands. "We haven't been out together in awhile. Come on. I think it might be good for us."

McGee caught Gibbs' imperceptible nod. "Yeah, okay. Let's go out."

Tony grabbed his coat. "Boss?"

Gibbs shook his head. "This is for the three of you. Go out and have a good time."

…..

Ziva leaned over her beer at the crowded bar. "Are you sleeping better?"

McGee shrugged. "I take a pill. It helps."

She nodded toward Tony who was at the bar chatting up a pretty bartender. "He's struggling too."

"That's hard to believe. He seems like the same old Tony."

"Oh yes. But you know him. All that bravado is an act. In fact, I am not at all sure he has finished with Dr. Cranston. I heard him on the phone with her yesterday."

He frowned. "Why can't he just be honest? He's always trying to make me look bad."

"No, he's not. He's…complicated. You know that. He doesn't want to hurt you."

"Do you have any idea of all that tricks and hazing I've put up with over the years?"

She squeezed his hand. "I have been there for most of it, and you have always been patient, and you learned how to handle him. You've always understood his heart, sometimes before the rest of us did."

"Not any more," he said softly. "I'm trying but I just don't feel it anymore."

"You both did the best you could."

"Yeah, but you weren't on that roof. You don't know what happened."

"He told me. He told me everything."

"I doubt that."

"He's really ashamed of what he said to you and he knows you feel the same."

McGee studied her for a moment. "Why don't I believe that? Why can't I let it go?"

"I don't know."

"Hey guys! Round is on me." Tony put a trio of beers on the table.

Ziva withdrew her hand and smiled. "If we aren't careful, we're going to need cabs home."

"Autopsy gremlin is coming to get us in an hour."

"What did you bribe Jimmy with?" McGee murmured.

"Nothing. He just offered to help. So what were you all talking about?"

Ziva shrugged. "Just checking in."

"Come on. I saw the handholding and the conspiratorial whispers. Out with it."

McGee stiffened. "It was a private conversation."

"About me, no doubt," Tony said as he took a long draw off his beer.

"Don't push, Tony," Ziva said in a low voice.

Tony wagged a finger at him. "I got some advice for you, McGee: one friend to another. Get over it already."

McGee stared at him. "Get over it. Thanks. Appreciate it. You're telling me this as a friend?"

"Yeah, I am."

"When have we ever been friends?"

Tony screwed up his face. "What?"

"I mean, I have been your target, your patsy, your probie, and at best, your wingman. When have you treated me like a friend?"

Tony shook his head at Ziva. "Can you believe this?"

McGee leaned forward. "You don't have friends, Tony. You have an occasional evening with a frat brother, but only the ones that refuse to mature like you, but other than that who at NCIS is your friend? Abby, because she's friends with everyone. Ziva, because she's your partner. Jimmy, because he thinks anyone with a gun is cool."

"This is what you really think, McGee?"

He looked away. "I'm going home now."

"Answer me, McGee. Be a man."

Tim grabbed his coat. "You're the only one who truly knows if you've ever been my friend."

Tony started after him, but Ziva grabbed his arm. "Don't make it worse."

"He won't let it go, Ziva."

She pulled him back into his chair. "Neither of you will. You act like it didn't happen, but I watch you. You're not sleeping and you're still seeing Cranston. It doesn't help to pretend that you're doing terrific and he's the one that needs the help."

"It's no one's business."

She snorted. "This from you. The king of prying into other people's lives."

"I'm tired of it. I have spent five weeks trying to show him that I didn't mean what I said. He's like a brick wall. And all I hear from the rest of you is to be patient. How long do I have to put up with him treating me like crap?"

"He's family, Tony. You'll hang in there because he's worth it."

…..

He sat through the final credits of Bridge on the River Kwai. He usually didn't have the patience for all that especially from a director as grand as David Lean. They seemed to go on for half an hour. Then he looked up at the clock. 2:20 a.m. He sighed and got up, unbuttoning his shirt and shucking his pants. He grabbed a t-shirt, pair of pajama bottoms, and headed into the bathroom. A few minutes later, he was standing beside his bed. He liked the size. It just contained him and it felt safe.

Anxiety tugged at his gut. The exhaustion was there, but sleep had become unpredictable for him in recent weeks. There was no way to know if that poor little girl's desperate eyes would find him and steal his peace.

He turned away from the bed and shuffled back into the living room. Jezebel was one of Bette Davis' early movies, and he loved her fire. She spent most of the movies as the villain until the end when she's the only one strong enough to save Henry Fonda from yellow fever. There were times when he could relate to her. He picked it out of the queue and sat down to watch.

…

Sweat ran down his brow as McGee struggled to hold on.

"Come on, McGee. You can do it."

He looked down and saw it was Tony's hand he was grasping. "I still see her eyes every night. Don't you?"

"You just have to let go."

"Can't!" He grit his teeth. "If I only hang on longer she'll live."

"Let go, Tim."

"No! I have to be stronger!"

"If you hold on too long, you'll lose all of us."

"What?"

Then suddenly, Tony's hand was gone. McGee reached through the blackness but there was nothing. "Tony!" He screamed as he flew upright in bed.

…..

"Hey Abbs! Got those DNA matches for me."

"Hey Tony! Of course, I do. I stayed late last night just for you." Pigtails swinging, she walked over to her desk and grabbed a file for him. "So I heard that you guys went out last night. You haven't done that in forever. I bet you had a good time, right? Tell me that the old team dynamic is back."

"Sure, if the old team dynamic was McGee treating me like crap. Yeah, we're back to normal."

