A Little Infinity in the Present Tense

Hazel's POV

Six months after the love of my life died of osteosarcoma, my mother decided to send me to yet another support group, to supposedly "help me cope with my grief." Yeah, right. My grief didn't want to be coped with. It was staying right where it was. Because I forgot about feeling sad, that would mean I'd forgotten- him.

Okay. I'm going to try and talk about him without bursting into tears. His name was Augustus Waters. And you could say I loved him a whole lot. We were just two cancer kids, loving each other and "living our best life today."

Anyway, this support group wasn't too torturous. For one thing, it wasn't just for kids with cancer. This bunch was specifically for people who had lost a loved one. And another thing, it wasn't lead by Patrick, the literally ball-less cancer survivor. No, this support group was lead by my very own mother. She's secretly been training as a counselor for about two years now, and decided it was time to put her skills to use.

So, we arrived at the recreation centre, where the group was held. I settled myself in the corner, trying to pretend that I wasn't related to the leader. (It can kind of make things more awkward than they already are.) I adjusted Phillip, the machine that helps my crap lungs do their job, and sighed. I didn't want to be here.

As I sat, a teenaged guy walked into the room and sat down on the chair straight across from me. He was a lean and lanky guy with shaggy brown hair. He reminded me of my friend Isaac. Well, minus the whole "blind because of eye cancer thing." Our eyes met and then his quickly flitted away. Well, no wonder. It was cancer repulses. He saw my cannula, Phillip, and the general haze of illness that surrounded me and immediately backed away. Which made me kind of sad. He was the only other teenager I'd ever seen at this thing.

"Who'd you lose?" I wondered to myself.

"And how do you deal with it? How do you handle the fact that you'll never see them again?"

Slowly but surely, more people trickled in. There was Ms. Blackthorn, a young woman whose fiancé died while in service. And there was Mr. Wlliamson, who lost his only child in a car accident. And there was the Johnsons, who just had their third miscarriage...Now do you see why I don't like coming here? The meeting started and my mom bustled over, sitting right at the top of the circle.

"Good morning everyone." she said cheerily.

"As you can see, we have a new person here today. I'd like to introduce you all to Miles Halter."

The guy from earlier glanced up quickly and gave us a half-hearted wave.

"Hi," he said quietly,

"I'm Miles. Um- I'm Indianapolis for a week, checking out colleges with some friends. I saw advertisements for this group and thought- it might be interesting."

My mom nodded thoughtfully, clasping her hands together.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" she asked gently.

Miles shook his head and we moved onto somebody else.

Halfway through the meeting, the group discussion stopped and we were supposed to go and find someone to talk to. So I took a deep breath (well, as deep as I can breathe) and walked over to Miles.

"Hi." I said,

He glanced up and motioned to the chair beside him,

"Hey. You're Hazel, right?"

"Yes."

We fell into silence and I burst out with,

"Look, I'm sorry if this is really abrupt and rude or whatever, but I just feel compelled to ask, who did you lose? Because what's the point in coming to a support group for grief if you don't talk about who died-"

To my surprise, he was laughing.

"You certainly jump right into things, don't you?"

"I tend to not waste time in my life."

"Well, since you asked, oh so politely, I'll tell you. My friend Alaska Young died in a car accident last year."

"Oh- do you want to talk about it?"

"You're not very good at this, are you?" he said with a smile,

"But, yes I do. Alaska was this girl who once you met her, you'd never be the same again. She was so vivacious and full of life; a hurricane of a person. I don't really know how to describe it-"

"She was on a roller coaster that only went up." I murmured, almost to myself.

He looked impressed.

"Exactly. I take it that you know someone similar?"

I nodded and then caught myself,

"Well, knew. I knew a guy who used to say that."

Miles quickly realized what I was trying to get across and took my hand,

"Well, he certainly would have got along with Alaska." he said, attempting a smile.

Things were wrapping up. Miles and I stood and he said,

"Well, it was really nice to meet you, Hazel."

"You too, Miles."

He nodded again and then turned, walking away. Suddenly, he whirled back around, as if on a whim,

"What where his last words?"

"What?"

"The guy- do you know what his last words were?"

"Um- no."

"Find out. It helps."

I nodded and he left for good.

At home in my room that night, I glanced at my phone, debating with myself. Did i even want to know what Augustus' last words were? Would it hurt, or would it help in some way? Throwing caution to the wind, I grabbed the phone and called his mom.

"Hazel?" she said with surprise.

"Hi, Mrs. Waters."

"How are you? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just wondering- do you by any chance know what Gus' last words were?"

"Hmm, let me think. He kept saying "Okay."

Up in capital S Somewhere, Augustus and Alaska stood watching the world beneath them.

"That's Miles." Alaska said with a grin, pointing,

"He loves me, present tense."

"And that's Hazel." Augustus said softly,

"She gave me a little infinity; a forever within the numbered days."