"No!" She pushed the file in his arms. "No more fighting. Come on. What's wrong with you guys?"

Tony shrugged. "I'm doing everything I can. It's McGee. He just won't let up on me."

She shook her head. "That's not my Timmy. He's like the most forgiving person I know."

"Right. He's an angel."

"He's had your six for ten years, Tony. Don't let something like this screw that up. Tim is one of the best people in the world."

Tony shook his head. "If you really knew, Abby. You wouldn't think he was such a saint."

She frowned. "What does that mean?"

He sighed. "I was never going to tell you this, but two years ago, he was sweet on Shannon from Accounting. You remember her. Only she wouldn't give him the time of day because she knew how much the two of you hang out. She was sure that McGee was in love with you."

"I don't remember them dating."

"Well, McGee really wanted a chance with her so he convinced her to go out to coffee with him, and then he told her that he'd never had any feelings for you ever. That's what he was willing to do to get a date with her."

Abby blinked. "He wouldn't do that."

"I swear to God. He told me the whole thing himself. So your hero isn't perfect, Abby."

Tears poked at the corners of her eyes and her chin trembled. "Why would he do that?"

Tony closed his eyes. "You're upset. I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to tell you that he wasn't perfect…I'm sorry, Abbs."

She rubbed at her eyes angrily.

"Abbs, there's more to the story and I think it might—"

"Out! I don't want to hear it! Just get out!" She pushed him out and hit the button to close the door on him.

…

He leaned over her desk. "Ziva, you have to go down and fix it for me."

"I'm not getting in the middle of this, Tony."

"I hurt her feelings. Don't do it for me. Do it for her."

"DiNozzo!"

"Crap," he said looking around.

Ziva shook her head. "It's too late now."

McGee came into the bullpen, eyes blazing. "You got a problem with me, not her!"

"I swear to God, Tim. It just came out. I didn't even get a chance to tell her the rest of it. I'm going to fix this—"

He wasn't prepared for it because he never imagined it would happen. McGee was a lefty and he came at him hard, catching him under the chin with a solid punch. Tony fell backward across his desk and toppled over his chair.

For a moment, no one moved except for the heads of fellow agents peaking over their dividers. McGee stood there, his arm still extended while Ziva hustled past him and helped Tony sit up. He groaned and cradled his jaw.

McGee's hands trembled as he massaged his fist while DiNozzo gently probed his jaw. Then McGee looked him in the eye, "The problem is between you and I, Tony. You involved her and hurt her feelings. You didn't tell her that after I did that, I went to you for advice because I felt so bad. You didn't tell her that I met with Shannon the next day to tell her that I lied to her about Abby."

Footsteps sounded from the stairs to MTAC, but McGee didn't move. "I was your friend, Tony. I didn't always understand it, but it was true. What happened to us?"

Vance's security detail got there, steps ahead of Vance and Gibbs. McGee turned to them. "I punched him. There are about a dozen witnesses here. He made no effort to strike back."

Higgins, Vance's Chief of Security, nodded. "Going to have to handcuff you, Tim."

"Yeah," he said as he turned and put his hands behind his back.

Higgins cuffed him gently and looked at Vance. "Where do you want him?"

Vance looked around the room. "There is a no tolerance policy for violence in the workplace. Take him down to lockup."

"Leon." Gibbs' voice was tight.

"I'm not going to play favorites. I still got to finish my meeting with SecNav. Let him cool off." Vance turned and headed back upstairs.

Gibbs glared at Tony and Ziva. "He's going to be lucky if he has a job at the end of this. Are you satisfied?"

"Boss, I—"

Gibbs waved him away. "I don't want to hear it. The two of you are doing to destroy this team, and when you do that, you'll regret it for the rest of your lives.

….

His cell smelled strongly of bleach. Only on a military installation would there be a cell that smelled like anything other than sweat and urine. He sat on the metal cot and stared down at his swollen knuckles. He wasn't a hitter. This was probably the 4th or 5th time in his life that he'd ever thrown a punch. All the previous ones had been at suspects who'd refused to cooperate.

His heart beat hard in his chest as he kept flashing on the hurt in Tony's eyes that had little to do with the pain in his jaw. He was glad to be in this cell away from all of them as he felt incapable of articulating a rationale for behavior like this.

He heard the door to the cells open and he winced, praying it was only a faceless MP.

"'Ello! 'Ello!" Ducky announced as he was led to McGee's cell.

"Ducky, please," McGee said. "I don't want to talk."

Ducky motioned to the guard who opened the cell. "Let's get a look at that hand."

McGee pulled away. "I just want to be alone."

He peered over his glasses. "Behave yourself, Timothy. Now, give me your hand."

McGee acquiesced and struggled not to make any sounds while Ducky kneaded his swollen knuckles. "I understand it was an impressive blow. I hear you sent him right over his desk. I would've liked to have seen that."

"Yeah, it was amazing. I like to call it the career-ender."

Ducky gave him back his hand. "I'm not sure it's that dire."

"It should be."

Ducky regarded him for a moment. "You are about the most miserable chap I know. You've been that way for some time."

"I have my reasons."

"I know."

"You should be with Tony. He's the one that got hurt."

"Already looked at him. He's got a swollen jaw, but he'll survive. Besides, he's with the director right now."

McGee swallowed. "Where's the boss?"

"He's disappeared."

"I'm sure he's pretty disgusted."

"I have no doubt."

"I don't know what to say to you, Ducky."

"That's okay, my boy, but I'm staying anyway because you need a friend."

….

TBC